I have been unmotivated to do pretty much anything outside of work for a several months now. Help me get back on the horse.
posted by anonymous to health & fitness (8 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
I’m not sure if I’ve burned myself out or if I’m depressed or if I have OCD.
Since the summertime, I was working a full time job, as well as doing contract work for one client, on the side. The contract work wasn’t much more than 10 hours/week, in the busier weeks. I love what I do. The full time job became kind of stressful around September; there was just too much work for one person, coupled with the fact that I was still learning how to do the job. There was a risk that I was going to lose my job. So I spent a lot of time teaching myself stuff outside of work (besides not wanting to lose the job, I also wanted to learn to advance my career). It was stressful, but I didn’t mind too much because I really loved what I was doing, I knew it was temporary, I had the drive, and I’m young and single. Also, the contract work that I do essentially allows me to work as much or as little as I want, so as my main job became more stressful, I did less contract work. During this period of time, I still made a point to go out with friends a couple times a week, and I was getting light daily exercise.
A few months ago, we hired another person so I would have help, and he’s been great.
BUT, since we’ve hired him, and the pressure is off, I’ve had no motivation to do anything outside of work.
I go to work, and I’m happy and motivated. I go out a couple times a week with friends, and I’m fine there too. But when I come home, I just don’t want to do anything.
I let myself relax for a few weeks. But the lack of motivation has continued, and not just in terms of work. I don’t want to cook or clean or shop for things I need or respond to email from my parents.
I guess for a while, I was kind of depressed…I was frustrated with my lack of love life and the fact that I had strong feelings for someone who wasn’t single (he did not know this). I would come home and procrastinate on facebook and online. I eventually shut down my accounts to try to motivate myself to do something, but I’ve since replaced that with really long showers, picking at scabs, and staring into space, trying to convince myself to do something. I don’t LIKE doing any of these things. I would rather read, watch TV, cook something, see friends…in some twisted way, I feel guity doing things I enjoy when I have a hundred other things that I should be doing. I’m getting overwhelmed just with little things…tidying my apartment, writing a page for contract work, paying my Visa online….I feel so guilty and overwhelmed, I’ve been responding by not doing anything at all.
My life is really good. I have everything I want… I love my job (both the tasks and the people). I have good friends, loving family, I’ve been seeing a wonderful guy, and I have a social, active hobby. All I really want is to further develop my career, relationships, and hobby; further develop myself, and drive things for my contract client.
Part of the issue is that I’ve had a really hard time getting to bed at a decent hour. I will typically get 5 hours of sleep each night. I know that more sleep will help with motivation. But at this point I stay up, procrastinating, and if I end up doing anything at all, I’ll start at 11:30, 12:00…I have some sort of obsession with staying up late. In part because I feel guilty that I haven’t accomplished anything. Essentially, I’m having a hard time convincing myself to go to bed.
I’m wondering also…maybe this was depression, but now it’s passed and I’ve just gotten myself into a routine of staying up and not doing anything. I have a pretty regular routine of boring time-wasters. Does anyone have any ideas for breaking this routine?
I need to get myself out of this rut. Any suggestions for getting back on the horse?
Also, regarding lack of sleep - getting to bed at a decent hour is something I've struggled with since I was a kid. I'll be able to force myself to keep a bedtime, and then I'll regress back into the late nights. Tips for managing this are appreciated.