ADHD coaching

July 7, 2020 3:02 PM

You have used a coach to help manage your ADD/ADHD. How did it go?

I'm really struggling working from home. I enjoy the quiet environment but there's nothing to break up the day and not much accountability. Despite medication I'm highly distractible. I set goals in the morning and the next thing I know the day is over with and I've not accomplished my goals. I'm getting really tired of living with myself - I'm not suicidal, just discouraged. It's like having a permanent roommate who never gets anything done.

I'm hopeful that coaching could help, but I don't think my insurance will cover it and I'm leery of life-coaching (the one ADD coach in my area is also a life coach).

posted by bunderful to Health & Fitness (9 answers total)

I use one, and have for several years. It was very helpful at first. They will have a lot of resources and ideas to share, and have likely talked to a LOT of folks like you. It helped keep me honest about what I was trying and how effective it was and how much effort I was (or wasn't) putting in. It's nice to have someone in your corner who is not directly involved with your life (ie, isn't frustrated trying to deal with your condition) and is non-judgemental.

So I think it's been helpful, overall. Do I get more done as a result? Not sure. But some of that is on me--my life is fairly different now than when I started, and my motives have changed, perhaps not for the better. I started out talking once per week. I now do one or two sessions per month.

(My coach is $50 per half-hour call (I have never met them in person). Ping me on memail if you feel your choices locally are lacking and want their contact info...I have no idea if they're taking new patients. They're west coast, USA.)
posted by maxwelton at 3:19 PM on July 7, 2020 [2 favorites]

Motivated by some of the same frustrations you are experiencing, I used an ADHD coach for a little while several years ago. It was remote. We had phone calls scheduled daily at first, then later down to once or twice a week.

I remember I was hoping that I would feel social pressure or a sense of obligation to magically make me get my work done - but it did not work like that. The main things it helped me with were motivation (he guided me through exercises that helped me feel more energized and optimistic and capable), and practicing better use of planning and organization tools.

My productivity did get better, but for me the bigger impact was to feel less depressed and frustrated, and to learn how to implement some more structure in my work life.
posted by neutralmojo at 3:30 PM on July 7, 2020

I hired an ADHD coach last year. Although she was local to me, we only met remotely (this was standard, pre-pandemic), so there’s no reason to limit yourself to the local guy. She would help me go through my list of projects, break them down into tasks, and walk through a timeline for getting things done. It was very helpful to have that framework, and I could sort of see how she did it, but I can’t really say that I actually learned how to do it on my own.

We stopped meeting because my work’s been in a mode where I have one urgent task at a time, which is right up my alley and doesn’t really lend itself to coaching. I expect to start back with her again when my work gets back into a more normal, multi-project mode.

I think it was $70 per session. I met with her once every two weeks for the first six months or so, then once a month.
posted by Kriesa at 5:19 PM on July 7, 2020

yes! I used someone for a couple of months and it was extremely helpful. A lot of it was just having accountability with establishing ADD positive routines, and with talking things out - noticing more what a actions result in a better day.

Did it over the phone. I recommend it and it will help you get out of the spiral.

Here's a tip though:

Wake up at the same time every day (hopefully after 8 hours of sleep).
Do enough exercise to sweat in the morning
Eat a big healthy breakfast in the morning

This does A LOT for my energy and focus to get going in the morning and the rest of the day follows my morning.
posted by jander03 at 5:32 PM on July 7, 2020 [1 favorite]

P.S. my insurance did NOT cover it BECAUSE my coach did not have a medical code I could give to an insurance company.

If you'd really like to use insurance, you might prefer a licensed therapist who works with ADHD. Also worth comparing the copay of a therapist to the fee of a coach because they may be close.
posted by jander03 at 5:43 PM on July 7, 2020

I did find it generally helpful, and at worst very soothing and validating when not especially helpful.
I think adhd coaching was more helpful to me than CBT, which just felt like spinning my wheels.

I worked with someone with an Ed psych ma first who was fantastic. Last month I began working with someone I found on reddit who has no Specific academic credentials but great habits and understanding of women’s adhd and an adhd diagnosis. Her rates are very very reasonable, and Id be quite happy to share if interested. She helped me apply for jobs quite successfully.


( not really what you’re asking for, but I could also share the name of a really outstanding but $$$ ADHD specialist psychiatrist at Harvard mgh for anyone in Boston — he had a lot of insight into things about my lack of productivity that had befuddled me, and engaged in several very beneficial coach-Y exercises with me)
posted by shaademaan at 6:59 PM on July 7, 2020 [2 favorites]

I've provided some ADHD coaching and also done some psychotherapy as both client and provider. Coaching is very very different from psychotherapy - especially in this context.

Coaches will be more directive and hold you accountable to what you said your goals are. Psychotherapists do more with mindset. I'm sure there is overlap and exceptions. Coaches will also help you break down practical tasks, troubleshoot the environmental scaffolding in a way most therapists will not.

I agree that you don't need to limit yourself to local coaches. CHADD is a good resource for coaches that are more likely to have actual applicable training in ADHD coaching specifically.

Coaches will not necessarily be able to help you have the initiative that you would if you, for example, had a body double in the house with you. They aren't there in the phone triggering action the way physical people are. They can help you restructure your life for greater success, however. A therapist can help with any negative self-talk or maladaptive thinking that interferes with progress. I'm sure some coaches can help with that piece also.
posted by crunchy potato at 7:12 AM on July 8, 2020

From a Mefite who wishes to remain anonymous:

Marla Cummins is my ADHD coach. I found her via referral from a friend, I have been working with her for years and I think she has been a good match for me. (There are a bunch of free resources on her site.) Here's what I have found useful about working with her, the process, etc..

I found her via a friend who had worked with her. I made my initial coaching inquiry in May 2017. We had some initial email back-and-forth (she was great about gently nudging, telling me what she needed, etc.) to schedule the date/time for an initial call, during which she asked about me, what brought me to coaching, + so on.

After that initial call, I thought about it and decided to go ahead and start with her as a coach. She sent me initial documents to fill out -- client intake + coaching agreement -- and a prep form she asked me to fill out and send before each call.

(We only speak on the phone ... she and I have never met. And she often finds it useful to do screensharing with clients, to help with task management, email, workflow stuff, etc., but we haven't been able to make it work because of my own setup's technical quirks, but I think I've gotten a lot out of teh coaching anyway.)

In the very beginning, in that client intake document, I told her about my goals. Here is what I wrote:

Coaching Goals:
1. What do you expect from coaching?

I expect an external structure and deadlines for accountability, to help me with the scaffolding, the habits I need to inculcate in myself. And I expect advice from someone who’s seen and worked with a lot of people who face problems like mine.

2. What are your life goals?
I would like to achieve some stable prosperity for me and my household, and to have the wisdom I’ve accumulated passed on for people to be able to use (as institutions and as writing or other artifacts). I’d really like for the world to have been significantly better than an alternate reality where I never existed, but that is pretty nonspecific because there are a bunch of ways that might end up.

3. List the things you want to change in your life now?

I want to stop being late for appointments, to stop feeling overwhelmed by my email inbox, and to be healthier in my body habits (sleep, exercise, food).

Filling out the rest of the form, about how socialization/relationship difficulties or money managment have been difficult for me, made me reflect in a useful way (and made me cry, I'm pretty sure). (Reflecting on taht document years later helps me see that it's good to see how things have gotten better in multiple ways.)

So then Marla and I had our first call, discussing my goals and adding more detail and so on, and she emailed me notes to help me spell out my goals and some interim steps in more detail, including "be able to relax and take downtime", "tracking physical stuff so you can find it when you need it", prep towards homebuying, being more present with my significant other, and corresponding in a more timely via email and text.

From there on out, we at first met... I think either weekly or 3 times a week (except of course that I cranked the frequency or number down while travelling). In late 2019 and early 2020 I've gone to 2 meeetings per month, then 1 per month, because I think I need less coaching, because I've learned better habits.

We have, like, different categories of session.... there are the ones where we talk about big goals, revisit my goals for the year, and so on ... ones where we do a fine-grained thing like talk about 3 specific emails that I have been procrastinating on replying to (and reflect on patterns and lessons to take from them), or plan out what I want to happen before/during/after upcoming travel .... ones where we talk about "what better decisions ought I make, and what critical moments should I notice, to make x outcome happen or avoid y outcome?" about insomnia, being late to something, etc. There's discussion of specific tools - email, calendars, Beeminder, Todoist or similar tasktrackers - and workflow stuff, like the "weekly review" that I want to do and keep making incremental progress toward having as a habit.

It's not therapy (I know, I have been in therapy), and she will gently note if something's coming up (about family or marriage, for instance) that seems therapy-y, but she has definitely heard me cry several times, and she's good at helping me accept the way I am and beat myself up less.

In 2+ years of working together, I think there have been 3 times in total when I sort of got upset and said "this line of discussion isn't helping me/I don't want to talk about this that way" or something. And she listens and we change the topic or approch or something.

The prep form is a useful thing to do, causing me to tot up my wins and my challenges from the last week/fortnight, + my challenges. And at the end of every call, before (if necessary) checking on scheduling for the next few calls, she asks what my takeaways are. And saying those things in my own words, taking notes, etc. is useful to me. Some of them are immediate TODOs, some of them are ideas/scripts to keep in mind, etc.

So there's been a slow accretion of growth to help me... in some ways undo a lifetime of coping mechanisms, shame, etc. and in their place grow some healthier, more intentional ways of being + doing. I am on time WAY more for stuff, I have a lot less shame about my difficulties, I've gotten better at making time to do the tedious stuff, I've been able to set priorities and mostly hew to them, I'm more on top of the really important correspondence, and I'm closer to making some more lasting artifacts to pass on things I know.

Cost: The coaching agreement is very clear on fees and payment. There's a coaching fee for a few phone sessions per month, + email support as well, or you can do a smaller or larger number of sessions for a different fee structure. I have definitely spent thousands of dollars on coaching over the past few years; insurance does not cover it for me. I am self-employed and I consider this a business expense, and I think it's very possible that this coaching has enabled me to, for instance, go from "aaaah I should buy a home" to actually closing and moving in. If I were employed by some other organization then I might be able to persuade them to subsidize this coaching as a professional development or wellness expense.

There are cheaper options, like group coaching instead of individual.

I hope this helps, whether or not you choose to use an ADHD coach.

posted by LobsterMitten at 11:23 AM on July 8, 2020 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I had my first session this morning and I'm feeling very hopeful that this will help.
posted by bunderful at 5:18 PM on July 9, 2020