Dating while heartbroken
August 7, 2019 1:53 PM Subscribe
You were heartbroken. You met someone. Then what?
Hi, I had my heart broken recently. Just as I was starting to feel remotely better, I found out that he left me for a woman 12 years older than him (he's 26, she's 38) and he was veeeeeery likely cheating on me with her the last month or so of our relationship, explaining his remarkably bizarre change in behavior. She posted a picture she took of him two days after we broke up, calling him her boyfriend, and now her social media is basically an Ode to Their Relationship. They're also facebook official when he was never facebook official with me, though I never asked (I'm aware I need to not look at this and I likely need to just block her so I stop torturing myself--I'm working on it and that's not the point of this question). The entire situation just reopened the wound and has been really, really hard.
At the same time, I nearly got kicked out of school for an innocuous mistake, and then recently my atypical migraines, which have always been sporadic, have absolutely exploded in frequency, along with a gauntlet of new neurological symptoms that need to be looked into. I have a neurologist and I'm dealing with it, but hoo boy has it been a lot at once.
For better or for worse, I redownloaded a dating app recently, not intending to date or even meet up with anyone. I just wanted to look to remind myself that there are plenty of other people out there and this isn't as much the end of the world as it seems. I ended up talking to a nice guy on video chat, of all things, and agreeing to go out with him. We went out yesterday and had a 2.5 hour date that went, for all intents and purposes, very well. I know I would be excited about him if it weren't for the onslaught of other things happening in my life right now. As it is, I'm very, very hesitant. I'm not even sure I like him yet--I need to go out with him one or two more times to make up my mind. I don't know if I'm unsure because, on some level, going out with him has temporarily intensified the feelings of loss, or if I genuinely need another date to decide, which is pretty typical for me.
As it is, at BEST I would need to take it really, really slow if we kept seeing each other. On the one hand, I'm honestly not sure I'm ready. I don't want to just suppress my feelings. On the other, it's been almost two months since we broke up and it was only a five month relationship and I have cried and cried and cried. I have let it out and then some. Sometimes I feel like I'm having invasive thoughts about him and I don't know what to do. This is the first thing to really get me out of my own head about the whole situation. And I know my feelings, as painful as they may be, are temporary. I'm making progress and I'll continue to make progress and someday this will all be a memory. I don't want to deny myself something over someone that I need to be competely and utterly done with.
Obviously, how I proceed is entirely my decision, and it's only one date, and I can certainly go out with this guy casually for a while while I get myself in order before I commit to another. On the other hand, he wants to go on a hike this weekend, and I can just tell by the way he was looking at me and how often he's texting me that he's already catching feelings and I'm finding myself deeply hesitant about the whole thing. He's fresh out of a longer relationship, so we could probably both afford to slow down. I told myself I would only see someone once a week when I started dating again, and it's already clear that he'd be down to go out more than that.
If you've ever been in this situation, how did you proceed? Is total honesty the best policy here? He knows about the breakup--we talked about past relationships--but I don't think he knows how much I need to take it slow or the other things that happened this summer. Do I just.... lay it all out for him and say we need to go SLOOOWW and enforce my once-a-week-rule? Do I take some more time to get myself in order? I could potentially text him and see if he's still available and interested in a few more weeks, though of course I would never expect him to wait. Do I end it completely? Again, obviously it's all my decision, I just want to hear about others' experiences.
I'll be out of town next week, so I've considered cancelling this weekend and then asking to get together when I'm back. That would give me a couple more weeks to get my head on straight. I don't want him to take that as a lack of interest, though. I'm aware I may be wanting to have my cake and eat it too, and I can't do that. I really, really do not want to use or hurt him. I'm trying to navigate a confusing situation after a difficult summer in a way that is best for both of us.
I'm seeing friends and family and I have a therapist, so I'm doing okay on those fronts.
Thanks in advance.
Hi, I had my heart broken recently. Just as I was starting to feel remotely better, I found out that he left me for a woman 12 years older than him (he's 26, she's 38) and he was veeeeeery likely cheating on me with her the last month or so of our relationship, explaining his remarkably bizarre change in behavior. She posted a picture she took of him two days after we broke up, calling him her boyfriend, and now her social media is basically an Ode to Their Relationship. They're also facebook official when he was never facebook official with me, though I never asked (I'm aware I need to not look at this and I likely need to just block her so I stop torturing myself--I'm working on it and that's not the point of this question). The entire situation just reopened the wound and has been really, really hard.
At the same time, I nearly got kicked out of school for an innocuous mistake, and then recently my atypical migraines, which have always been sporadic, have absolutely exploded in frequency, along with a gauntlet of new neurological symptoms that need to be looked into. I have a neurologist and I'm dealing with it, but hoo boy has it been a lot at once.
For better or for worse, I redownloaded a dating app recently, not intending to date or even meet up with anyone. I just wanted to look to remind myself that there are plenty of other people out there and this isn't as much the end of the world as it seems. I ended up talking to a nice guy on video chat, of all things, and agreeing to go out with him. We went out yesterday and had a 2.5 hour date that went, for all intents and purposes, very well. I know I would be excited about him if it weren't for the onslaught of other things happening in my life right now. As it is, I'm very, very hesitant. I'm not even sure I like him yet--I need to go out with him one or two more times to make up my mind. I don't know if I'm unsure because, on some level, going out with him has temporarily intensified the feelings of loss, or if I genuinely need another date to decide, which is pretty typical for me.
As it is, at BEST I would need to take it really, really slow if we kept seeing each other. On the one hand, I'm honestly not sure I'm ready. I don't want to just suppress my feelings. On the other, it's been almost two months since we broke up and it was only a five month relationship and I have cried and cried and cried. I have let it out and then some. Sometimes I feel like I'm having invasive thoughts about him and I don't know what to do. This is the first thing to really get me out of my own head about the whole situation. And I know my feelings, as painful as they may be, are temporary. I'm making progress and I'll continue to make progress and someday this will all be a memory. I don't want to deny myself something over someone that I need to be competely and utterly done with.
Obviously, how I proceed is entirely my decision, and it's only one date, and I can certainly go out with this guy casually for a while while I get myself in order before I commit to another. On the other hand, he wants to go on a hike this weekend, and I can just tell by the way he was looking at me and how often he's texting me that he's already catching feelings and I'm finding myself deeply hesitant about the whole thing. He's fresh out of a longer relationship, so we could probably both afford to slow down. I told myself I would only see someone once a week when I started dating again, and it's already clear that he'd be down to go out more than that.
If you've ever been in this situation, how did you proceed? Is total honesty the best policy here? He knows about the breakup--we talked about past relationships--but I don't think he knows how much I need to take it slow or the other things that happened this summer. Do I just.... lay it all out for him and say we need to go SLOOOWW and enforce my once-a-week-rule? Do I take some more time to get myself in order? I could potentially text him and see if he's still available and interested in a few more weeks, though of course I would never expect him to wait. Do I end it completely? Again, obviously it's all my decision, I just want to hear about others' experiences.
I'll be out of town next week, so I've considered cancelling this weekend and then asking to get together when I'm back. That would give me a couple more weeks to get my head on straight. I don't want him to take that as a lack of interest, though. I'm aware I may be wanting to have my cake and eat it too, and I can't do that. I really, really do not want to use or hurt him. I'm trying to navigate a confusing situation after a difficult summer in a way that is best for both of us.
I'm seeing friends and family and I have a therapist, so I'm doing okay on those fronts.
Thanks in advance.
I married my first pancake, and we're still married 15 years later, so whatever.
Also you are over thinking this. Just be honest with him. Tell him that you are fresh out of a relationship and you know you're not ready to commit to anything serious right now, but if that's okay with him, you'd love to see him again for a hike.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:08 PM on August 7, 2019 [28 favorites]
Also you are over thinking this. Just be honest with him. Tell him that you are fresh out of a relationship and you know you're not ready to commit to anything serious right now, but if that's okay with him, you'd love to see him again for a hike.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:08 PM on August 7, 2019 [28 favorites]
I would be honest- he deserves to know what you're thinking. But it kind of sounds to me like you should take a little more time before you start dating. It's not just about you, and as you say, you don't want to hurt him. At least take the time over your vacation to think about it more, and maybe tell him you'll be off the grid while you're gone so he's not constantly texting.
posted by pinochiette at 2:11 PM on August 7, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by pinochiette at 2:11 PM on August 7, 2019 [2 favorites]
Maybe this is bad advice, maybe this is how people get stranded on Crone Island forever and ever, but are you sure you need to date right now? Dating rebound after rebound doesn't necessarily yield positive reinforcement, especially when you have a lot of other stuff on your plate to deal with.
posted by blerghamot at 2:14 PM on August 7, 2019 [9 favorites]
posted by blerghamot at 2:14 PM on August 7, 2019 [9 favorites]
First: please get off and stay of his/her social media. Maybe stay off social media as long as possible in general, or scale it back for a few months.
Second: I'm afraid to even read other comments, because I know the standard things people will say that make me cringe (e.g. you can't trust yourself to date after a breakup for X days/weeks/months/years, anyone who would date a recently single person is not worth your time, and essentially any pat rule about something as complex as a wounded heart and how you're allowed to use it).
Honesty is generally a good idea because, face it, you probably wouldn't want to develop feelings for someone and then learn they'd been keeping quiet about a recent breakup. Right? Or, hey, maybe not! Put yourself in your own shoes for now--does a decision seem right to you? Then that's probably what you need to worry about more than how you'll be perceived. One bit of knowledge is pretty common at this stage, though, at least from therapists: only you know your inner resilience's limits, but if you think that a rejection now (however slight) will plunge you into deeper heartache than you're already feeling, then, yes, take it as slow as you feel is necessary. Consider making it known, honestly, that you want to take it slow, no matter how interested you happen to be--you can be honest about both of those things, your feelings of attraction and your feelings of caution.
I'm here to empathize. I'm going through a split that was surprising, sudden, traumatic, and led from there into waters that were deeper and darker than I could have imagined possible. I'm only starting to take my first tentative steps into the light but... they feel good. After months of feeling nothing but bad, even tiny little smiles and touches and evidence of human thoughtfulness is like good and welcome medicine. So, in your shoes, I wouldn't cancel because of unknowns. I'd go because the unknowns are attached to a human being who you just met and whose company you may enjoy.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 3:16 PM on August 7, 2019 [5 favorites]
Second: I'm afraid to even read other comments, because I know the standard things people will say that make me cringe (e.g. you can't trust yourself to date after a breakup for X days/weeks/months/years, anyone who would date a recently single person is not worth your time, and essentially any pat rule about something as complex as a wounded heart and how you're allowed to use it).
Honesty is generally a good idea because, face it, you probably wouldn't want to develop feelings for someone and then learn they'd been keeping quiet about a recent breakup. Right? Or, hey, maybe not! Put yourself in your own shoes for now--does a decision seem right to you? Then that's probably what you need to worry about more than how you'll be perceived. One bit of knowledge is pretty common at this stage, though, at least from therapists: only you know your inner resilience's limits, but if you think that a rejection now (however slight) will plunge you into deeper heartache than you're already feeling, then, yes, take it as slow as you feel is necessary. Consider making it known, honestly, that you want to take it slow, no matter how interested you happen to be--you can be honest about both of those things, your feelings of attraction and your feelings of caution.
I'm here to empathize. I'm going through a split that was surprising, sudden, traumatic, and led from there into waters that were deeper and darker than I could have imagined possible. I'm only starting to take my first tentative steps into the light but... they feel good. After months of feeling nothing but bad, even tiny little smiles and touches and evidence of human thoughtfulness is like good and welcome medicine. So, in your shoes, I wouldn't cancel because of unknowns. I'd go because the unknowns are attached to a human being who you just met and whose company you may enjoy.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 3:16 PM on August 7, 2019 [5 favorites]
It's okay to date when your heart is broken. There's not actually a rule that you have to be totally over an old relationship in order to begin a new one. But you have to be honest with yourself. Are you truly open to a new relationship right now? It's okay if you're not, but you should be honest with this guy if, as things proceed, it becomes clear that he's interested in more than you are.
I was hurt pretty badly several months ago when I went out with a guy who just wanted to date casually for a while but then who pursued me pretty hard but then was also not really ready to be in a relationship. Then again, I don't regret dating him. I just wish his actions -- how hard he pursued me -- had been more consistent with his stated intentions -- wanting to date casually.
Now let's talk about social media. I've been there, with the heartbreak. But, like, how do you even know how old that woman is? How much time are you spending looking at his social media and her social media?
They're also facebook official when he was never facebook official with me, though I never asked (I'm aware I need to not look at this and I likely need to just block her so I stop torturing myself--I'm working on it and that's not the point of this question)
Sometimes I feel like I'm having invasive thoughts about him and I don't know what to do.
It's not the point of the question, but it's the reason for the entire question. Don't just block her. Block him too. Block both of them. Seriously, you are prolonging your recovery by continuing to be exposed to any information about him. You feel hurt and rejected. His relationship now, his life now, has nothing to do with you. You need to move on, and it's really hard, but it's a lot harder when you keep any lines of communication or information open.
If you find yourself engaging in unhealthy behaviors around social media (I have been there!), then you need to do whatever it takes to stop those behaviors. If blocking them on Facebook isn't enough, then maybe take a break from Facebook; have a friend change your password and not give you the new one for a month. Or take a break from Instagram and delete the app from your phone.
It sounds like your ex was an ass. The rejection makes it so hard, but you dodged a bullet big-time. Remember that and do your best to not know anything at all about what he's up to.
posted by bluedaisy at 3:37 PM on August 7, 2019 [4 favorites]
I was hurt pretty badly several months ago when I went out with a guy who just wanted to date casually for a while but then who pursued me pretty hard but then was also not really ready to be in a relationship. Then again, I don't regret dating him. I just wish his actions -- how hard he pursued me -- had been more consistent with his stated intentions -- wanting to date casually.
Now let's talk about social media. I've been there, with the heartbreak. But, like, how do you even know how old that woman is? How much time are you spending looking at his social media and her social media?
They're also facebook official when he was never facebook official with me, though I never asked (I'm aware I need to not look at this and I likely need to just block her so I stop torturing myself--I'm working on it and that's not the point of this question)
Sometimes I feel like I'm having invasive thoughts about him and I don't know what to do.
It's not the point of the question, but it's the reason for the entire question. Don't just block her. Block him too. Block both of them. Seriously, you are prolonging your recovery by continuing to be exposed to any information about him. You feel hurt and rejected. His relationship now, his life now, has nothing to do with you. You need to move on, and it's really hard, but it's a lot harder when you keep any lines of communication or information open.
If you find yourself engaging in unhealthy behaviors around social media (I have been there!), then you need to do whatever it takes to stop those behaviors. If blocking them on Facebook isn't enough, then maybe take a break from Facebook; have a friend change your password and not give you the new one for a month. Or take a break from Instagram and delete the app from your phone.
It sounds like your ex was an ass. The rejection makes it so hard, but you dodged a bullet big-time. Remember that and do your best to not know anything at all about what he's up to.
posted by bluedaisy at 3:37 PM on August 7, 2019 [4 favorites]
I had my heart broken once. Like you, I had been cheated on, and I did not see it coming. I was devastated for about 6 - 8 weeks.
Then I met a guy. We both attended the same night class. He was charming. I was gun shy, but intrigued. He made me feel better. He helped me get over my breakup. He had a lot of characteristics that my ex lacked, and that was refreshing.
Also, my ex was upset that I had moved on, and I'm not ashamed to admit that the revenge was sweet.
In the long run, my rebound relationship didn't work out. We didn't want the same things, and after about four months, I ended it.
It got me through the valley of sadness from that first breakup, though. It gave me self esteem when I needed to be reminded that I was desirable, and it helped me see that there were other people out there with a wide variety of personality traits to offer. Dating "rebound guy" made me realize that I didn't have to settle for the flake I had been dating.
It also helped me think deeply about what I was looking for in a partner, and ask myself what I valued in a person who would be my partner.
So, yes, it can be productive to date so soon after a breakup, if you don't have high expectations. Don't dive in too deeply right away. Just have fun, and see what it feels like to date someone new. Make sure you are being a grownup, and are willing to break it off if you're not happy.
Hang in there. Breakup misery is very painful, but it doesn't last that long in the grand scheme of things.
posted by cleverevans at 3:55 PM on August 7, 2019 [6 favorites]
Then I met a guy. We both attended the same night class. He was charming. I was gun shy, but intrigued. He made me feel better. He helped me get over my breakup. He had a lot of characteristics that my ex lacked, and that was refreshing.
Also, my ex was upset that I had moved on, and I'm not ashamed to admit that the revenge was sweet.
In the long run, my rebound relationship didn't work out. We didn't want the same things, and after about four months, I ended it.
It got me through the valley of sadness from that first breakup, though. It gave me self esteem when I needed to be reminded that I was desirable, and it helped me see that there were other people out there with a wide variety of personality traits to offer. Dating "rebound guy" made me realize that I didn't have to settle for the flake I had been dating.
It also helped me think deeply about what I was looking for in a partner, and ask myself what I valued in a person who would be my partner.
So, yes, it can be productive to date so soon after a breakup, if you don't have high expectations. Don't dive in too deeply right away. Just have fun, and see what it feels like to date someone new. Make sure you are being a grownup, and are willing to break it off if you're not happy.
Hang in there. Breakup misery is very painful, but it doesn't last that long in the grand scheme of things.
posted by cleverevans at 3:55 PM on August 7, 2019 [6 favorites]
The proudest achievement of my life is that I have never had my heart broken by someone mediocre. I have a good, steady career and a wide circle of friends and people somewhat regularly express admiration for me in a way that I find delightful but if you asked me what I like the most about myself I would without hesitation say that every single person who has ever broken my heart has been absolutely remarkable. Funny! Kind! Ambitious! Professionally attractive! Master’s degrees or higher! I have nothing but good things to say about any of them, and holy smokes did losing each of them shatter me into a millionty-billionty pieces.
When I met my wife my heart was as broken as any heart has ever been broken. My ex and I had broken up in January of that year but by the time I met my wife in July we were still living together (it was a financial consideration; my ex moved out of my apartment to move out of town to attend grad school a week after my second date with my wife) and occasionally finding ourselves in each other’s beds. I was not over my previous relationship even a little bit.
I approached dating with the mindset that my heart was broken but the world still had wonderful things in it and people were still interesting and fun and there were still beautiful experiences that I had not yet had and maybe just maybe I could accept the good things that were still coming into my life while still allowing myself to feel the grief that I had for my previous relationship. I was up-front that I was not yet in a place to date anyone with an eye towards a long-term settled relationship but that I was happy to have the company of others and I believed that I could be good company in turn.
It worked out really well. I met my favorite person and I have been with that person for eight years and I married that person last year. If my wife ever leaves it will break my heart and I will be ok with that because, yeah, remarkable people can do that from time to time. That’s the danger of loving extraordinary people, and I can be proud to have suffered it.
If I were you I would let this dude know that you have some limits and some things that you need to consider when approaching a new relationship but if he is willing to respect those things I would enjoy his company and be open to the possibility that in time and with care something further might develop.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 4:37 PM on August 7, 2019 [10 favorites]
When I met my wife my heart was as broken as any heart has ever been broken. My ex and I had broken up in January of that year but by the time I met my wife in July we were still living together (it was a financial consideration; my ex moved out of my apartment to move out of town to attend grad school a week after my second date with my wife) and occasionally finding ourselves in each other’s beds. I was not over my previous relationship even a little bit.
I approached dating with the mindset that my heart was broken but the world still had wonderful things in it and people were still interesting and fun and there were still beautiful experiences that I had not yet had and maybe just maybe I could accept the good things that were still coming into my life while still allowing myself to feel the grief that I had for my previous relationship. I was up-front that I was not yet in a place to date anyone with an eye towards a long-term settled relationship but that I was happy to have the company of others and I believed that I could be good company in turn.
It worked out really well. I met my favorite person and I have been with that person for eight years and I married that person last year. If my wife ever leaves it will break my heart and I will be ok with that because, yeah, remarkable people can do that from time to time. That’s the danger of loving extraordinary people, and I can be proud to have suffered it.
If I were you I would let this dude know that you have some limits and some things that you need to consider when approaching a new relationship but if he is willing to respect those things I would enjoy his company and be open to the possibility that in time and with care something further might develop.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 4:37 PM on August 7, 2019 [10 favorites]
I met the person I’m definitely going to marry a week after being dumped and six days after my dad died on the first night I was back in town.
I just wanted a fun conversation.
But you do not at all sound ready to date. It’s the turmoil. You will do whatever you want, but it seems like your own anguish might not let you view things accurately. I think when you see how good it is that he clearly showed you how callous he was with your emotions, and while that’ll still hurt you will be thankful, then you will be ready.
Again, you’ll do what you want, but I don’t think you want to hurt anyone in the way you’ve been hurt and that’s what I see happen when people are in such pain and try to push through it instead of dealing.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 6:19 PM on August 7, 2019 [2 favorites]
I just wanted a fun conversation.
But you do not at all sound ready to date. It’s the turmoil. You will do whatever you want, but it seems like your own anguish might not let you view things accurately. I think when you see how good it is that he clearly showed you how callous he was with your emotions, and while that’ll still hurt you will be thankful, then you will be ready.
Again, you’ll do what you want, but I don’t think you want to hurt anyone in the way you’ve been hurt and that’s what I see happen when people are in such pain and try to push through it instead of dealing.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 6:19 PM on August 7, 2019 [2 favorites]
I wouldn't say that I was heartbroken when my husband left me in an unbelievably rotten way, but I was definitely completely traumatized on multiple fronts and nowhere near ready to date when I did, in fact, start dating. And, like you, I chose someone who was fresh off the breakup of his own long-term relationship. I was a mess and was totally upfront about that, and he was wonderful and kind and patient while I oscillated wildly in my feelings about everything, including him (see my previous question under this sock puppet). It's been a year now and we're still together, I've regained my emotional equilibrium, and I love him. I don't know what the future will hold, but I'm nowhere close to throwing my first pancake out.
posted by Bluesocking at 7:08 PM on August 7, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by Bluesocking at 7:08 PM on August 7, 2019 [3 favorites]
There is no schedule for how a relationship should progress. Go as slow as you feel is right with this new person -- even staying platonic and limiting how often you see him if that's what seems best. If he doesn't want that, he will say so and move on. Be straight that you feel very hurt after your recent breakup. You don't have to care of him as well as yourself; just be honest.
posted by wryly at 8:11 PM on August 7, 2019
posted by wryly at 8:11 PM on August 7, 2019
"I approached dating with the mindset that my heart was broken but the world still had wonderful things in it and people were still interesting and fun and there were still beautiful experiences that I had not yet had and maybe just maybe I could accept the good things that were still coming into my life while still allowing myself to feel the grief that I had for my previous relationship."
I would favorite this a million times if I could because it's adorable.
I would like to point out that guys you like are not easy to find, dude does not necessarily have to be a first ruined pancake (I love the stories here), and right now you say you don't even know if you like him yet and would need at least one more date to figure it out. So have that one date. Go hike. See if you like him enough for another one. If you still like him, then lay it out for him where you're at and how you'd like to be slow.
I wouldn't recommend stalling for a few weeks or taking more time though. He might be the right pancake or not for all I know and you won't find out by stalling about or bailing early. I don't know if I'd stick to a once a week rule because rules fly out the window when you are dating, though. But say "this is where I'm at and I need to proceed with caution" if you decide you want to continue trying dating him.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:52 PM on August 7, 2019
I would favorite this a million times if I could because it's adorable.
I would like to point out that guys you like are not easy to find, dude does not necessarily have to be a first ruined pancake (I love the stories here), and right now you say you don't even know if you like him yet and would need at least one more date to figure it out. So have that one date. Go hike. See if you like him enough for another one. If you still like him, then lay it out for him where you're at and how you'd like to be slow.
I wouldn't recommend stalling for a few weeks or taking more time though. He might be the right pancake or not for all I know and you won't find out by stalling about or bailing early. I don't know if I'd stick to a once a week rule because rules fly out the window when you are dating, though. But say "this is where I'm at and I need to proceed with caution" if you decide you want to continue trying dating him.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:52 PM on August 7, 2019
I had just had a terrible break up with someone when I met my now husband. He was dating someone else, but they broke up a few months later. We've been married almost 12 years and have an almost five year old.
You never know. Just take your time and enjoy it for whatever it is!
posted by jrobin276 at 12:12 AM on August 8, 2019
You never know. Just take your time and enjoy it for whatever it is!
posted by jrobin276 at 12:12 AM on August 8, 2019
I think it's okay to explain exactly what you mean by slow and what you need to proceed comfortably and let him tell you whether he's on board, would like to negotiate a little, or needs to move along.
I've dated after heartbreak and it's been good - helped me stop ruminating about the prior relationship and enjoy the present.
posted by bunderful at 3:20 PM on August 8, 2019
I've dated after heartbreak and it's been good - helped me stop ruminating about the prior relationship and enjoy the present.
posted by bunderful at 3:20 PM on August 8, 2019
I met my husband less than 2 months after the end of a 4.5 year relationship. Things turned out really well for me. I would definitely give him a chance. I think sometimes 'rebounding' is fine.
posted by thereader at 11:27 PM on August 8, 2019
posted by thereader at 11:27 PM on August 8, 2019
This thread is closed to new comments.
Just be sure that you remember that the recipe for healing is lots of time and one (at least) first pancake relationship.
posted by janey47 at 1:59 PM on August 7, 2019 [11 favorites]