How to get through a tough time?
March 26, 2016 4:57 PM Subscribe
I am looking for help with short-term escapism.
I am in the middle of a whole slew of experiences that mostly do not affect me directly yet nonetheless are really messing with my psyche. I am in therapy already and we have been working on this, too. There's just a lot of crap out there right now.
Examples: Personal health crap (ongoing), my grandma in the hospital about to die (this just happened today), state politics (last week but also ongoing), acute house repairs (also today), friends' husbands/mothers/etc dying (yesterday), pets sick and/or dying (not mine), work politics/dissatisfaction (last few days especially but also ongoing), and then also surrounded by civil rights issues, systemic racism, US politics, bombings, segregation, discrimination, general angst etc etc etc.
I have a really well-developed skill set for handling these sorts of things, from therapy and especially the DBT classes I have taken over the years. (For the record, I have run-of-the-mill depression and anxiety that is currently pretty well handled)
But there are just so many little things at one time that I am and have been witness to, alongside a handful of not-so-little issues. I am just having a hard time finding any escape.
Example: I try to read escapist literature, and I get upset at the story because people are mean or it's violent, or someone dies. I watch TV shows that I typically like, and something will remind me of Issue X that I am facing. I try retail therapy, going to a store I haven't been to in ages that I used to really like. It's a bargains store, and so then there are some acutely (materially) poor people, so I start to think about how society really sucks that people have to deal with that stress.
Any suggestions to get me through a couple of days? I am having some mobility challenges at the moment, so hiking or anything like that is out.
I am in the middle of a whole slew of experiences that mostly do not affect me directly yet nonetheless are really messing with my psyche. I am in therapy already and we have been working on this, too. There's just a lot of crap out there right now.
Examples: Personal health crap (ongoing), my grandma in the hospital about to die (this just happened today), state politics (last week but also ongoing), acute house repairs (also today), friends' husbands/mothers/etc dying (yesterday), pets sick and/or dying (not mine), work politics/dissatisfaction (last few days especially but also ongoing), and then also surrounded by civil rights issues, systemic racism, US politics, bombings, segregation, discrimination, general angst etc etc etc.
I have a really well-developed skill set for handling these sorts of things, from therapy and especially the DBT classes I have taken over the years. (For the record, I have run-of-the-mill depression and anxiety that is currently pretty well handled)
But there are just so many little things at one time that I am and have been witness to, alongside a handful of not-so-little issues. I am just having a hard time finding any escape.
Example: I try to read escapist literature, and I get upset at the story because people are mean or it's violent, or someone dies. I watch TV shows that I typically like, and something will remind me of Issue X that I am facing. I try retail therapy, going to a store I haven't been to in ages that I used to really like. It's a bargains store, and so then there are some acutely (materially) poor people, so I start to think about how society really sucks that people have to deal with that stress.
Any suggestions to get me through a couple of days? I am having some mobility challenges at the moment, so hiking or anything like that is out.
Life is tough. It is a saying for a reason! And sometimes when you get older it gets tougher and tougher. As I have gotten older I realize I am not going to have good time and bad times. I am going to have both things happen simultaneously so I better really take note of those good things, or I will miss them.
Now is the time to really take note of the small pleasures.
1. Take an hour in a book store browsing (with an awesome cup of coffee)
2. While you are there pick up a few magazines that you'd normally never get. (Beautiful gardens, crafts, travel, etc). Get some decadent tea or fabulous bottle of wine sometime at home, sit for a couple hours paging through.
3. Get a pedicure. It's just nice to soak feet and have someone else take care of you for an hour.
4. Take a drive to someplace you find on yelp. If it were me I'd look for someplace that has amazing soup. Go sit and have soup with a novel you've been meaning to start.
5. Think of someone that has been really good to you but you never thanked or haven't thanked enough. If they are close, bake them something and bring it over (maybe with one of those magazines you read). If they aren't close write them a note on real paper and snail mail it!
Doing something nice for someone is one of the few things that has a lasting effect on our happiness.
6. Choose a cabinet or closet or junk draw and tackle it! Not exactly fun, but feels great when you are done.
7. Find a recipe you'd like to make. Look in pinterest, etc. Then go get the ingredients and make it! Then share it with a family member that is impacted with your grandmother's illness. Sometimes thinking of others in these times can get you through.
Good luck!
posted by ReluctantViking at 5:14 PM on March 26, 2016 [5 favorites]
Now is the time to really take note of the small pleasures.
1. Take an hour in a book store browsing (with an awesome cup of coffee)
2. While you are there pick up a few magazines that you'd normally never get. (Beautiful gardens, crafts, travel, etc). Get some decadent tea or fabulous bottle of wine sometime at home, sit for a couple hours paging through.
3. Get a pedicure. It's just nice to soak feet and have someone else take care of you for an hour.
4. Take a drive to someplace you find on yelp. If it were me I'd look for someplace that has amazing soup. Go sit and have soup with a novel you've been meaning to start.
5. Think of someone that has been really good to you but you never thanked or haven't thanked enough. If they are close, bake them something and bring it over (maybe with one of those magazines you read). If they aren't close write them a note on real paper and snail mail it!
Doing something nice for someone is one of the few things that has a lasting effect on our happiness.
6. Choose a cabinet or closet or junk draw and tackle it! Not exactly fun, but feels great when you are done.
7. Find a recipe you'd like to make. Look in pinterest, etc. Then go get the ingredients and make it! Then share it with a family member that is impacted with your grandmother's illness. Sometimes thinking of others in these times can get you through.
Good luck!
posted by ReluctantViking at 5:14 PM on March 26, 2016 [5 favorites]
Yea.
For what it's worth, I've been getting through by:
- using every unisex bathroom I run across
- pondering volunteering with my local Democratic party with my soon to be more free time (hey, if you can't laugh...)
- making my bigoted uncle interact with me by being incredibly, over the top solicitous
- ODing on caffeine
- cooking a lot and making sure everyone else is fed; we did Easter lunch in the hospice room today because, by gods, I was going to have Easter lunch with my mother.
- giving myself permission to eat as much fat as I can stand, broken up with just enough vegetation to function
- cuddling my puppy as much as he'll let me
- giving myself permission to just be floppy and crappy and sometimes walk around in circles trying to figure out what I was doing. My classes know what's up, or some version thereof. Life will keep for a bit.
If I can muster, after dinner, I'm going to go to my gym and sit in the hot tub for a good long time, then bump around in the pool for a bit, then sit in the hot tub for a bit...
posted by joycehealy at 5:17 PM on March 26, 2016 [7 favorites]
For what it's worth, I've been getting through by:
- using every unisex bathroom I run across
- pondering volunteering with my local Democratic party with my soon to be more free time (hey, if you can't laugh...)
- making my bigoted uncle interact with me by being incredibly, over the top solicitous
- ODing on caffeine
- cooking a lot and making sure everyone else is fed; we did Easter lunch in the hospice room today because, by gods, I was going to have Easter lunch with my mother.
- giving myself permission to eat as much fat as I can stand, broken up with just enough vegetation to function
- cuddling my puppy as much as he'll let me
- giving myself permission to just be floppy and crappy and sometimes walk around in circles trying to figure out what I was doing. My classes know what's up, or some version thereof. Life will keep for a bit.
If I can muster, after dinner, I'm going to go to my gym and sit in the hot tub for a good long time, then bump around in the pool for a bit, then sit in the hot tub for a bit...
posted by joycehealy at 5:17 PM on March 26, 2016 [7 favorites]
I like bellylaughing as a stress reducer. Here are some suggestions.
posted by bunderful at 5:17 PM on March 26, 2016
posted by bunderful at 5:17 PM on March 26, 2016
Bejeweled. I like the Classic version, specifically the game with the butterflies. The music is remarkably soothing but mostly I turn it off and play fluffy podcasts or audiobooks I've heard before so I don't have to concentrate so hard.
From experience, I can tell you that this is a terrible way to zone out for an entire afternoon, but 15-20 minutes of a game will shut out everything for long enough for my brain to get a rest. I also use it to wind down enough to sleep.
I've never found another game that works quite so well. Peggle got me through a hot summer last year, but it got too hard. Bejeweled Butterflies never gets too hard.
posted by Lyn Never at 5:17 PM on March 26, 2016 [7 favorites]
From experience, I can tell you that this is a terrible way to zone out for an entire afternoon, but 15-20 minutes of a game will shut out everything for long enough for my brain to get a rest. I also use it to wind down enough to sleep.
I've never found another game that works quite so well. Peggle got me through a hot summer last year, but it got too hard. Bejeweled Butterflies never gets too hard.
posted by Lyn Never at 5:17 PM on March 26, 2016 [7 favorites]
Read the book you loved most at age 10.
posted by roger ackroyd at 5:39 PM on March 26, 2016 [11 favorites]
posted by roger ackroyd at 5:39 PM on March 26, 2016 [11 favorites]
Getting the ol' brain to shut up so I can just get through each moment sometimes seems impossible. I don't have many coping techniques that aren't very similar to the ones you've listed for yourself but there are a few:
Try to remember that people who find sleep simple to achieve use that time to mentally unwind and process. Use whatever is in your arsenal to ensure that you get some restful sleep, be it otc drugs or an elaborate bedtime ritual or fresh sheets and lavender scented candles or whatever you can do. At first it is going to seem futile and impossible because how can you sleep if you can't relax and if you can't relax unless you sleep aaaaargh! But by prioritizing sleep over, say, an evening worry session or a morning freakout, you give yourself permission to just drift and let your mind do some natural tidying up. And allowing yourself to focus on your body and physical needs is a good and steady habit to get into, since your list of stressors and concerns seem to be in large part about other people and things utterly outside your control.
This leads me to the other thing. You have mobility issues and personal health crap to contend with, but sometimes the only thing that works for me is getting my heart rate up and working out. I am a lazy blob so this actually means a lot of long yoga stretches interspersed with simple aerobics and flailing around on an inflatable excersize ball, but it is less about the specific activities and much more about forcing focus onto my own body. I put on good music without any lyrics (I like a lot of the somaFM channels) and spend at least half an hour to an hour trying to do nothing but count reps and stretch particular muscles and control my breathing. Other thoughts occur but when I catch myself focusing on them I try to be zen about it and let them pass through me. It is hard. But if I can manage it, I often am able to get to sleep better (or at all) and the physical pain aspects of my depression and anxiety are lessened. There are tons of guides for people with mobility issues to get a good, low-impact work out, or just safely stretch everything and help focus your breathing. If you are in a chair but have good arm strength there are many "at your desk" fifteen minute stretch videos on YouTube meant for office workers that might work well for you, too. If you are having balance problems, there are many yoga positions and simple excersizes that can be done entirely seated or lying on the floor. It isn't really about working out and getting healthy at all, so do whatever you can comfortably do to get your heart rate up a little and use that energy you would be using to worry about the state of the world in a different way.
Lastly, this might be very unappealing to you, but wth regard to your loved ones' lives, are you a spiritual person? I don't believe in god but I have figured out that I get a lot of mental relief and comfort from some religious-ish things. Rituals have merit, basically. When I'm worried about someone, I don't pray, but I do focus and think about them and hope for their comfort or recovery, and I do certain rituals like reading specific poems and passages, going to places of natural beauty to collect small tokens and use as focuses when I'm hoping for peace for someone, etc. If you are down with the g-man, now might be a good time to go to services simply for the way they give explicit permission to have a few hours of separate time to think and feel and release.
posted by Mizu at 6:19 PM on March 26, 2016 [3 favorites]
Try to remember that people who find sleep simple to achieve use that time to mentally unwind and process. Use whatever is in your arsenal to ensure that you get some restful sleep, be it otc drugs or an elaborate bedtime ritual or fresh sheets and lavender scented candles or whatever you can do. At first it is going to seem futile and impossible because how can you sleep if you can't relax and if you can't relax unless you sleep aaaaargh! But by prioritizing sleep over, say, an evening worry session or a morning freakout, you give yourself permission to just drift and let your mind do some natural tidying up. And allowing yourself to focus on your body and physical needs is a good and steady habit to get into, since your list of stressors and concerns seem to be in large part about other people and things utterly outside your control.
This leads me to the other thing. You have mobility issues and personal health crap to contend with, but sometimes the only thing that works for me is getting my heart rate up and working out. I am a lazy blob so this actually means a lot of long yoga stretches interspersed with simple aerobics and flailing around on an inflatable excersize ball, but it is less about the specific activities and much more about forcing focus onto my own body. I put on good music without any lyrics (I like a lot of the somaFM channels) and spend at least half an hour to an hour trying to do nothing but count reps and stretch particular muscles and control my breathing. Other thoughts occur but when I catch myself focusing on them I try to be zen about it and let them pass through me. It is hard. But if I can manage it, I often am able to get to sleep better (or at all) and the physical pain aspects of my depression and anxiety are lessened. There are tons of guides for people with mobility issues to get a good, low-impact work out, or just safely stretch everything and help focus your breathing. If you are in a chair but have good arm strength there are many "at your desk" fifteen minute stretch videos on YouTube meant for office workers that might work well for you, too. If you are having balance problems, there are many yoga positions and simple excersizes that can be done entirely seated or lying on the floor. It isn't really about working out and getting healthy at all, so do whatever you can comfortably do to get your heart rate up a little and use that energy you would be using to worry about the state of the world in a different way.
Lastly, this might be very unappealing to you, but wth regard to your loved ones' lives, are you a spiritual person? I don't believe in god but I have figured out that I get a lot of mental relief and comfort from some religious-ish things. Rituals have merit, basically. When I'm worried about someone, I don't pray, but I do focus and think about them and hope for their comfort or recovery, and I do certain rituals like reading specific poems and passages, going to places of natural beauty to collect small tokens and use as focuses when I'm hoping for peace for someone, etc. If you are down with the g-man, now might be a good time to go to services simply for the way they give explicit permission to have a few hours of separate time to think and feel and release.
posted by Mizu at 6:19 PM on March 26, 2016 [3 favorites]
I did not muster, but let me recommend the hot tub's close cousin: the bubble bath.
posted by joycehealy at 6:29 PM on March 26, 2016
posted by joycehealy at 6:29 PM on March 26, 2016
Hugs to you. That's a lot to deal with.
Some thoughts:
Coloring.
If the weather is nice or even just ok, being outside, even if you can't hike etc. If you can't be outside but there is a sunny window in your home or somewhere else you can get to (even a waiting room in the hospital), sit in the sun.
If there is a coffeeshop or library nearby where you can hang out for a while, do that.
Sit in quiet, or listen to calm music.
This isn't quite an escape, but If you can, accept that things suck right now, and remember that this too shall pass.
posted by 2 cats in the yard at 6:38 PM on March 26, 2016
Some thoughts:
Coloring.
If the weather is nice or even just ok, being outside, even if you can't hike etc. If you can't be outside but there is a sunny window in your home or somewhere else you can get to (even a waiting room in the hospital), sit in the sun.
If there is a coffeeshop or library nearby where you can hang out for a while, do that.
Sit in quiet, or listen to calm music.
This isn't quite an escape, but If you can, accept that things suck right now, and remember that this too shall pass.
posted by 2 cats in the yard at 6:38 PM on March 26, 2016
First off, big hugs. When it rains, it pours.
I see others have mentioned hot tubs and bathtubs, but I find the long, hot shower to be an essential coping tool. I use a shower chair in case I'm in there way too long and need to get off my feet.
If you can afford it, a beauty/spa treatment can be a distraction as well as something that makes you physically feel better. I haven't tried proper spa stuff like seaweed or mud wraps, but going for a manicure or a haircut does wonders. Especially if you go for the full shampoo and blowout. Hack, even color if you have the cash. If the stylist's too chatty for your comfort level, I've always found it's okay to say you had a long sleepless night and you aren't much company, or something to that effect. Tell them you have a sore throat and need to save your voice. Massage works wonders and runs around $2 USD per minute.
Long, rambling walks used to help me, but I've been having some health problems that have kept me grounded. However, I can get a similar distracting effect by doing laundry. I know that's not everybody's cup of tea. 'But, in addition to the physical, rote làbor that keeps you from thinking about your problems but doesn't create too many problems of its own, I take a great personal satisfaction in turning that tangled heap of soiled clothing into warm, neatly folded stacks. From chaos comes order!
Another thing that sometimes picks me up during a bad situation that I can't control is to just throw stuff away. I'm fortunate in that my packrat tendencies give me a constant supply of stuff for therapeutic disposal. But I recently did the same with my closet, chucking everything I was saving for the day those 15 pounds will come off.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:03 PM on March 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
I see others have mentioned hot tubs and bathtubs, but I find the long, hot shower to be an essential coping tool. I use a shower chair in case I'm in there way too long and need to get off my feet.
If you can afford it, a beauty/spa treatment can be a distraction as well as something that makes you physically feel better. I haven't tried proper spa stuff like seaweed or mud wraps, but going for a manicure or a haircut does wonders. Especially if you go for the full shampoo and blowout. Hack, even color if you have the cash. If the stylist's too chatty for your comfort level, I've always found it's okay to say you had a long sleepless night and you aren't much company, or something to that effect. Tell them you have a sore throat and need to save your voice. Massage works wonders and runs around $2 USD per minute.
Long, rambling walks used to help me, but I've been having some health problems that have kept me grounded. However, I can get a similar distracting effect by doing laundry. I know that's not everybody's cup of tea. 'But, in addition to the physical, rote làbor that keeps you from thinking about your problems but doesn't create too many problems of its own, I take a great personal satisfaction in turning that tangled heap of soiled clothing into warm, neatly folded stacks. From chaos comes order!
Another thing that sometimes picks me up during a bad situation that I can't control is to just throw stuff away. I'm fortunate in that my packrat tendencies give me a constant supply of stuff for therapeutic disposal. But I recently did the same with my closet, chucking everything I was saving for the day those 15 pounds will come off.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:03 PM on March 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
I understand how upsetting it can be to go suddenly from enjoying a story to being pulled out by a reminder. When going through a similar period I found the only media I could handle was for children or from a more innocent time.
posted by A hidden well at 7:14 PM on March 26, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by A hidden well at 7:14 PM on March 26, 2016 [3 favorites]
If you're up for reading comic books, the recent Squirrel Girl series from Marvel is my go-to mood lifter. It's relentlessly positive and silly, and a bunch of its fights/conflicts get fixed with problem-solving or friendship.
posted by cadge at 8:12 PM on March 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by cadge at 8:12 PM on March 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
I've really enjoyed the following benign things in similar circumstances:
Kids manga esp Chi's Sweet Home and Yatsuba&; TV like Usagi Drop and Darling Buds of May. They're cute, and pretty much nothing happens - plot lines like Chi gets a box, we go swimming, a storm comes, etc. Usagi Drop was a comic but I've only seen the cartoon. Darling Buds is old British TV with a very young Catherine Zeta Jones.
My grandmother liked movies for this - Milo & Otis, Kung-Fu Panda, Ms Pettigrew Lives for a Day, The Princess Diaries- stuff like that.
posted by jrobin276 at 8:57 PM on March 26, 2016
Kids manga esp Chi's Sweet Home and Yatsuba&; TV like Usagi Drop and Darling Buds of May. They're cute, and pretty much nothing happens - plot lines like Chi gets a box, we go swimming, a storm comes, etc. Usagi Drop was a comic but I've only seen the cartoon. Darling Buds is old British TV with a very young Catherine Zeta Jones.
My grandmother liked movies for this - Milo & Otis, Kung-Fu Panda, Ms Pettigrew Lives for a Day, The Princess Diaries- stuff like that.
posted by jrobin276 at 8:57 PM on March 26, 2016
Oh, and Neko Atsume the iPhone game!
(Cat collector. Free, cute, pointless!)
posted by jrobin276 at 8:58 PM on March 26, 2016
(Cat collector. Free, cute, pointless!)
posted by jrobin276 at 8:58 PM on March 26, 2016
Yoga. Currently it's helping me survive my husbands infidelity.
posted by hockeyfan at 9:13 PM on March 26, 2016
posted by hockeyfan at 9:13 PM on March 26, 2016
Old sitcoms. I Love Lucy, Happy Days, the Golden Girls, Mork and Mindy, Perfect Strangers, whatever seems mindless and fun to you. And I love the idea of rereading books you loved when you were young. For me it would be Alice in Wonderland, Winnie the Pooh, Paddington.
posted by MexicanYenta at 9:51 PM on March 26, 2016
posted by MexicanYenta at 9:51 PM on March 26, 2016
Can you have friends -- ideally old friends who are quick-witted; no wallflowers -- over for dinner? Where "dinner" can be frozen lasagna or something else low-effort and loads of wine.
Do not kick anybody out; stay up as late as the last guest. Bring down a bottle of stronger stuff with/for dessert; don't run dry, get properly loaded.
Use that night as your night off from all responsibility and worry associated with your troubles. If you are my age or better the next day is also your day off -- have something good and greasy and quick to heat up ready for breakfast and some trashy magazines (or comics; something simple); spend the day napping, reading garbage, and nursing your hangover and yourself.
The dinner part is so it isn't a potentially depressing thing with you hitting the bottle alone in a dark room. If you are the sort to drink alone and end up dancing in your living room instead of weeping quietly, though, go nuts.
Very inappropriate to recommend alcohol for escapism, I know. Terribly unhealthy. Also astounding to me that the thread got this far without "stick some cheap beer in the fridge, Jägermeister in the freezer, and call your booziest friends and invite them over. Serve pretzels, see who can stay up the latest." It is the escapist default the world over and has been for an extremely long time. We are a bit conditioned to associate it with negative things -- as though getting drunk means you have poor coping skills -- but this is thanks only to people with poor alcohol skills. A well-timed bender is a fine and respectable short-term escape.
My sympathies for the cluster**** of bad. Ironically I am going through my own mess at the moment but have been doing so soberly (though with an eye to a party eventually); my escape has been to watch the entire run of The Simpsons. I have also played with Lego in bad times -- do you have any friends with a Lego hoard? If your childhood was a happy one, return to it; nobody looks at you funny if you buy Jughead's Double Digest and a jar of Cheez Whiz. I've also watched a spree of 70s disaster flicks, some of them really terrible, to bring me mentally back to childhood sleepovers and 3am movies. And I've enjoyed finding rabbit holes and heading down them; I read all I could on-line about Pitcairn Island, the Donner party, and some other bits of historical weird, and Spyros Peter Goudas.
posted by kmennie at 1:31 AM on March 27, 2016 [1 favorite]
Do not kick anybody out; stay up as late as the last guest. Bring down a bottle of stronger stuff with/for dessert; don't run dry, get properly loaded.
Use that night as your night off from all responsibility and worry associated with your troubles. If you are my age or better the next day is also your day off -- have something good and greasy and quick to heat up ready for breakfast and some trashy magazines (or comics; something simple); spend the day napping, reading garbage, and nursing your hangover and yourself.
The dinner part is so it isn't a potentially depressing thing with you hitting the bottle alone in a dark room. If you are the sort to drink alone and end up dancing in your living room instead of weeping quietly, though, go nuts.
Very inappropriate to recommend alcohol for escapism, I know. Terribly unhealthy. Also astounding to me that the thread got this far without "stick some cheap beer in the fridge, Jägermeister in the freezer, and call your booziest friends and invite them over. Serve pretzels, see who can stay up the latest." It is the escapist default the world over and has been for an extremely long time. We are a bit conditioned to associate it with negative things -- as though getting drunk means you have poor coping skills -- but this is thanks only to people with poor alcohol skills. A well-timed bender is a fine and respectable short-term escape.
My sympathies for the cluster**** of bad. Ironically I am going through my own mess at the moment but have been doing so soberly (though with an eye to a party eventually); my escape has been to watch the entire run of The Simpsons. I have also played with Lego in bad times -- do you have any friends with a Lego hoard? If your childhood was a happy one, return to it; nobody looks at you funny if you buy Jughead's Double Digest and a jar of Cheez Whiz. I've also watched a spree of 70s disaster flicks, some of them really terrible, to bring me mentally back to childhood sleepovers and 3am movies. And I've enjoyed finding rabbit holes and heading down them; I read all I could on-line about Pitcairn Island, the Donner party, and some other bits of historical weird, and Spyros Peter Goudas.
posted by kmennie at 1:31 AM on March 27, 2016 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thank you all so much for these thoughtful and helpful responses. Sometimes you just get stuck, and last night I got stuck. This helped unstick me!
I ended up taking out my colored pencils and getting through a half page of Secret Garden. My cat sat with me on the table, occasionally pawing at the pencil I was using and getting some chomps in on the end of it. As happens when I practice mindfulness, my brain cleared right up.
Brains are weird. I had convinced myself that trying something like that wouldn't work. I kept thinking about how my cat wasn't snuggling with me now that it's not so cold, and everything felt just hopeless.
posted by Stewriffic at 3:35 AM on March 27, 2016 [4 favorites]
I ended up taking out my colored pencils and getting through a half page of Secret Garden. My cat sat with me on the table, occasionally pawing at the pencil I was using and getting some chomps in on the end of it. As happens when I practice mindfulness, my brain cleared right up.
Brains are weird. I had convinced myself that trying something like that wouldn't work. I kept thinking about how my cat wasn't snuggling with me now that it's not so cold, and everything felt just hopeless.
posted by Stewriffic at 3:35 AM on March 27, 2016 [4 favorites]
She still knows that you are the most interesting thing in the house :)
posted by amtho at 4:01 AM on March 27, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by amtho at 4:01 AM on March 27, 2016 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: OK, these answers are also going to help with something I forgot I do:
I have a number of index cards with activities like the ones listed above written on them. And then I have an index card that says "Things that make me feel happy, satisfied, or accomplished."
When I am feeling ill at ease, I lay the cards out on the kitchen table and choose one thing to do. There is a mixture of fun and obligations like laundry or cleaning.
Time to pull those cards out and start adding!
posted by Stewriffic at 5:17 AM on March 27, 2016 [3 favorites]
I have a number of index cards with activities like the ones listed above written on them. And then I have an index card that says "Things that make me feel happy, satisfied, or accomplished."
When I am feeling ill at ease, I lay the cards out on the kitchen table and choose one thing to do. There is a mixture of fun and obligations like laundry or cleaning.
Time to pull those cards out and start adding!
posted by Stewriffic at 5:17 AM on March 27, 2016 [3 favorites]
Something else for your card list that may be helpful:
Do something out of character.
Not a sports fan? Go watch a game. You mention clothes shopping - go to a shop that sells styles you'd normall never wear. Attend a meetup for some topic you know nothing about that's open to newbies (Meetup.com would have TONS). Take a class in something that seems out of your alley. Go somewhere else, even if it's a different stop on the bus or train.
Sometimes it can help reset the brain to just be in a completely new situation. No expectations, no promises, just open minds and open hearts.
posted by divabat at 7:05 AM on March 27, 2016
Do something out of character.
Not a sports fan? Go watch a game. You mention clothes shopping - go to a shop that sells styles you'd normall never wear. Attend a meetup for some topic you know nothing about that's open to newbies (Meetup.com would have TONS). Take a class in something that seems out of your alley. Go somewhere else, even if it's a different stop on the bus or train.
Sometimes it can help reset the brain to just be in a completely new situation. No expectations, no promises, just open minds and open hearts.
posted by divabat at 7:05 AM on March 27, 2016
state politics (last week but also ongoing), ... civil rights issues, systemic racism, US politics, bombings, segregation, discrimination...
There is nothing immediate you can do about any of these things, so stop reading/watching the news and filter social media if you use it (fbpurity mutes keywords on the Facebook site and you can mute words and users in Tweetdeck, Twitterific and Tweetbot). This has reduced my stress a lot. I had FOMO for a day or two but quickly got over it because I felt so much better. If news directly affects your life, like your town is going to be flooded, someone will tell you.
When you get back on your feet you can volunteer for a campaign or give money to the ACLU or whatever. Other people are fighting for these causes. You can rest for a bit.
posted by desjardins at 4:36 PM on March 27, 2016
There is nothing immediate you can do about any of these things, so stop reading/watching the news and filter social media if you use it (fbpurity mutes keywords on the Facebook site and you can mute words and users in Tweetdeck, Twitterific and Tweetbot). This has reduced my stress a lot. I had FOMO for a day or two but quickly got over it because I felt so much better. If news directly affects your life, like your town is going to be flooded, someone will tell you.
When you get back on your feet you can volunteer for a campaign or give money to the ACLU or whatever. Other people are fighting for these causes. You can rest for a bit.
posted by desjardins at 4:36 PM on March 27, 2016
Know that it is completely OK to take a break from politics, even when those politics are very important.
You aren't the only one in the game, and everyone involved needs to recognize the energy toll and rotate in for one another. When it's time for you to take a back seat, someone else will be stepping up to work. When your energy returns, you can step up to work. The game is very long. Don't worry that you need to track every single tiny event in a political progression.
People who feel good, and have great energy, have the most to give to politics. When your energy is running low, the best thing you an do for the cause is totally unplug, rebuild, recharge, and take great care of yourself so that you have something to bring when you're ready to get re-engaged. This is hard-won wisdom, but it's totally real. When you need a break, take it. Everyone benefits by it. Really.
posted by Miko at 8:10 PM on March 27, 2016
You aren't the only one in the game, and everyone involved needs to recognize the energy toll and rotate in for one another. When it's time for you to take a back seat, someone else will be stepping up to work. When your energy returns, you can step up to work. The game is very long. Don't worry that you need to track every single tiny event in a political progression.
People who feel good, and have great energy, have the most to give to politics. When your energy is running low, the best thing you an do for the cause is totally unplug, rebuild, recharge, and take great care of yourself so that you have something to bring when you're ready to get re-engaged. This is hard-won wisdom, but it's totally real. When you need a break, take it. Everyone benefits by it. Really.
posted by Miko at 8:10 PM on March 27, 2016
Big hugs. I hope this doesn't come across as flippant or inappropriate but weed can be really helpful in this situations - tunes out low level nastiness
posted by litleozy at 11:36 AM on April 2, 2016
posted by litleozy at 11:36 AM on April 2, 2016
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There are numerous YouTube videos and phone apps - I recommend the "Simply Be" series, which is available for iOS and Android - it allows you to select the duration (5, 10, 20, 30) minutes, they have different options for "focus" (relax, sleep, etc), with/without music, etc.
Definitely when I'm going through stress, just 10 minutes of guided meditation can really help me keep going.
posted by dotgirl at 5:03 PM on March 26, 2016 [4 favorites]