How to put work out of your mind at the weekend?
June 21, 2019 3:30 PM Subscribe
So I’m under a lot of pressure at work right now, and this is leading to me constantly thinking about it and worrying, for example in the evenings and at the weekends. Looking for some tips to help me get on with my weekend without being preoccupied by work stress.
It's not a perfect strategy, but I keep in mind that I know that people (generic) do better work when they are rested and allowed to take care of their personal lives. I know it's true, I can see it in my colleagues.
Ideally I write myself a comprehensive to do/open issues list on Friday so that I can hit the ground running and organized on Monday, and it is a HUGE help. I mean, just in getting started on Monday, but it is also something I can remind myself over the weekend - if I find myself stressing about something that isn't on the list, I go put it on, and then go back about my day.
I tend to get woken up in the night worrying about work, and I remind myself that a) this is not working-time, it's sleeping-time/resting-time b) worrying doesn't actually accomplish anything. Again, if the thing is on the list for Monday, it's covered for now and I need to let it go because it's wasted effort to fret about it right now.
Every now and then the actual solution is to sit down and work on the thing, and sometimes that IS a decent use of my time, especially if uninterrupted weekend time makes it easier to finish. But if I'm going to do that, I need to set boundaries about how long I'm going to spend on it and stick to them.
posted by Lyn Never at 3:51 PM on June 21, 2019 [3 favorites]
Ideally I write myself a comprehensive to do/open issues list on Friday so that I can hit the ground running and organized on Monday, and it is a HUGE help. I mean, just in getting started on Monday, but it is also something I can remind myself over the weekend - if I find myself stressing about something that isn't on the list, I go put it on, and then go back about my day.
I tend to get woken up in the night worrying about work, and I remind myself that a) this is not working-time, it's sleeping-time/resting-time b) worrying doesn't actually accomplish anything. Again, if the thing is on the list for Monday, it's covered for now and I need to let it go because it's wasted effort to fret about it right now.
Every now and then the actual solution is to sit down and work on the thing, and sometimes that IS a decent use of my time, especially if uninterrupted weekend time makes it easier to finish. But if I'm going to do that, I need to set boundaries about how long I'm going to spend on it and stick to them.
posted by Lyn Never at 3:51 PM on June 21, 2019 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks Penguin and LynNever. Just to clarify I am not worrying about a specific thing, it’s more like a vague worry that something big will go wrong, that my boss and my supervisor are not on my side, that next week will be worse than this week etc.
posted by EatMyHat at 4:00 PM on June 21, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by EatMyHat at 4:00 PM on June 21, 2019 [1 favorite]
I am not worrying about a specific thing, it’s more like a vague worry that something big will go wrong, that my boss and my supervisor are not on my side, that next week will be worse than this week etc.
I have been where you are!
My problem was that I had some general anxiety issues going on in my brain and work was really good at triggering it. I'm sorry to give the ask mefi stock answer, but therapy helped me recognize the anxiety and disarm it.
posted by Sauce Trough at 4:27 PM on June 21, 2019 [2 favorites]
I have been where you are!
My problem was that I had some general anxiety issues going on in my brain and work was really good at triggering it. I'm sorry to give the ask mefi stock answer, but therapy helped me recognize the anxiety and disarm it.
posted by Sauce Trough at 4:27 PM on June 21, 2019 [2 favorites]
my refrain for dealing with this was to remember that every moment of my unpaid time that I devoted to thinking about work, was time I was volunteering to give them for free.
posted by fingersandtoes at 4:46 PM on June 21, 2019 [9 favorites]
posted by fingersandtoes at 4:46 PM on June 21, 2019 [9 favorites]
I also have freefloating work anxiety. I visualize putting the issues I am concerned about into a box and filing the box in a closet and closing the closet door. On the weekdays, this is labeled "things to think about tomorrow at 9 am" and on the weekends, the closet is labeled "things to think about Monday at 9 am" (my work start time but YMMV). The closet can hold hundreds of boxes that can contain many issues (many of which I forget about)...the important thing is, I have acknowledged the feeling, captured it, labeled and organized it, and set aside a time to manage it.... and it is NOT NOW but LATER.
posted by holyrood at 4:53 PM on June 21, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by holyrood at 4:53 PM on June 21, 2019 [3 favorites]
Could you set aside time first thing Monday to think about your week ahead and review in your mind what happened last week (maybe run an eye over your emails), and then set aside time last thing on Friday to think about what happened this week and what you want to do next week? This helps me attach to work on Monday and detach from it on Friday, and when I know that I’ll have some solid thinking/worry time at work, I do it less over the weekend.
posted by sallybrown at 5:18 PM on June 21, 2019
posted by sallybrown at 5:18 PM on June 21, 2019
The best way is to do something else on the weekends that will keep you busy. It doesn't have to be anything major, just enough that you think about it while you're doing it. Going for a hike, for example, or cooking something new for dinner.
posted by kevinbelt at 5:52 PM on June 21, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by kevinbelt at 5:52 PM on June 21, 2019 [6 favorites]
I use mantras to stop thinking about things that bother me. So for this situation, I might say “This is a work-free zone” when I find myself thinking about it at home and repeat as often as I need to. It’s very simple and almost silly, but my brain seems to eventually catch on. It doesn’t stop the thoughts altogether, but it seems to greatly reduce them.
posted by FencingGal at 7:09 PM on June 21, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by FencingGal at 7:09 PM on June 21, 2019 [1 favorite]
When I was running, going for a run right after work seemed to physically erase the physical part of the anxiety I felt. It put a wedge between the workday and everything after.
posted by Miko at 7:19 PM on June 21, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Miko at 7:19 PM on June 21, 2019 [4 favorites]
+1 to do something very engaging and distracting. For me, that's a regular, very structured, very fast-paced exercise class where I'm told what to do and given something else to focus on (versus independent time on the treadmill for example). Coming home to veg in front of TV is the worst thing I can do for work anxiety. Besides the class I also build a list during the week of things I want to do on the weekend. Another thing I focus on at the weekend (and thus get distracted from work).
Harder to plan but I've also noticed that other anxieties are very good at distracting me from work. For example I was having a hard getting work out of my mind during a recent vacation... Until a terrifying kayak excursion...didn't think about work again after that. Are there things you want to do on the weekend that might take you outside your comfort zone? I bet they will be distracting....
posted by Tandem Affinity at 7:39 PM on June 21, 2019 [1 favorite]
Harder to plan but I've also noticed that other anxieties are very good at distracting me from work. For example I was having a hard getting work out of my mind during a recent vacation... Until a terrifying kayak excursion...didn't think about work again after that. Are there things you want to do on the weekend that might take you outside your comfort zone? I bet they will be distracting....
posted by Tandem Affinity at 7:39 PM on June 21, 2019 [1 favorite]
Thinking about something else is much easier than NOT thinking about something.
Try coming up with a list of 10 things you would LIKE to think about. They can be anything, but try to have at least one challenging thing and one purely fun thing. Examples:
* poems you'd enjoy learning by heart
* albums you mostly know by heart; try playing them in your head, hearing each instrument
* any foreign language stuff you might have ever wanted to learn
* fun songs to impress people with (like this Karaokefilter, fast talker edition)
* your ideal peaceful getaway, imagined in perfect, vivid detail
Each time your brain starts going back to work, give it a new job instead: quizzing yourself on that poem, or queuing up side TWO of that album from summer of your last year in junior high, or describing every centimeter of the northwest corner of the room of your ideal getaway spot.
If you can actually notice yourself breaking this habit and reward yourself each time you successfully switch your thinking over to something more enjoyable, even better - a nice piece of dark chocolate or a kitten video or a walk around the block or a snuggle with your pup, whatever is rewarding for you.
posted by kristi at 7:47 PM on June 21, 2019 [5 favorites]
Try coming up with a list of 10 things you would LIKE to think about. They can be anything, but try to have at least one challenging thing and one purely fun thing. Examples:
* poems you'd enjoy learning by heart
* albums you mostly know by heart; try playing them in your head, hearing each instrument
* any foreign language stuff you might have ever wanted to learn
* fun songs to impress people with (like this Karaokefilter, fast talker edition)
* your ideal peaceful getaway, imagined in perfect, vivid detail
Each time your brain starts going back to work, give it a new job instead: quizzing yourself on that poem, or queuing up side TWO of that album from summer of your last year in junior high, or describing every centimeter of the northwest corner of the room of your ideal getaway spot.
If you can actually notice yourself breaking this habit and reward yourself each time you successfully switch your thinking over to something more enjoyable, even better - a nice piece of dark chocolate or a kitten video or a walk around the block or a snuggle with your pup, whatever is rewarding for you.
posted by kristi at 7:47 PM on June 21, 2019 [5 favorites]
This is me, pretty much all the time, and this is why I run so much. I run after work, to put a hard stop between my work day and non work night.
I do one really long run (20-25 km typically, around two hours or a bit less) that tires me out and gives me plenty of endorphins. The problem with this approach is that I can't always run and when I'm injured I get extra anxiety.
I often find myself trying to be compulsively busy on the weekend. I find cooking relaxing so I cook everything for the week on Sundays. I do all the washing, ironing, grocery shopping. I take my kids on outings. Sometimes it works, sometimes I feel like I'm trying to run away from myself and theres a frenetic, brittle edge to it that I don't like.
Theze strategies are only semi successful, and I hate this part of myself. I think it's do to with changing states. If I always worked it wouldn't be bother me so much, likewise if I never worked. My mind fills in the future in non constructive way more often than not and I can't always silence it.
What also helps me is to recognise that sometimes this anxiety is driven by physical injury (I have a chronic condition, sometimes my mood goes down before I even realise I'm having a flare up).
I also find thinking about work like I'm leaving in two months can help. I'm just doing what I can before I leave. It takes some of the self imposed pressure off me.
Finally, there's a book I read, How Emotions Are Made. It's not self help, it's a science book. But I found it very useful in thinking about my emotions in a less judgmental way, more like I think about a niggling physical complaint, for example. It has helped me stop castigating myself for having negative or unhelpful feelings.
Best of luck
posted by smoke at 8:20 PM on June 21, 2019 [5 favorites]
I do one really long run (20-25 km typically, around two hours or a bit less) that tires me out and gives me plenty of endorphins. The problem with this approach is that I can't always run and when I'm injured I get extra anxiety.
I often find myself trying to be compulsively busy on the weekend. I find cooking relaxing so I cook everything for the week on Sundays. I do all the washing, ironing, grocery shopping. I take my kids on outings. Sometimes it works, sometimes I feel like I'm trying to run away from myself and theres a frenetic, brittle edge to it that I don't like.
Theze strategies are only semi successful, and I hate this part of myself. I think it's do to with changing states. If I always worked it wouldn't be bother me so much, likewise if I never worked. My mind fills in the future in non constructive way more often than not and I can't always silence it.
What also helps me is to recognise that sometimes this anxiety is driven by physical injury (I have a chronic condition, sometimes my mood goes down before I even realise I'm having a flare up).
I also find thinking about work like I'm leaving in two months can help. I'm just doing what I can before I leave. It takes some of the self imposed pressure off me.
Finally, there's a book I read, How Emotions Are Made. It's not self help, it's a science book. But I found it very useful in thinking about my emotions in a less judgmental way, more like I think about a niggling physical complaint, for example. It has helped me stop castigating myself for having negative or unhelpful feelings.
Best of luck
posted by smoke at 8:20 PM on June 21, 2019 [5 favorites]
Rituals are great for this! They signify a change from one state to another and your mind will start to associate the ritual with relaxing or at the least that it's no longer work time. Make it something that you don't usually do during the week. Mine is having a crisp Coke on Friday evenings. I start to look forward to it on Friday at work and I'm ready to leave the week behind!
posted by PeaPod at 12:48 PM on June 25, 2019
posted by PeaPod at 12:48 PM on June 25, 2019
This thread is closed to new comments.
You can also schedule a time to be anxious. I was recently very anxious about something I couldn't work on for a few weeks. I got myself to stop worrying by setting a reminder on my phone for a date and time when it would be productive to worry about it again. I told myself I wasn't allowed to worry about the situation until the alarm went off. That helped me relax in the meantime, and helped me go into it with a clear head once I could actually do something about the situation.
posted by Penguin48 at 3:49 PM on June 21, 2019 [3 favorites]