Sex Pain
December 21, 2014 2:37 PM   Subscribe

I'm starting to be sexually active after a long hiatus. I'm having issues that I've never had before. Let me tell you the details!

My foreskin becomes sore after penis in vagina sex and I don't want to be touched or go again, whether its 30 mins later or the next morning. I'm having trouble communicating this and thinking about my foreskin all the time during foreplay is making sex less fun. I'm questioning this entire new relationship which is otherwise going well. I was really excited to start having sex again but now I just want to avoid it. I'm having difficulty finding condoms that stay on or that I can get on to begin with, and I have just been pulling out, which is stupid and dangerous. I know there is a lot here that is psychological and more about communicating with my partner. It may be that I am just not used to it after a good 10 months of being alone. But that's not my question.

Really, I just want to make sex easier on my dick. What are ways to make penis in vagina sex, my current partner's preferred method of intercourse, easier on my foreskin? I just want to be able to take this issue off the table, there's plenty of other stuff I have to worry about and I know there's a good solution.
posted by kittensofthenight to Health & Fitness (18 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

Using condoms and LOTS of lube ought to help. If you're having trouble with condoms, condom stores (and Amazon) sell variety packs of all different brands to help you find a type you like.
posted by metasarah at 2:43 PM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Condoms and lube together. Go to a sex shop and get condom advice. There are different condoms for different people. You should be aware you will be buying (most likely) loose sterile condoms so you'll need to have a place to put them.
posted by parmanparman at 2:43 PM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Do you have phimosis (tight foreskin)? That could be a problem. If so, gentle stretching/retraction over time will help--your doctor can prescribe you cortisone cream which will help.

For slippage, assuming you can retract your foreskin, retract it all the way, unroll the condom, then push your foreskin back up and unroll the rest of the way. Much less slipping.

A bit of lube would also help, both in and out of the condom.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:45 PM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Oh, also, have you both been checked for yeast infections? Uncircumcised men get them too, and symptoms can range from really obvious swelling to just irritation. If one of you has excess yeast growth you both need to be treated.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:50 PM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

agree about the doc, and also just want to say that your anxiety about this seems like it's really affecting your life. So consider if the anxiety pre-dates the foreskin soreness.

Also, some advil 30 mins to an hour before you get busy probably wouldn't go amiss.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 3:17 PM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I know that the recommended method of condom application is rolling it down, but I used to work with a lady who had been a sex worker for 10+ years and had never had a condom slip off or break and she applied them a little bit differently. This method is especially useful when condoms are slipping.

Her method: hold the freshly unwrapped condom over the head of the penis by the sides and gently pull slightly outwards while pulling it down. So, basically stretching it over the penis. When you've reached the base of the penis and have let go, there will be a pocket of air in the reservoir tip. With a flat palm, give the tip of the condom a quick but not penis-injuring tap. It should push the air out, so the condom won't burst when you come.

That's probably a really useless description. I should make a video or something.

It could be worth a try since you currently aren't using condoms at all. Maybe keep pulling out in case you haven't applied it properly?

Alternatively, it is possible that your pain is making you a bit soft, and that's why the condom is coming off?
posted by kinddieserzeit at 3:41 PM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Fffm- i have normal foreskin tightness but a somewhat excessive amount, which is what makes putting the condoms on difficult. Also, the yeast indection is really good advice for anyone reading this in the future. Thats not the case at the moment. Why advil? I've never heard that before.
posted by kittensofthenight at 3:47 PM on December 21, 2014

Also: please talk to your partner about this, rather than suffer in silence and let it ruin an otherwise great relationship
posted by kinddieserzeit at 3:47 PM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

The method I described above is perfect for excessive foreskin issues. If you like I could sacrifice a condom and a cucumber after work to make a video/a series of photos?
posted by kinddieserzeit at 3:51 PM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: I like the idea of buying a bunch ofcondoms and trying them out by myself. Im also out of practice, having been in a ltr for a number of years. Ill get lube too. Ive never used it but it seems to be rec'd on every question i read about penis problems.
posted by kittensofthenight at 4:02 PM on December 21, 2014

Advil won't fix the underlying problem but it will help with the pain. I'd talk to a doctor first, though.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 4:14 PM on December 21, 2014

Best answer: I don't know what the weather in your area is like this time of year but I always start having some chafing and irritation issues from the dryness without some extra lube in the late fall and winter. Moreso from masturbation than intercourse, but if I masturbate without adding lube (which I don't need at all in the summer) it can make intercourse uncomfortable for the next few days. I also find it helpful to use some moisturizer after getting out of the shower in the winter.

As far as condoms, I've had pretty good experience with Skyn if you want to see if something non-latex will help. I find that they wiggle/slip around less than latex. How are you putting them on? With the foreskin still over the glans or by making the skin taught by pulling at the base?
posted by Candleman at 4:29 PM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Candleman- I didn't think of that. I do get dry skin everywhere else in the winter. Lotion is a good idea.

I honestly haven't thought much about different condom methods. It always feels like an emergency decision that is happening at breakneck speed. kindieserzeit, I think I have a good idea of the technique you're describing, a video isn't required. That's actually a method I haven't tried and I appreciate it.

I agree that there are a lot of other issues for me going on here, which is kinda why I want to help myself with this more practical issue rather than letting it blend into the other more important emotional stuff. I think the big take away here is to put some planning and practice into it before the moment. That will help me deal with practical issues and also decrease the number of things I have to worry about.
posted by kittensofthenight at 5:41 PM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Putting a bit of lube INside the condom might help if you're getting weird foreskin friction issues. Not so much that it's not staying put, but just a bit in the tip so that you don't get some sort of condom rash from it.
posted by jessamyn at 6:19 PM on December 21, 2014 [3 favorites]

Do you pull your foreskin back before putting the condom on?
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:02 PM on December 21, 2014

Response by poster: Usually like half way. If i pull it down all the way the condom is difficult to roll past the bunched skin.
posted by kittensofthenight at 7:36 PM on December 21, 2014

This may be something on which everyone's anatomy is different. I always found that pulling mine all the way back first helped with this, but YMMV. Also seconding the suggestion to try a bit of lube inside the condom.
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:14 PM on December 21, 2014

Best answer: While I may not be the owner of a penis, I am the owner of a sensitive vagina that is prone to pesky yeast infections. If you're going to use lube, please, use something that is also going to be healthy for your partner, too.

I'm a fan of THIS lube and while it says it's for WOMEN, I don't think that really matters.
posted by AnneBoleyn at 10:29 PM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

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