Help me get over my inability to drive.

September 2, 2006 1:07 PM

Asking for my sister: I have trouble with driving, and hundreds of dollars' worth of lessons haven't helped. I still feel anxious and nervous on the road. I'd like to learn more about diverse methods of practicing driving skills. How to build my confidence?

Other ways that I've considered include going to video arcades to practice driving games. (It's not just passing the test or parking, it's driving in general.)

posted by dreamyshade to travel & transportation (21 comments total)

What kind of car do you drive? Have you tried driving a small European style hatchback? I hate driving too. Luckily, I'm able to avoid driving; I manage to get around by bike, train, and foot.

Where are you learning to drive? How about finding the smallest, quietest towns to practice in?
posted by popcassady at 1:23 PM on September 2, 2006

Do you have your license already or not?

I was a nervous wreck when I drove until I started driving by myself more; 90% of my driving terror was linked to trying not to terrify the other person in the car, so I was concentrating too much on the passenger and too little on the road, so I drove badly, frightening both of us.

The other thing that helped was driving the same familiar route every single day. When you know what to expect, it's a lot easier to keep an eye out for the things you really need to pay attention to.
posted by Jeanne at 1:28 PM on September 2, 2006

Agree with the above comment. It sounds like I'm on a tangent, but I've involved myself with VATSIM, which is a real-time air traffic control network for flight simulators. It's highly procedural, highly multitasked, and uses headsets, the whole deal. I started out really nervous, but built up my confidence by picking only one route and flying it each night.
posted by chef_boyardee at 1:43 PM on September 2, 2006

Sunday Mornings around 6 am is a great time to practive driving when there is little to no other traffic around.
posted by Mick at 1:50 PM on September 2, 2006

I don't know what your budget is, and I'm not sure what your exact experience is with "driving lessons". If you have been going to driver's education type classes, I don't really count those as a driving school. I would recommend taking a "driving school" that is offered by a racing school. I can't speak from experience in terms of being a nervous driver, however, I can tell you there is a vast difference between a driver's ed type school and a racing school. The racing school (just their basic driving programs, not their racing programs) will put you in enough extreme conditions in a safe environment that I would think they could only improve your confidence out on the regular road. The other benefit is, the tone of these classes are more "it's fun to drive" than the "let's watch another Blood on the Highway movie to scare the kids" that I've found in driver's ed. Skip Barber has a good racing program (which I've done), but they also have a normal driving school. :


Ditto on driving by yourself, known routes, and doing it at an off time of day or night to minimize traffic.
posted by ill3 at 2:01 PM on September 2, 2006

And the Skip Barber link to be in there was :

http://www.skipbarber.com
posted by ill3 at 2:02 PM on September 2, 2006

I was a very timid driver [in the begining]. One thing my father made me do was drive in the center lane in 3-lane roads and the left lane in 2-lane road. It was difficult, but it was a trial-by-fire thing that paid off later.
posted by trinarian at 2:44 PM on September 2, 2006

trinarian: isn't the left lane only for passing? I thought you weren't allowed to just drive on it for long periods of time
posted by lpctstr; at 4:18 PM on September 2, 2006

One thing my father said whle I was practicing driving in the center lane of a 3-lane highway, which helped immensely, was: "Imagine there is a (xparent) wall between your lane and the other lanes". Once I imagined that, I no longer worried that very large vehicles were roaring by at high speeds just inches away from me.

Similarly when changing lanes on the highway, he taught me to always look over my shoulder and not rely just on the side mirrors (which have numerous blindspots). Since then I've always been a believer is looking-and-checking in every aspect of driving. It helps reassure me in terms of safety, too.
posted by jak68 at 5:05 PM on September 2, 2006

I agree with ill3. A professional race track type course where they teach you defensive driving skills on a skid pad and other types of environments will give you significantly more confidence to face real world conditions. They will teach you to be in control of the car, not the other way around.

Driving well is about confidence and knowing what to do in whatever situation arises. It is anticipating what could happen and having a plan of action. Using your mirrors and being aware of the other drivers. It will become second nature after a while.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 5:22 PM on September 2, 2006

The racing school idea sounds awesome, and she appreciates all the suggestions so far! (Also useful for me, since I'll have to attempt learning to drive eventually.) Thanks, guys.
posted by dreamyshade at 5:40 PM on September 2, 2006

I ditto the racing school, I've taken the same basic course twice (here at Pacific Raceways in the Seattle area) and it really does help you to know your car and limits well. And my experience has been that for the most part the instructors at the school are genuinely interested in making you a better driver.
posted by maxwelton at 6:13 PM on September 2, 2006

depending on where you live you might be able to find classess near race tracks...www.willosprings.com for example.

and yes, left lane should only be for passing...pass left,drive right (meaning slower traffic to the right). however the US doesnt really enforce this law...unfortunately, as it would make driving much safer
posted by TheDude at 7:05 PM on September 2, 2006

I just want to say that I have been driving for twenty years in all sorts of conditions and never had a single accident and yet I still get the occasional pang of fear. It still amazes me how we can put our trust in so many strangers moving past us so closely, with instruments that could easily kill us with the slightest of mistakes.

Each eventless trip reinforces my faith in the people around me and in my own ability.

I guess all I am saying is don't fear the fear. Fear is like a wild horse that needs to be broken in but it is also the very thing that keeps you out of trouble. Believe me, the drivers with the least fear are the ones you quickly learn to avoid on the roads.
posted by vizsla at 8:18 PM on September 2, 2006

Screw defensive driving altogether, I'd say your best bet is going to a stunt driving school (or racing school, as other people said). Learn the limits of your car, that way you know what you are capable of, and how well you can avoid, instead of guessing. My personal driving style is aggressive, as to force other people to make a decision and know that I am there and in control. If you drive defensively, you put your trust in everyone else to not hit you. Remember, when you are the fastest one on the road, you only have to worry about people in front of you. And cops.

Believe me, the drivers with the least fear are the ones you quickly learn to avoid on the roads.

That's me! And all the accidents I've been in (2) have been under 25mph, and not my fault.
posted by Mach5 at 9:46 PM on September 2, 2006

My personal driving style is aggressive, as to force other people to make a decision and know that I am there and in control.

Yes and imagine if everybody on the road drove like you. People are accommodating your aggression because they don't want to die.

/me copies Mach5's license plate number down and has his brother-in-law cop run a search on it when he gets home.
posted by vizsla at 11:00 PM on September 2, 2006

If you drive defensively, you put your trust in everyone else to not hit you.

No, you don't. That's not defensive driving. Defensive driving is NOT trusting anyone else.

Please, if you have no idea what you're talking about, keep your ignorance to yourself.
posted by justgary at 9:39 AM on September 3, 2006

When I started commuting by car, I found it very helpful to learn my route well. By which I mean, going to the extreme of learning exactly what lane I wanted to be in and the length of time I needed to get into it. I found that gave me less anxiety because I had some leeway. I do think that I'm a better driver now in other situations because I've gotten more practice in that more comfortable situation. (Can't believe I just referred to driving on the viaduct as "comfortable".)

And anytime I drive somewhere that I don't know well, I spend a long while with google maps, switching back and forth between satellite views and details of just where to turn.
posted by Margalo Epps at 11:29 AM on September 3, 2006

My personal driving style is aggressive, as to force other people to make a decision and know that I am there and in control.

Really? How do we flag comments as horrifying...

Anyway,
I recommend you practice driving in your own car. Most instructors have you practice on their car. I think this is pretty important since you drive a Camry, and man are those cars pretty long. Longer cars are harder to maneuver, harder to park.

And anecdotally, it took me a year to become comfortable parking, and driving across the bay bridge, two years to become comfortable merging in heavy traffic and making left turns across multi-lane roads (if that makes sense).

Good luck!
posted by moonshine at 4:54 PM on September 3, 2006

I sympathize with the OP's sister. I know how to drive in an operational sense, but when I'm forced to navigate while driving, the quality of my driving suffers. I usually have to pull over to orient myself.

Several times I've gotten advice to this effect: assume the other driver will do the dumbest thing possible. There's definitely a skill to be learned in reading what your fellow drivers are thinking about doing (if you're lucky, they might even signal). Take advantage of the summer black-outs: driving the major intersections when the traffic lights are out is an exercise in figuring out what your fellow drivers look like when they're about to stop or floor it (especially in L.A. where nobody seems to recall what a dead traffic light means).
posted by evil holiday magic at 7:12 PM on September 3, 2006

Cut down on the sensory overload of trying to pay attention to everything at once (if this is the problem). As you gain experience driving, your mind will learn to filter out the stuff you don't need to pay attention to -- but for the beginning driver, who doesn't have that mental filter in place, it can be totally overwhelming. If this is your sister's problem, she might try these tricks:

- Remember that (except when changing lanes or backing up) you only have to pay attention to the guy in front of you. Most drivers are pretty good drivers, and if they are behind you, they will make a point of not hitting you. Ignore everything behind you, for the moment. This includes people who tailgate you when you're already in the slow lane, or honk if you're waiting a millisecond too long at the light. They are impatient? Tough for them, not your problem. Don't get drawn into any kind of angry or impatient psychological interchange with other drivers; this can be really hard to resist but it's important to resist it.

- If you find it hard to carry on a conversation while driving (I did for years), only drive with people who are okay with that. Recognize that you'll sometimes just break off the conversation to concentrate on driving, and that's exactly the right thing to do. Similarly, if you find the radio too distracting, just drive with silence or a tape/cd you don't find distracting.

- Try driving at night. This won't work for everyone, but when I was first learning to drive I found it much easier at night because the cars's headlights are hard to miss. During the day I would sometimes not notice other cars, or get distracted by non-essential features of the road, but at night I would only see the other cars. Plus there is less traffic. I got used to traffic patterns around my neighborhood this way; it also made highway driving easier.

- As others said, learn your route. Maps, satellite pictures, driving mainly the same few routes for a few weeks so you have a baseline familiarity with the main roads of your town. This way you don't have to drive AND navigate, which I still find stressful.

- If you are in a position where you're having to drive and navigate an unfamiliar environment, just remember: if you miss a turn, you can always just try again. Get off the highway at the next exit and turn around. Drive around the block. Sometimes the car gives us the feeling that we have to get it right the first time, to get there as fast as possible, so we're tempted to screech across traffic at the last minute to make the exit. Resist this mindset; you are in charge. If it takes an extra 5 minutes to get there, it's okay.

- By the same token, if you get stressed out or lost or panicked, it's ok to just get off the road. Exit the highway and find a gas station or drug store where you can park the car, get out, walk around the aisles a little bit. Just take a breather. You are in charge; the car doesn't have to keep moving.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:43 PM on September 3, 2006 [1 favorite]