Hello, Jonses? I'm not even trying to keep up with you, ok?
November 4, 2009 10:07 AM Subscribe
Somewhat inspired by this question, do I need to have a stronger work ethic?
The prior question about developing a strong work ethic made me think... should I be working a lot harder?
The background to this question is that I'm a single parent, and I am self-employed. I work from home on several long-term freelance and contract jobs. None of them are hard work, and therefore none of them really pay all that much money. But as long as I don't screw up, they're also about as secure as a contract job could be.
Financially, I do better than some people, and not as well as others. I live in an area that has a very low cost of living and I am very thrifty, so even though I don't make that much money, it's an amount that we can survive on.
However, all said and done, I don't feel that I really work that hard. I think I'm mostly ok with that, but I sometimes get a lot of pressure from my friends and family to "get a real job". My schedule is very flexible and that allows me to work when my child is at school or at night. But I also have a tendency to just slack off if I've met my expenses and financial goals for the month. For instance, I pulled a lot of extra hours last week and now I could do more work and sock away some extra cash. I did a little of that, but yesterday I just took a long nap while my kid was at school and today I've spent the morning playing the video games and recording a song. I'm still goofing around when I could be doing something productive. Messing around all day makes me happy, but then I always think maybe I should be doing something more productive with my time.
I am 30 years old. Before my child was born, I was sort of a whiz kid in my field and had started a really prestigious career at a young age. My friends and family seem to expect me to return to this career someday (hence the "get a real job" comments). But overall I found it sort of overwhelming and stressful and I think the stress and lifestyle contributed to me becoming very depressed for a long time. Ever since I downgraded my career, I'm much happier and I really enjoy having the time to pursue my hobbies and spend so much time with my child. My former spouse is not very present in our child's life, which makes this part even more important to me. But my ex is also not very financially responsible for our child either, and that causes me a bit of guilt about how well I might be providing for my child.
Also, I am 20 credits away from a college degree, but I haven't really made any effort to go back and finish it. If I did, I could be making easily twice what I earn now, or more. But I don't really have much enthusiasm for doing that. I didn't really like college that much, and if I finished I would probably end up working long hours at some office job. But sometimes the fact that I didn't finish bugs me a little too because I was doing reasonably well at school even though I hated every minute of it.
Given all of this, I feel as though I would be mostly happy living my life like this for the foreseeable future. But sometimes I get the nagging feeling that I should be doing more with myself solely because I'm capable of accomplishing more. I just don't want to sacrifice the freedom I have in my life right now even if it means a lot more money.
So do I have to cave to the pressure to apply myself more, or is it really just fine to be a bit lazy? I enjoy my life much more overall than when I was slaving away for a paycheck. But then it just seems like it's wrong somehow to not really care about being successful even though I know I could be.
The prior question about developing a strong work ethic made me think... should I be working a lot harder?
The background to this question is that I'm a single parent, and I am self-employed. I work from home on several long-term freelance and contract jobs. None of them are hard work, and therefore none of them really pay all that much money. But as long as I don't screw up, they're also about as secure as a contract job could be.
Financially, I do better than some people, and not as well as others. I live in an area that has a very low cost of living and I am very thrifty, so even though I don't make that much money, it's an amount that we can survive on.
However, all said and done, I don't feel that I really work that hard. I think I'm mostly ok with that, but I sometimes get a lot of pressure from my friends and family to "get a real job". My schedule is very flexible and that allows me to work when my child is at school or at night. But I also have a tendency to just slack off if I've met my expenses and financial goals for the month. For instance, I pulled a lot of extra hours last week and now I could do more work and sock away some extra cash. I did a little of that, but yesterday I just took a long nap while my kid was at school and today I've spent the morning playing the video games and recording a song. I'm still goofing around when I could be doing something productive. Messing around all day makes me happy, but then I always think maybe I should be doing something more productive with my time.
I am 30 years old. Before my child was born, I was sort of a whiz kid in my field and had started a really prestigious career at a young age. My friends and family seem to expect me to return to this career someday (hence the "get a real job" comments). But overall I found it sort of overwhelming and stressful and I think the stress and lifestyle contributed to me becoming very depressed for a long time. Ever since I downgraded my career, I'm much happier and I really enjoy having the time to pursue my hobbies and spend so much time with my child. My former spouse is not very present in our child's life, which makes this part even more important to me. But my ex is also not very financially responsible for our child either, and that causes me a bit of guilt about how well I might be providing for my child.
Also, I am 20 credits away from a college degree, but I haven't really made any effort to go back and finish it. If I did, I could be making easily twice what I earn now, or more. But I don't really have much enthusiasm for doing that. I didn't really like college that much, and if I finished I would probably end up working long hours at some office job. But sometimes the fact that I didn't finish bugs me a little too because I was doing reasonably well at school even though I hated every minute of it.
Given all of this, I feel as though I would be mostly happy living my life like this for the foreseeable future. But sometimes I get the nagging feeling that I should be doing more with myself solely because I'm capable of accomplishing more. I just don't want to sacrifice the freedom I have in my life right now even if it means a lot more money.
So do I have to cave to the pressure to apply myself more, or is it really just fine to be a bit lazy? I enjoy my life much more overall than when I was slaving away for a paycheck. But then it just seems like it's wrong somehow to not really care about being successful even though I know I could be.
So do I have to cave to the pressure to apply myself more, or is it really just fine to be a bit lazy?
Look ahead to what your 50s, 60s, and later will be like if you do not apply yourself more now. It might not make a pretty picture.
posted by jgirl at 10:21 AM on November 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Look ahead to what your 50s, 60s, and later will be like if you do not apply yourself more now. It might not make a pretty picture.
posted by jgirl at 10:21 AM on November 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
So do I have to cave to the pressure to apply myself more, or is it really just fine to be a bit lazy?
Your life is not anybody else's. It's yours. Raise your kid, be the best parent you can possibly be, and enjoy the fact that you don't have to sit at a desk in an office from 8-5 for the next 30 years of your life.
At some point, you may get the motivation to do something else that you seem to think you're currently lacking; if that day comes, do what motivates you, whether it be school or a more structured job, or whatever. Until then, life the life you're living and love it.
posted by pdb at 10:25 AM on November 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
Your life is not anybody else's. It's yours. Raise your kid, be the best parent you can possibly be, and enjoy the fact that you don't have to sit at a desk in an office from 8-5 for the next 30 years of your life.
At some point, you may get the motivation to do something else that you seem to think you're currently lacking; if that day comes, do what motivates you, whether it be school or a more structured job, or whatever. Until then, life the life you're living and love it.
posted by pdb at 10:25 AM on November 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
Part of your financial health should be putting away something for the future. If all you're doing is making enough to get by each month, you're going to have a rude awakening a few decades down the line.
That doesn't mean you have to kill yourself with extra hours or stressful clients. It may mean completing that degree, continuing to live frugally, and putting the extra you gain from the degree into a retirement account, and also putting something away for emergencies.
posted by xingcat at 10:26 AM on November 4, 2009 [3 favorites]
That doesn't mean you have to kill yourself with extra hours or stressful clients. It may mean completing that degree, continuing to live frugally, and putting the extra you gain from the degree into a retirement account, and also putting something away for emergencies.
posted by xingcat at 10:26 AM on November 4, 2009 [3 favorites]
Make sure that your financial goals are actually adequate. Are you saving enough to afford your own retirement? Your child's future needs, including education? Do you have enough insurance (health, life, disability, property) to care for you and your child in the event of a problem? If all of your needs are met and you're planning well for the future, I think that you're working plenty hard enough. If not, if more money would secure your or your child's future, I'd suggest thinking about some of those higher-earning options.
I agree with you that it's often better to ease up on working when your children are young in order to spend more time with them. They'll appreciate and benefit more from time with a parent than they would from the extra luxuries more money could provide. But that's only once their basic needs, including their need for security and a financial safety net, are met.
posted by decathecting at 10:51 AM on November 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
I agree with you that it's often better to ease up on working when your children are young in order to spend more time with them. They'll appreciate and benefit more from time with a parent than they would from the extra luxuries more money could provide. But that's only once their basic needs, including their need for security and a financial safety net, are met.
posted by decathecting at 10:51 AM on November 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Look ahead to what your 50s, 60s, and later will be like if you do not apply yourself more now. It might not make a pretty picture.
Or, it might be just fine, because her now-grown child is grateful that she wasn't running herself ragged in an effort to "apply herself".
Kids need physical needs met -- but they also need a parent that isn't "overwhelmed, stressed, and depressed." There's more than one way to succeed. We each find our own.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:51 AM on November 4, 2009 [5 favorites]
Or, it might be just fine, because her now-grown child is grateful that she wasn't running herself ragged in an effort to "apply herself".
Kids need physical needs met -- but they also need a parent that isn't "overwhelmed, stressed, and depressed." There's more than one way to succeed. We each find our own.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:51 AM on November 4, 2009 [5 favorites]
I admire you actually for being selfish with your time. People have so many weird morals about being productive, it's such nonsense most of the time. From my end, I know plenty of people that are far more underemployed than you and about the same age or older. Especially these days. Part of being an adult, I think, is owning what you do, and not feeling guilty about it. Quite frankly, I think you sound more sane than someone who sits in a cubicle all day, depressed, and hating it.
posted by Rocket26 at 10:56 AM on November 4, 2009 [4 favorites]
posted by Rocket26 at 10:56 AM on November 4, 2009 [4 favorites]
Having a good work ethic and making tons of money are orthogonal. I work hard as all hell and get paid barely enough to be above the poverty line. If you're satisfied with the amount you work, then don't worry about what anyone else has to say about your work ethic.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 10:58 AM on November 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by solipsophistocracy at 10:58 AM on November 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
Counting on your child as a retirement option is not a good option and places and unfair burden on them. You are realistically two easy semesters from a degree (if you busted your ass you could get it in one) which would presumably allow you to continue to live your leisurely lifestyle but allow you greater earnings in doing so. I think that would be a good way to go. Also please ignore your family on this, your life is your own.
posted by BobbyDigital at 11:00 AM on November 4, 2009
posted by BobbyDigital at 11:00 AM on November 4, 2009
Working hard just for the sake of it is crazy, and only something Americans seem to want to do. You seem to be doing the important things, living within your means and have a healthy work/life balance. If you want to make more money, see if you can improve your efficiency or effectiveness somewhere (perhaps by marketing, or asking your best clients for referrals) but don't think you need to be putting in 60 hour weeks to be a complete person...that's just horse manure.
posted by the foreground at 11:17 AM on November 4, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by the foreground at 11:17 AM on November 4, 2009 [3 favorites]
Pretty much the final bit of advice my dad gave to me before he died was, "don't...work...hard."
posted by bonobothegreat at 11:17 AM on November 4, 2009 [7 favorites]
posted by bonobothegreat at 11:17 AM on November 4, 2009 [7 favorites]
I think you can have it both ways. Why not go back and finish your degree (you are so close!), and see what you can do with it that won't involve being a wage slave? School is a good way to make contacts and just explore what else is out there that might be even more interesting than you are currently doing. I bet you could raise your current rates with that degree, if nothing else. Good for you for spending time with your kid!
posted by Atrahasis at 11:25 AM on November 4, 2009
posted by Atrahasis at 11:25 AM on November 4, 2009
At the outside you're going to be on the planet another 50 years. If you continue slacking the way you are, when you die will you wish you accomplished more? That's how I gauge whether I'm meeting expectations. I don't worry about what anyone else thinks. I just do a periodic gut check and assess whether I'm on track to get everything I want accomplished before I die.
posted by bananafish at 11:34 AM on November 4, 2009
posted by bananafish at 11:34 AM on November 4, 2009
So do I have to cave to the pressure to apply myself more, or is it really just fine to be a bit lazy?
Good heavens, it's completely fine. Congratulations on carving out the jobs and lifestyle that work so well for you. You're living the dream, in my opinion.
My only concerns are, and I'm sure you already know these, do you put aside money for retirement? Do you and your child have health insurance? Do you have sufficient emergency savings? If the answer to all those is yes, then by all means kick back and enjoy your lifestyle and freedom. If not...well, you know what you need to do.
And I'd probably just suck it up and finish the degree, if I were you. It won't take that much more time, and you don't have to do anything with it once you have it, but it's good to have in hand.
posted by anderjen at 11:52 AM on November 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
Good heavens, it's completely fine. Congratulations on carving out the jobs and lifestyle that work so well for you. You're living the dream, in my opinion.
My only concerns are, and I'm sure you already know these, do you put aside money for retirement? Do you and your child have health insurance? Do you have sufficient emergency savings? If the answer to all those is yes, then by all means kick back and enjoy your lifestyle and freedom. If not...well, you know what you need to do.
And I'd probably just suck it up and finish the degree, if I were you. It won't take that much more time, and you don't have to do anything with it once you have it, but it's good to have in hand.
posted by anderjen at 11:52 AM on November 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
I agree with some of the above posters, if you're comfortable with where you are, and you have enough for the future - don't cave in... be comfortable.
Having a good work ethic means doing what you get paid to do and not slacking off when you're on the clock.
I mean, as long as you're earning a living, I hardly think that you're slacking. I've worked upwards to 60 hours a week in the past and couldn't pay my bills. More power to you if you can work less than most people and get the job done! :)
posted by patheral at 12:21 PM on November 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Having a good work ethic means doing what you get paid to do and not slacking off when you're on the clock.
I mean, as long as you're earning a living, I hardly think that you're slacking. I've worked upwards to 60 hours a week in the past and couldn't pay my bills. More power to you if you can work less than most people and get the job done! :)
posted by patheral at 12:21 PM on November 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
But then it just seems like it's wrong somehow to not really care about being successful even though I know I could be.
I guess that's because your friends and family are nagging you into that state? If you can't come up with a concrete reason as to why that is the case (other than "somehow"), I woldn't pay too much attention to that thought.
How about applying yourself towards the college degree, so you can either do the same amount of work and earn twice as much, or do half the amount of work and earn the same amount? A little bit of effort in that regard would pay big dividends.
Whatever you choose to do, though, don't do it because someone else thinks you should. Only do it if it benefits you in some way. Don't work on your degree because I suggested it, do it because doing it feels beneficial to you. The court of other people's opinion will always convict you.
posted by Solomon at 12:49 PM on November 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
I guess that's because your friends and family are nagging you into that state? If you can't come up with a concrete reason as to why that is the case (other than "somehow"), I woldn't pay too much attention to that thought.
How about applying yourself towards the college degree, so you can either do the same amount of work and earn twice as much, or do half the amount of work and earn the same amount? A little bit of effort in that regard would pay big dividends.
Whatever you choose to do, though, don't do it because someone else thinks you should. Only do it if it benefits you in some way. Don't work on your degree because I suggested it, do it because doing it feels beneficial to you. The court of other people's opinion will always convict you.
posted by Solomon at 12:49 PM on November 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
If you can pay your bills and save money for retirement and your child's education, then I totally envy your life and say you're working just as hard as you need to. The above comment about healthcare is also important.
If you're just managing 1 or 2 out of the three, I'd suggest you apply yourself a bit more so you can manage all 3. But if you don't like the stress of a full-time job, why do it just to make other people happy? Let your friends know that you're not stuck commuting and doing all sorts of mundane and annoying tasks that you don't want to do.
Personally, I'd love to know more about how to get to the point where you are, really--regular 9-5 work is not particularly good for me.
posted by that girl at 12:21 AM on November 5, 2009
If you're just managing 1 or 2 out of the three, I'd suggest you apply yourself a bit more so you can manage all 3. But if you don't like the stress of a full-time job, why do it just to make other people happy? Let your friends know that you're not stuck commuting and doing all sorts of mundane and annoying tasks that you don't want to do.
Personally, I'd love to know more about how to get to the point where you are, really--regular 9-5 work is not particularly good for me.
posted by that girl at 12:21 AM on November 5, 2009
So do I have to cave to the pressure to apply myself more, or is it really just fine to be a bit lazy?
It's absolutely fine. You don't owe anyone - your parents, your friends, society - hard work. The only person you owe any kind of work to is your child, and if you're keeping her happy and healthy, then you're meeting that work-obligation. I agree with those who say you should be putting some money away for retirement, but that's entirely for your own benefit. It's something that you theoretically owe to you, not to anyone else.
And I agree with That Girl - I'd love to hear more about what you're doing. You can memail me if you'd like to talk more about it but don't want to mention details here.
posted by shaun uh at 7:57 AM on November 5, 2009
It's absolutely fine. You don't owe anyone - your parents, your friends, society - hard work. The only person you owe any kind of work to is your child, and if you're keeping her happy and healthy, then you're meeting that work-obligation. I agree with those who say you should be putting some money away for retirement, but that's entirely for your own benefit. It's something that you theoretically owe to you, not to anyone else.
And I agree with That Girl - I'd love to hear more about what you're doing. You can memail me if you'd like to talk more about it but don't want to mention details here.
posted by shaun uh at 7:57 AM on November 5, 2009
And I agree with That Girl - I'd love to hear more about what you're doing. You can memail me if you'd like to talk more about it but don't want to mention details here.
Me too. But only if you'd like to share.
posted by anderjen at 1:23 PM on November 5, 2009
Me too. But only if you'd like to share.
posted by anderjen at 1:23 PM on November 5, 2009
This thread is closed to new comments.
I think this answers your question.
If you're happy, and your kid is happy, and you are comfortable with your financial situation -- why not just keep being happy and providing sufficiently for your family? I don't see why you have to "cave to the pressure" others are putting on you to live your life in accordance with their desires.
posted by dryad at 10:20 AM on November 4, 2009 [4 favorites]