Friendship right after a break-up?
February 18, 2016 3:43 PM   Subscribe

Hi everyone, I recently broke up with a guy (met online) I dated for 4 months. We were never officially bf/gf and we never slept together. Our dates felt platonic because we never went past 2nd base. It was a mutual breakup because we both wanted different things. I wanted a committed relationship and he wasn't ready for that. When we broke up about a week ago, he said he'd like to be friends and I told him I didn't want that. I feel like I'm in a clear mindset now and I realize things ended for the right reasons but I still enjoy his company and we got along great. Is it too soon for me to suggest that we be friends and continue to hang out platonically?
posted by missybitsy to Human Relations (8 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
How long has it been since the breakup?
Give it like two months and see how you feel.
posted by luckynerd at 3:48 PM on February 18, 2016


It sounds like it was always a friendship. You don't sound bent out of shape about the situation. There are no rules: if it works for both of you and there are no broken hearts, go for it.
posted by zadcat at 3:50 PM on February 18, 2016 [12 favorites]


Yeah, I see nothing wrong with saying to him, "Y'know, although we did not hit it off romantically I was too hasty when I said I didn't want to remain friends. I do enjoy hanging out with you, and would like to continue to meet up platonically." I think that is clear, unambiguous, and not misleading. As long as you are both in this for the same reasons, why not continue the friendship?
posted by mosk at 3:55 PM on February 18, 2016 [7 favorites]


If you really are not interested in him romantically any more, and if it won't bother you when he starts dating someone else, then it's not too soon.
posted by WesterbergHigh at 3:58 PM on February 18, 2016 [2 favorites]


Not being friends is pretty much for these situations:

* You came to dislike the person

* Or, meh, they're OK, but you don't like them enough to continue spending time with them

* Somebody did something stupid/painful in the process of the relationship coming apart and one (or both) of you doesn't care enough to do the work involved with getting you both past that

* One (or both) of you isn't over wanting something more

Sounds like none of these apply to you! If that's true, it's not too soon.
posted by wildblueyonder at 6:32 PM on February 18, 2016


Typically, I'd say sure, why not, but if this is the same guy that you wrote over 8 questions in a few months about, then no. All the time you were quasi-dating this dude he didn't act especially into you; nobody needs friends like that.

Also, something about this guy seems to mess with your ability to think clearly; that's unlikely to change once you're hanging as friends. Stay away and focus on people who make it clear they do want to hang with you.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 4:16 AM on February 19, 2016 [13 favorites]


That guy? NO!

The only way I'd suggest trying to be friends with him is if you're happily in a relationship, where you're feeling loved, understood and secure.

So keep moving, nothing to see here. It's a big world and there are plenty of people with whom to make friends.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 4:49 AM on February 19, 2016 [5 favorites]


What Ruthless Bunny said. This person has taken up a large amount of real estate in your brain for way too long, and it's time to clear up that space for something else. Trying to stay "friends" with him just means he will continue to get under your skin. Disengage and in a few months you'll wonder what the hell you were thinking.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 6:19 AM on February 19, 2016 [3 favorites]


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