My anxiety and depression are ruining my life, what do I do now?
October 24, 2015 10:10 AM Subscribe
I have struggled, periodically, with depression. I was always able to manage it. There have been some situations in my life where I've taken anti-depressants because the depression was a little more debilitating. more inside...
A year ago, I was laid off from a job/company I'd worked for for about 15 years. Since losing this job I've worked 3 different jobs over the last 9 months. All three jobs have been in completely different industries, with differing responsibilites. I lasted about 3.5 months in the first job. I resigned because I had a couple of negative experiences with the manager.
I started having panic attacks after about a month on the second job. The environment was very negative. I worked with all women (I am a women), in close quarters. There was so much gossip and drama going on. My manager would talk about everyone behind their backs with me and my peers. I have always worked well with everyone. I try to avoid office gossip like the plague.
Couple the toxic environment with ridiculous productivity expectations of the management, and well, once again I resigned. That was about 2 months into the job.
I was able to get through a rigorous 3 step interview process to secure my most recent job. I realized at the end of the first week of training for this job that this job is a terrible fit for me. It's 100% work from home, technical troubleshooting. The pace of the training was VERY intense. I managed to pass all the required quizzes and the final exam. However, I am struggled with being able to navigate the systems, talk to my customer on the phone and search for the resources I need to assist the customer.
I had a full fledged panic attack the other day that left me in tears. I called my manager, who is in another part of the country, and told him I had a family emergency. I left for the rest of the day. I sent a resignation letter to him the next day. I lasted a month on this job.
I finally decided I need medication to handle my depression and anxiety. I met with a therapist the other day for an initial evaluation. My next visit will be with a psychiatrist for therapy and meds.
Since I haven't been able to manage all of the depression and anxiety I have I now have a one year gap in employment on my resume. I never finished college. My skills aren't particularly unique. I am always looking for a job. I am not having any luck. I am also worried that I have ruined my chances of ever being able to be gainfully employed because of how my resume looks to potential employers.
I need advice as to how to proceed with job hunting. How do I explain the gap in employment? I can't use any of these recent jobs as references, because I burned bridges. Prior to this lay off I have always been a stellar, stable employee. I never missed work. I was productive, worked well with my team members and was well regarded by management. Any suggestions as to what I should now would be appreciated.
A year ago, I was laid off from a job/company I'd worked for for about 15 years. Since losing this job I've worked 3 different jobs over the last 9 months. All three jobs have been in completely different industries, with differing responsibilites. I lasted about 3.5 months in the first job. I resigned because I had a couple of negative experiences with the manager.
I started having panic attacks after about a month on the second job. The environment was very negative. I worked with all women (I am a women), in close quarters. There was so much gossip and drama going on. My manager would talk about everyone behind their backs with me and my peers. I have always worked well with everyone. I try to avoid office gossip like the plague.
Couple the toxic environment with ridiculous productivity expectations of the management, and well, once again I resigned. That was about 2 months into the job.
I was able to get through a rigorous 3 step interview process to secure my most recent job. I realized at the end of the first week of training for this job that this job is a terrible fit for me. It's 100% work from home, technical troubleshooting. The pace of the training was VERY intense. I managed to pass all the required quizzes and the final exam. However, I am struggled with being able to navigate the systems, talk to my customer on the phone and search for the resources I need to assist the customer.
I had a full fledged panic attack the other day that left me in tears. I called my manager, who is in another part of the country, and told him I had a family emergency. I left for the rest of the day. I sent a resignation letter to him the next day. I lasted a month on this job.
I finally decided I need medication to handle my depression and anxiety. I met with a therapist the other day for an initial evaluation. My next visit will be with a psychiatrist for therapy and meds.
Since I haven't been able to manage all of the depression and anxiety I have I now have a one year gap in employment on my resume. I never finished college. My skills aren't particularly unique. I am always looking for a job. I am not having any luck. I am also worried that I have ruined my chances of ever being able to be gainfully employed because of how my resume looks to potential employers.
I need advice as to how to proceed with job hunting. How do I explain the gap in employment? I can't use any of these recent jobs as references, because I burned bridges. Prior to this lay off I have always been a stellar, stable employee. I never missed work. I was productive, worked well with my team members and was well regarded by management. Any suggestions as to what I should now would be appreciated.
First, realize that you don't have to tell anyone that you worked any of those three jobs. You could reference one on your resume as a project, but nowadays, it's not at all uncommon for people to take longer to find a job, and you've got one FIFTEEN-year job to show your steadiness. Right now, consider getting a McJob to pay the essential bills and focus on your mental health. A one-year or more gap in employment is SO common. People take time off to have babies, care for loved ones, travel, or deal with illnesses. Nobody will look at someone with a gap and give up on you. Put the first of the three jobs on your resume as a project. Now it's a shorter gap, and take a moment to remember nobody is judging you the way you judge yourself.
Also, your skills don't have to be unique. YOU are already unique, and that's more than enough. Take care of your health and the rest will follow.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 11:47 AM on October 24, 2015 [3 favorites]
Also, your skills don't have to be unique. YOU are already unique, and that's more than enough. Take care of your health and the rest will follow.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 11:47 AM on October 24, 2015 [3 favorites]
Kudos for paying attention to the signals your body was sending you. That is a good thing. Kudos for seeking medical treatment for a medical condition(s). My life would have been so much better had I sought help for my anxiety years earlier. Finally, if you are not on LinkedIn, create a profile and call yourself a consultant for that period. (Or not). I got fired a year ago after 4 months on a job. It was devastating. That's not the same as being laid off but it still sucked majorly. Can't imagine how difficult this period has been for you. So be kind to yourself. Take baby steps. Work on loving and caring for yourself and follow The Wrong Kind of Cheese's advice, if you can, and take a McJob for now, just to keep the bills paid while you get yourself more settled and healthy. You know how employers give us probationary periods? It works both ways. You don't need to mention any of these jobs you held so briefly. They didn't work for you, you left, nothing to worry about. Good luck!
posted by Bella Donna at 3:29 PM on October 24, 2015
posted by Bella Donna at 3:29 PM on October 24, 2015
Gap in employment- you worked somewhere for 15 years! The year gap was you taking a break. I interview lots of people and would have no issues with this answer. If you had spotty work history only doing a year or two at a million places, I'd be suspicious, but I think with your work history it is perfectly acceptable to tell people you took some time off.
If you worked well with your previous team members from the company you worked at for a long time, ask them to provide references for you.
I have been there with the panic attacks and clinical depression and I can tell you that getting into therapy and on meds probably saved my life. One thing that I learned was that I was continually catastrophizing, which, from much of your question, it looks like you are doing now. Because I was so crazed and sleep deprived and anxious it constantly felt like every situation was a terrifying predator coming down to snatch me up in its jaws. Looking back now I realize how wrong it was to think this way. In time you will feel this way too.
Best of luck. You WILL find another job and everything will be ok. It gets better.
posted by raw sugar at 11:32 PM on October 24, 2015 [3 favorites]
If you worked well with your previous team members from the company you worked at for a long time, ask them to provide references for you.
I have been there with the panic attacks and clinical depression and I can tell you that getting into therapy and on meds probably saved my life. One thing that I learned was that I was continually catastrophizing, which, from much of your question, it looks like you are doing now. Because I was so crazed and sleep deprived and anxious it constantly felt like every situation was a terrifying predator coming down to snatch me up in its jaws. Looking back now I realize how wrong it was to think this way. In time you will feel this way too.
Best of luck. You WILL find another job and everything will be ok. It gets better.
posted by raw sugar at 11:32 PM on October 24, 2015 [3 favorites]
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On your resume can't you say that you just did a bit of project work for these 3 companies.
I would be devastated to be laid off after 15 years that's been a really traumatic thing for you.
Could you not look for a job at a lower level than you were doing so you won't panic that you can't do it?
posted by Flowerpower at 10:20 AM on October 24, 2015