High Functioning Slacker Transition to High Functioning Go-Getter?
November 23, 2015 8:52 AM Subscribe
Have you or someone you've known started changing your attitude/work level, even if you're doing great by just getting by? How'd it go? How did you make steps required to change?
Most of my life I've taken easy roads and mastered those. In work, in school I (personally) feel like I've been lazy, trying to do the minimum required. I spend 50%+ of my non meeting time on the Internet. But I guess due to some innate smarts and personality, this has gotten me good feedback (grades, promotions, performance reviews, etc, raises). I know, sucks to be me.
However, I feel some sort of anxiety that this will bite me in the back as I continue to progress in my life (have a family, take on more responsibility). Additionally, the few times where I've been challenged I've been incredibly stressed out, but after I've gotten through the challenges I've felt a satisfaction and some self-pride. (I don't know if that stress-out is worth it, though).
The other questions related to this involve hitting a crisis, or not really being able to do things, but I don't think those apply.. but I could be easily disabused of that notion...
Most of my life I've taken easy roads and mastered those. In work, in school I (personally) feel like I've been lazy, trying to do the minimum required. I spend 50%+ of my non meeting time on the Internet. But I guess due to some innate smarts and personality, this has gotten me good feedback (grades, promotions, performance reviews, etc, raises). I know, sucks to be me.
However, I feel some sort of anxiety that this will bite me in the back as I continue to progress in my life (have a family, take on more responsibility). Additionally, the few times where I've been challenged I've been incredibly stressed out, but after I've gotten through the challenges I've felt a satisfaction and some self-pride. (I don't know if that stress-out is worth it, though).
The other questions related to this involve hitting a crisis, or not really being able to do things, but I don't think those apply.. but I could be easily disabused of that notion...
Best answer: I've been a lifelong slacker (I'm 45 now), and have largely coasted on being 'clever' (or at least, people have used that word when talking about me). Like you, I've felt a certain amount of guilt at not really having had to try very hard. Also, I know that going the extra mile tends to lead to a lot satisfaction, although that realisation hasn't translated to me making a lot more effort, generally.
I'm philosophical nowadays. Not everyone is mentally equipped to be productive all the time, or even most of the time, and society's pressures in that direction are something we should question more, I think. Outward success isn't everything; sometimes peace of mind and a happy life are the better choice. I can sometimes throw myself intensely into something I enjoy, and I try to do that when I can. Above all I try not to compare myself with other people, because I'm not those other people, and the most successful among them is probably not any more satisfied with their life than I am with mine (on balance, I'm pretty satisfied).
posted by pipeski at 9:19 AM on November 23, 2015 [18 favorites]
I'm philosophical nowadays. Not everyone is mentally equipped to be productive all the time, or even most of the time, and society's pressures in that direction are something we should question more, I think. Outward success isn't everything; sometimes peace of mind and a happy life are the better choice. I can sometimes throw myself intensely into something I enjoy, and I try to do that when I can. Above all I try not to compare myself with other people, because I'm not those other people, and the most successful among them is probably not any more satisfied with their life than I am with mine (on balance, I'm pretty satisfied).
posted by pipeski at 9:19 AM on November 23, 2015 [18 favorites]
In high school I got fairly average grades until my last year as I knew I had to get them up (really up!) to get into a good university. At the risk of sounding immodest, I am smart -- I just didn't try hardly at all since I was busy with all the fun stuff: yearbook committee, newspaper, sports etc.
How did I change my attitude/work level?
Fear -- fear was the great motivator. The steps I took were to cut back on my activities and dedicate time to school work. Not fun, but it worked.
University was actually easier -- I took something I enjoyed and was good at -- that was the key I think. I didn't slack off (much) because I was really engaged.
As an adult -- I am in my late 40s -- I still have all kinds of activities I enjoy and I do well at work. Like you I'm outwardly successful (good job, promotions, raises etc.) and I spend a fair bit of time online (like now). Do I feel guilty? No, not really. I meet all my deadlines and produce good work. But I am not looking for the next promotion. I am content to do what I do.
I am not motivated by fear anymore. Like pipeski, I think that "outward success isn't everything; sometimes peace of mind and a happy life are the better choice." I am a bit of a slacker, I accept it. Could I knock my socks off to get a promotion or better job -- yeah, but I don't wanna. Too much fun to be had in other areas of my life.
posted by Lescha at 9:52 AM on November 23, 2015
How did I change my attitude/work level?
Fear -- fear was the great motivator. The steps I took were to cut back on my activities and dedicate time to school work. Not fun, but it worked.
University was actually easier -- I took something I enjoyed and was good at -- that was the key I think. I didn't slack off (much) because I was really engaged.
As an adult -- I am in my late 40s -- I still have all kinds of activities I enjoy and I do well at work. Like you I'm outwardly successful (good job, promotions, raises etc.) and I spend a fair bit of time online (like now). Do I feel guilty? No, not really. I meet all my deadlines and produce good work. But I am not looking for the next promotion. I am content to do what I do.
I am not motivated by fear anymore. Like pipeski, I think that "outward success isn't everything; sometimes peace of mind and a happy life are the better choice." I am a bit of a slacker, I accept it. Could I knock my socks off to get a promotion or better job -- yeah, but I don't wanna. Too much fun to be had in other areas of my life.
posted by Lescha at 9:52 AM on November 23, 2015
I'm sympathetic, because I'm kind of scatter-focused and quite lazy. So, the first step is realizing that this is a journey of more than one step. (If you see a Buzzfeed article that says "this one cool trick straightened out everything" you would know that that's bullshit, right?)
For me setting priorities is one of the hardest things. It is not possible to do everything and kick back and watch all the episodes of iZombie on Netflix (which I did). Identifying things that you *aren't* going to do can be useful and for some personalities it is very satisfying.
posted by puddledork at 10:13 AM on November 23, 2015
For me setting priorities is one of the hardest things. It is not possible to do everything and kick back and watch all the episodes of iZombie on Netflix (which I did). Identifying things that you *aren't* going to do can be useful and for some personalities it is very satisfying.
posted by puddledork at 10:13 AM on November 23, 2015
Like many other commenters, this describes me. I'm in my mid-30s now, and I've realized that the problem is a simple lack of challenge. I more or less like my job, but it's incredibly easy. I try to volunteer for as much as possible, but most of the additional responsibility is easy as well. I've come to realize that my job is just not ever going to be intellectually challenging. Based on other people in my company, I don't even know if getting promoted a few times will lead to a job that's intellectually challenging, either. I've more or less given up on being challenged at work, except for silly stuff like "can I do three of these things by lunchtime?", which is not actually challenging. If I'm going to be challenged, it's going to be outside of work.
I've come to believe that staying sharp intellectually is the same as staying sharp physically. You don't go to the gym expecting to one day lift a semi truck off of someone, but if you do come across someone with a semi truck crushing them, you'll either be glad you went to the gym so much, or you'll wish you'd gone more often. So I try to keep myself sharp with extracurriculars. I'm teaching myself to code, learning German and Russian and brushing up on my French, playing chess, and reading challenging stuff (I currently have John Rawls's A Theory of Justice checked out from the library).
It's probably also a good idea to enforce self-discipline on yourself. Make yourself a schedule and stick to it, pick a good habit to pick up or a bad habit to quit, etc. There used to be a blog, not sure if he still posts, called Personal Development for Smart People by Steve Pavlina that I used to read to help with stuff like that.
posted by kevinbelt at 10:34 AM on November 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
I've come to believe that staying sharp intellectually is the same as staying sharp physically. You don't go to the gym expecting to one day lift a semi truck off of someone, but if you do come across someone with a semi truck crushing them, you'll either be glad you went to the gym so much, or you'll wish you'd gone more often. So I try to keep myself sharp with extracurriculars. I'm teaching myself to code, learning German and Russian and brushing up on my French, playing chess, and reading challenging stuff (I currently have John Rawls's A Theory of Justice checked out from the library).
It's probably also a good idea to enforce self-discipline on yourself. Make yourself a schedule and stick to it, pick a good habit to pick up or a bad habit to quit, etc. There used to be a blog, not sure if he still posts, called Personal Development for Smart People by Steve Pavlina that I used to read to help with stuff like that.
posted by kevinbelt at 10:34 AM on November 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: What are the things you are not doing because they aren't easy? Which of those things do you actually care about?
If many things come easily to you, you can fall into the trap of believing that you can do things immediately or not at all. Trying something you're not good at, and working on it long enough to see improvement, can be really powerful in that situation. For me, this was rock climbing: I can see that my success at climbing depends directly on the time I've invested recently, whereas with work stuff, half the time I'm using skills that I developed by playing around in middle school (writing fake school assignments for my sister's dolls, programming my calculator to tell fortunes, etc.)
posted by yarntheory at 10:48 AM on November 23, 2015 [9 favorites]
If many things come easily to you, you can fall into the trap of believing that you can do things immediately or not at all. Trying something you're not good at, and working on it long enough to see improvement, can be really powerful in that situation. For me, this was rock climbing: I can see that my success at climbing depends directly on the time I've invested recently, whereas with work stuff, half the time I'm using skills that I developed by playing around in middle school (writing fake school assignments for my sister's dolls, programming my calculator to tell fortunes, etc.)
posted by yarntheory at 10:48 AM on November 23, 2015 [9 favorites]
Best answer: I'll second pipeski. I was fairly miserable until I stopped trying to pretend that I have professional ambition.
Likewise, I think those of us who lack the kind of madly-driven ambition that our culture worships tend to be pretty bad at self-assessment. We feel guilty for not naturally feeling the kind of ambition that makes other people voluntarily work 80 hour weeks at breakneck speed, and this makes us judge our accomplishments harshly or otherwise minimize ourselves. I have a handful of professional degrees, speak a couple languages, and enjoy life and knowledge and friendship. I had to stop seeing those as lesser achievements, and I was probably close to 30 before I could do that.
Totally anecdotal, but what helped me get over the hump was buying a house and "settling down". Almost overnight I lost that sense of needing to feel unmoored and ready to move wherever at a moment's notice in case a better opportunity came along. Now I feel like I have a home base, a community I can get to know in a long term sense, and roots that help me feel more moored in my life than do my professional achievements.
I've stopped worrying about a linear trajectory. I'm totally cool with living life in the moment and not worrying about feeling anything but lazy. I've got kids and a house and a career and I'll find the track and speed that suits me best, ya know?
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 11:51 AM on November 23, 2015 [8 favorites]
Likewise, I think those of us who lack the kind of madly-driven ambition that our culture worships tend to be pretty bad at self-assessment. We feel guilty for not naturally feeling the kind of ambition that makes other people voluntarily work 80 hour weeks at breakneck speed, and this makes us judge our accomplishments harshly or otherwise minimize ourselves. I have a handful of professional degrees, speak a couple languages, and enjoy life and knowledge and friendship. I had to stop seeing those as lesser achievements, and I was probably close to 30 before I could do that.
Totally anecdotal, but what helped me get over the hump was buying a house and "settling down". Almost overnight I lost that sense of needing to feel unmoored and ready to move wherever at a moment's notice in case a better opportunity came along. Now I feel like I have a home base, a community I can get to know in a long term sense, and roots that help me feel more moored in my life than do my professional achievements.
I've stopped worrying about a linear trajectory. I'm totally cool with living life in the moment and not worrying about feeling anything but lazy. I've got kids and a house and a career and I'll find the track and speed that suits me best, ya know?
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 11:51 AM on November 23, 2015 [8 favorites]
I'm interested in this question and answers (as a scatter-prone, reactive, sometime-fantasist and procrastinator who's mostly either chickened out or gone off-script for [] reasons). Can't answer from experience, but wanted to mention some qualities I've observed in people who are go-getters. Don't know how to get there, unfortunately - hopefully, someone will fill in the gaps.
First: they're hungry, ambitious. They really want (whatever it is). (No idea how to make yourself want something, though. A dissatisfaction with easier pleasures; more complex or intense needs - dunno. Kicking back isn't enough.)
Also: they're extremely clear on what they value. They've committed to some activity or path, and believe it fundamentally matters, no confusion there. They're focused, they have a vision. (No wishy-washy movement to stuff in the peripheral view that looks like it might be fun or interesting.)
They love something about what they're doing, get intrinsic pleasure from it; it's not just about instrumental success or power. It's necessary for them in some way.
Although they're focused, they're flexible, they adapt, too - if an opportunity in alignment with their ultimate goal shows up, they at least consider it. (It's more that they're not switching in and out of different fantasy goals week to week. They're anchored in the real. Also: they gather information to understand the landscape.)
They respond to opportunities strategically. They're not unconsciously responding to things and people; they're evaluating options and predicting outcomes more or less constantly. They ask themselves, as they move through choices, whether this next move is going to get them where they want. On a daily/weekly/monthly basis, all the time.
Other: they're skilled with people in at least some ways. They have a lot of energy (physical or at least intellectual).
I guess, working backwards: take care of your body/mind so you have energy; be friendly; have a clear vision of where you want to be and what matters (make a commitment); scan and consciously respond to opportunities; want that thing badly enough to forgo common comforts. (Probably, also, be lucky.)
Some people aren't as driven but are good at acting on opportunities (i.e. are good with people, which is one way more opportunities might come to them - more charming and canny than strategic).
posted by cotton dress sock at 7:51 PM on November 23, 2015 [3 favorites]
First: they're hungry, ambitious. They really want (whatever it is). (No idea how to make yourself want something, though. A dissatisfaction with easier pleasures; more complex or intense needs - dunno. Kicking back isn't enough.)
Also: they're extremely clear on what they value. They've committed to some activity or path, and believe it fundamentally matters, no confusion there. They're focused, they have a vision. (No wishy-washy movement to stuff in the peripheral view that looks like it might be fun or interesting.)
They love something about what they're doing, get intrinsic pleasure from it; it's not just about instrumental success or power. It's necessary for them in some way.
Although they're focused, they're flexible, they adapt, too - if an opportunity in alignment with their ultimate goal shows up, they at least consider it. (It's more that they're not switching in and out of different fantasy goals week to week. They're anchored in the real. Also: they gather information to understand the landscape.)
They respond to opportunities strategically. They're not unconsciously responding to things and people; they're evaluating options and predicting outcomes more or less constantly. They ask themselves, as they move through choices, whether this next move is going to get them where they want. On a daily/weekly/monthly basis, all the time.
Other: they're skilled with people in at least some ways. They have a lot of energy (physical or at least intellectual).
I guess, working backwards: take care of your body/mind so you have energy; be friendly; have a clear vision of where you want to be and what matters (make a commitment); scan and consciously respond to opportunities; want that thing badly enough to forgo common comforts. (Probably, also, be lucky.)
Some people aren't as driven but are good at acting on opportunities (i.e. are good with people, which is one way more opportunities might come to them - more charming and canny than strategic).
posted by cotton dress sock at 7:51 PM on November 23, 2015 [3 favorites]
Hang out with more people you want to emulate, both professionally and socially. Don't set the bar to be the person who randomly wound up sitting next to you, or who you met in the third grade. (Don't ditch your job and friends, but given two people you can meet, chose the one who builds crazy pieces of art, and avoid the one who has strong opinions on most TV shows.)
If you take a harder job, it's not just the work that's harder, but the coworkers tend to be much more capable; the benefit of the harder jobs isn't just pay for harder work, but having better people alongside you to learn from.
----
On the stress-when-challenged? I'd probably read up on fixed-mindset vs growth-mindset. In a nutshell, the latter believe you can build your intelligence or resolve through practice; the former believe you've got what you've got. Most successful-in-the-workplace people are growth-mindset, FWIW.
An example of both mindsets, when facing a challenging task which currently is going poorly:
- Fixed-mindset: I must be an idiot. I should be quiet about this, and not let anyone see.
- Growth-mindset: okay, this is hard. I should find some folks who've done this before, tell them this is damn hard, and ask them for advice so I can figure it out better next time.
FWIW, you've got at least some growth mindset. You started this thread. Embracing and encouraging a growth mindset is one category of mental hacks that let you reduce/remove stress next time you're stressfully challenged.
posted by talldean at 10:44 AM on November 24, 2015 [4 favorites]
If you take a harder job, it's not just the work that's harder, but the coworkers tend to be much more capable; the benefit of the harder jobs isn't just pay for harder work, but having better people alongside you to learn from.
----
On the stress-when-challenged? I'd probably read up on fixed-mindset vs growth-mindset. In a nutshell, the latter believe you can build your intelligence or resolve through practice; the former believe you've got what you've got. Most successful-in-the-workplace people are growth-mindset, FWIW.
An example of both mindsets, when facing a challenging task which currently is going poorly:
- Fixed-mindset: I must be an idiot. I should be quiet about this, and not let anyone see.
- Growth-mindset: okay, this is hard. I should find some folks who've done this before, tell them this is damn hard, and ask them for advice so I can figure it out better next time.
FWIW, you've got at least some growth mindset. You started this thread. Embracing and encouraging a growth mindset is one category of mental hacks that let you reduce/remove stress next time you're stressfully challenged.
posted by talldean at 10:44 AM on November 24, 2015 [4 favorites]
I have done this. I am not a super bright person or very clever, but I'm a good test taker and paper writer so I was able to get by in high school and college while maintaining my major procrastination streak and putting in minimal effort.
What forced my hand was pursuing a technical degree and then working in the field. I couldn't bs the hard knowledge required for exam taking, and cramming at the last minute didn't work either as I found I wasn't retaining nearly enough info to allow me to practice competently and safely.
I adopted "don't let perfect be the enemy of good" as my mantra. Even twenty minutes of half-assed studying every day was better than two hours of cramming the night before an exam. As a bonus my anxiety towards studying drastically decreased because I didn't force myself to be perfect. I could lounge in bed with my textbook while watching reruns of the office.
So I suggest lowering your expectations. Good luck!
posted by pintapicasso at 10:55 AM on November 24, 2015
What forced my hand was pursuing a technical degree and then working in the field. I couldn't bs the hard knowledge required for exam taking, and cramming at the last minute didn't work either as I found I wasn't retaining nearly enough info to allow me to practice competently and safely.
I adopted "don't let perfect be the enemy of good" as my mantra. Even twenty minutes of half-assed studying every day was better than two hours of cramming the night before an exam. As a bonus my anxiety towards studying drastically decreased because I didn't force myself to be perfect. I could lounge in bed with my textbook while watching reruns of the office.
So I suggest lowering your expectations. Good luck!
posted by pintapicasso at 10:55 AM on November 24, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
Yes, me! Things always came so easy for me, that if anything took any bit of effort, I would stop and do something else that was very easy for me. In high school, it worked fine--straight As, honor roll, good job for a teenager, all without trying at all.
How'd it go?
Got to college, and things started hitting the fan, so I focused on the things I liked and did very poorly in the things that took work. Saw my friends start their careers, making more money in a day than I was going to make in a week, etc, so I started paying attention.
How did you make steps required to change?
I paid a lot of attention to what my friends were doing, discreetly comparing the budding lives of my high-achieving friends with my lazier friends. Decided what I did and did not want for myself. Then started small: making the house cleaner than usual, paying more attention to details, and built up to bigger things from there, such as research related to my field to improve myself, etc.
posted by TinWhistle at 9:06 AM on November 23, 2015