How do I get over an extended burnout?
March 17, 2016 3:44 PM Subscribe
After overdoing it for many (5+) years, I've learnt my lesson and am changing my work-life balance. While other aspects of my life seem to be improving, love of my field still seems non-existent. Looking for advice on how to recover this.
After many years of abusing my mind and body (my previous questions give an idea) I am undergoing the worst, most resistant depressive episode I've encountered in the last 3 years.
This episode has been bad enough that it's made me realise I need to make serious permanent changes in my life, which I'm doing. By the end of the year I intend to move into industry, get a decent job and just heal for a bit. I'm taking steps to move to be closer with my partner and to not work more than 40 hours a week. I'm also in the process of shutting down and curtailing all non-work commercial interests and generally reducing my stress level, all of which have helped me to feel more whole and human again.
However, one aspect of my life that doesn't seem to be improving is my extreme aversion to software engineering and computing in general. I can't seem to get excited about things any more and that spark of passion and curiosity, which had been dead for a while (at least 2 years) doesn't seem to be coming back no matter how much I try and make myself excited about things. Unfortunately, changing paths is not an option at this point but I'd be interested to hear how other people who have recovered from extended burnout career-wise have handled the aspect of reigniting passion for their work.
After many years of abusing my mind and body (my previous questions give an idea) I am undergoing the worst, most resistant depressive episode I've encountered in the last 3 years.
This episode has been bad enough that it's made me realise I need to make serious permanent changes in my life, which I'm doing. By the end of the year I intend to move into industry, get a decent job and just heal for a bit. I'm taking steps to move to be closer with my partner and to not work more than 40 hours a week. I'm also in the process of shutting down and curtailing all non-work commercial interests and generally reducing my stress level, all of which have helped me to feel more whole and human again.
However, one aspect of my life that doesn't seem to be improving is my extreme aversion to software engineering and computing in general. I can't seem to get excited about things any more and that spark of passion and curiosity, which had been dead for a while (at least 2 years) doesn't seem to be coming back no matter how much I try and make myself excited about things. Unfortunately, changing paths is not an option at this point but I'd be interested to hear how other people who have recovered from extended burnout career-wise have handled the aspect of reigniting passion for their work.
I've been there. Man, have I been there.
You may want to examine what you want out of a career. Do you need to climb a ladder, or do you just want to coast and make money (and please note, there is absolutely nothing wrong with just doing your work well and making money without constantly pushing yourself to go above and beyond)? Do you need to have a spark of passion about software engineering in order to work at all, or is software engineering something you can do in order to make money to do something you're actually passionate about?
There are all different kinds of industries that need software engineers. Some are high-pressure, some are significantly lower-pressure. You may want to look into branching out into other industries.
While you say a career change isn't in the cards for you, is a career path shift possible? I spent 15 years burning myself out in tech and 5 years changing my course. Turns out I'm now much happier and more effective being a people manager / problem-solver who is heavily involved in tech but who isn't actually hands-on tech anymore, although everyone I manage is an enthusiastic hands-on tech person. I love being able to contribute to technical discussions, guide technical direction, and assist in troubleshooting without actually having to implement anything myself anymore. Now that I'm in this position, I've found my "above-and-beyond" inclinations again, but I don't burn myself out anymore.
However, at this point in my life, 20 years into my career, I can count at least 8 people I know at similar career points who've relatively recently chucked tech entirely for something dramatically different, who let their hobbies become their passion and threw the kind of effort into them that we all used to throw into engineering -- usually something physical (yoga coach, crossfit gym owner/coach, full-time organic/ethical farmer, custom woodworker, etc). They're all incredibly happy.
nthing the "forced work-life balance" suggestion. I got a lot happier when I started actually ending my workdays instead of being constantly working (or feeling like I SHOULD be working).
Extended burnout can be a major signal that you need a change. See what's out there. Listen to your burnout -- it's trying to tell you something.
posted by erst at 4:33 PM on March 17, 2016 [4 favorites]
You may want to examine what you want out of a career. Do you need to climb a ladder, or do you just want to coast and make money (and please note, there is absolutely nothing wrong with just doing your work well and making money without constantly pushing yourself to go above and beyond)? Do you need to have a spark of passion about software engineering in order to work at all, or is software engineering something you can do in order to make money to do something you're actually passionate about?
There are all different kinds of industries that need software engineers. Some are high-pressure, some are significantly lower-pressure. You may want to look into branching out into other industries.
While you say a career change isn't in the cards for you, is a career path shift possible? I spent 15 years burning myself out in tech and 5 years changing my course. Turns out I'm now much happier and more effective being a people manager / problem-solver who is heavily involved in tech but who isn't actually hands-on tech anymore, although everyone I manage is an enthusiastic hands-on tech person. I love being able to contribute to technical discussions, guide technical direction, and assist in troubleshooting without actually having to implement anything myself anymore. Now that I'm in this position, I've found my "above-and-beyond" inclinations again, but I don't burn myself out anymore.
However, at this point in my life, 20 years into my career, I can count at least 8 people I know at similar career points who've relatively recently chucked tech entirely for something dramatically different, who let their hobbies become their passion and threw the kind of effort into them that we all used to throw into engineering -- usually something physical (yoga coach, crossfit gym owner/coach, full-time organic/ethical farmer, custom woodworker, etc). They're all incredibly happy.
nthing the "forced work-life balance" suggestion. I got a lot happier when I started actually ending my workdays instead of being constantly working (or feeling like I SHOULD be working).
Extended burnout can be a major signal that you need a change. See what's out there. Listen to your burnout -- it's trying to tell you something.
posted by erst at 4:33 PM on March 17, 2016 [4 favorites]
I went through a work-related burnout a few years ago and felt the same way as you. I did a lot to get more work-life balance, and that helped a lot, but only so much. Because when it comes down to it, you still have to work some significant portion of your week, so if you can find some way to be excited about it, that helps a lot.
What really helped me was not changing careers altogether but shifting slightly to a parallel career track in my field (the shift I did was pretty specific to my field so I'm not really sure what a similar shift would look like for you).
In my case it turns out that I was getting burnt out because I was working really hard but not at work that made me stretch or learn new things. I was really missing that intellectual challenge. I discovered that I actually get a lot of satisfaction out of working hard (within reasonable bounds) if I'm learning new things and being challenged in that way. But if I'm not, it's just drudgery.
Anyway, I shifted into a parallel career track where I had to learn a whole new skill set (but was able to build on the skill set I already had, so I wasn't starting from scratch) and suddenly I had a whole new interest in my career and was really excited about it again. A few years later I started getting bored and burned out again, so I got myself a promotion and started managing staff and larger projects and that was another infusion of energy. Now I can feel myself starting to get antsy again, so I'm looking for new ways to challenge myself intellectually without having to switch jobs again.
So I guess I'd say, think about what it is that you need that you're not getting from your work right now, emotionally and intellectually. Maybe it's that challenge of learning new things for you, too, or maybe it's something different: a feeling that you're making a difference in the world with your work, or expressing yourself in a unique way, or the opportunity to solve tricky problems. Whatever. Figure that out and it'll probably help at least a bit.
posted by lunasol at 6:35 PM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]
What really helped me was not changing careers altogether but shifting slightly to a parallel career track in my field (the shift I did was pretty specific to my field so I'm not really sure what a similar shift would look like for you).
In my case it turns out that I was getting burnt out because I was working really hard but not at work that made me stretch or learn new things. I was really missing that intellectual challenge. I discovered that I actually get a lot of satisfaction out of working hard (within reasonable bounds) if I'm learning new things and being challenged in that way. But if I'm not, it's just drudgery.
Anyway, I shifted into a parallel career track where I had to learn a whole new skill set (but was able to build on the skill set I already had, so I wasn't starting from scratch) and suddenly I had a whole new interest in my career and was really excited about it again. A few years later I started getting bored and burned out again, so I got myself a promotion and started managing staff and larger projects and that was another infusion of energy. Now I can feel myself starting to get antsy again, so I'm looking for new ways to challenge myself intellectually without having to switch jobs again.
So I guess I'd say, think about what it is that you need that you're not getting from your work right now, emotionally and intellectually. Maybe it's that challenge of learning new things for you, too, or maybe it's something different: a feeling that you're making a difference in the world with your work, or expressing yourself in a unique way, or the opportunity to solve tricky problems. Whatever. Figure that out and it'll probably help at least a bit.
posted by lunasol at 6:35 PM on March 17, 2016 [2 favorites]
I've been going through similar extended burnout and I'm only just finding my muse has come back after a torturous 4-5 years. No matter how much I pushed it or hated myself or tried to think my way through it, nothing fixed it. Instead, I had to learn how to feel ok with myself.
Things that helped: therapy, confronting the ways I had silenced myself, quitting smoking/drinking, and getting away from competitive users but instead finding a tribe of genuinely kind people.
posted by A hidden well at 8:29 PM on March 17, 2016
Things that helped: therapy, confronting the ways I had silenced myself, quitting smoking/drinking, and getting away from competitive users but instead finding a tribe of genuinely kind people.
posted by A hidden well at 8:29 PM on March 17, 2016
Great advice here. I'm also recovering from about a six-year stint of which the last two have been full-on burnout - different field, though. It does take more time than you expect to recover. One thing I can say, though, is that conferences re-energize me in thinking about my field. Attending get-togethers of people working at the cutting edge and moving practice forward tends to get me excited and engaged again in the way the daily grind could never do. So maybe take yourself to some of the exciting conferences in your field - and if there aren't any, maybe think about convening a small group of practitioners that you admire to talk about stuff that excites all of you? Sometimes a small cluster group of like-minded people can really help one another stay focused and engaged in a healthy way.
posted by Miko at 9:01 PM on March 17, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by Miko at 9:01 PM on March 17, 2016 [6 favorites]
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You might need a longer time than you think to recover. The old habits will keep fighting back, especially if the burnout was due at all to an innately poor sense of boundaries. It may be worth your time to research that topic--allowing yourself to say things like, "I just can't do this anymore" and "nope, not going to do X, sorry" and let it just be what it is.
I had pretty extreme burnout regarding my tools, too. I had to really look into areas I thought were impossible for me and try new things. I looked at my existing software toolset and said, "there's got to be something better than this." I kept looking and found an amazing toolset that I still use to this day (very specific to my work in my case). I also switched OS's, changed my office around, and spent a bunch of money on things like inspirational and self-help books.
I also hired a consultant, a coach who visits once a month and talks over things with me. Like a business therapist. Seriously, this is worth an amazing amount to me. I had to look for a while to find someone who was a good match to my personality but I found a retired engineer and the guy is terrific.
I read, just today, the following quote from Maximum Achievement by Brian Tracy, an old book my dad liked. Anyway, the quote really helped me see where I'm headed currently:
"Your goal is to become a low-stress, high-performance personality. [...] You take complete charge of your inner life by deciding that you are going to set peace of mind as your highest goal. [...] Become a psychological detective and carefully investigate any thoughts, opinions, attitudes, or responses that cause you stress of any kind."
That has pretty much become my life post-burnout--I now focus really hard on doing things that will bring me peace of mind and extra stress just has to go.
Honestly it's worked pretty well. Things are long since back to their original flavor, no more dullness anywhere. I don't work evenings or weekends anymore. I own the business rather than vice versa, and the client demand doesn't seem to stop, knock on wood.
I also studied MBTI and Jungian psych really hard on the advice of my coach. The goal here was to know every one of my strengths/gifts just as well as I know my weaknesses. When I found out that a tendency to get drawn into detail work (extended realtime response to lots of sensory feedback--coding new cool things easily fits here) was a huge cause of burnout and workaholism in my life, we decided that I just had to learn to delegate. I found some interested friends and they help me out when things get tight, or when I need extra time for big-picture thinking. As I delegate, I find myself explaining things very procedurally, which in turn helps me more easily dive in and solve problems in areas I'm coding/designing/whatever.
When a new project is way out of my comfort zone now, I think twice about taking it on. There's a tremendous project appraisal video on this topic from IIT Kalpur--you can find it on Youtube. I aim for relatively low risk and just a little bit of a stretch rather than the 150%-every-time growth I expected in the past. (Incidentally I lost 80 pounds this way to put my BMI in "healthy" for the first time as an adult)
Hope some of this is helpful. Your taste and excitement for things will come back! The stress isn't worth it, and you seem like a talented person--you got this.
P.S. I had to force life balance in the rest of my life pretty hard, too. Like forcing myself to go out and play sports, see a movie with family, take a day off, etc. It was not easy, which sounds funny but it really wasn't. And in the afternoons I forced a 1 to 2-hour walk anytime I was burnt out. This stuff really helped pull the psychological weight.
posted by circular at 4:07 PM on March 17, 2016 [14 favorites]