queer woman of color looking for role models; don't want to pigeon hole

March 10, 2018 2:29 PM

I am a queer woman of color in my early 30s. I, erm, have recently realized how much I LONG for a role model. But I don't want to just pigeon hole anyone who checks off those same identity category boxes; I know how annoying that can be. Is there some sort of a mentoring program like that? Online or IRL?

I have a lot of work mentors, and have began to accrue work mentees. Having experienced and seen how empowering that can be, I've come to really believe in (for lack of a more succinct expression) diversity mentoring.

My question is essentially-- where do I find a queer woman of color mentor in life? Or maybe they don't have to be a queer woman of color-- maybe if they are queer but are open to talking about race, or if they are a POC but are open to talking about queer identities, or something like that. Or really, I don't even super care about how they identify. Maybe just someone with whom I identify, who is on the same wavelength as me, who is older and wiser and can be like "been there done that," who exemplifies the possibility of living well as a QWOC (or whatever).

I don't know that many older people outside of work except for my family and family friends (and I am pretty sure I am just a different species from my family, regardless of sexual orientation), and I can't imagine a situation where I would socially meet a role model-y person, and even if that were to happen, I'd also want to tread lightly and carefully so as not to pigeonhole anyone.

Is there some sort of a mentoring program somewhere? How do people do this? I think I am eseentially asking for an auntie as a 30 year old...is that possible?

posted by redwaterman to Human Relations (4 answers total)

What industry are you in? I'm in the arts and there are a lot of projects specifically geared towards queer women of colour (or at least one out of three) that provide people with plenty of opportunities and community-building, including introducing you to particular mentors or introducing you to people that know particular mentors. I also know these kinds of spaces exist in the tech world. So maybe Googling your industry + identity market can give you some leads?

Also try social media, I've found a LOT of support via Facebook and Twitter.
posted by divabat at 3:43 PM on March 10, 2018 [1 favorite]

This sounds like a question for Roxane Gay. And coinciendentally, she's got an advice column at the New York Times. I dont' know how frequent it will be, but I'd email her either there or directly. Do you write? She's also offering four fellowships for a two week writing conference for women of color.
posted by orsonet at 4:23 PM on March 10, 2018 [1 favorite]

Where in the country are you? I grew up in Atlanta and met a lot of queer mentors, both POC and white, at my local feminist bookstore. If there is one near you, I heartily recommend going there, especially if they have programming where women get to interact with each other on a regular basis.
posted by Illuminated Clocks at 11:52 PM on March 10, 2018 [1 favorite]

I have MeMailed you, as well.
posted by skye.dancer at 10:54 AM on March 11, 2018