Should we send a kid who gets night terrors to summer camp?
January 6, 2015 11:29 AM Subscribe
The Area Family is already discussing our summer plans and we would like to send the oldest kid, the 9-year-old boy, to an overnight summer camp (aka sleepaway camp.) However, he gets night terrors sometimes, and we worry about how that would work at camp. Does anyone have advice on whether to send him to camp or how to do it? I'd particularly welcome insight from those who worked at camps or those who know campers in a similar situation. (We are also going to talk to the pediatrician about this soon.)
We both loved going to camp as kids (language immersion camps, YMCA camps, and even church camps for my wife) and we think our son will as well. He did a local YMCA day camp this summer and really enjoyed the experience. However, getting less sleep and having a disrupted sleep schedule are serious triggers for him to have night terrors. He probably would have a different schedule at camp and kids will often stay up late talking in their cabins (I know I did). So, we think he might well have a night terror at camp. When he does have a night terror, he tends to get out of bed and come in our room while crying and whimpering inconsolably. You can't really do much with him until the episode passes and he doesn't respond when spoken to. This is really disturbing even for us (I'm having trouble conveying what happens, but he seems possessed), and I'm concerned it would be a lot to put a counselor and a cabin of kids through. Also, the sleepwalking aspect of the night terror has us worried. Maybe he'd try to walk out of the cabin in his sleep?
We both loved going to camp as kids (language immersion camps, YMCA camps, and even church camps for my wife) and we think our son will as well. He did a local YMCA day camp this summer and really enjoyed the experience. However, getting less sleep and having a disrupted sleep schedule are serious triggers for him to have night terrors. He probably would have a different schedule at camp and kids will often stay up late talking in their cabins (I know I did). So, we think he might well have a night terror at camp. When he does have a night terror, he tends to get out of bed and come in our room while crying and whimpering inconsolably. You can't really do much with him until the episode passes and he doesn't respond when spoken to. This is really disturbing even for us (I'm having trouble conveying what happens, but he seems possessed), and I'm concerned it would be a lot to put a counselor and a cabin of kids through. Also, the sleepwalking aspect of the night terror has us worried. Maybe he'd try to walk out of the cabin in his sleep?
I had night terrors as a kid. I went to sleepovers and sleepaway camps, and sometimes had night terrors in "away" situations. I knew not to get out of bed to seek comfort from anyone, but just to deal with it on my own until it passed. It always passed after a few minutes.
If he goes to your room every single time, he's probably aware of where he's headed, not truly sleepwalking? If you ask him afterward, like immediately after it passes or the next morning, does he remember going to your room on purpose, or does he not remember how he got there? If he is conscious of it, you might be able to have him practice staying in bed to wait out any night terrors that happen between now and camp. I recommend counting. It's hard to count when you feel frozen with terror, but it gives you something to focus on, and I could rarely even get to 10 before the terror would pass.
posted by Bentobox Humperdinck at 12:00 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
If he goes to your room every single time, he's probably aware of where he's headed, not truly sleepwalking? If you ask him afterward, like immediately after it passes or the next morning, does he remember going to your room on purpose, or does he not remember how he got there? If he is conscious of it, you might be able to have him practice staying in bed to wait out any night terrors that happen between now and camp. I recommend counting. It's hard to count when you feel frozen with terror, but it gives you something to focus on, and I could rarely even get to 10 before the terror would pass.
posted by Bentobox Humperdinck at 12:00 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Sleepaway camp is an amazing childhood experience for most kids who, like your son, have generally really enjoyed their various day camp experiences. There are so very many lifelong benefits your son will gain from it. In fact, we're sending our (will be) 7.75-year-old son to sleepaway camp this August, so I say go for it.
Maybe he'd try to walk out of the cabin in his sleep?
I hear you, but that sounds like catastrophizing.
If, as you say, "You can't really do much with him until the episode passes and he doesn't respond when spoken to" then in a way that frees you from the worry about a counselor, say, Handling Him Wrong because nothing can be done except waiting it out and making sure he does not sleepwalk into harm's way (and by the way, has he ever actually done that?) It's disturbing for you, sure, but it might not disturb a counselor who is prepared to handle the issue because you have discussed it with the camp people, and instructed them about what they should do in the event he has a night terror.
The other kids could sleep right through it. All the fresh air and physical activity all day long will definitely wear them out.
Look, lots of kids have various health challenges, quirks, and issues -- it would be sad if only the so-called perfectly healthy ones were allowed to go to camp.
posted by hush at 12:05 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Maybe he'd try to walk out of the cabin in his sleep?
I hear you, but that sounds like catastrophizing.
If, as you say, "You can't really do much with him until the episode passes and he doesn't respond when spoken to" then in a way that frees you from the worry about a counselor, say, Handling Him Wrong because nothing can be done except waiting it out and making sure he does not sleepwalk into harm's way (and by the way, has he ever actually done that?) It's disturbing for you, sure, but it might not disturb a counselor who is prepared to handle the issue because you have discussed it with the camp people, and instructed them about what they should do in the event he has a night terror.
The other kids could sleep right through it. All the fresh air and physical activity all day long will definitely wear them out.
Look, lots of kids have various health challenges, quirks, and issues -- it would be sad if only the so-called perfectly healthy ones were allowed to go to camp.
posted by hush at 12:05 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Not truly an answer to your question (sorry) but have you considered family camp?
Kids get a real camp experience but with the parents there, involved as much as they want to be.
I did family camp at Wildwood (Audubon in NH) and had a terrific time. It's a regular camp except a few days at the beginning and end of summer and the staff was outstanding.
He could be off on his own during the day, in a cabin at night with a parent.
posted by beccaj at 12:19 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Kids get a real camp experience but with the parents there, involved as much as they want to be.
I did family camp at Wildwood (Audubon in NH) and had a terrific time. It's a regular camp except a few days at the beginning and end of summer and the staff was outstanding.
He could be off on his own during the day, in a cabin at night with a parent.
posted by beccaj at 12:19 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
We had a different issue with our son but wanted him to have that camp experience so what we did was find one that
1. was near us - a 20min drive, we already live in outer suburbia so we're near these kinds of places
2. was staffed with qualified & experienced people as well as the teens.
Our son slept in a 'cabin' that was part of the main building where there was an adjoining section where a couple of the adults slept. I think they put all the younger ones in there. Other kids were in smaller cabins of 6-8 out in the woods but not far.
On the second last day of a 5 day camp, we did have to go pick him up. The adults couldn't settle him. But before that, he made friends, went canoeing, rode horses etc. it was worth it. Just try it, be prepared to go pick up early but also prepare your son, give him an action plan and practice, even if its just role play.
posted by stellathon at 12:24 PM on January 6, 2015
1. was near us - a 20min drive, we already live in outer suburbia so we're near these kinds of places
2. was staffed with qualified & experienced people as well as the teens.
Our son slept in a 'cabin' that was part of the main building where there was an adjoining section where a couple of the adults slept. I think they put all the younger ones in there. Other kids were in smaller cabins of 6-8 out in the woods but not far.
On the second last day of a 5 day camp, we did have to go pick him up. The adults couldn't settle him. But before that, he made friends, went canoeing, rode horses etc. it was worth it. Just try it, be prepared to go pick up early but also prepare your son, give him an action plan and practice, even if its just role play.
posted by stellathon at 12:24 PM on January 6, 2015
My brother had night terrors and went to summer camp and it was fine. As a former camp counsellor, I can attest they are well trained to deal with this sort of thing. honestly, it's the tip of the iceberg of weird kid behaviour you see at camp. A good counsellor will be able to handle the other kids reactions to it, if any - a huge part of the job is managing group dynamics. Call a few camps and talk to them.
Maybe pick a camp with cabins rather than tents...
posted by jrobin276 at 12:27 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Maybe pick a camp with cabins rather than tents...
posted by jrobin276 at 12:27 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Something to consider is that it may all be safe and workable with the staff, but it could very much get him ostracized from the boys in his cabin and possibly by the kids at camp. Kids at that age aren't always kind and empathetic and even in the best camps there's a "Lord of the Flies" element.
While I think it could possibly be fine, if he did manage to have an episode and jerky kids witness it, he could have a very, very hard time at camp.
posted by kinetic at 1:01 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
While I think it could possibly be fine, if he did manage to have an episode and jerky kids witness it, he could have a very, very hard time at camp.
posted by kinetic at 1:01 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I attended and worked at a camp for many years, into my early 30s. I would say the camp's ability to handle it depends on the camp, and that you should 1) feel really good about the camp overall and 2) ask them about their specific nighttime "duty" practices and to have them walk through what would happen if your kid had night terrors.
At my camp after lights out at night, we had one counselor on duty sitting just outside each group of cabins. This was between 9:30 and midnight every single night, and the kids all knew if they had problems (homesickness, wet the bed, night terrors), the duty counselor would be on it. The duty counselor was seated within earshot of the cabins, and no one entered or left cabins without being seen. At the beginning of each summer, the staff was briefed on every camper who had a special issue to watch for, such as Jenny always needs to leave soccer early for insulin, or Anne has night terrors and you do xyz when it happens.
I think my advice above is especially important since your son might be at a boys-only camp with boys for counselors. Teenage boys, who I presume would be his counselors, are not in my experience as likely as teenage girls to be the right mix of comforting and soothing and authoritative in the middle of the night with a needy camper. But it comes down to individual personality as well as processes in place. I myself am not great with homesick little girls, and I'm a woman. I always preferred the teenagers with the boyfriend problems, the dysfunctional families, and the pregnancy scares. :)
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 1:06 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
At my camp after lights out at night, we had one counselor on duty sitting just outside each group of cabins. This was between 9:30 and midnight every single night, and the kids all knew if they had problems (homesickness, wet the bed, night terrors), the duty counselor would be on it. The duty counselor was seated within earshot of the cabins, and no one entered or left cabins without being seen. At the beginning of each summer, the staff was briefed on every camper who had a special issue to watch for, such as Jenny always needs to leave soccer early for insulin, or Anne has night terrors and you do xyz when it happens.
I think my advice above is especially important since your son might be at a boys-only camp with boys for counselors. Teenage boys, who I presume would be his counselors, are not in my experience as likely as teenage girls to be the right mix of comforting and soothing and authoritative in the middle of the night with a needy camper. But it comes down to individual personality as well as processes in place. I myself am not great with homesick little girls, and I'm a woman. I always preferred the teenagers with the boyfriend problems, the dysfunctional families, and the pregnancy scares. :)
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 1:06 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
Nthing giving some camps a call to discuss the issue with them and how they are likely to handle it. I'm a former camp counselor, and the better-equipped camps will certainly have dealt with these sorts of issues and much, much more. If they're the kid of place you want to send your kid to, they'll have well-reasoned practices for handling this.
posted by craven_morhead at 1:44 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by craven_morhead at 1:44 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I had night terrors. I think if you do decide to let him go, it could really help him to work on self-soothing tricks between now and then. (I'm not suggesting leaving him to sob on his own, but giving him tools to calm himself down, e.g. helping him learn to talk himself into separating a horrible dream or hypnagogic illusion from reality, or giving him a grounding object, or a 'special' blanket that's "like a hug from Dad and Mom", or letting him use an LED nightlight or flashlight). When he goes, maybe you could also give him a cell phone if there's reception, so he can call you if he needs to.
posted by cotton dress sock at 1:59 PM on January 6, 2015
posted by cotton dress sock at 1:59 PM on January 6, 2015
My sister-in-law has night terrors (still!) and camp was fine as a kid. As long as the camp gives a thumbs up and the counselors know in advance and know how to handle it, it's not a big deal. I don't know if when she was 9, but when she was in junior high she told her cabin-mates and usually one of them would go get a counselor when she started having one, but the other girls weren't really bothered by it. "Oh, she just has night terrors, you can't wake her up, you just have to make sure she doesn't fall out of the bed or go sleepwalking." They'd use it as an excuse to get out of some activity they didn't want to do later that day ... "Well, SIL had a night terror so we're all REALLY TIRED and we should really go back to the cabin and rest rather than doing dishes ..." In high school at camp or on trips, her bunk mates would basically just handle it themselves and not even bother with an adult unless they came to check on the noise.
Also, I have a 5yo with night terrors (I know exactly what you mean about seeming possessed), and I gotta tell you, OTHER PEOPLE'S kids having night terrors is way less upsetting. When I watch my friend's kid and she has a night terror, I'm just like, "Oh, poor baby ... well, all right, we'll just wait it out." With my own kid I'm like, "HE'S SUFFERING! What if it's a seizure? Why can't I make this better???? I'm sure it's just night terrors, it's fine. Should I call the nurse line? No, it's fine. ARGH this is awful!" Which is to say his counselors, forewarned and forearmed, may not find the experience nearly as distressing as you do!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 2:01 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
Also, I have a 5yo with night terrors (I know exactly what you mean about seeming possessed), and I gotta tell you, OTHER PEOPLE'S kids having night terrors is way less upsetting. When I watch my friend's kid and she has a night terror, I'm just like, "Oh, poor baby ... well, all right, we'll just wait it out." With my own kid I'm like, "HE'S SUFFERING! What if it's a seizure? Why can't I make this better???? I'm sure it's just night terrors, it's fine. Should I call the nurse line? No, it's fine. ARGH this is awful!" Which is to say his counselors, forewarned and forearmed, may not find the experience nearly as distressing as you do!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 2:01 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
I would do alot of research to find the right camp. I worked at an expensive summer camp in the Poconos as a counselor when I was 19. I was not trained or equipped to handle this type of situation, and was responsible for a cabin of 14 13-year-old girls.
There may be some camps that put more effort into training counselors, but in my case I showed up the day before the kids got there and training consisted of a tour of the camp and a "Best of luck to you".
posted by elvissa at 2:19 PM on January 6, 2015
There may be some camps that put more effort into training counselors, but in my case I showed up the day before the kids got there and training consisted of a tour of the camp and a "Best of luck to you".
posted by elvissa at 2:19 PM on January 6, 2015
I've worked at a couple overnight camps. I've never had this even come up in conversation, let alone gotten specific training on it. However, in my experience being a cabin counselor meant being woken up multiple times a night for something or another anyway (and often by an upset scared/homesick kid), so in general the waking up and comforting part is pretty common but not specifically 'night terrors.'
I would be probably more concerned about the social repercussions of having a night terror rather than anything else-- if he wakes all the other kids up it could be embarrassing for him.
Definitely call and talk to the camps about it and give them another heads up when you're registering/signing him in so that they can pass on the info to the counselor(s) and perhaps put him with more experienced staff. I'd ask about cabin:staff ratio and staff ages in particular.
posted by geegollygosh at 3:27 PM on January 6, 2015
I would be probably more concerned about the social repercussions of having a night terror rather than anything else-- if he wakes all the other kids up it could be embarrassing for him.
Definitely call and talk to the camps about it and give them another heads up when you're registering/signing him in so that they can pass on the info to the counselor(s) and perhaps put him with more experienced staff. I'd ask about cabin:staff ratio and staff ages in particular.
posted by geegollygosh at 3:27 PM on January 6, 2015
Our son used to have a lot of night terrors. He really wanted to go to camp, so we let him go the past two years and everything went fine. His night terrors seemed to happen when he got too warm, so if there is anything you can do to keep him cool at night that might help.
posted by tacodave at 4:04 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by tacodave at 4:04 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Also, you have a lot of time to work on the problem. Work on finding a camp you are comfortable and make a reservation. In the meantime, work on getting him ready. As the event approaches, you can always cancel the reservation if you feel he is not ready. With young kids, behavior like night terrors can appear and pass in a short time.
posted by Foam Pants at 6:32 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Foam Pants at 6:32 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Send him. Seriously, he will have a wonderful time. Leading up to it, you may want to try and figure out what his trigger is, other than just an off schedule. I had them when the inside temperature went over 74 degrees. I could sleep outside fine and in hot cabins at camp, with the windows open. It was just something about 74 or over with still air. My daughter had them when she was a toddler. Her's were very predictable- afternoon naps on warm afternoons and the few evenings where she was over-tired. Some night terrors can be caused by food or mold allergies. But even if you don't figure out his trigger, the possibility of having a night terror at camp is not serious enough to keep him from all the benefits of camp.
posted by myselfasme at 6:50 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by myselfasme at 6:50 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
In my experience, 9 yr olds are still afraid of the dark woods, getting homesick, wetting the bed, and whatnot. A well run camp is certainly *not* Lord of the flies! Every kid has something he could be teased about and a good counsellor will manage this. Ask what kind of training and debriefing counsellors get, and talk to the camp director. The best camp I worked for was a Girl Scout camp, so alas, no help there. Expensive isn't always better. The YMCA camp I went to was also pretty great.
You could also ask how they decide who goes in what cabin, or maybe go with a camp that is sorta themed. The Girl Scout Camp had a few cabins doing horses, a few doing wilderness, a few doing art, etc.
posted by jrobin276 at 1:29 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
You could also ask how they decide who goes in what cabin, or maybe go with a camp that is sorta themed. The Girl Scout Camp had a few cabins doing horses, a few doing wilderness, a few doing art, etc.
posted by jrobin276 at 1:29 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
I have no specific experience with night terrors, but my sister had some bedtime issues and wanted to go to camp, and there was a medication that was supposed to help with them somewhat. My parents were not comfortable giving her medication at bedtime every single night, but for a week of her life so she wouldn't be worried about going to bed for fear of being embarrassed, they thought it was worth giving it a shot. She had an incident-free week at camp and then went back to her normal life afterwards. Might be worth asking the pediatrician about, although again, no idea if there's even any medication that might help like this for night terrors.
posted by town of cats at 3:46 PM on January 7, 2015
posted by town of cats at 3:46 PM on January 7, 2015
Does your son want to go? If so, by all means send him. If not--especially if that's because of his night terror apprehensions--consider not sending him.
I don't mean to be a contrarian. I'm speaking as someone who (as a very shy, very, awkward, very gay, very sickly little kid) got volunteered for a camp experience that to this day I remember for teaching me the horrible childhood value of being as in the closet as possible when around my peers. Times have changed, as they say, and mine is a very specific response, but let's not forget the power of social ostracism at that age--especially without the salve of being in a familiar, comfortable place.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 4:14 PM on January 7, 2015
I don't mean to be a contrarian. I'm speaking as someone who (as a very shy, very, awkward, very gay, very sickly little kid) got volunteered for a camp experience that to this day I remember for teaching me the horrible childhood value of being as in the closet as possible when around my peers. Times have changed, as they say, and mine is a very specific response, but let's not forget the power of social ostracism at that age--especially without the salve of being in a familiar, comfortable place.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 4:14 PM on January 7, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 11:36 AM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]