How do I get rid of this driving anxiety?
March 18, 2015 1:13 PM Subscribe
I am suffering driving anxiety but not sure how to fix it. I'm looking for ideas on how to proceed.
Extended (long) details inside.
I like in the UK where driving is quite complex and "twisty" but we're also statistically safe (and getting better in terms of accidents per mile driven).
I passed my test 5 years ago on the first try. I had an excellent, well seasoned instructor who taught me not only to drive but also how to be a anticipatory driver and not just a reactionary one. Once I got my licence I made a few major mistakes (cutting off people, changing lanes on a busy roundabout, etc) but nothing that resulted in more than some beeping.
I didn't drive much for the last 2 years but recently I've been forced back into it by a change of circumstances. For some reason I'm feeling a lot of trepidation about driving and I can't get rid of it.
I have done the following things to try and put my mind at ease:
a. I took 12 refresher lessons with my original instructor and 6 more with another instructor. I notice when they are in the car I have not a care in the world and feel great. My original instructor basically refused to give me any more lessons beyond 12 saying he'd humoured me long enough and I should just "get on with it".
b. I took a 700 mile round trip alone from my city in the South of England all the way to the North, visiting two cities briefly and back again.
c. Go out driving every day, as I have to do a route as part of my job. It's only 6 miles, done twice a day.
I notice the trepidation is a lot worse when I'm not in the car, like I'm anticipating things (it gets worse as the time to drive gets closer). When I'm in the car it's a lot better as I'm too busy driving though I can feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins when hazards come up (e.g. cyclists).
This is all having 3 effects that are disturbing me:
a. I hate driving -- I don't want to, I want to love it!
b. I'm becoming a reactionary rather than anticipatory driver -- ironically making me unsafe
c. It's crippling my freedom. I have a set route and don't deviate from it etc.
I've been thinking a lot of the things that do scare me, and a few scenarios keep coming up:
a. I'll miss a pedestrian crossing light or stop light turning red and hit someone or some car
b. I'll end up squashing a cyclist involuntarily by missing a blind spot check etc
c. I might misread a sign or road signal and end up "stuck" the wrong way or in an illegal or inconvenient location (e.g. down a no-entry street).
d. I'll end up making a short stop due to one of the above and I'll be rear-ended.
Ironically, I find high-speed driving more palatable as I feel it's a lot more straightforward than narrow windy streets.
I have looked at driving anxiety material and I'm not sure if I should be looking for help with this. I'm looking for advice on how I could get help and any experience other's might have had with similar things. I realise I need to lick this otherwise I'll be curtailing my career. Thanks in advance.
I like in the UK where driving is quite complex and "twisty" but we're also statistically safe (and getting better in terms of accidents per mile driven).
I passed my test 5 years ago on the first try. I had an excellent, well seasoned instructor who taught me not only to drive but also how to be a anticipatory driver and not just a reactionary one. Once I got my licence I made a few major mistakes (cutting off people, changing lanes on a busy roundabout, etc) but nothing that resulted in more than some beeping.
I didn't drive much for the last 2 years but recently I've been forced back into it by a change of circumstances. For some reason I'm feeling a lot of trepidation about driving and I can't get rid of it.
I have done the following things to try and put my mind at ease:
a. I took 12 refresher lessons with my original instructor and 6 more with another instructor. I notice when they are in the car I have not a care in the world and feel great. My original instructor basically refused to give me any more lessons beyond 12 saying he'd humoured me long enough and I should just "get on with it".
b. I took a 700 mile round trip alone from my city in the South of England all the way to the North, visiting two cities briefly and back again.
c. Go out driving every day, as I have to do a route as part of my job. It's only 6 miles, done twice a day.
I notice the trepidation is a lot worse when I'm not in the car, like I'm anticipating things (it gets worse as the time to drive gets closer). When I'm in the car it's a lot better as I'm too busy driving though I can feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins when hazards come up (e.g. cyclists).
This is all having 3 effects that are disturbing me:
a. I hate driving -- I don't want to, I want to love it!
b. I'm becoming a reactionary rather than anticipatory driver -- ironically making me unsafe
c. It's crippling my freedom. I have a set route and don't deviate from it etc.
I've been thinking a lot of the things that do scare me, and a few scenarios keep coming up:
a. I'll miss a pedestrian crossing light or stop light turning red and hit someone or some car
b. I'll end up squashing a cyclist involuntarily by missing a blind spot check etc
c. I might misread a sign or road signal and end up "stuck" the wrong way or in an illegal or inconvenient location (e.g. down a no-entry street).
d. I'll end up making a short stop due to one of the above and I'll be rear-ended.
Ironically, I find high-speed driving more palatable as I feel it's a lot more straightforward than narrow windy streets.
I have looked at driving anxiety material and I'm not sure if I should be looking for help with this. I'm looking for advice on how I could get help and any experience other's might have had with similar things. I realise I need to lick this otherwise I'll be curtailing my career. Thanks in advance.
I used to get this when I was a new-ish driver and didn't do a whole lot of driving. Just knowing I'd have to drive later that day would make me sweat and my heart pound just thinking about it -- the anticipatory stuff was almost worse than actually driving.
It went away in time. I still fear hitting a pedestrian or cyclist on a dark rainy night but it just makes me more vigilant.
Give it time.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 1:53 PM on March 18, 2015
It went away in time. I still fear hitting a pedestrian or cyclist on a dark rainy night but it just makes me more vigilant.
Give it time.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 1:53 PM on March 18, 2015
Is it worth getting your eyes checked? I hate driving at night, and it turns out it's because my eyes aren't great.
posted by kjs4 at 4:00 PM on March 18, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by kjs4 at 4:00 PM on March 18, 2015 [2 favorites]
What kind of car do you have?
I had terrible driving anxiety when I was younger but since I got my own car (one that I chose myself, for myself only) a lovely little Ford Fiesta with rear parking sensors, I feel confident about going anywhere and parking anywhere.
If you drive a bigger car perhaps getting a smaller one would help?
posted by Youremyworld at 4:16 PM on March 18, 2015
I had terrible driving anxiety when I was younger but since I got my own car (one that I chose myself, for myself only) a lovely little Ford Fiesta with rear parking sensors, I feel confident about going anywhere and parking anywhere.
If you drive a bigger car perhaps getting a smaller one would help?
posted by Youremyworld at 4:16 PM on March 18, 2015
I really feel for you. I am a generally anxious person and always have been, so naturally when it came time to learn to drive things escalated. I am a very intelligent person and I learn things quickly, but my anxiety about the whole process of learning this new physical skill blocked me at first from being any good at it. Sometimes anxiety can function like a set of blinders that prevent us from seeing that things are really more okay than we think.
For one, you are obviously very conscientious about learning to be a good driver and the level of responsibility and commitment it involves. Believe me when I say many drivers on the road are not in that mind frame at all, which is why there are so many unnecessary auto accidents, texting and driving, road rage, etc. You can start your journey by patting yourself on the back for taking it seriously.
One thing I was taught in driving school that really helped me was to think of myself as the only person on the road who knew what I was doing. This encouraged high alertness toward the environment and the behavior of other drivers without getting me bogged down in the "I can't do this" place. You can obviously do it, as you are licensed and you have done it. And like others have said, in time will come the true confidence. I've had my license for 12 years and I go wherever I please without fear now, even in snow and even on the highway. I couldn't say that at first. I used to have a five alarm panic attack every time I tried to merge on the interstate. I failed my driver's test three times because I was so anxious I was doing dumb things like failing to go when the light turned green. (My instructor actually told me they were having to add that as a new failure criteria to their list because no one had ever done it before.)
I don't know if they have MasterDrive or something similar in the UK, but that's what I took and it really helped me. They created extreme situations for me like forcing my car to hydroplane or throwing cones in front of it to simulate trying to swerve to miss a deer. The point of it was for me to learn that no matter what happens I will be okay as long as I keep my eyes open, pay attention, and trust my instincts. If you do those things, you will be okay too.
posted by dissolvedgirl22 at 6:31 PM on March 18, 2015
For one, you are obviously very conscientious about learning to be a good driver and the level of responsibility and commitment it involves. Believe me when I say many drivers on the road are not in that mind frame at all, which is why there are so many unnecessary auto accidents, texting and driving, road rage, etc. You can start your journey by patting yourself on the back for taking it seriously.
One thing I was taught in driving school that really helped me was to think of myself as the only person on the road who knew what I was doing. This encouraged high alertness toward the environment and the behavior of other drivers without getting me bogged down in the "I can't do this" place. You can obviously do it, as you are licensed and you have done it. And like others have said, in time will come the true confidence. I've had my license for 12 years and I go wherever I please without fear now, even in snow and even on the highway. I couldn't say that at first. I used to have a five alarm panic attack every time I tried to merge on the interstate. I failed my driver's test three times because I was so anxious I was doing dumb things like failing to go when the light turned green. (My instructor actually told me they were having to add that as a new failure criteria to their list because no one had ever done it before.)
I don't know if they have MasterDrive or something similar in the UK, but that's what I took and it really helped me. They created extreme situations for me like forcing my car to hydroplane or throwing cones in front of it to simulate trying to swerve to miss a deer. The point of it was for me to learn that no matter what happens I will be okay as long as I keep my eyes open, pay attention, and trust my instincts. If you do those things, you will be okay too.
posted by dissolvedgirl22 at 6:31 PM on March 18, 2015
I wonder if some of the answers to this question might be helpful.
Can you create a good association with driving? E.g. play your favourite music in the car (unless listening to music while driving stresses you out) or drive to somewhere you really enjoy after one of your daily route? Perhaps looking forward to something might counterbalance the anticipatory dread? If you are feeling constrained about going off the one route you know, what is that about? If it's fear of getting lost (this is often my fear) getting a GPS, or a car mount for your mobile phone, might take the edge off that, even if it's only a backup plan. One of the best things about driving is that you get to say when and where you go - can you indulge in that a bit?
Regarding your scenarios:
a. I'll miss a pedestrian crossing light or stop light turning red and hit someone or some car
How likely is this? Have you ever not noticed that the light had turned red before? It seems unlikely to me that you would forget to look at whether the light was red or not. If you mean accidentally going through a light that had just changed to red - this is why driving instructors tell you to check before you go when the light turns green! The likelihood of causing serious damage this way is small, I think.
b. I'll end up squashing a cyclist involuntarily by missing a blind spot check etc
I think it's right to be concerned about the safety of cyclists on the road because they are very vulnerable and a lot of drivers don't mix well with cyclists. The acronym I learned for changing lanes or turning is MISS - Mirror, Indicator, Shoulder (look over your shoulder to check your blind spot), Steer, so perhaps if you can narrate it to yourself this way, it might help manage your concern about this.
c. I might misread a sign or road signal and end up "stuck" the wrong way or in an illegal or inconvenient location (e.g. down a no-entry street).
This has happened to me! The first time I drove to a local supermarket after getting my license, I tried to drive in the exit, and had to ignominiously back out. I have also driven down a ramp into a parking garage that I believed would open when I pushed a button, but it turned out to be the wrong garage and I had to back up the ramp and out onto the street. No doubt there was eye-rolling and head-shaking, but nothing bad actually happened.
d. I'll end up making a short stop due to one of the above and I'll be rear-ended.
Other drivers are supposed to allow sufficient space to stop if something unexpected happens. OK, it makes sense not to slam on the anchors for no reason, but if another driver rear-ends you, that is actually their fault and not something you can completely control.
posted by Cheese Monster at 11:47 PM on March 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
Can you create a good association with driving? E.g. play your favourite music in the car (unless listening to music while driving stresses you out) or drive to somewhere you really enjoy after one of your daily route? Perhaps looking forward to something might counterbalance the anticipatory dread? If you are feeling constrained about going off the one route you know, what is that about? If it's fear of getting lost (this is often my fear) getting a GPS, or a car mount for your mobile phone, might take the edge off that, even if it's only a backup plan. One of the best things about driving is that you get to say when and where you go - can you indulge in that a bit?
Regarding your scenarios:
a. I'll miss a pedestrian crossing light or stop light turning red and hit someone or some car
How likely is this? Have you ever not noticed that the light had turned red before? It seems unlikely to me that you would forget to look at whether the light was red or not. If you mean accidentally going through a light that had just changed to red - this is why driving instructors tell you to check before you go when the light turns green! The likelihood of causing serious damage this way is small, I think.
b. I'll end up squashing a cyclist involuntarily by missing a blind spot check etc
I think it's right to be concerned about the safety of cyclists on the road because they are very vulnerable and a lot of drivers don't mix well with cyclists. The acronym I learned for changing lanes or turning is MISS - Mirror, Indicator, Shoulder (look over your shoulder to check your blind spot), Steer, so perhaps if you can narrate it to yourself this way, it might help manage your concern about this.
c. I might misread a sign or road signal and end up "stuck" the wrong way or in an illegal or inconvenient location (e.g. down a no-entry street).
This has happened to me! The first time I drove to a local supermarket after getting my license, I tried to drive in the exit, and had to ignominiously back out. I have also driven down a ramp into a parking garage that I believed would open when I pushed a button, but it turned out to be the wrong garage and I had to back up the ramp and out onto the street. No doubt there was eye-rolling and head-shaking, but nothing bad actually happened.
d. I'll end up making a short stop due to one of the above and I'll be rear-ended.
Other drivers are supposed to allow sufficient space to stop if something unexpected happens. OK, it makes sense not to slam on the anchors for no reason, but if another driver rear-ends you, that is actually their fault and not something you can completely control.
posted by Cheese Monster at 11:47 PM on March 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
Zen Driving. I don't remember why I picked this book up shortly after it first came out, but I found that driving came more naturally to me and was less stressful after reading it. And its practical advice slopped over (is that a thing to say about zen?) into other areas of my life, too.
Good luck.
posted by bryon at 1:53 AM on March 19, 2015
Good luck.
posted by bryon at 1:53 AM on March 19, 2015
Kind of seconding Youremyworld's advice. I have a car with blind spot indicator sensor things. There are small lights that go on on each side when something enters the blind spot on that side. Obviously I still use my own vision, but it is a nice double-checking sort of thing, not entirely unlike having somebody else in the car looking out for you.
posted by kmennie at 7:50 AM on March 19, 2015
posted by kmennie at 7:50 AM on March 19, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
But also time. It's just going to take time, and maybe some willpower on your part to not catastrophize when you're not in the car. Driving IS dangerous and you should respect that (which is different from fear, if you're able to reframe) but as you become more familiar with your route you should feel more confident and less anxious.
Also, don't forget you don't have to control all cars, pedestrians, bicyclists etc out there, just yourself. They are watching for drivers too, and have a vested interest in not walking in front of you, staying in your blind spot etc.
posted by Lyn Never at 1:34 PM on March 18, 2015