How to celebrate a secular Sabbath?

December 10, 2019 9:21 AM

My husband and I are interested in starting a secular Sabbath tradition for 2020. We want to learn from others who have a Sabbath tradition to hear what it looks like, how you enforce it without a religious underpinning, what your related rituals are, etc.

We're less interested in one-off tech sabbath type experiences and much more interested in hearing from those with established and formal weekly rituals. (But given that we're not sure how many people are doing something like this, we're also open to what thoughts and ideas people have that might be helpful in having us think through what Sabbath looks like for us.)

If helpful, our family is me and my husband and our 10-month old but am open to non-baby ideas too as our family gets older.

posted by neematoad to Religion & Philosophy (13 answers total)

What about full moon and/or new moon rituals? Add in the Solstices and Equinoxes and you're practically a Pagan. Or are you, by using "Sabbath," basing this off a Jewish tradition but you want to make it secular (like a special Friday night dinner)? I think that will color the responses you get.
posted by fiercecupcake at 9:46 AM on December 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

We do a religious Sabbath, but the aspects that would translate to a secular one could be:

-sit-down meal at the same time each week
-meal is fancier than typical dinner
-light candles to mark the start
-sit and talk over dinner

-special tea & breakfast the next morning
-linger over breakfast & second cup of tea
-morning walk together and/or lunch picnic, weather permitting
-afternoon nap
-read to each other; do puzzles; play games > focus on each other, on family, on friends

-mark the end of it (we have a religious ritual we follow, but perhaps ringing a bell or chime would work?)
posted by carrioncomfort at 9:48 AM on December 10, 2019 [8 favorites]

As I get older I see the value and importance of not doing work on a Sunday (Or whatever day you use as a Sabbath). (and all work- homework for school, housework, etc)
posted by raccoon409 at 9:56 AM on December 10, 2019

My partner and I have a weekly ritual we formed that we often end up doing on a weekend evening. We sit on pillows on the floor with a small tray with candles on it between us. After lighting the candles, we enter into the ritual by each taking three deep breaths with our eyes closed. Then we share back and forth in three rounds - gratitudes, affirmations, and intentions. Then we do another eyes-closed three deep breaths (usually holding hands this time), and each lean forward to blow out the candles.

We basically looked at three aspects:

• "How do we make it feel different and special from our normal way of being?" led to us making a space to sit on the floor in a place we don't normally do that.
• "What makes a ritual/ceremony feel ritual/ceremonial for each of us?" gave us the candle-lighting and meditative start and end.
• "What do we want to get out of it individually and in our relationship" is how we landed on what we share.

We also occasionally add other elements to see if we like that (like readings, incense, other meaningful objects in the tray, for example).

We've been doing it for over a year now. We very occasionally invite other folks to join, but never more than a couple. We don't really have an "enforcement" mechanism, which does mean that some weeks it doesn't happen - but we also both just really like having that time together, so we rarely miss as much as two in a row, and sometimes we'll find the space in the middle of the week to do it if our weekends haven't been good timing, too.
posted by solotoro at 10:08 AM on December 10, 2019 [6 favorites]

I observe the Wheel of the Year, which is solar + lunar, the downside of which is that many of your sabbats and esbats are on weekdays and so sometimes "celebrate" is a bit of a strong word for taking 5 minutes to meditate or sit in gratitude or think about the lesson of the season.

But I do also try to take a bit of a weekend day each week, often Saturday afternoon but sometimes Sunday morning, to really spend a bit of time considering the lessons of the current season and moon. Each season has its own sets of meanings, like we're currently in Samhain where the growing cycle has completed for the year, for which we are grateful, and we come into the longest nights of the year, which are necessary to foster new growth and also for facing the dark things in ourselves. The moon is waxing, which is a time for drawing things to you (where waning is for releasing things from you). This is kind of my favorite season because the start of Samhain is the pagan new year, and then just after the season changes to Yule we have the calendar new year, so it's very much a time of planning all the things you want to produce in the coming year (and all the things you want to release). I do these little celebrations by myself, but it's easily translatable to family traditions.

And as I generally tell people, it is relatively easy to be a pagan without appropriating anything from anyone who'd care or be harmed if you did, as long as you are a little mindful and motivated to not be an asshole. And almost all of that you can avoid by not buying stuff, for the most part. Certainly you can buy books* and art and maybe some special supplies, but choose your sources wisely and give your money to people who deserve it. Everything you truly need and most of what you want, though, can be found or made or repurposed, which is the way of the witch anyway.

Paganism sits pretty comfortably alongside cultural alignment with the big religions (they may not like it, but the timing tends to work out with family and community traditions and northern hemisphere seasons) and leaves a lot of space to incorporate things like screenless time and social justice work and family communication and even practical stuff like meal-planning and synchronizing the family calendar/schedules for the upcoming week.

(*Just watch out for the white supremacists and the old guard of white guys who invented shit in order to get their knobs polished, but there's plenty of intersectional feminist gender- and sexuality-affirming social justice paganism and witchyness out there.)
posted by Lyn Never at 11:29 AM on December 10, 2019 [8 favorites]

My in-laws call theirs "the church of Mother Nature" and select walks/hikes in nature preserves to do each week. With a kid, you might not be able to do a walk each time, but I think making a point to spend time outside is an inspirational ritual.
posted by CiaoMela at 12:59 PM on December 10, 2019 [3 favorites]

The problem with "once a week " is that life intervenes (she says while her husband and adult daughter look for security cameras after the daughter's car was broken into. Ugh.)
So I go with full moons and the first sliver of moon at sundown. Simple, predictable, nothing more elaborate than acknowledging the moment. No supplies needed. Enjoy and move on.
posted by TrishaU at 1:04 PM on December 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

My non-religious suggestions would be (in whatever order):

- Light some candles

- Make some wishes (I tend to do: one for myself, one for someone I know, and one for the world). You don't have to say them out loud.

- Sing something together. Or if you're not singing people, make a special playlist that you only play on the Sabbath. It can keep changing, but it has to be reserved for that occasion.

- if this appeals: something physical. Maybe a dance, whether a stress-releasing bounce around the room or a slow dance where you just hold each other and sway. Or a yoga form that you do together to your special playlist.

- Eat some good food.

Candlelight and shared music unlock deep places in the human psyche. There's a reason so many religious rituals involve them.
posted by Pallas Athena at 5:35 PM on December 10, 2019 [4 favorites]

We do a secular sabbath inspired by a book we read called Judaism's 10 Best Ideas.

We modified the rules in the book a bit, wrote down our own on a sheet of paper, and read them aloud each time we light the candles. We also have wine in a special glass.

Something I love to do is to go outside near sunset and notice the moment when you can find the first three stars, marking the start (or end) of Sabbath. We also have a cabinet full of "Sabbathy" things that we rummage through on day of.
posted by 10ch at 7:31 PM on December 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

In British culture, this is essentially the reason for Sunday dinner. Was originally linked to church attendance, but has become entirely secular. Can be as simple or as fancy / as traditional or as re-invented as you like.
posted by rd45 at 1:46 AM on December 11, 2019 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thanks for all of these ideas. A lot of good food for thought. 10ch - can I ask what is in your cabinet of Sabbathy things?
posted by neematoad at 7:39 AM on December 11, 2019

My family used to avoid using computers/ phones on Sundays, to better focus on family and/or productive activities. (We made exceptions if we were using the technology to pull up, say, videos to help fix the dishwasher.)

We also made a special dessert on every full moon, and when possible ate it outside.
posted by metasarah at 8:00 AM on December 11, 2019

We have art supplies, lots of paper, clay, various sacred texts and books poetry, a songbook with guitar chords, a deck of "compassion" cards we can pick and think on throughout the day... those sorts of things.
posted by 10ch at 2:20 PM on December 14, 2019