Single lady looking for threesomes.

December 5, 2016 10:01 PM

So according to the internet I am a unicorn. This seems like a stupid question, because apparently there are gazillions of couples looking for ladies like me, but I don't know how to go about this safely.

I am an attractive, bisexual, single woman who really likes threesomes (and also somewhat into BDSM). I've had a few through chance, and they have been wonderful but few and far between, and now I am trying to figure out how to deliberately go about finding couples to play with without getting murdered. I am in the SF Bay Area so it should probably be really easy. Should I go to swingers clubs/parties? Tinder? Craigslist? FetLife? I'm not comfortable with the idea of meeting random strangers for the express purpose of having a threesome, i.e. I'd like the chance to meet people and have it happen a bit more organically, and get to know them a bit first before getting down to business. But I would like to make it more likely to happen. Any recommendations for where to go and how to put myself out there? Also, any tips for managing my feelings afterwards would be welcome, especially loneliness after basking in the love glow of a couple and then going back to single life. Everything I've read online about managing threesome aftermath has been geared towards couples.

posted by Dilemma to Human Relations (7 answers total)

Best answer: I am on tinder as a woman seeking women (in LA, but was swipin' in SF just last week) and I come across TONS of M+F couples seeking a woman for a third. almost all of them mention getting to know each other first. I always find it pretty annoying, since I'm not seeking couples (dudes) at all, but they're definitely seeking you!
posted by changeling at 11:43 PM on December 5, 2016 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Okcupid, Fetlife for sure. Maybe collarspace, tinder, too, but those have more flaky and downright odd people than ok and fet (in my experience). Are there sites specifically for swingers and threesomes? I imagine so

Especially go to munches.

As for sadness afterwards, reading up on sub drop and aftercare could be more geared towards what you are describing. Loneliness does suck, but you can do some self care with blankets, pets, stuffed animals, good food, a good bath, exercise, etc. Maybe also having close friends who you can talk to without relationship issues involved.
posted by Jacen at 12:57 AM on December 6, 2016 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Hi! Fellow "unicorn" here. I've met a number of couples on tinder (often listed under women seeking women but not sure how that may change now that there's a million gender options), have had better luck with couples that identify themselves as poly than those just seeking to "experiment" in terms of communication skills and overall respectfulness. Don't rule out real life though, my friends are aware of my interests and so when a couple who is friends with a friend of mine mentioned they were into threesomes, she mentioned me and we have all happily been meeting up for two years now. No matter how you meet the couples, I recommend taking the view that you're establishing a relationship. It will likely be more of a friendship than a romantic relationship, but it's a relationship nonetheless. I think the warm friendship feelings helps with managing the potential feelings of loneliness.
posted by Waiting for Pierce Inverarity at 4:06 AM on December 6, 2016 [4 favorites]

M/F couples have a glaring sense of entitlement and disrespect to queer women's spaces and bodies, so anywhere that you can find queer women trying to meet each other you will also find M/F couples trying to meet you.
posted by sea change at 7:08 AM on December 6, 2016 [4 favorites]

...however, OP definitely does not want to hook up with "couples (with) a glaring sense of entitlement and disrespect to queer women's spaces and bodies".
OP is worried about safety and I take this to mean emotional safety, also - how to minimize the chances of being used as a novelty.
posted by Omnomnom at 9:30 AM on December 6, 2016 [3 favorites]

Another app you could look into is Feeld. It's almost made for this kind of thing.
posted by monologish at 11:41 AM on December 6, 2016

OKC, Fet, Tinder.
Queer dance parties, queer munches, queer sex parties.
Kink dungeon > swinger club. But YMMV.
posted by fritillary at 3:31 PM on December 6, 2016