Conflict of Interest in Individual Therapy?

May 6, 2018 9:25 PM

It's hard to find a great therapist but I've found one... And she once provided couple's counselling for me and my partner. Is it for sure a bad idea to seek individual counselling from her?

About a year ago (shoot-- maybe 2 years ago) my partner and I were having trouble communicating with each other about a specific issue. We were not in crisis; we sought counselling to have a disinterested 3rd party weigh in and advise us. We found Kelly. Kelly was amazing. We liked her so much. Partner and I were lovey-dovey through the experience, and we took her advice as to how to approach the communication problem. She commented along the lines of *we're a good couple and we work well together. Our problems are completely typical and fixable,* and our issue was effectively resolved after trying Kelly's suggested approach.

OK. Now I'm dealing with a tough thing that I want to get help with and I have the idea that even asking Kelly to see me for individual therapy would put her in an awkward position. Is that true?

Further, if my partner and I hit our next bumpy patch and Kelly has counselled me individually, it'd then be unethical for her to see us for couple's counseling because 1:1 therapy with me would have easily introduced the possibility for bias in her.

I'd once asked her for a referral because she was going on maternity leave. She said she had colleagues in mind, sure, but the travel distance was a bit too much.

So, I can go looking for someone totally new or I could approach Kelly with this. I have my partner's blessing to do whatever. Am I talking myself out of a reasonable request (to see her)? Am I off-base in my thinking here? What about the wacky idea of my partner joining me in therapy with Kelly, but the focus being on my individual issue?

When we saw her it was for 3, maybe 2, sessions.

Thanks!

posted by little_dog_laughing to Health & Fitness (9 answers total)

I'm not you, but a proven couples' counselor would be so valuable to me, as a potential resource, that I'd make the effort to shop around for individual therapy. Her referral suggestions were too far away -- did you communicate that to her, then? Even if you did, it might be worthwhile to ask again for closer-by therapists.
posted by Iris Gambol at 9:40 PM on May 6, 2018 [2 favorites]

Why not ask Kelly? She knows your situation and she will know what is within in her comfort zone and when she thinks it is better to refer out. Since you know you like her, just ask about both options (individual and couple with a focus on your issues) and trust her judgement, especially since partner already said it was Ok with them.
posted by metahawk at 10:17 PM on May 6, 2018

I would say it's easier to find an individual counselor that you like than it is to jointly find a trusted couples counselor. Keep Kelly in mind for potential future couples issues. Find your own counselor.
posted by studioaudience at 11:00 PM on May 6, 2018 [1 favorite]

When I did this I preferred to keep them separate but my therapist said it wasn't weird or anything to use the same for both.
posted by rhizome at 1:20 AM on May 7, 2018 [1 favorite]

I did this, and it wasn’t cool. The couples therapist became one person’s individual therapist. As an individual therapist he revealed observations/assessments made in couples therapy that would have been handy when working on those specific problems. Also used insights from couples therapy to fuel the assumption that client who (truly) was a bad partner was just a bad person. Creates a weird therapeutic relationship.
It definitely meant the couple could never go back to him, but we wouldn’t have anyway after how his approach shifted between couple work and individual work.
Strong no.
posted by OrangeVelour at 3:10 AM on May 7, 2018

My understanding is that it's a bad idea to go the other way (ie, using a one-time individual therapist as a couple's therapist), because the therapist will naturally have some form of bias w/r/t the original individual. However, I understand that it's not uncommon to go the other way (couples to individual). YMMV.
posted by CiaoMela at 8:30 AM on May 7, 2018 [1 favorite]

Just asking her isn't going to create an awkward situation. Ask her if she feels it's okay, she will say yes or no or maybe a qualified yes, leaving the final decision in your hands based on some kind of condition, or possibly offering you a referral to someone she thinks is similar in method/personality to her. This is her job, asking about the parameters of doing it is not awkward.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:43 AM on May 7, 2018 [1 favorite]

I wouldn't do it because then she can never go back to being your couples' therapist. You never know when you're going to want to go back to her. In my experience, it's a lot harder to find a therapist that both partners like and trust. Ask her to recommend an individual therapist for you.
posted by radioamy at 11:23 AM on May 7, 2018

Further, if my partner and I hit our next bumpy patch and Kelly has counselled me individually, it'd then be unethical for her to see us for couple's counseling because 1:1 therapy with me would have easily introduced the possibility for bias in her.

Ethically, yes, this is the case.

In terms of you seeing her individually now: If I were the therapist in this instance, I would feel ethically ok in seeing you individually (my ethical guidelines give two years as pretty much the expiration of any previous therapeutic relationship), especially given the short time you worked together.

What about the wacky idea of my partner joining me in therapy with Kelly, but the focus being on my individual issue?

That would feel weird to me, given the previous connection.

There's nothing glaringly wrong or embarrassing or boundary-crossing about contacting her for individual therapy, though she may have her own guidelines/comfort-zone issues and say that she can't. But I think you're right that it should (whether she says it or not) preclude any future couple's work with her.

While I agree with other people that couple's therapists are hard to find, your good experience in couple's therapy would seem to indicate that you might be an easier couple to treat than many others, either due to compatibility or receptiveness to therapeutic intervention or general emotional maturity or some combo of all of the above. So you might possible not have quite the issue finding a compatible therapist as many couples do.
posted by lazuli at 8:07 PM on May 7, 2018