Surviving pain, physical and psychological
June 1, 2016 3:46 AM Subscribe
I'm in a shitty life situation I have no control over and cannot escape. I am also dealing with the flare up (obviously stress related) of a chronic illness. I wake up crying from stress, can barely keep food down, and shuffle through each day trying to get to go back to bed and be unconscious for a while. I don't know how to cope with this pain.
Okay so family members (more than one) are dying, in a very poor coincidental timing. A good friend, and young mother, has cancer. My kids are flipping out with all this death, and frankly the stress is putting a strain on my marriage. All of the dying relatives depend on us to various degrees and are close and beloved. These aren't obligations we can or want to escape. But the pain of it is drowning me, and my body's breaking down and every day I wake up horrified that I have to stumble through another horrid day.
I would love to numb some of this pain with alcohol or antidepressants but both are contraindicated by my illness. (I do have sleeping pills ehich, thank god.) Or at least brainless TV, and TV is off for the summer. My therapist wants to just talk about it, which makes it worse by dwelling on it, or to urge me to change my life, which normally I'm all over but here isn't the right thing.
I feel isolated from my friends between the demands of family and my incessant sobbing and difficulty doing anything strenuous because of my illness. Having to NOT sob for three hours seems like more than I can handle anyway.
How do I cope with and get through pain when it is inescapable? I know at some point it will end because my family members will die and then it will be more intense for a while but at least over ... how do I make it until then without being a living sobbing zombie person?
Okay so family members (more than one) are dying, in a very poor coincidental timing. A good friend, and young mother, has cancer. My kids are flipping out with all this death, and frankly the stress is putting a strain on my marriage. All of the dying relatives depend on us to various degrees and are close and beloved. These aren't obligations we can or want to escape. But the pain of it is drowning me, and my body's breaking down and every day I wake up horrified that I have to stumble through another horrid day.
I would love to numb some of this pain with alcohol or antidepressants but both are contraindicated by my illness. (I do have sleeping pills ehich, thank god.) Or at least brainless TV, and TV is off for the summer. My therapist wants to just talk about it, which makes it worse by dwelling on it, or to urge me to change my life, which normally I'm all over but here isn't the right thing.
I feel isolated from my friends between the demands of family and my incessant sobbing and difficulty doing anything strenuous because of my illness. Having to NOT sob for three hours seems like more than I can handle anyway.
How do I cope with and get through pain when it is inescapable? I know at some point it will end because my family members will die and then it will be more intense for a while but at least over ... how do I make it until then without being a living sobbing zombie person?
Are you getting appropriate medical care and pain management for the physical pain? If not seek it. Mention the emotional and psychological pain to your doctor as well.
Was the relationship with your therapist helpful before all this started to come to a head? If it was never helpful consider finding another therapist. But if you want to cry all the time perhaps having a dedicated hr to dwell on it is not a bad thing. It may help you not dwell on it at other times.
Also, something has got to give - you can't just pile on the obligations without delegating some of the existing obligations. You appear to have gone beyond a sustainable level of commitments. What work do you do around the house that could be outsourced? Can you pay somebody to do it? Have you explained to your friends what's going on and that you need help? They may be willing to take some of these chores off you. Are you working outside your home? If so, could you take unpaid leave/reduce your hrs? Can somebody take the kids out of the house for a few hrs to give you a break? Even if you use the break to have a shower* and a nap.
Also, are the kids getting some kind of help? This sounds like a massively intense time for your family. Reach out to a support group for children affected by severe illness/death to get additional layers of support.
*Not suggesting that you are not maintaining standards of personal care - a shower just always makes me feel better.
posted by koahiatamadl at 4:33 AM on June 1, 2016 [3 favorites]
Was the relationship with your therapist helpful before all this started to come to a head? If it was never helpful consider finding another therapist. But if you want to cry all the time perhaps having a dedicated hr to dwell on it is not a bad thing. It may help you not dwell on it at other times.
Also, something has got to give - you can't just pile on the obligations without delegating some of the existing obligations. You appear to have gone beyond a sustainable level of commitments. What work do you do around the house that could be outsourced? Can you pay somebody to do it? Have you explained to your friends what's going on and that you need help? They may be willing to take some of these chores off you. Are you working outside your home? If so, could you take unpaid leave/reduce your hrs? Can somebody take the kids out of the house for a few hrs to give you a break? Even if you use the break to have a shower* and a nap.
Also, are the kids getting some kind of help? This sounds like a massively intense time for your family. Reach out to a support group for children affected by severe illness/death to get additional layers of support.
*Not suggesting that you are not maintaining standards of personal care - a shower just always makes me feel better.
posted by koahiatamadl at 4:33 AM on June 1, 2016 [3 favorites]
Pardon me for asking, but are *all* types of antidepressants contraindicated by your illness? When I was going through some stress (not at all as bad as yours, sending hugs from afar) where I was crying incessantly, a brief period of antidepressant-taking helped to widen the window of time each day when I wasn't crying.
This is all assuming that the pain and discomfort from your illness is being treated to the max, and if it isn't, then I urge you to push for more help.
Also I can only suggest finding something that you can delegate or ask for help with, even just one small thing. And I really strongly second the suggestion to reach out to your friends, because they must want to help. There's got to be some burden, however small, that someone else could take off your hands for the time being and even if that's only 1% better, it's still 1% better.
posted by tel3path at 5:08 AM on June 1, 2016 [6 favorites]
This is all assuming that the pain and discomfort from your illness is being treated to the max, and if it isn't, then I urge you to push for more help.
Also I can only suggest finding something that you can delegate or ask for help with, even just one small thing. And I really strongly second the suggestion to reach out to your friends, because they must want to help. There's got to be some burden, however small, that someone else could take off your hands for the time being and even if that's only 1% better, it's still 1% better.
posted by tel3path at 5:08 AM on June 1, 2016 [6 favorites]
Is medical marijuana an option?
The TV shows you normally watch may be off for the summer, but there have to be a lot of shows on Netflix you've never seen. Movies too. Dive in!
Make art of some kind. Write or draw or sing or something. Express yourself. Escape. Use all this loss as fuel, make loss into something.
If individual therapy isn't helping, maybe you should consider a group situation. Maybe instead of talking about your own pain, it would be better for you to listen to how other people are coping. By listening to them, you may learn things about your situation you wouldn't learn by just talking.
I've been through tortuous pain and I know I've got more coming. I keep reminding myself that I've already gotten through some things that seemed unbearable. At the time I said, That's it, I can bear no more! But the unbearable thing happened and then life went on. Stay alive, and eventually whatever you're going through now will be something that happened back then. It won't be this summer forever.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 5:17 AM on June 1, 2016 [5 favorites]
The TV shows you normally watch may be off for the summer, but there have to be a lot of shows on Netflix you've never seen. Movies too. Dive in!
Make art of some kind. Write or draw or sing or something. Express yourself. Escape. Use all this loss as fuel, make loss into something.
If individual therapy isn't helping, maybe you should consider a group situation. Maybe instead of talking about your own pain, it would be better for you to listen to how other people are coping. By listening to them, you may learn things about your situation you wouldn't learn by just talking.
I've been through tortuous pain and I know I've got more coming. I keep reminding myself that I've already gotten through some things that seemed unbearable. At the time I said, That's it, I can bear no more! But the unbearable thing happened and then life went on. Stay alive, and eventually whatever you're going through now will be something that happened back then. It won't be this summer forever.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 5:17 AM on June 1, 2016 [5 favorites]
Is it possible to build some regular time for escapism into your day, an uninterrupted block of time each day where you can just not think about anything? Here are some things that I would find relaxing and that require little enough effort that I could probably manage to do them even on curled-into-a-ball days:
- Watch TV/movies -- as Ursula Hitler said, there's lots of stuff on Netflix (YouTube, Hulu, etc.) Something that makes you laugh, or at least moves your face into a different shape. (I recommend Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and Jane the Virgin on Hulu, or if you're into baking the Great British Baking Show on Netflix, or standup comedy specials.)
- Take a shower or bath (or hot tub if you have access to one)
- Sit in a sunny garden or other green place
- Lie on the floor/in a comfy chair listening to music you like
- Hug somebody. Snuggle with your kids if they are the right age to tolerate that; with your spouse too, even if things are strained.
Stretching, walks, and other activities that involve moving your body would also be great but require an amount of energy that you may not have right now. But if this is a possibility, you could go for a walk with your spouse and one of your kids, don't talk, just hold hands.
posted by chickenmagazine at 5:43 AM on June 1, 2016 [1 favorite]
- Watch TV/movies -- as Ursula Hitler said, there's lots of stuff on Netflix (YouTube, Hulu, etc.) Something that makes you laugh, or at least moves your face into a different shape. (I recommend Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and Jane the Virgin on Hulu, or if you're into baking the Great British Baking Show on Netflix, or standup comedy specials.)
- Take a shower or bath (or hot tub if you have access to one)
- Sit in a sunny garden or other green place
- Lie on the floor/in a comfy chair listening to music you like
- Hug somebody. Snuggle with your kids if they are the right age to tolerate that; with your spouse too, even if things are strained.
Stretching, walks, and other activities that involve moving your body would also be great but require an amount of energy that you may not have right now. But if this is a possibility, you could go for a walk with your spouse and one of your kids, don't talk, just hold hands.
posted by chickenmagazine at 5:43 AM on June 1, 2016 [1 favorite]
Is medical marijuana an option?
I came here to suggest the same. I have similar stressors, as well as chronic medical conditions that flare up as a result of the stress. With proper guidance, specific strains can help in various ways. And depending on the kind of pain you have, there are also non-psychoactive, topical preparations that I have found to be highly effective against muscle and joint pain.
posted by Room 641-A at 5:52 AM on June 1, 2016 [4 favorites]
I came here to suggest the same. I have similar stressors, as well as chronic medical conditions that flare up as a result of the stress. With proper guidance, specific strains can help in various ways. And depending on the kind of pain you have, there are also non-psychoactive, topical preparations that I have found to be highly effective against muscle and joint pain.
posted by Room 641-A at 5:52 AM on June 1, 2016 [4 favorites]
My therapist wants to just talk about it, which makes it worse by dwelling on it,
Does the therapist know about this? If they do, they should not be making you talk about it! You talk when you are ready, even if you go there to sit on their couch and cry.
Support groups help in this because you have a safe space to openly cry and acknowledge where you are in life without the pain of having to talk about it if you dont want to.
I have been through times where I felt sick to my stomach talking about things because I end up just rehashing everything out loud and there was no solution anyway. Observant and thoughtful friends- even just one person- helped. Even if nothing can be done about the situation or there is no way to help in a tangible way. And this obviously you cant control either.
What you can control is give yourself a break and some room to be okay with whatever you feel, whenever that strikes. Doesn't mean you have to burst into tears during dinner in front of the kids but more that don't beat yourself up if you need to excuse yourself for the evening.
I wouldn't think in terms of "how to make it until then" because there is the grief before, and the one after. Other stuff comes up after loss, apart from the grief. Learning to breathe through the most difficult moments...just five minutes at a time...and be in the present, might be more helpful with practice than it sounds on reading.
To add to some thoughtful suggestions upthread, maybe plant something in your garden. Something you can tend to and watch grow and change. These things sound silly but it really does help to actually do them regularly.
I am sorry you are going through this. Peace and strength!
posted by xm at 6:06 AM on June 1, 2016 [1 favorite]
Does the therapist know about this? If they do, they should not be making you talk about it! You talk when you are ready, even if you go there to sit on their couch and cry.
Support groups help in this because you have a safe space to openly cry and acknowledge where you are in life without the pain of having to talk about it if you dont want to.
I have been through times where I felt sick to my stomach talking about things because I end up just rehashing everything out loud and there was no solution anyway. Observant and thoughtful friends- even just one person- helped. Even if nothing can be done about the situation or there is no way to help in a tangible way. And this obviously you cant control either.
What you can control is give yourself a break and some room to be okay with whatever you feel, whenever that strikes. Doesn't mean you have to burst into tears during dinner in front of the kids but more that don't beat yourself up if you need to excuse yourself for the evening.
I wouldn't think in terms of "how to make it until then" because there is the grief before, and the one after. Other stuff comes up after loss, apart from the grief. Learning to breathe through the most difficult moments...just five minutes at a time...and be in the present, might be more helpful with practice than it sounds on reading.
To add to some thoughtful suggestions upthread, maybe plant something in your garden. Something you can tend to and watch grow and change. These things sound silly but it really does help to actually do them regularly.
I am sorry you are going through this. Peace and strength!
posted by xm at 6:06 AM on June 1, 2016 [1 favorite]
If you are able to hire someone to come in and clean your house, or do whatever chores are draining your small amount of time to yourself away, or just aren't getting done, then do so. Cleaning services are all over, but when I was having a hard time, one of the things that I found just stupidly demoralizing was folding the laundry. I used Task Rabbit to hire someone to come in and do that for $15/visit. This is why Task Rabbit exists. Anything that you can get rid of like that if it's bothersome or just ONE MORE THING, do not feel bad about it. Can't dredge up the time for food shopping? InstaCart or Shipt. Petcare stuff can also be delivered via Amazon or Instacart, depending on your area.
You have a lot on your plate, so don't feel badly if you just have to say, I cannot face x thing, please help me by doing y part or whatever. It's okay. American culture thinks that bearing up under unendurable bullshit is some kind of virtue but you know what? Suffering is not necessary to existence. You are not less if you just say, I cannot with any of this anymore, please help me. The other side of this coin is that people are really not generally well-trained at the reaching out part, so you do kind of have to say so yourself, but my experience is that once you do ask for help, people are all over it. Good luck.
posted by Medieval Maven at 8:29 AM on June 1, 2016 [2 favorites]
You have a lot on your plate, so don't feel badly if you just have to say, I cannot face x thing, please help me by doing y part or whatever. It's okay. American culture thinks that bearing up under unendurable bullshit is some kind of virtue but you know what? Suffering is not necessary to existence. You are not less if you just say, I cannot with any of this anymore, please help me. The other side of this coin is that people are really not generally well-trained at the reaching out part, so you do kind of have to say so yourself, but my experience is that once you do ask for help, people are all over it. Good luck.
posted by Medieval Maven at 8:29 AM on June 1, 2016 [2 favorites]
I'm so sorry you're hurting so much. I agree with others - please take care of yourself as you're taking care of so many others. Put your own oxygen mask on first, etc. Find something silly on Netflix, read a book or magazine that lets you escape for a bit, put on some music while you do chores. Better yet, have a "circle the wagons" meeting with your family and discuss how to get through this as a complete unit. See what chores the kids can do, or your husband. See what you can afford to hire help for. Agree to go out one night a week. Anything. Your kids and hubby might appreciate the chance to talk things out, too.
Hope things calm down and that your pain eases.
posted by jhope71 at 9:13 AM on June 1, 2016
Hope things calm down and that your pain eases.
posted by jhope71 at 9:13 AM on June 1, 2016
When pain killers stopped doing much for my condition, hot salt water baths made it possible to sleep at night. Get some electrolytes into you before the bath, like OJ and a salty snack.
posted by Michele in California at 11:39 AM on June 1, 2016
posted by Michele in California at 11:39 AM on June 1, 2016
You mention strain on your marriage, but you don't mention what your spouse is doing to carry his half of the load. I don't want to be too specific in advice not knowing anything about that specific relationship, but you should think about whether he is truly doing an equitable amount of all the work--the caregiving to the sick, the looking after the kids, the maintaining the house, as well as the breadwinning. If he is not, for your own sanity and for the good of your kids, you have to make it clear to him that he needs to be in there doing the grunge tasks, too.
When you are taking some down time, video games can be surprisingly distracting, whether you prefer blowing stuff up to vent your frustrations or cultivating a happy little land of animals.
I'm sorry you're in so much pain.
posted by praemunire at 12:32 PM on June 1, 2016 [3 favorites]
When you are taking some down time, video games can be surprisingly distracting, whether you prefer blowing stuff up to vent your frustrations or cultivating a happy little land of animals.
I'm sorry you're in so much pain.
posted by praemunire at 12:32 PM on June 1, 2016 [3 favorites]
First of all, my condolences. This is a lot to handle. Can you send your kids away to day camp or summer camp for a while? It feels like it would help a lot to get them out of the house and out of the stressful environment for a while, and also help you and your spouse by giving you a break. I understand you or they might want them to be around in case the worst were to happen to each of the family members who are dying, but it seems like their being around all of this isn't doing anyone any favors, especially if they're younger. I would strongly consider seeing if it's not too late to get them set up with something, and see if a friend could help handle shuttling them to and from whatever you choose. It's up to you, of course, but it could be beneficial.
Also, heh, I was actually thinking the opposite direction of what praemunire mentioned: This felt like something my husband could've written as the person with a chronic illness exacerbated by stress. And I was going to say, one question is how supportive your spouse is to you, but the other question is whether you're remembering to reach out to your spouse and focus on anything positive together to destress. I don't know whether the dying family members are yours or your spouse's, but I do know it's really easy for the person with a chronic illness and friends and family members who are hurting to turn all the hurt inward and assume their spouse can't help them. Speaking as the spouse, I can tell you that can be extremely stressful for the caregiving spouse as well, to know that you're not doing well but not know how to help you, or to reach out or try to help and be rebuffed or rebuked for errors. Not that with everything else you're giving to everyone you should have to majorly help your spouse help you, but it definitely is hard for the spouse playing a supporting role in all of this, especially if you're catastrophizing (which would be understandable, given everything happening, but nonetheless can be hard for a spouse to deal with). Remember that people can't read your mind, and that often people respond in ways you might consider inadequate or inappropriate to extreme stress such as what you're facing. Forgive yourself for needing help, and forgive others for not always being equal to the tasks they face.
That said, as in the scenario praemunire suggests, if your spouse isn't supporting you adequately (i.e., your expectations are reasonable and they're not meeting them, in terms of helping you keep up the house or managing obligations surrounding friends' and family members' illnesses or handling the kids), then you should be letting them know specifically what your expectations are and how they can and should assist. I've learned that 1. not everyone has experienced major grief, and so not everyone knows the etiquette for these situations, and 2. not everyone has gone through a chronic illness or known someone who has, so people don't always know how to best advocate on behalf of, let alone support, someone who has one. I've been dealing with this stuff in one way or another for the better part of a decade, and I still don't always feel like I have a handle on what to do, partly because my spouse doesn't always make it easy to get close when he's hurting. You don't say whether the family members are yours or your spouse's, but if any of them are your spouse's, maybe that would help you divide and conquer some of the duties that come with that. Often emotional labor, including dealing with arrangements around death, disproportionately falls upon women, so if you're a woman and your spouse is a man, that's something to keep in mind—don't take on more than your fair share. If all of these are your immediate family members, though, then you might need to do a bit more work to figure out how you can divide up some of the duties you feel are incumbent upon you right now.
Unfortunately, this stuff is hard on friendships. I still haven't fully figured out how to keep things up with my friends, given all of the stuff I've had going on in terms of sick family members and spouse. I would try to connect through social media and chat if you're yearning for connection, even if you can't always keep a thread of conversation going for long. It's a lot lower maintenance than connecting with people in person (which is often fraught with difficulty when you can't drink or have dietary restrictions—even people who are otherwise understanding don't always get the full extent to which this can present issues for people with chronic illness, and suggest inappropriate or unintentionally exhausting locales for activities). But again: You will feel angry and sad and overall upset. That's OK. Forgive yourself for not feeling the things you want to feel, or for your mind's seemingly inappropriate responses to things. And let yourself off the hook when it comes to things like keeping up friendships or doing anything beyond triaging each day for a while.
And if your friends aren't supportive the way you need them to be, and you feel like they'd be receptive to feedback, tell them! A lot of times people really want to help, but they have no idea how they can do so, and they're afraid of saying the wrong thing or touching on sensitive topics, so they drift away. Or perhaps they haven't experienced what you have and they don't know how to handle the intensity of your emotions. That's one area where even people who have experienced grief sometimes need education—and it's not your job to educate them, but I've seen people who sort of separate wheat from chaff when bad things happen, sorting the world into "good" and "bad" people on the basis of who intuitively knows what to do in scenarios like this, and that's not necessarily helpful either. Yeah, we all have friends we can't rely on to have the remotest idea what to do in situations like you're facing, but they could be good for a laugh when you're feeling up to it. Or you may find that you just don't connect with them anymore.
All of this stuff changes you, and you have to find ways to accept and work with that. And some people you know may need more guidance than others. Again, my condolences, and good luck with everything!
posted by limeonaire at 10:03 PM on June 1, 2016
Also, heh, I was actually thinking the opposite direction of what praemunire mentioned: This felt like something my husband could've written as the person with a chronic illness exacerbated by stress. And I was going to say, one question is how supportive your spouse is to you, but the other question is whether you're remembering to reach out to your spouse and focus on anything positive together to destress. I don't know whether the dying family members are yours or your spouse's, but I do know it's really easy for the person with a chronic illness and friends and family members who are hurting to turn all the hurt inward and assume their spouse can't help them. Speaking as the spouse, I can tell you that can be extremely stressful for the caregiving spouse as well, to know that you're not doing well but not know how to help you, or to reach out or try to help and be rebuffed or rebuked for errors. Not that with everything else you're giving to everyone you should have to majorly help your spouse help you, but it definitely is hard for the spouse playing a supporting role in all of this, especially if you're catastrophizing (which would be understandable, given everything happening, but nonetheless can be hard for a spouse to deal with). Remember that people can't read your mind, and that often people respond in ways you might consider inadequate or inappropriate to extreme stress such as what you're facing. Forgive yourself for needing help, and forgive others for not always being equal to the tasks they face.
That said, as in the scenario praemunire suggests, if your spouse isn't supporting you adequately (i.e., your expectations are reasonable and they're not meeting them, in terms of helping you keep up the house or managing obligations surrounding friends' and family members' illnesses or handling the kids), then you should be letting them know specifically what your expectations are and how they can and should assist. I've learned that 1. not everyone has experienced major grief, and so not everyone knows the etiquette for these situations, and 2. not everyone has gone through a chronic illness or known someone who has, so people don't always know how to best advocate on behalf of, let alone support, someone who has one. I've been dealing with this stuff in one way or another for the better part of a decade, and I still don't always feel like I have a handle on what to do, partly because my spouse doesn't always make it easy to get close when he's hurting. You don't say whether the family members are yours or your spouse's, but if any of them are your spouse's, maybe that would help you divide and conquer some of the duties that come with that. Often emotional labor, including dealing with arrangements around death, disproportionately falls upon women, so if you're a woman and your spouse is a man, that's something to keep in mind—don't take on more than your fair share. If all of these are your immediate family members, though, then you might need to do a bit more work to figure out how you can divide up some of the duties you feel are incumbent upon you right now.
Unfortunately, this stuff is hard on friendships. I still haven't fully figured out how to keep things up with my friends, given all of the stuff I've had going on in terms of sick family members and spouse. I would try to connect through social media and chat if you're yearning for connection, even if you can't always keep a thread of conversation going for long. It's a lot lower maintenance than connecting with people in person (which is often fraught with difficulty when you can't drink or have dietary restrictions—even people who are otherwise understanding don't always get the full extent to which this can present issues for people with chronic illness, and suggest inappropriate or unintentionally exhausting locales for activities). But again: You will feel angry and sad and overall upset. That's OK. Forgive yourself for not feeling the things you want to feel, or for your mind's seemingly inappropriate responses to things. And let yourself off the hook when it comes to things like keeping up friendships or doing anything beyond triaging each day for a while.
And if your friends aren't supportive the way you need them to be, and you feel like they'd be receptive to feedback, tell them! A lot of times people really want to help, but they have no idea how they can do so, and they're afraid of saying the wrong thing or touching on sensitive topics, so they drift away. Or perhaps they haven't experienced what you have and they don't know how to handle the intensity of your emotions. That's one area where even people who have experienced grief sometimes need education—and it's not your job to educate them, but I've seen people who sort of separate wheat from chaff when bad things happen, sorting the world into "good" and "bad" people on the basis of who intuitively knows what to do in scenarios like this, and that's not necessarily helpful either. Yeah, we all have friends we can't rely on to have the remotest idea what to do in situations like you're facing, but they could be good for a laugh when you're feeling up to it. Or you may find that you just don't connect with them anymore.
All of this stuff changes you, and you have to find ways to accept and work with that. And some people you know may need more guidance than others. Again, my condolences, and good luck with everything!
posted by limeonaire at 10:03 PM on June 1, 2016
This thread is closed to new comments.
A few suggestions:
Find a grief support group. You have a lot of grief to let out and you need to be in the presence of people who Get It, so you don't feel life you need to explain or apologize.
Lighten your load, domestically. Find some way to get help with cooking, cleaning, laundry. If I had a friend at the breaking point like this, I would unhesitatingly offer to bring food when I came over to clean. You can lean on your friends, too. Of course you can throw money at this too if you have it.
Insist on building in breaks. Sign up for a class or something and make it non negotiable, just to step out of it all.
Receive love, receive support. It's ok for you to need to lean on people too. Ask for hugs, ask for help, let yourself grieve.
Hang in there.
posted by Sublimity at 4:13 AM on June 1, 2016 [7 favorites]