Help me hate my commute less

November 25, 2014 10:19 AM

I changed jobs last month and my commute (on the subway) has doubled. I'm finding it hard to deal with the packed subway cars and could do with some help.

I live and work in central Paris, and for the last 18 months I had a wonderful 20 minute commute to just outside of Paris, in the opposite direction of most commuters. I now travel on two very busy lines, for about 15 minutes each.

I'd really like to change how I feel about this commute, I'm not going to move house as it's very difficult to do here. Also I love my apartment and my neighbourhood, and I have a really good space to price ratio. My new job is going brilliantly.

I find the commute difficult as the trains are so crowded, and I really value my personal space. Especially on the way home, definitely because I'm tired, I get so annoyed at other passengers that push into/past me, stand far too close to me, or don't hold onto something and I'm waiting for them to fall on me, as has happened before.

I listen to music and read Instapaper, or listen to a podcast to distract myself, but I just get home in such a bad mood every day at the moment and would really like some help in reframing this and changing how I'm feeling.

posted by ellieBOA to Travel & Transportation (26 answers total)

Best answer: Make up stories in your head about other passengers.

Try to remember that they are trying to get somewhere, too, and they probably don't feel any differently about you than you do about them.

See if you can't adjust your work hours so your commute is a little more bearable --- by being just on the early side or just on the late side of rush hour, a difference can be seen.

(Boston area commuter who doesn't miss the Green Line).
posted by zizzle at 10:24 AM on November 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

Ex-Boston-commuter who also hated the Green line...

I second zizzle's advice. When I used to take the train, I always worked either an early or late schedule, so I could miss the main pileup of other commuters. I also made sure I got into one of the better cars - generally a middle car because people crushed into the cars on either end. Is your work flexible enough to do that? You could even try working out a schedule where you work from home an hour in the evening so you can leave the office an hour before the end of the day. I've had coworkers who did that and it worked for them.
posted by kythuen at 10:30 AM on November 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

This sounds crazy, but I would often imagine my own little prayer for people during my commutes on the NYC subway. Pick a person and just kind of will good things to happen to them.

Also, shopping! I would look at hats and scarves and boots and earrings and try them on in my head
posted by mochapickle at 10:33 AM on November 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

Response by poster: I'm an office manager so I have to be present 9-5.30 unfortunately.
posted by ellieBOA at 10:33 AM on November 25, 2014

Is it possible to walk or bike instead of taking the subway? I, too, dislike public transportation for the same reasons you mentioned. I try to walk as much as possible. Even a long walk in the rain, for me, is preferable to a crowded bus. Perhaps you can walk the final few kilometers home? I find that a walk always puts me in a better mood. Good luck to you!
posted by christa at 10:34 AM on November 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

Best answer: Sometimes it helps to put things in perspective a bit.
For example, your commute does sound a drag, but believe me, everything else in your life sounds amazing!

Great apartment, love your job, living in PARIS!!! Good for you - that's freaking awesome and sooo much better than doing a sh*t commute AND getting to a sh*t job or going home to a sh*t apartment.

Honestly, commuting during Rush Hour sucks - it. just. sucks.
You really can't accommodate for the other people on your commute.... they'll always be someone who pushes into you, or smells, or invades your personal space.... it's one of the annoying prices we pay for living in a large city and working 9-5 hours.

All I can say is the best thing you can start doing to help your frame of mind is try seeing the glass half full rather than half empty.
30 minutes isn't as bad as 45 minutes or an hour!
2 trains isn't as bad as 2 buses!
Trains generally run on time!

(I do an hour commute each way covering one train and one bus - trust me, I feel your pain)
posted by JenThePro at 10:45 AM on November 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

Best answer: Every time you notice the people in the car or on the platform with you, actively look for things about them that you like. Someone's scarf, the way someone stopped to pick up litter, the way the sunlight reflects in someone's hair. Stop yourself from finishing the thought when you are thinking about how you dislike them. If someone does push you or fall into you, make up a story about why they are in a rush that is generous and kind; they may be dealing with their own grief or pain or hurt.

Positive generous thoughts, even if they feel totally forced, only. They will eventually stop feeling so forced.
posted by jaguar at 10:47 AM on November 25, 2014 [7 favorites]

I don't know how far apart the subway stops are in Paris, but at least in NYC, I have heard the recommendation to get off the train a stop early and walk the rest of the way to your destination. Morning, evening, or both.

Being above ground and walking at your own pace can help you decompress a bit before getting to work or back home.
posted by trivia genius at 10:48 AM on November 25, 2014 [14 favorites]

IME, in that setting, games can cut through the 'noise' to grip your attention more effectively than books or audio, and thereby shut it out better. I like Dots (android and ios versions exist), which doesn't require a connection.

Definitely walk for some of that commute if you can. And/or wait out the evening rush hour by e.g. going to a gym or class near your work on at least some days.
posted by cotton dress sock at 10:53 AM on November 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

The one time I had to take public transport for my commute, I'd stop for a coffee and sit for 20 minutes reading the paper & then commute home when it was a little quieter. My town was a lot smaller than Paris though and the busy commuting window smaller. But usually a slightly later commute usually netted me at least a seat. You could also do the same thing & leave slightly earlier & have a coffee/some you time before work the other end.
posted by wwax at 11:01 AM on November 25, 2014

- Walk part of it if you can
- Not at all familiar about the Paris subway but when I lived in Brooklyn I used to take a local train the entire way instead of transferring. It extended my commute about 15 minutes or more, but I got a seat the whole way in the morning and for most of the evening commute (I lived pretty far out). Was worth the extra time and at least I was on my way home!

As far as re-framing the issue in your head - from where I sit, your life does indeed sound amazing from...not only do you live in Paris, but you have a job you like! So think about how it's worth the crappy commute to be where you are, etc.

(Oh and if that doesn't work, I knew someone who would talk to herself like a crazy person so everyone else on the train would avoid her and give her her space. YMMV if you try that.)
posted by Shadow Boxer at 11:05 AM on November 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: Thank you all so much for the perspective!!
posted by ellieBOA at 11:15 AM on November 25, 2014

There is a free app with guided meditations for mindfulness and peace during different daily activities.
There are several for daily commutes, which guide you through some of the exercises folks have mentioned above.
There's also some for walking in the city, taking a break from work, and relaxing before bed.
It's free so it's worth a shot if it's available for your device!
http://buddhify.com (I'm on my phone so I can't link properly, my apologies)
posted by rubster at 11:19 AM on November 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Consider getting on at a different point or taking a different route if it will get you a seat. A seat means you can read a book. If you can read a book, then you will be happy. For example, I sometimes find that if you're getting on at a place where many people get on and off, walking to the stop one stop before that stop is best: Get on, stand in the crowd. Get to the next stop, lots of people get up and get off. You grab a seat while all the new people are streaming on.

A similar technique is to think about what cars will empty out soonest. For example, if you get on at stop A and the next stop B has the escalators or man exit located by the front car, get on the front car. All the people planning to get off at B will be on the front car (because they know that's where the escalator is) and will get off. Get a seat. Read a book. Be happy. Wherever you get on, look at the next stop and figure out which car people who get off there will ride. Take that car.

If you can't get a seat and read a book. Get an audible subscription and listen to audio books.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 11:28 AM on November 25, 2014

In NYC, I take the 4/5 line during rush hour to the Upper East Side. It is the most crowded subway line in the country, it currently runs at about 104% of capacity. I have all kinds of anxiety issues, and it sucks. (Ironically, I take the subway to go to my analyst appointments).

The way I cope is to try to get my back against a side of the train car, so that I'm not surrounded on all sides by people, and get a little bit of breathing space. That means, the end of a train car, standing with my back to the emergency exit. If the car doors tend to open on one particular side of the car, I stand in the doorway on the opposite end (and ignore the warnings not to lean on the doors, since I know they won't be opening). I notice that the Paris Métro has articulated train cars; I would consider standing in one of the accordion sections to be ideal. It might be a little rocky, but better than getting crushed by people.

Also, I also find that the first and last cars on the train tend to be slightly less crowded than the interior cars.
posted by 1970s Antihero at 11:44 AM on November 25, 2014

Best answer: I'm a planning geek who is now in the world of transportation, so packed transit makes me happy. Think of all those people driving instead, and being mired in road traffic with them. And the associated emissions, road rage, lurching traffic, etc. Blech.

Also, 30 minutes is (sadly) not a bad commute, especially by public transit. Factor in that Paris ranks poorly for commuting, ranking #6 in 2013 in regard of time in traffic.

If making up stories about the other travelers doesn't work and you feel yourself getting down, you could make some Instant Pick-Me-Up mini-playlists to get you excited about getting off the subway and back into your own space. For musical suggestions, here's a search for upbeat music, with a variety of specific questions. My suggestion at the moment is Too Many Zooz, but it comes with a warning: you might find yourself flailing around as the music builds. (Well, I did this morning, in the awkwardly confined spaces of my car, while driving.)
posted by filthy light thief at 11:48 AM on November 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Audible is the only way to go. Podcasts are great but they don't have the power to remove you (or at least distance you) from reality in the same way that a good audio book can.
posted by jmsta at 11:50 AM on November 25, 2014

This excerpt a David Foster Wallace speech, entitled This is Water is one of the best things I've ever heard. I might even go so far as to say it's life changing.
posted by cnc at 12:03 PM on November 25, 2014

I know winter may not be the best time to suggest this, but Vélib', Vélib', Vélib'. I've taken the métro maybe a dozen times in the past five years, and I go to Paris a lot. I heart Vélib'. (And you may consider Autolib' for rainy days? )
posted by ClarissaWAM at 12:40 PM on November 25, 2014

Best answer: Fellow Parisian here – 30 minutes is still a dream commute in this city. I manage a small team in La Défense, and my two reports live, respectively, in the southeastern and northeastern suburbs. So, diagonally opposite to La Défense. Their commutes are 1 hour on the RER B to Châtelet + 30 minutes on the RER A. That's an hour and a half. On good days. The report who lives in the northeastern area often hits pockets of slower traffic that turn his commute into two full hours. And those pockets? Can last from 7:30am to 9am. He wakes up at 6 and gets to work anywhere between 9 and 10.

He meditates in the train, and makes up or figures out stories about fellow passengers. He'll talk to people who seem open, or calmly point out rudeness, because otherwise it just gets to him too much. He finds it easier to deal if he can at least express justified annoyment (shovers, people who are rude to parents with children, that sort of thing).

Every morning he gets to work and regales me with an RER story or two, which he also says helps. Do you have a colleague with whom you could gripe over coffee? It's something of a small talk hobby in Paris.

It gets easier in time, too. When I lived in Nice, I worked in Sophia Antipolis. We had an express bus, but as the A8 autoroute is the most crowded in France, the 25-km commute regularly took an hour and a half. I also learned to meditate. You get into a zone where you're aware of other people, but they don't intrude on your inner peace unless they cross a boundary. The boundaries get developed in time. I don't mind bumpers at all any more, for instance. You learn to recognize the body language of people, and it becomes second nature.
posted by fraula at 1:04 PM on November 25, 2014

I have about an hour commute in Mexico City, and a year ago I started riding my bike. It's only about 10 km, and yeah, you have to get sweaty, change clothes, and carry extra stuff but it's totally changed my life. It's win-win-win. I no longer spend on public transportation, I arrive to work happy and full of energy, leaving work is also fun and whatever stress I had melts off on the ride home... Oh and it counts as exercise, too! At this point if I changed jobs and started working someplace farther, I'd still ride my bike. The gains far outweigh whatever inconveniences there might be.
posted by Locochona at 1:52 PM on November 25, 2014

Another thought about biking, if that's an option for you. When I stopped taking the bus (I'm in California) and started biking instead, I basically stopped getting sick. It's amazing -- I haven't had a cold in over a year.

Or try walking the portion from one of your two lines on the way home. Do your errands as you go.
posted by ktkt at 3:16 PM on November 25, 2014

Best answer: If you have to stand and are in good health, practice your balance by standing on one foot for a minute at a time. I do this when waiting somewhere and it quiets my anxiety quite a bit. Fifteen minutes will fly by!
posted by Snarl Furillo at 3:17 PM on November 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Best answer: You can teach yourself plenty of small space stretches, exercises, and mobilizations. Good candidates are standing hip flexor stretch, a neck stretch sequence, eye exercises (eg, the clock exercise where you look towards the 12 numbers on a clock without moving your head), wrist circles and stretches, kegels, etc.

Standing on one leg is also a fantastic exercise. You can include ankle circles for variety.
posted by crazycanuck at 3:29 PM on November 25, 2014

Best answer: I agree your life sounds pretty great! And that is probably not the case for many of the people on the same train, some of whom shoved into you without thinking or forgot to grab the handrail. You will be able to get off the car in 15 minutes or so. They will still have to deal with their terminally ill loved one or be polite to the boss that demeans them. So maybe, use the time to practice being the kindest person you can be.
posted by Glinn at 4:45 PM on November 25, 2014

For five years, I had a very shitty commute. Nothing could make it enjoyable, but simply carrying interesting reading material and a PSP helped a great deal.
posted by Dr. Wu at 1:04 PM on November 26, 2014