Cat meet baby; baby meet cat
October 27, 2015 12:39 PM Subscribe
I am currently 27 weeks pregnant with my first child. Among my many worries, I am particularly concerned with how my cat is going to handle this new addition to the family.
My cat, Oscar, is extremely affectionate. He’s the type of cat who runs to the door when I get home, jumps in my lap when I sit down, likes to be picked up and held, and spoons with me at night. I am worried that when he sees the baby in positions previously occupied by him, he is going to be jealous and act out.
I am also concerned about the sleeping situation. I have purchased one of these co-sleeper bassinets. Currently, the cat sleeps between my husband and I, but I am worried about how easy it will be for him to walk into the bassinet and plop down on the baby’s head. Is this something a cat is likely to do? Is there a way to prevent this besides keeping him out of the bedroom entirely?
Any other advice on preparing the cat for the baby? Personal anecdotes of cats and babies happily co-existing is also appreciated.
Thanks!
My cat, Oscar, is extremely affectionate. He’s the type of cat who runs to the door when I get home, jumps in my lap when I sit down, likes to be picked up and held, and spoons with me at night. I am worried that when he sees the baby in positions previously occupied by him, he is going to be jealous and act out.
I am also concerned about the sleeping situation. I have purchased one of these co-sleeper bassinets. Currently, the cat sleeps between my husband and I, but I am worried about how easy it will be for him to walk into the bassinet and plop down on the baby’s head. Is this something a cat is likely to do? Is there a way to prevent this besides keeping him out of the bedroom entirely?
Any other advice on preparing the cat for the baby? Personal anecdotes of cats and babies happily co-existing is also appreciated.
Thanks!
We had a baby last year. Our prep was mostly setting up the crib early, then making the point to the cats that they should not go in the crib. Every time one of these doofs got in there, we consistently and mechanically booted them out.
All cats and babies are different, as you have probably heard by now, but there's no animosity between the cats and (now) toddler. One cat just avoids him all together, except at meal times (Bonus Cat loves food), and the other cat is curious and really interested in making friends. (Dr. Wily is a people cat.) However, the guy does not yet have the impulse control to not pat her as hard as he can or to tackle her sometimes. So, when that happens, she takes off to a safe space.
Back before he was mobile, they sniffed him if we were holding him, but otherwise, ignored him.
posted by ignignokt at 12:55 PM on October 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
All cats and babies are different, as you have probably heard by now, but there's no animosity between the cats and (now) toddler. One cat just avoids him all together, except at meal times (Bonus Cat loves food), and the other cat is curious and really interested in making friends. (Dr. Wily is a people cat.) However, the guy does not yet have the impulse control to not pat her as hard as he can or to tackle her sometimes. So, when that happens, she takes off to a safe space.
Back before he was mobile, they sniffed him if we were holding him, but otherwise, ignored him.
posted by ignignokt at 12:55 PM on October 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
Oops, should have added that Feliway collars and diffusers work pretty well. They calmed Captain down enough that she's not always chasing Ganesh away.
posted by cabingirl at 12:55 PM on October 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by cabingirl at 12:55 PM on October 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
I think that one reason cats sit on people (including babies) is for the warmth. You might consider setting up a heated bed for the cat that's more attractive than a baby - it probably should be as close to you guys as the co-sleeping crib.
posted by amtho at 1:41 PM on October 27, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by amtho at 1:41 PM on October 27, 2015 [6 favorites]
Oscar is a cutie pie!
We have two cats and a two year and this was also a big concern of mine when I was pregnant. Turns out it wasn't really a big deal.
When we set up the co-sleeper, I just kept a blanket on top to avoid it being covered in cat hair. My generally loving and attached-at-the-hip cats kept their distance as soon as we brought home a noisy infant. After a week or so, they started venturing back to the bed while my son slept. They have never slept in his bassinet or crib, and even now that we converted the crib to a toddler bed they won't go on it.
For the first two years, the cats really only ever got near the baby when he was sleeping or nursing. There was a lot of cat napping on my feet or even the boppy. He's just now learning to pet gently, and they have finally stopped leaving the room when he rambles in.
I was worried that I would neglect the cats after having a baby, but they seem happier that we are home more often and love to curl up with us during story time every night.
Congrats!
posted by galvanized unicorn at 2:27 PM on October 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
We have two cats and a two year and this was also a big concern of mine when I was pregnant. Turns out it wasn't really a big deal.
When we set up the co-sleeper, I just kept a blanket on top to avoid it being covered in cat hair. My generally loving and attached-at-the-hip cats kept their distance as soon as we brought home a noisy infant. After a week or so, they started venturing back to the bed while my son slept. They have never slept in his bassinet or crib, and even now that we converted the crib to a toddler bed they won't go on it.
For the first two years, the cats really only ever got near the baby when he was sleeping or nursing. There was a lot of cat napping on my feet or even the boppy. He's just now learning to pet gently, and they have finally stopped leaving the room when he rambles in.
I was worried that I would neglect the cats after having a baby, but they seem happier that we are home more often and love to curl up with us during story time every night.
Congrats!
posted by galvanized unicorn at 2:27 PM on October 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
My 4 month old son doesn't seem to register to my cat, other than as an object to walk around. When we first brought him home, she would sit on my lap while feeding him, and that's been about the extent of their interaction. We've found no evidence of sleeping in the crib or cuddling overnight (she would leave hair behind). He slept in a pack-n-play in our room, so she could cuddle with me as she saw fit, but it was summer and she wasn't as interested in that anyway.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 2:57 PM on October 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by ArgentCorvid at 2:57 PM on October 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
toby_ann: "but I am worried about how easy it will be for him to walk into the bassinet and plop down on the baby’s head. Is this something a cat is likely to do?"
My cats were all over the baby sleeping spaces right up until the baby came home and they smelled baby scent on them and then they were like OH HELL NO and stayed out of the crib/cosleeper/changing table until the kids became toddlers. (And with the Arms Reach co-sleeper, which I also had, I knew if the cats were crawling that direction. Mostly not.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:53 PM on October 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
My cats were all over the baby sleeping spaces right up until the baby came home and they smelled baby scent on them and then they were like OH HELL NO and stayed out of the crib/cosleeper/changing table until the kids became toddlers. (And with the Arms Reach co-sleeper, which I also had, I knew if the cats were crawling that direction. Mostly not.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:53 PM on October 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
Seconding Eyebrows McGee, my cat was similarly WTF IS THIS ELDRITCH HORROR when I first brought the baby home. It was several months before he would knowingly be in the same room with her.
posted by Andrhia at 6:01 PM on October 27, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Andrhia at 6:01 PM on October 27, 2015 [2 favorites]
Yeah, I had 20 year old cats, and younger cats and dogs, and the cats never tried to sleep in the bassinet once the baby came home. They weren't hostile or territorial towards him, but he didn't bring them tuna, so meh was their attitude.
The wives tale of cats smothering children doesn't seem to have a basis in recorded fact, so I wouldn't worry too much about the fur babies. Everyone will be fine, you'll do great, it's all good. Congrats!
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 7:26 PM on October 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
The wives tale of cats smothering children doesn't seem to have a basis in recorded fact, so I wouldn't worry too much about the fur babies. Everyone will be fine, you'll do great, it's all good. Congrats!
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 7:26 PM on October 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
My cat seemed to instantaneously know that he was no longer #1. He took his demotion well, all things considered, but he did look a little depressed for a while so I make sure to keep up with the skritches and treats. The food flowed freely during the first few weeks.
The first few baby cries were certainly alarming but once he realized the baby wasn't reaching for him and thus posed no physical threat then meh became the attitude.
That being said guard your soothers, we lost 2 soothers to cat chews.
Congrats!
posted by St. Peepsburg at 7:55 PM on October 27, 2015 [2 favorites]
The first few baby cries were certainly alarming but once he realized the baby wasn't reaching for him and thus posed no physical threat then meh became the attitude.
That being said guard your soothers, we lost 2 soothers to cat chews.
Congrats!
posted by St. Peepsburg at 7:55 PM on October 27, 2015 [2 favorites]
Mom says the cat got in my sister's crib a few times, but all he did was curl up and go to sleep.
When we got big enough to be curious and grabby with the felines, apparently they just gave us a wide berth.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:02 PM on October 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
When we got big enough to be curious and grabby with the felines, apparently they just gave us a wide berth.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:02 PM on October 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
I have a very spoiled male cat named Sammy who has been my furry boyfriend since college. I was worried about these things, too. I had a homebirth, and though Samzors was extremely (unusually) lovey on my pregnant bod right up until the birth, the moment things got loud, he went to the baby's crib and mostly stayed there for the first few weeks. This would have been a problem, except we started bedsharing at birth and have continued to do so since. Sammy sometimes loves on her, but still high tails it out of the room the moment there's crying. Here's them sleeping next to one another when she was about ten days old. My daughter's now 21 months, and he is incredibly patient with her attempts to cover him with inanimate objects.
One thing I didn't expect was that I would be so grumpy after my daughter was born about having a very needy cat in addition to a clusterfeeding infant. My temper has remained shorter with him than it was pre-child. My husband is the primary snuggle-giver now.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:50 PM on October 27, 2015 [3 favorites]
One thing I didn't expect was that I would be so grumpy after my daughter was born about having a very needy cat in addition to a clusterfeeding infant. My temper has remained shorter with him than it was pre-child. My husband is the primary snuggle-giver now.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:50 PM on October 27, 2015 [3 favorites]
I have a one yr old and two cats, and my experience is exactly in line with everyone above. I've memailed you my Instagram handle, since it's almost entirely cats and babies! I think if you go back to newborn pics there's a clip of our cats meeting (ignoring and staring at us blankly) the new baby. It'll be fine! I need to get a clip of baby letting the cat lick his graham cracker and laughing hysterically. Not hygienic, but SO cute ;)
posted by jrobin276 at 2:21 AM on October 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by jrobin276 at 2:21 AM on October 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Our cats were totally fine with our kids as babies - cuddled them, never scratched anyone until they were old enough to be taught by a cranky cat to be gentle. All three kids first word was cat for our big old ginger cat now long departed since said kids are in their 20s. When the babies got loud the cats disappeared. They would cuddle up to a sleeping baby (but never on top). Clearly thought of our kids as their babies too despite the fact that they were neutered males - it just wasn't a problem at all.
posted by leslies at 5:33 AM on October 28, 2015
posted by leslies at 5:33 AM on October 28, 2015
I totally had this fear with my first baby. Our kitty is warm and friendly and very dependent on my husband and I but she did a disappearing act for the first three months of baby's life...she did not threaten baby at all. Now that my baby is 14 months the cat and baby love eachother. Kitty is one of the first words my daughter said (actually one of two words she says). My baby is not very gentle with kitty so kitty gives her a wide berth too. Kitty does have very sharp nails and once just by incidental contact kitty scratched my baby's hand. I didn't freak out but boy I could have. Kitty also sleeps in her crib from time to time when she is not in there...but I just take kitty out and we move on. I agree its really important to keep a close watch on kitty the first couple of months to ensure kitty does not sleep on baby. my kitty likes to sleep on my warm laptop as an alternate. We also keep the cat outside more often these days. Baby #2 is coming and I will be watching closely, but in general the cat seems to have accepted our growing baby, even likes her. Good luck and Congrats!!
posted by SanSebastien at 7:14 AM on October 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by SanSebastien at 7:14 AM on October 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Congratulations! The basic answer to this question is "who really knows, cats are insane and every cat is different," but as others have mentioned in this thread, there's at least a decent chance that everything's going to be just fine.
As another data point, before our daughter June was born, our cat, Beans, was very affectionate to me and my wife (although occasionally bite-y) but was often a real piece of shit to guests, to the point that we would have to lock her in our bedroom when we'd have people over for dinner and stuff. Before June was born we were VERY nervous about how she was going to respond.
But like others have described, the day we brought her home from the hospital, Beans seemed to immediately realize that everything had changed and her bullshit wasn't going to fly with the baby. And she's been great with her every since. In fact, it really feels like having June around has mellowed Beans out, although that might just be age too. She remains as affectionate as ever, but much less bite-y to us and much less aggressive/obnoxious towards guests.
As PhoBWanKenobi points out, though, be prepared (especially as the new mom) to suddenly find yourself looking at your once-beloved cat with resentment for daring to demand anything of you, and in particular affection.
posted by saladin at 7:18 AM on October 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
As another data point, before our daughter June was born, our cat, Beans, was very affectionate to me and my wife (although occasionally bite-y) but was often a real piece of shit to guests, to the point that we would have to lock her in our bedroom when we'd have people over for dinner and stuff. Before June was born we were VERY nervous about how she was going to respond.
But like others have described, the day we brought her home from the hospital, Beans seemed to immediately realize that everything had changed and her bullshit wasn't going to fly with the baby. And she's been great with her every since. In fact, it really feels like having June around has mellowed Beans out, although that might just be age too. She remains as affectionate as ever, but much less bite-y to us and much less aggressive/obnoxious towards guests.
As PhoBWanKenobi points out, though, be prepared (especially as the new mom) to suddenly find yourself looking at your once-beloved cat with resentment for daring to demand anything of you, and in particular affection.
posted by saladin at 7:18 AM on October 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Nthing what PhoBWanKenobi said. It took about a week for our cat (Señor Don Gato) to adjust to having a newborn in the house, and then for the next two years he basically ignored my son, only giving him a sniff now and then. Now they are a good terms, but there is a lot of sibling rivalry. If my son is playing with his legos, Don Gato will saunter in and plop down on them, and then my son comes tattling to me (literally).
But the biggest thing that I did not anticipate was how I came to almost hate Don Gato when my son was very small and needed 100% of my attention. It was so, so hard to deal with another thing that wanted affection and needed to be fed and played with when I felt that I was barely keeping my head above water as it was. I still feel really guilty about that. Things are much better now, but there are still times when he jumps up on my lap and I'm like "OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE FOR FIVE MINUTES".
I would definitely talk with your husband before hand about how the majority of cat lovin' is going to be in his hands for the next few months/years.
posted by lollymccatburglar at 5:17 AM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
But the biggest thing that I did not anticipate was how I came to almost hate Don Gato when my son was very small and needed 100% of my attention. It was so, so hard to deal with another thing that wanted affection and needed to be fed and played with when I felt that I was barely keeping my head above water as it was. I still feel really guilty about that. Things are much better now, but there are still times when he jumps up on my lap and I'm like "OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE FOR FIVE MINUTES".
I would definitely talk with your husband before hand about how the majority of cat lovin' is going to be in his hands for the next few months/years.
posted by lollymccatburglar at 5:17 AM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank you everyone for your replies! I feel relieved knowing that it is very unlikely that Oscar will smoother the baby or act out from jealousy. I hope Oscar and baby will be buds, but I see that this will take some time. Now to move on to all my other baby concerns....
posted by toby_ann at 1:29 PM on October 29, 2015
posted by toby_ann at 1:29 PM on October 29, 2015
« Older How to handle my anxiety on "active shooter"... | Should a hypochondriac take SSRIs? Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
All that said, despite her interest in the baby, Captain has not tried to sleep in the crib/bassinet/playpen with Fiona. She doesn't really seem interested in cuddling with her yet. After all, the baby doesn't really do the things she likes like scratching behind her ears. Her antics such as sleeping near or on the baby seem designed to get more affection from us, not the baby.
YMMV of course, but I personally think the idea that a friendly housecat is going to smother a baby is a bit unrealistic anyhow.
posted by cabingirl at 12:54 PM on October 27, 2015 [1 favorite]