Oral sex and jaw pain.

November 28, 2009 7:46 PM

How on earth can I give a blowjob to completion without my jaw recoiling in pain?

Over the years I've come in contact with a variety of penises of all shapes and sizes that I love to suck. I really really like giving head, and I've been told that I'm pretty good at it. But I cannot, for the life of me, go longer than five minutes or so, so I never get the chance to finish my men off that way, and I would like to be able to every once in a while.

Yes, I take breaks where I continue to use my hand(s) and I'll do some licking or other non-jaw-oriented moves. But if my jaw was hurting before I took a break, as soon as I continue with the mouth in-and-out the pain immediately returns, so breaks don't really help much.

I know the first thing you want to scream is "TMJ!", but I have never had any other symptoms and I really don't think that's the problem.

I also have given head from pretty much every imaginable angle, and none are better than any other.

Lastly, please don't say "oh he's just happy that he's got someone down there to begin with, don't worry about it" or "finish him off with your hand, he'll just be happy to orgasm", etc, etc. I just really want to do this for my own satisfaction.

So, I'm looking for possible exercises, stretches, or techniques that you have used to overcome this problem, or any other suggestions you may have.

Thanks!

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (17 answers total)

Well, one obvious thing is to start with something else so that you can finish him off this way (ie, don't start with giving him head).

I know it's probably not psychological, but if you did bring someone to the brink before fellatio began and then succeeded, you might be able to begin earlier each time.

Best of luck.
posted by fantasticninety at 7:57 PM on November 28, 2009

perhaps, you could, discretely, beforehand, take a pain reliever and a muscle relaxer? to relieve symptoms you know are coming.
aside, I am with you sister - BJs are great but use a lot of muscles you dont, usually.
posted by saragoodman3 at 8:02 PM on November 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

Perhaps like all strength training...practice? I don't know of any exercises in particular, and I only suggest this because I'm down a few glasses of wine, but what about sitting around working on the muscles with a cucumber or something while you watch tv or whatever?

Changing positions or taking breaks until climax might also work. Or like fantasticninety said, start with something else and save the best for very last.
posted by motsque at 8:41 PM on November 28, 2009

Are you tensing your jaw for the entire time, trying to apply pressure? Because if so, I can imagine even just five minutes feeling like a lot. If so, try relaxing it for at least some of that time, letting it be all slack and (bonus) extra drooly. The variation is good, anyway.

You could also practice by just holding something in your mouth for more than five minutes while working or watching TV (so your mind wanders).

Also, these are fun.
posted by rokusan at 9:04 PM on November 28, 2009

"oh he's just happy that he's got someone down there to begin with, don't worry about it"

You're right to discard that line of thought. Unlike regular old penetrative sex (where even bad sex can feel okay), a bad blowjob is awful, and can be worse than nothing at all.

(Yes, I feel sorry for Paris Hilton's boyfriends. On many levels.)
posted by rokusan at 9:06 PM on November 28, 2009

Seems like you could work those muscles by eating lots of popsicles. Plus, you get to eat popsicles.
posted by wabbittwax at 9:13 PM on November 28, 2009 [3 favorites]

Ms Forktine suggests starting with other activities and finishing with your mouth, rather than the other way around. She also says that there is a big difference in how it feels for her jaw, depending on how much she is stretching it open -- so a little bit more relaxed is a lot more comfortable.
posted by Forktine at 9:33 PM on November 28, 2009

Try using your hands simultaneously, rather than alternating--you should be using your hands as an extension to your mouth, so that you don't have to take him in as deep. Positions also makes a huge difference. Have him sit or stand over you, while you kneel between his legs on the floor.

I've always found that the same thing happens to me if the guy is lying flat in bed. The angles are just all wrong for oral.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:44 PM on November 28, 2009

Also, don't take it so deep. Deepthroating isn't a turn on for me, but going to completion is, because one gets stimulation the whole time and doesn't lose it at the end. I agree about saving the major part of the bj for last and mainly just using your hands til the end. That is the most important part.
posted by Ironmouth at 10:38 PM on November 28, 2009

It might be psychological: you are anticipating jaw pain so that leads to anxiety which manifests itself as a tight jaw... Just thinking out loud here. Some relaxation exercises might help.
posted by chairface at 10:44 PM on November 28, 2009

I find that I get the jaw pain when I'm opening and closing my mouth as I go up and down. But when I hold my jaw still, I have the jaw pain.
posted by Monday at 2:02 AM on November 29, 2009

I've got nothing to add as a solution... and really just clicked on this question out of sheer idle curiosity/voyeurism.

BUT...I was at the dentist last week and he made a remarkable...um.. remark.. about my mouth. I was getting some bleaching mouth guards made and you have to stick a huge gobby mouthplate thing in there (top and bottom)... and he said "You've got an amazingly stretchy mouth, it's great". Nobody has ever said that to me before so I must have looked at him strangely.

He went on to explain that some people have really tight mouths and jaws and just CANNOT open their mouths wide, nor stretch their mouths and cheeks.. and so putting the platey thing plus his fingers in, is impossible for some people.

So, long story short... perhaps you're just not someone who will ever be able to do this for extended times and you should find a workaround.
posted by taff at 2:06 AM on November 29, 2009

I don't have any personal experience to impart, but I seem to recall a Savage Love article from a few years back that addressed this very (or similar) topic. His advice was to give bjs in a prone position with your legs towards the head of your partner. I guess the idea was to go with an angle that conformed with the bend of an erect penis, thus minimizing pressure put on the jaw. I may be misremembering details, so you might want to search his archives (it was a 1-3 years ago, sorry I couldn't give the exact link!)
posted by El_Marto at 6:52 AM on November 29, 2009

1. Take up the saxophone. It builds up great strength in your lips and tongue. ;-)

2. More seriously, dig the tip and the front of your tongue in on the underside just below the glans, and work on that area and the rim of the glans just above. That's the most sensitive and effective area.
posted by KRS at 8:17 AM on November 29, 2009

If it hurts, you're doing it wrong. Just relax your jaw.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:07 PM on November 29, 2009

If you were my lover, I'd tell you not to worry about it. Sex that isn't comfortable isn't good sex. If my partner is in distress, I cannot enjoy it.

Personally, a BJ has always been a prelude, not an end. I love the feeling. But, I personally have never wished to ejaculate in a woman's mouth.

To me, the best sex ends in PIV orgasm. On the other hand (no pun), the most powerful orgasms end with a woman's hands.

Every time I give cunnilingus, I feel like I am learning anew. Every time I play with a woman digitally, I feel like I am learning anew. People are different.

The key, of course, is communication.

The most sensual thing a woman can do to me is care about my pleasure. It's not the means, but the caring.

That you wish to please your partner is enough. A real man will not want you to push yourself to discomfort. Learn to use your hands. A man can orgasm that way even if he is flaccid.

Enjoy what you are doing and your partner will enjoy.
posted by private_idaho at 1:34 PM on November 29, 2009

Even if its not TMJ, you could benefit from TMJ triggerpoint massage. See this link Medical Massage for Jaw and Joint Disorders. There are a number of triggerpoints inside your jaw which can limit movement substantially.
posted by Eltulipan at 6:09 AM on January 16, 2010 [1 favorite]