Moving on out of here..
January 15, 2018 9:31 AM   Subscribe

Needing advice on finding where I want to end up next and starting a new life elsewhere..

I asked in a previous question about ending an unfulfilling relationship and starting a better life for myself.

I ended said relationship and I feel it was a good decision for both of us in the long run. It was painful and I feel guilt sometimes over what I did, but we honestly tried. Coupled with the feeling of finally exploring what I want and where I want to go, is the anxiety of being faced with such a task by all by myself. I want to step outside my comfort zone and finally move out of New Jersey (after being here for more than 20 years). My home just feels like a dead end and I feel I definitely have no future here. I've always been afraid of doing it. I think it was always the social anxiety that I feel stopped me. I no longer want to wait around and I want to take action. I have yet decided on a place or area, so I am going to be traveling and exploring and visiting friends who have moved out of state. I have friends in Washington, California, Georgia, Michigan etc. I want a better feel of what I'm looking for. I also plan on taking on a temp job here to save a little bit more money and I'm going to continue to sell and work on my own art as well. My goal is to be somewhere else by the end of the year, with a job and progress on starting a new life on my own.

I know people do this all of the time. I just feel like I need encouragement and maybe some tips or advice on doing it the smart way. As far as dealing with the inevitable loneliness, work - whatever else I should think about. I understand that moving is just carrying what problems I have with me. That it doesn't solve anything. But honestly, I'd rather deal what I'm dealing somewhere else. I feel doing this for myself will be incredibly helpful.

I apologize for the scattered thoughts. Thank you.
posted by morning_television to Human Relations (6 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
Exploring and visiting friends in other parts of the country is a great way to get started on developing a sense of where you might want to live. I'd say stay at least a couple of weeks in each place you are considering if you can - that will give you a better feel for a place than a few days would. And if you end up wanting to move to one of those places, having someone that you already know there will give you a leg up, versus moving to someplace with no support network at all.
posted by Malleable at 9:42 AM on January 15, 2018

Congrats on taking the first step - that's usually the hardest. Moving is a great idea. If I were in your shoes, I'd start living as frugally as I could. Save every penny you can. Watch that money grow, and start thinking about where you want to move to. Once you take the plunge and move, you'll have some savings to help you not be super anxious about money right away. Money isn't the key to happiness, but it can help make life easier.
posted by hydra77 at 9:43 AM on January 15, 2018

Climate is really important. Washington, California, Georgia, and Michigan (for example) all have awesome things to offer but incredibly different climates. Visit all! the! places!, but think a lot about your habits and daily activities and the weather you'd like to see outside your window as you're starting your day.

And hydra77 is so right about money. Saving up means you'll have more time to sort out housing and income once you land.
posted by mochapickle at 10:01 AM on January 15, 2018 [2 favorites]

Being kind of in the same situation, I'd say right now you should be concentrating more on the process rather than the outcome. You ask for advice about the where, but to make that decision I think you need to think about what information you'll need to make that decision (i.e. what do you want out of the place you will live) and then how are you going to go about gathering that information.

It's OK to feel scared and overwhelmed, but you can do this. This will likely be as deep a journey internally as externally. Think new thoughts. Make yourself uncomfortable. Rest and recharge as required.
posted by achrise at 10:07 AM on January 15, 2018

Oh! And it might be helpful to think of moving as not a forever thing. When I moved to NYC, I told myself I would try it and commit to it for a year, see how it went. If I didn't like it after a year, I'd try some other place. It really helped me get out and about and enjoy the city more because there was less pressure, and it also made work through the initial adjustment when things weren't always easy. If you're happy after a year, stay another year. (I ended up living there for seven!)
posted by mochapickle at 10:17 AM on January 15, 2018 [2 favorites]

Hi! You can do this! I moved from Georgia to Washington a little over a year ago after hemming and hawing about it for about half my life. My biggest lesson after waiting that long was, of course, that I should have done it sooner. The good news is, I waited so fucking long that I AM SO HAPPY NOW and it FEELS AMAZING!!! Having lived in both places, I would recommend WA over GA for many reasons: natural beauty, legal weed, coffee everywhere, and seriously it's so beautiful here sometimes I just cry when we drive around. It is more expensive here so that part sucks, but even with my mortgage being 3x higher and my clothes budget basically being eliminated, this is the best place.

So let yourself freak out and plan every detail for a little while, but then something. For me, the first thing was contacting a real estate agent to put my house on the market. If you don't have a house that's even easier--just tell your landlord you're putting in your 30 or 60 day notice or whatever. Once the ball starts rolling and you can't back out, all the other stuff sort of reveals itself. You have to pack so you get boxes. You have to put the boxes in something so you price out a U-Haul vs. selling everything vs. PODS or whatever (we did SmartBoxes). If you're driving you have to figure out what you're driving and when you're leaving (we traded in both our small cars for one big one because we have dogs and a bunch of stuff and we left a couple days before the new owners took possession of our house). You gotta find a place to stay when you arrive and figure out where to live after that (we booked an airbnb for a couple months while we looked for a house). And live there! You have a place to stay and your stuff is somewhere and there you are--living somewhere else!

I'm not going to say it's easy, exactly, but it's definitely not as hard as you've built it up to be in your head and it's ALL stuff you're totally capable of doing. Do it!! Change your life!
posted by masquesoporfavor at 1:47 PM on January 16, 2018

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