Where can I find an expert on stalking in NYC?
April 6, 2018 9:18 AM   Subscribe

Someone is stalking my friend. She's been doing it for 3+ years and recently started escalating her behavior. He's got plenty of documentation, but the cops said there's nothing he can do unless she becomes violent. Help us find an expert he can talk to?

He read Gift of Fear and has been really great about avoiding contact with her. She is STILL escalating, though. (Showing up where she knows he will be and following him around, for starters). A restraining order might be an option, but the The Gift of Fear says that can sometimes make a stalker's behavior worse. This is a bad situation to be in, but there HAS to be an expert on stalking living here in NYC. (Preferably, someone who has seen a few cases of F to M stalking.) He wants to talk to that person. Can you help us? Thank you!!

(The LAPD has a "threat management unit," but I'm not seeing anything similar for NYPD.)
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (6 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Has your friend looked at Gavin de Becker's website? He could contact them for a referral or phone consult--and they have some resources including a link to "threat assessment" software.
posted by agatha_magatha at 9:48 AM on April 6, 2018 [2 favorites]

I don't know that I'm recommending this, but I know someone who was being stalked who made a website in their stalkers name that objectively documented what was happening to them. They backed off. However, realize this is kind of a nuclear option - making their behavior public to their friends, family, colleagues, work opportunities, etc. It works on the same principle as Amnesty International, you're making public behavior they should be ashamed of.

A mid step might be talking to her parents. I've done this when tenants stop paying rent. It worked one time. The other time it backfired.
posted by xammerboy at 10:14 AM on April 6, 2018 [6 favorites]

Find out the resources for women in your friend's area - shelters, whatever. Call them, explain that you friend is a man, male, and not a woman but needs a resource because LE you have contactec so far are not taking his well-documented stalker problem seriously and he is living in fear.

Many resources have grants, funding, mission statements that limit them to helping fems. However, they know the networks. They should be able to help you find the right resources.

Also, bug the cops. Every single time stalker does something stalkery, call and report. Have your friend say something like, "I previously called on X date and spoke to named-person when stalker-full name did this specific stalkery thing, and I called again .... Now I am calling to report that this morning stalker-full name did this to me. This is frightening, this is escalating, and I need help."

Every time. Stalk the police, so to speak.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 10:59 AM on April 6, 2018

These folks are in NYC and sound like they would have resources.
posted by JanetLand at 11:27 AM on April 6, 2018 [1 favorite]

I’m sorry he’s going through this. One anecdote from someone who’s been through this in NYC. A restraining order (called an Order for Protection in NY) may well not be a possibility for him.

The judge in my case said that although the stalking had risen to the level of harassment (and I had police reports for harassment), she was denying my petition for an Order for Protection because the person had never been physically violent toward me and she didn’t believe he would become violent. (She was right; he never did become physically violent, but I’m sharing this as one recent example of the standard that might be applied.)

It was really upsetting how many people told me “just get a restraining order” because they thought based on conventional wisdom that you can easily get one in a case of clear stalking.

I hope he finds the right consultant and some resolution here.
posted by kalapierson at 2:05 PM on April 6, 2018 [2 favorites]

Andre Ivanoff is a social work professor at Columbia who has lead the field in treating stalking behavior and is definitely an expert. I don’t know if she has a private practice, but you could ask. Or maybe she will know resources.
posted by Waiting for Pierce Inverarity at 2:41 PM on April 6, 2018

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