How to get help for brother who seems depressed?
June 12, 2016 6:53 AM Subscribe
My brother seems depressed - how do I suggest he get help?
My brother is fully functional outwardly (has a job, sees friends, etc.), but every time I see him, he strikes me as having all the hallmarks of depression. This state began after he broke up with the his girlfriend about a year ago. He is persistently negative and seems to see any tiny weakness or frailty in others as a sign of their bad moral character (he's become a very black and white thinker - all bad, all good). He seems to feel guilty and ashamed about things that are clearly not his fault. He does not have any hobbies or do anything "fun" outside seeing his buddies. In fact, he doesn't seem to have fun at all. He seems to have trouble taking initiative and seems sleepy a lot. He gets angry and resentful at his friends for asking him for tiny favours.
I can definitely recall when my brother was happy, positive, and engaged with his life. I feel he does not enjoy his life at all, nor can he even really appreciate how unhappy he is. I did ask him if he was happy, but he took this as a personal attack - like if he is not happy, this is his fault and he is "bad." He will not open up to me, because I think he is ashamed of how he really feels and judges himself for it.
He has seen a counsellor (around the time he broke up with his gf), but I honestly think that for him to come out of this, he might need meds, which I think means he needs to see an MD. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to approach this? I don't want him to feel judged and I'm concerned he is in denial about how unhappy/depressed he actually is.
My brother is fully functional outwardly (has a job, sees friends, etc.), but every time I see him, he strikes me as having all the hallmarks of depression. This state began after he broke up with the his girlfriend about a year ago. He is persistently negative and seems to see any tiny weakness or frailty in others as a sign of their bad moral character (he's become a very black and white thinker - all bad, all good). He seems to feel guilty and ashamed about things that are clearly not his fault. He does not have any hobbies or do anything "fun" outside seeing his buddies. In fact, he doesn't seem to have fun at all. He seems to have trouble taking initiative and seems sleepy a lot. He gets angry and resentful at his friends for asking him for tiny favours.
I can definitely recall when my brother was happy, positive, and engaged with his life. I feel he does not enjoy his life at all, nor can he even really appreciate how unhappy he is. I did ask him if he was happy, but he took this as a personal attack - like if he is not happy, this is his fault and he is "bad." He will not open up to me, because I think he is ashamed of how he really feels and judges himself for it.
He has seen a counsellor (around the time he broke up with his gf), but I honestly think that for him to come out of this, he might need meds, which I think means he needs to see an MD. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to approach this? I don't want him to feel judged and I'm concerned he is in denial about how unhappy/depressed he actually is.
Does anyone have any suggestions for how to approach this?
If he gets angry when you ask him whether he's happy, how do you think he'll react when you suggest that he needs drugs? Completely agree with billiebee on this - just let him know you're around if he needs you.
You can be not happy and not be depressed. Being not-happy is not the same as being unhappy either. I'm not happy or unhappy most of the time, but that's due to my natural temperament.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 9:13 AM on June 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
If he gets angry when you ask him whether he's happy, how do you think he'll react when you suggest that he needs drugs? Completely agree with billiebee on this - just let him know you're around if he needs you.
You can be not happy and not be depressed. Being not-happy is not the same as being unhappy either. I'm not happy or unhappy most of the time, but that's due to my natural temperament.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 9:13 AM on June 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
Instead of "are you happy," if you do ever want to try again, I wonder how he'd react to "things have been really tough on you this year, huh? It seems like that cloud that came over you when you and ABC broke up is still there." I don't think I'd suggest meds right off the bat; I'd just try to open a sympathetic dialogue about how a lot of things have been hard. If the situation gets worse, you could also share "as your sister / brother, it makes me sad to see you seem so bummed out. I'm getting a little worried about you."
posted by salvia at 9:20 AM on June 12, 2016
posted by salvia at 9:20 AM on June 12, 2016
Basing this just on what you've written he doesn't sound clinically depressed to the point of needing medication. He's functional, holding down a job, seeing friends.
Many people can benefit from medical treatment for their depression, even if they are basically functional. There's nothing wrong with taking an antidepressant if you need it, even if you're technically capable of getting through life without it.
OP, I won't speculate on whether or not your brother needs medication. That decision rests with doctors, not with Internet bystanders. HOWEVER, you can support him best by telling him about your own battles with mental health (if applicable), by reassuring him that you'll be there for him regardless, and by pointing him towards resources if he asks. The best thing you can do is make sure he knows you love him.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 11:22 AM on June 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
Many people can benefit from medical treatment for their depression, even if they are basically functional. There's nothing wrong with taking an antidepressant if you need it, even if you're technically capable of getting through life without it.
OP, I won't speculate on whether or not your brother needs medication. That decision rests with doctors, not with Internet bystanders. HOWEVER, you can support him best by telling him about your own battles with mental health (if applicable), by reassuring him that you'll be there for him regardless, and by pointing him towards resources if he asks. The best thing you can do is make sure he knows you love him.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 11:22 AM on June 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
Basing this just on what you've written he doesn't sound clinically depressed to the point of needing medication. He's functional, holding down a job, seeing friends.
This is not a true statement. You can be severely depressed, even when working, and going out with friends. I was on medication for years for depression -worked, went out, even laughed, and had fun from time to time. Depression is not a one fits all thing.
OP, for your brother, I agree with the "things have been rough" approach, and letting him lead how much he wants to talk about it. Good luck, you are a good sibling to be there for him.
posted by kellyblah at 12:47 PM on June 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
This is not a true statement. You can be severely depressed, even when working, and going out with friends. I was on medication for years for depression -worked, went out, even laughed, and had fun from time to time. Depression is not a one fits all thing.
OP, for your brother, I agree with the "things have been rough" approach, and letting him lead how much he wants to talk about it. Good luck, you are a good sibling to be there for him.
posted by kellyblah at 12:47 PM on June 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
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posted by billiebee at 8:30 AM on June 12, 2016 [6 favorites]