Is there a pill for this?
July 12, 2013 2:54 PM Subscribe
I seem to have the patience, judgment and self-control of a two-year-old. Nothing against two-year-olds, I'm sure many of them are lovely people, but little is expected of them beyond not biting people. I've mastered the not-biting part, it's the rest I have a problem with.
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (10 answers total) 34 users marked this as a favorite
I feel that some part of me has never "grown up"--I seem to be unable to talk down my needy, howling inner toddler who makes way more of my decisions than is sane or reasonable.
I am really bad at coping with things if I'm the slightest bit stressed or tired--which happens a lot, despite my efforts to protect myself. EVERYTHING seems to stress me out. Strangers, traffic, work, socializing--if it takes place outside of my home, and/or involves novelty of any kind, it's almost guaranteed to leave me feeling jangled.
I have a terrible work ethic, particularly (but not limited to) when I don't care about my job and/or don't have a fire roaring under my ass. How on earth do other people sit at their computers all day and do actual work!? My brain reels at the sheer tedium of it. Every moment of the day is a struggle not to surf the internet instead of doing actual work. (And before you suggest it, I can't install any kind of block on my work computer.) My job makes me feel furtive and lazy, and terrified that I'll get fired. As merely going into work eight hours a day seems to sap all of my energy, I have none left over to look for a better job--and frankly, I sure as hell wouldn't hire me!
I'm messy and disorganized. I can never seem to get on top of the piles of stuff around the house and the list of things that needed to get done yesterday.
I have no self-control around sweets or booze, which leads to Problems.
I'm really damn clumsy and seem to take liberties with the way things like gravity work. For instance, it always seems like a great idea to balance a giant pan of hot, freshly cooked spaghetti on the corner of the sink while I search for the colander, until it tips over onto the floor.
In conversation, I have a tendency to blurt out inappropriate or embarrassing remarks. I deal with this by clamming up and not saying anything.
I find socializing even with close friends to be generally overstimulating and exhausting. Once a month is about all I can handle.
I can be moody. This is the thing I'm least proud of. If I'm stressed or overanxious or feel that I am "failing," particularly in a social setting, I shut down. I lose the ability to even pretend to still be interested in what's going on around me. If I'm extremely stressed, I've been known to pick fights with my loved ones. Rationally, I know that I should just chill the fuck out, go home and get a good night's sleep or whatever, but that voice of reason is completely swamped by the enraged two-year-old in my head who insists that this situation SUCKS and somebody has to ANSWER FOR IT! After picking fights or creating drama or whatever, I feel exhausted and completely mortified by my behavior.
Having said all that, does anyone have any thoughts on what steps I might take to get a handle on this? Since I know it will come up, I will say that I have long known that I have ADHD, but have been advised against taking stimulants because of my anxiety problems. In fact, my therapist warned me that she's had clients with anxiety disorders who had actual psychotic breakdowns when taking stimulant meds. I did try the non-stimulant meds and hated them--Wellbutrin especially made me into an aggressive talking machine and it was really quite unpleasant.
Is there anything else I can try? Any way to placate the grumpy little monster in my head who haughtily turns down any efforts at doing better by yelling "NO! I don't WANNA!" As easy and lazy as it is to defer to this voice, I would really like to grow up sometime soon, if only so I can start to develop a little self-respect.