ISO life changing therapist - does this stuff even work...?
December 11, 2015 11:31 AM Subscribe
I'm gonna try again but it feels mighty daunting.I want to start a new therapy process and don't know what to look for, or how.
I'm in late 30's. Live in NYC. I teach and work in the arts. I am a parent to a toddler.
In the past I've started with people in my insurance network who had an office at a convenient location. I am now willing to go out of network and pay more (though I have a budget) for the right fit. Also, for various reasons, I've always been a bit hung up on credentials and seek a PhD or MD. No disrespect to any mental health professionals. Personal preference. I'm open to input but would not like to focus on this as a debate.
I've seen 3 therapists over the past decade, with breaks in between. My experiences have been somewhat helpful, but felt drawn out, with long gaps between insights and little overall resolve.
Question 1: Is it productive to enter a new process with defined goals/expectations and a clear but flexible end date?
I know I can't relay on someone else to give me all the answers, but I hope to find a someone who can engage, ask provoking questions, and guide me through uncertainty. I've always been into the ideas of Jung and would like to marry them with some of the more problem-solving practices that I've heard about with CBT. To put it another way, I am down to explore root causes to behaviors and anxieties but need some day-to-day practices to help me recognize and cope with my limitations. I have read a book called, "The Tools" [Phil Stutzz and Barry Micheals] that seemed like a promising reference, though I don't need anything quite so branded or packaged.
Question 2: Any suggestions on how or where to look for these qualities?
There is one other aspect to my search that is hard of me to define. I grew up in a bit of chaos and don't have a strong foundation for family or community. I have recently started my own family and some fears and anxieties have surfaced. I have pieced together my own value system over the years and am now trying to sort out my beliefs on a more realistic level. I am not interested in subscribing to anything like an organized religion, but, it seems natural and I would interested in having a philosophical thread to my "treatment."
Question 3: Is this a realistic possibility? If so, how can I seek out this type of dynamic?
I'm in late 30's. Live in NYC. I teach and work in the arts. I am a parent to a toddler.
In the past I've started with people in my insurance network who had an office at a convenient location. I am now willing to go out of network and pay more (though I have a budget) for the right fit. Also, for various reasons, I've always been a bit hung up on credentials and seek a PhD or MD. No disrespect to any mental health professionals. Personal preference. I'm open to input but would not like to focus on this as a debate.
I've seen 3 therapists over the past decade, with breaks in between. My experiences have been somewhat helpful, but felt drawn out, with long gaps between insights and little overall resolve.
Question 1: Is it productive to enter a new process with defined goals/expectations and a clear but flexible end date?
I know I can't relay on someone else to give me all the answers, but I hope to find a someone who can engage, ask provoking questions, and guide me through uncertainty. I've always been into the ideas of Jung and would like to marry them with some of the more problem-solving practices that I've heard about with CBT. To put it another way, I am down to explore root causes to behaviors and anxieties but need some day-to-day practices to help me recognize and cope with my limitations. I have read a book called, "The Tools" [Phil Stutzz and Barry Micheals] that seemed like a promising reference, though I don't need anything quite so branded or packaged.
Question 2: Any suggestions on how or where to look for these qualities?
There is one other aspect to my search that is hard of me to define. I grew up in a bit of chaos and don't have a strong foundation for family or community. I have recently started my own family and some fears and anxieties have surfaced. I have pieced together my own value system over the years and am now trying to sort out my beliefs on a more realistic level. I am not interested in subscribing to anything like an organized religion, but, it seems natural and I would interested in having a philosophical thread to my "treatment."
Question 3: Is this a realistic possibility? If so, how can I seek out this type of dynamic?
Speaking to the philosophical aspect, in ACT, deciding how you are going to choose to live in a way consistent with values that you can support despite any difficulties that you have, and articulating those values seems to be a goal of therapy. It's the "Commitment" part I guess.
posted by thelonius at 12:17 PM on December 11, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by thelonius at 12:17 PM on December 11, 2015 [5 favorites]
Question 1. Yes, absolutely. It's actually very helpful to have this kind of clarity at the outset, as long as you allow for the natural process to unfold the way it needs to.
Question 2. You can go to sites like this one -- there are lots of them -- and filter by area of focus (family, CBT, etc). Yelp reviews will also often list modalities in the description. You can also often schedule a consultation with a prospective therapist to discuss your needs and expectations. Totally normal, very advisable. Finding someone you click with is a process, so don't be afraid to get specific with what you want.
Question 3. Just tell them. You could even show them this question, and ask for their stance on these areas and see if it feels like they are open to your requirements. Go ahead and be upfront -- a good therapist won't be upset or offended. Look at this process the same way you would when hiring any professional -- it's not the same as developing a friendship. It's a business transaction, and you want to make sure you are getting what you need out of the exchange.
posted by ananci at 12:18 PM on December 11, 2015
Question 2. You can go to sites like this one -- there are lots of them -- and filter by area of focus (family, CBT, etc). Yelp reviews will also often list modalities in the description. You can also often schedule a consultation with a prospective therapist to discuss your needs and expectations. Totally normal, very advisable. Finding someone you click with is a process, so don't be afraid to get specific with what you want.
Question 3. Just tell them. You could even show them this question, and ask for their stance on these areas and see if it feels like they are open to your requirements. Go ahead and be upfront -- a good therapist won't be upset or offended. Look at this process the same way you would when hiring any professional -- it's not the same as developing a friendship. It's a business transaction, and you want to make sure you are getting what you need out of the exchange.
posted by ananci at 12:18 PM on December 11, 2015
Psychology Today has a good therapist finder: Find a Therapist
You can refine your search by issues, gender, etc., if any of that matters to you. I found the write-ups helpful when comparing therapists on my insurance plan. (Though in my area, I find a lot of the established therapists don't file insurance. YMMV)
As to your questions, yes, those are all possible things, and when you call to make an appointment, or in the initial appointment, you can ask those very questions. If you don't like the answers, you can try another person.
posted by tuesdayschild at 12:31 PM on December 11, 2015
You can refine your search by issues, gender, etc., if any of that matters to you. I found the write-ups helpful when comparing therapists on my insurance plan. (Though in my area, I find a lot of the established therapists don't file insurance. YMMV)
As to your questions, yes, those are all possible things, and when you call to make an appointment, or in the initial appointment, you can ask those very questions. If you don't like the answers, you can try another person.
posted by tuesdayschild at 12:31 PM on December 11, 2015
Question 1: Is it productive to enter a new process with defined goals/expectations and a clear but flexible end date?
This is appropriate to most kinds of goal-based talk therapy.
Question 2: Any suggestions on how or where to look for these qualities?
I like "The Tools" as well but CBT first, Jung later.
Question 3: Is this a realistic possibility? If so, how can I seek out this type of dynamic?
You can let prospective therapists know this is one of your goals. You might want to put together a sort of cover letter with your short/medium/long-term goals, general philosophy, and basic life situation that you can use as you whittle down to someone you feel is a best fit for you.
Other notes: MD psychiatrists don't, in most medical schools, get much if any classroom training in behavior or Jung or whatever. They study medicine and then do a rotation and probably residency with patients in that context. They are generally prescribing doctors, not talking doctors.
The best find-a-doctor resource I've found so far is Yelp. You have to read between the lines, obviously, because the real story is about the dynamic between the reviewer and the professional, but you'll often find nuggets of info about their philosophy, style, and methodologies there.
posted by Lyn Never at 1:31 PM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
This is appropriate to most kinds of goal-based talk therapy.
Question 2: Any suggestions on how or where to look for these qualities?
I like "The Tools" as well but CBT first, Jung later.
Question 3: Is this a realistic possibility? If so, how can I seek out this type of dynamic?
You can let prospective therapists know this is one of your goals. You might want to put together a sort of cover letter with your short/medium/long-term goals, general philosophy, and basic life situation that you can use as you whittle down to someone you feel is a best fit for you.
Other notes: MD psychiatrists don't, in most medical schools, get much if any classroom training in behavior or Jung or whatever. They study medicine and then do a rotation and probably residency with patients in that context. They are generally prescribing doctors, not talking doctors.
The best find-a-doctor resource I've found so far is Yelp. You have to read between the lines, obviously, because the real story is about the dynamic between the reviewer and the professional, but you'll often find nuggets of info about their philosophy, style, and methodologies there.
posted by Lyn Never at 1:31 PM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
(I don't mean to imply CBT is your only option, I'm just saying that when you identify a methodology you want to pursue whether it's CBT or something else, start with acquiring the toolset first and then you can get lofty later.)
posted by Lyn Never at 1:32 PM on December 11, 2015
posted by Lyn Never at 1:32 PM on December 11, 2015
Response by poster: Really good stuff. Thanks, MeFi. You're the best.
posted by demonstartivepapadonous at 8:45 PM on December 11, 2015
posted by demonstartivepapadonous at 8:45 PM on December 11, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by magnislibris at 12:16 PM on December 11, 2015 [3 favorites]