Sexy-time underwear that isn't lacy (for ladies that like ladies)?
October 4, 2019 12:58 PM   Subscribe

My wife is out of town for the next few days and I'd like to surprise her when she gets back with me in some sexy underwear. She's worn some lacy lingerie in the past and it was wonderful for the both of us, but lace is definitely not my thing (as in the idea of me wearing lace gives me panic).

She's pretty sporty most of the time but will dress up in a dress for any fancy occasion. I'm on the butcher end of androgynous and have no idea what to wear under my clothes to be sexy. My normal underwear is boxer briefs and a sports bra. I already have a good arsenal of clothes that make me feel confident (hello new suit!), but I'm looking for some hot base layers if you catch my drift. Thank you in advance!
posted by carnivoregiraffe to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (11 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
It may or may not be sexy depending on her taste, but TomboyX is awesome.
posted by matildaben at 1:08 PM on October 4, 2019 [7 favorites]

I like "sheer, strappy, mesh and modern" for sexy underthings. Any mix of those key words are good. One example I like is Unwind bralette or ElomI Sachi. I'm plus sized so local big box stores tend to not have my size.
posted by tipsyBumblebee at 1:11 PM on October 4, 2019 [3 favorites]

Yup, in my circles, TomboyX are the canonical Nice Butch Underwear. They've got some prints that are funny/silly/weird in an Underoos kind of way, but their solid color ones — briefs in particular IMHO — are hot as hell.

RodeOH also, in addition to their harnesses, has a line of plain underwear that I absolutely love, including some prints that are less silly and more striking than TomboyX's. They range from ultra-masc (camo) to elegantly ambiguous (paisleys, florals in strongly unfeminine colors).
posted by nebulawindphone at 1:12 PM on October 4, 2019 [4 favorites]

Maybe boxers in a silk or satin material (esp. in an out-of-the-ordinary-for-you color)?
posted by Iris Gambol at 1:17 PM on October 4, 2019 [3 favorites]

Yep, TomboyX!

Also, there's these lists from The Lingerie Addict [1,2] -- they're both a bit old, but might give you a place to start, and you can use their tagging system to hunt for more. (And the styling is....very femme. Urgh. We must all use our imaginations, I guess.)

It's not a very quick (or cheap) solution, but I love Serpent and Bow for beautiful, sensual, but not particularly femme underwear.
posted by kalimac at 1:42 PM on October 4, 2019 [2 favorites]

This may be generationally specific, but I remain a sucker for a classic Calvin Klein look, especially a matched set with a sports bra. It looks like you could definitely do some matching with their mens' briefs and one of their unlined bras. I'm linking to the CK website, but you should be able to buy them at Macy's or similar if you'd rather shop in person.

also those RodeOH briefs are great.
posted by dizziest at 2:01 PM on October 4, 2019 [3 favorites]

I find Beija London's Stripes bra to be very androgynously appealing. The color choice is small (black or white); they have a wireless version in S, M and L, and an underwire version in band sizes 32 through 36 and cup sizes B through G.

So the size range is small (which isn't uncommon in companies like Beija London that are just starting out). But ... Dang. That bra.
posted by virago at 6:20 PM on October 4, 2019 [3 favorites]

I also came here to say TomboyX! ^_^
posted by Murderbot at 11:47 PM on October 4, 2019

Okay, so my wife and I are you and your wife; I'm the sporty but wears dresses to dress up one (and a lot of dresses this summer in general, it was so damn hot), and she's the sports bra and boxer briefs all the time one (I converted her from boxers a couple years ago). When I dress up for us, most of the time it's lace undies, but day to day I also wear boxer briefs some of the time, it just depends on how I'm swinging gender wise. Anyhow. Just to set the stage.

So I asked her this question last night, specifically, "What would you wear for dressy sexy time underwear" and she got puzzled, because the problem is that I'm the visual one and she's the one who, while she enjoys the nice underwear, she figures it's going to end up on the floor anyhow. (I mention this in case you're the same, and that's part of why you're having trouble cracking this nut.) So, let's forge forward.

TomboyX is really fantastic, and they're doing the lord's work for sure, and are queer owned. I suspect that if you're used to dude-coded boxer briefs, however, you may find their briefs to be a little too feminine cute (you can see all their cuts here). The "iconic briefs" have thicker waist bands and are cut closer to your traditional men's tighty whiteys. I personally really like their boy shorts, but I'm super short (like, 27 inch inseam short).

I checked out the Rodeoh underwear mentioned above, and those are super cute and if my wife showed up wearing those, that would be totally fine (though anything she wears is totally fine because I'm totally biased so you know :) ).

I don't know what your daily boxer briefs are, but she wears Stance boxer briefs for her daily wear and they are super comfortable, very thin, and have a lot of patterns, and so something there might do depending on the pattern (she rolled over at this point and said "definitely depends on the pattern, probably not the Wu-tang protect your neck ones... though if that's how they roll, you do you"). (She also just said "tell her the Stance boxers are really comfortable too!")

I really like the Stance underwear, but I also like American Eagle and they are always running sales. I prefer the trunk length on me (again, I'm a shorty). If she showed up in AE briefs, though, I think I would find that a sexy change for sure. :) It also depends on if you pack for sexy times, depending on your equipment your tradition dude-coded briefs might work well for that, though if you wanted underwear specifically for packing, it looks like you want Rodeoh. (If you're comfortable enough in your masculinity to wear something a little more fem - which I know is not usually a thing for folks who swing more masc, my wife would never, but people come in varieties - Aerie has boy briefs in a variety of patterns from more to less plain (ignore the lacy ones), for what it's worth).

If this is your thing, Meundies offers matching patterns in a variety of men's and women's coded cuts. We haven't tried them yet because they just started offering extended sizes, but I know a lot of folks who really like them.

So in sum (this was a lot, sorry!) male coded sexy time underwear is harder than female. Women coded underwear is relatively easy - I put on some lace and we're good to go; male coded is harder and depends on what you feel good in (because she's sexiest in whatever she's feeling confident in that day). You may have to try several things and be willing to giggle some to see what works for y'all. I would prolly go AE briefs or something from TomboyX or Rodeoh myself, but underwear is so ridiculously personal, you know?

(I wouldn't worry about your bra, I'd just go with your nicest black sports bra unless you have something in a color that matches your new underwear and call it a day).

Have fun experimenting and enjoy your happy sexy times! :)
posted by joycehealy at 5:41 AM on October 5, 2019 [5 favorites]

Consider checking out Rebirth Garments, who do custom clothes for queer people (specifically queer people with disabilities, but it's not like they'll refuse to sell to abled folks). They make really fun stuff and their entire goal is to make clothes that feel fun and sexy and fabulous without being conventional, and you get to support a small independent queer-owned and -run business. They won't put lace on anything unless you specifically request it, and even then it's not a big thing for them.

Note: I am friends with the owner, but that's not why I'm recommending this. I'm recommending it because they made me the only swimwear I have EVER found physically and psychologically comfortable, and as a dyke with a disability this has been huge for me.
posted by bile and syntax at 9:57 AM on October 5, 2019 [1 favorite]

Thank you all so much for all of the great recommendations! I will definitely be checking out Tomboyx soon as it sounds like an overall favorite, bonus points for all queer owned business suggestions!
Wife got home a little earlier than expected so I didn't have time to get anything, but stumbled onto a surprise hit with my best pair of boxer briefs and a button snap western shirt with nothing else underneath. All the fun of tearing clothes off without worrying about losing a button!
posted by carnivoregiraffe at 12:30 PM on October 5, 2019 [4 favorites]

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