what shall i do with the ex i work with in the same office 3 feet away?
October 21, 2014 11:32 PM Subscribe
my ex and i have been working together for 3 or 4 years, and we dated for 1.5 year. he broke up with me a year ago. the post break up year is full of drama. i couldn't let go. the chemistry we had was awesome, and before we dated we used to be the best friends at work. sex is mind blowing good too. at the spot when we broke up we were pretty seriously. neither of us could actually move on given the fact we still see each other everyday. the reason why neither of us has left the company yet is because both of us got some tremendous opportunity or reward for our hard working in the past years for this company. i can't give it up for this break up. so i stuck to it for a year.
i pretty much cried everyday since i broke up with him for literally 9 months. i know he loves me too but he was acting like a total jerk at same time. a month ago he told me he wants to be with me but later on i found out that he was "kinda" seeing someone. things like this happened over and over again.... 2 days ago we made out a big time at work and it was sensational good. he told me he loves me while he and his girl are now gf and bf too.....i dont know...he says he doesnt love her but she treats him really good. it's really hard......i dated several guys in between and honestly they are all pretty decent and maybe better in many way than my ex. but i couldnt move on from my ex and chose to end up with all of them. i regret doing that....still he's sitting next to me and i know we "love" each other...neither of us would leave the company for another 2 years. but i'll probably work in another country in 6 months. but still 6 months to go... sometimes i cant stop picture the thing he did with her....i can't justify..... i put myself out there for a year and tried to fix and win him back. he told me numerous times that he loves me and i believe him...i understand it's just easier for him to start over with another woman to be a perfect guy again...
i pretty much cried everyday since i broke up with him for literally 9 months. i know he loves me too but he was acting like a total jerk at same time. a month ago he told me he wants to be with me but later on i found out that he was "kinda" seeing someone. things like this happened over and over again.... 2 days ago we made out a big time at work and it was sensational good. he told me he loves me while he and his girl are now gf and bf too.....i dont know...he says he doesnt love her but she treats him really good. it's really hard......i dated several guys in between and honestly they are all pretty decent and maybe better in many way than my ex. but i couldnt move on from my ex and chose to end up with all of them. i regret doing that....still he's sitting next to me and i know we "love" each other...neither of us would leave the company for another 2 years. but i'll probably work in another country in 6 months. but still 6 months to go... sometimes i cant stop picture the thing he did with her....i can't justify..... i put myself out there for a year and tried to fix and win him back. he told me numerous times that he loves me and i believe him...i understand it's just easier for him to start over with another woman to be a perfect guy again...
Oh honey, he doesn't love you. It's possible he never did.
Stay far away from him.
posted by shvaughn at 11:52 PM on October 21, 2014 [8 favorites]
Stay far away from him.
posted by shvaughn at 11:52 PM on October 21, 2014 [8 favorites]
Response by poster: i suffered too much with him that i already forget what it is like to have dignity and pride. he's super smart and funny yet i went through cheating, prostitution, flirting around when we were still together, let along post break up. i dont know what's wrong with me that i actually cant move on...
posted by Freyaaaa at 12:42 AM on October 22, 2014
posted by Freyaaaa at 12:42 AM on October 22, 2014
He's manipulating you, he always has. Get some help for yourself (like a therapist) and get away from this abuser.
posted by shvaughn at 12:48 AM on October 22, 2014 [7 favorites]
posted by shvaughn at 12:48 AM on October 22, 2014 [7 favorites]
Best answer: The reason you can't move on is that physically he's still right there, constantly, and at least part of the time he's paying you positive attention that your mammal brain interprets as a reward for your ongoing feelings. You need to introduce as much space as you possibly can, and if at all possible start talking to a professional therapist on a regular basis. You need to start remembering that you have value as an individual, and to more than just him, which is to say: if you got a fantastic opportunity to get this job, great! It was a fantastic opportunity! It's not a fantastic opportunity anymore. If you are worth this job, if you are good at this job, there is like a 95% chance that you can also turn this into a fantastic opportunity at some other job.
I appreciate that there are a few industries where this is not actually true, like some areas of academia where tenure-track jobs are like hen's teeth--and if that's the case, then you need to be talking with a professional on an ongoing basis about how to structure this so that you can go through your recovery while still being employed there. But you've been there 3+ years, it is not too soon to move on if you can find another opportunity, and in some fields you'll be leaving money on the table if you don't at least look around every couple years. Women in particular have a tendency to devalue themselves, and this is especially true when going through stuff like this. I've been through stuff like this. No matter how great it feels like he is right now, no matter how great the job feels like it is right now, you can definitely do better on the former and you can almost certainly do better on the latter.
The truth is that he might even believe he loves you, but love is a verb. No matter how warm-fuzzy he feels when he's around you, he's treating you like crap. He is not loving you. You will have an easier time remembering this when you have some space, and because he's not going to want to give up what he's getting out of this, you have to be the one to take the step back. If he continues to proposition you after you've made it clear that those proposals are now unwelcome in the workplace, that's a thing you can then take to HR.
posted by Sequence at 3:21 AM on October 22, 2014 [2 favorites]
I appreciate that there are a few industries where this is not actually true, like some areas of academia where tenure-track jobs are like hen's teeth--and if that's the case, then you need to be talking with a professional on an ongoing basis about how to structure this so that you can go through your recovery while still being employed there. But you've been there 3+ years, it is not too soon to move on if you can find another opportunity, and in some fields you'll be leaving money on the table if you don't at least look around every couple years. Women in particular have a tendency to devalue themselves, and this is especially true when going through stuff like this. I've been through stuff like this. No matter how great it feels like he is right now, no matter how great the job feels like it is right now, you can definitely do better on the former and you can almost certainly do better on the latter.
The truth is that he might even believe he loves you, but love is a verb. No matter how warm-fuzzy he feels when he's around you, he's treating you like crap. He is not loving you. You will have an easier time remembering this when you have some space, and because he's not going to want to give up what he's getting out of this, you have to be the one to take the step back. If he continues to proposition you after you've made it clear that those proposals are now unwelcome in the workplace, that's a thing you can then take to HR.
posted by Sequence at 3:21 AM on October 22, 2014 [2 favorites]
2 days ago we made out a big time at work
Do not let this happen again! I know of what I speak.
Oh honey, he doesn't love you. It's possible he never did.
Stay far away from him.
So true!
He's manipulating you, he always has.
Yes!
Boy, was this post ever a walk down Memory Lane. :-(
posted by jgirl at 5:25 AM on October 22, 2014 [4 favorites]
Do not let this happen again! I know of what I speak.
Oh honey, he doesn't love you. It's possible he never did.
Stay far away from him.
So true!
He's manipulating you, he always has.
Yes!
Boy, was this post ever a walk down Memory Lane. :-(
posted by jgirl at 5:25 AM on October 22, 2014 [4 favorites]
Please show what you have told us to your human resources person. Your 'love' is a manipulative jerk and he needs to be moved to another company. He is using your work relationship to string you along, which is wrong. He is not a good guy. He is not a gentleman. Yes, he floats your boat but he sinks your spirit. Get the boy fired or find another job. He's destroying you and he's enjoying the power he has over your destruction.
posted by myselfasme at 6:09 AM on October 22, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by myselfasme at 6:09 AM on October 22, 2014 [2 favorites]
Please show what you have told us to your human resources person...
Just FYI - this can backfire on you big time, and get you fired since you may be the only one that admits to wrongdoing. I'd avoid involving HR at all costs, and do your best to get the heck out of dodge.
I'd see if you can speed up your relocation, or work remotely. Even working on a different floor might be better. You need to do everything in your power (short of avoiding your actual work duties) to pretend he doesn't exist.
Also, no, nay, never, no more making out at work. Making out at work is seriously uncool if you are 16-year-olds working at an ice cream shop. It has no place for adults at their careers that they don't want to get fired from.
posted by fermezporte at 6:59 AM on October 22, 2014 [6 favorites]
Just FYI - this can backfire on you big time, and get you fired since you may be the only one that admits to wrongdoing. I'd avoid involving HR at all costs, and do your best to get the heck out of dodge.
I'd see if you can speed up your relocation, or work remotely. Even working on a different floor might be better. You need to do everything in your power (short of avoiding your actual work duties) to pretend he doesn't exist.
Also, no, nay, never, no more making out at work. Making out at work is seriously uncool if you are 16-year-olds working at an ice cream shop. It has no place for adults at their careers that they don't want to get fired from.
posted by fermezporte at 6:59 AM on October 22, 2014 [6 favorites]
Best answer: What does it matter if he loves you, if he doesn't love you enough to treat you right?
posted by Diablevert at 7:01 AM on October 22, 2014 [11 favorites]
posted by Diablevert at 7:01 AM on October 22, 2014 [11 favorites]
why would you involve HR? This is a consensual thing. The company's not doing you wrong and your job is going great. It will be a huge black mark against you if you try to spin this like it's the company's fault. Just… just stop. I disagree that you should have to find another job. Just pull yourself together, and when you look at him, imagine him on the toilet or whatever visual will help you stop seeing him as sexually inviting. You have better things to think about than this man who is a compulsive cheater and who doesn't value your love. Stop devaluing your heart by keeping it on offer.
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:54 AM on October 22, 2014 [7 favorites]
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:54 AM on October 22, 2014 [7 favorites]
Best answer: I successfully navigated going on to work FOR one of my exes THE WEEK AFTER WE BROKE UP.
However, I am the exception that proves the rule. The big reasons why we were able to successfully make that transition are:
1. He is a seriously decent guy who respects me,
2. He drew a very big bright line in the sand when we broke up and declared "we absolutely should not get physical in any way, shape, form, or degree ever again because it is a bad idea" and we stuck to it, and
3. Rule 1 of "ex club" is that you do not talk about your past relationship. Rule 2 of "ex club" is that you do not talk about your past relationship. (For the first few years we confined our conversations very strictly to either our work, politics, or each others' families. I added the codicil that "talking about the awesome new boyfriend/girlfriend" was also off-limits for that first year, and he accepted willingly.)
So the way to successfully work with an ex requires that your ex not sleep with you, not make out with you, respect you, and not revisit your past relationship with you. You....don't have that.
Be like my ex in this situation. YOU be the one to draw the bright line in the sand and enforce it - "no more sex, no more making out, do not talk about our past relationship, we are only going to talk about work and THAT IS IT, period". And if there is any way you could be moved to a different part of the office, take that chance.
He doesn't love you, he's just into the convenience. Stop being convenient for him.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:55 AM on October 22, 2014 [10 favorites]
However, I am the exception that proves the rule. The big reasons why we were able to successfully make that transition are:
1. He is a seriously decent guy who respects me,
2. He drew a very big bright line in the sand when we broke up and declared "we absolutely should not get physical in any way, shape, form, or degree ever again because it is a bad idea" and we stuck to it, and
3. Rule 1 of "ex club" is that you do not talk about your past relationship. Rule 2 of "ex club" is that you do not talk about your past relationship. (For the first few years we confined our conversations very strictly to either our work, politics, or each others' families. I added the codicil that "talking about the awesome new boyfriend/girlfriend" was also off-limits for that first year, and he accepted willingly.)
So the way to successfully work with an ex requires that your ex not sleep with you, not make out with you, respect you, and not revisit your past relationship with you. You....don't have that.
Be like my ex in this situation. YOU be the one to draw the bright line in the sand and enforce it - "no more sex, no more making out, do not talk about our past relationship, we are only going to talk about work and THAT IS IT, period". And if there is any way you could be moved to a different part of the office, take that chance.
He doesn't love you, he's just into the convenience. Stop being convenient for him.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:55 AM on October 22, 2014 [10 favorites]
I'm sorry you are going through this. Since you want to stay at this company for the time being, I think you should focus on reducing how much you have to see and interact with your ex. For example, you could try to get your workspace moved to another part of the office or transfer to another position or department.
I also agree with the other posters that seeing a therapist may be helpful for you. A therapist will give you an unbiased source of support and help you figure out why your are still drawn to your ex, even when he has been and continues to treat you poorly.
posted by emilynoa at 8:04 AM on October 22, 2014
I also agree with the other posters that seeing a therapist may be helpful for you. A therapist will give you an unbiased source of support and help you figure out why your are still drawn to your ex, even when he has been and continues to treat you poorly.
posted by emilynoa at 8:04 AM on October 22, 2014
Response by poster: thank you all and this is really what i need to hear. i tend to reflect myself and blame myself and justify for him. i have been seeing a therapist actually and when i'm with therapist i am rational and know exactly what my problem is. unfortunately it doesnt help much. cuz when im back to work and when i see him, i tend to lose it. i need to constantly remind myself that i deserve being treated better than that and pick up the dignity and pride i left behind. its not likely to move to other spot or other department. and lots of time we still have to work together. yes. i'm in charge of my life... i dont blame him cuz i let him. it's my self-control problem.
it's not like i'm not good. but lots of times what hurt myself most is the question if i was enough for him even though all my friends said he doesn't deserve me. also i believe one of the reasons why i cant let go is because part of me is being competitive which i know is really really stupid.
i really appreciate all your advises. thank you so much. i'll read it to remind myself when i'm weak
posted by Freyaaaa at 8:13 AM on October 22, 2014
it's not like i'm not good. but lots of times what hurt myself most is the question if i was enough for him even though all my friends said he doesn't deserve me. also i believe one of the reasons why i cant let go is because part of me is being competitive which i know is really really stupid.
i really appreciate all your advises. thank you so much. i'll read it to remind myself when i'm weak
posted by Freyaaaa at 8:13 AM on October 22, 2014
why would you involve HR? This is a consensual thing
I'm not saying you should involve HR right this moment, for the record. I'm saying that if you tell him you don't want to do it anymore and he presses even after you say no, that's no longer a consensual thing. You are allowed to say no even if you used to say yes. With luck, it won't ever come to that.
I would say that generally, if this is literally the best possible job you could get in the entire world right now, that it might also help to remind yourself that fooling around/flirting on the clock is something that could potentially risk that job or your employer's high opinion of you. Then vacate the premises as quickly as possible when you're done working to avoid dealing with him. If the job is that important, it's too important to take risks. If it's not that important, then you should be applying for other jobs starting right away. I mean, I've had plenty of jobs where socializing on the clock was normal. But if you need this job so bad that you can't possibly entertain the thought of going elsewhere, then--be competitive about that! Give that your 110%. Don't try to be better than his girlfriend, try to be better than him. Imagine your boss looking over your shoulder; don't let yourself start thinking of there being "private" spaces at your workplace where it's just you and your ex. I've used this before to keep on-task despite minimal supervision, it's kind of silly but it working is the important thing, right?
posted by Sequence at 9:00 AM on October 22, 2014
I'm not saying you should involve HR right this moment, for the record. I'm saying that if you tell him you don't want to do it anymore and he presses even after you say no, that's no longer a consensual thing. You are allowed to say no even if you used to say yes. With luck, it won't ever come to that.
I would say that generally, if this is literally the best possible job you could get in the entire world right now, that it might also help to remind yourself that fooling around/flirting on the clock is something that could potentially risk that job or your employer's high opinion of you. Then vacate the premises as quickly as possible when you're done working to avoid dealing with him. If the job is that important, it's too important to take risks. If it's not that important, then you should be applying for other jobs starting right away. I mean, I've had plenty of jobs where socializing on the clock was normal. But if you need this job so bad that you can't possibly entertain the thought of going elsewhere, then--be competitive about that! Give that your 110%. Don't try to be better than his girlfriend, try to be better than him. Imagine your boss looking over your shoulder; don't let yourself start thinking of there being "private" spaces at your workplace where it's just you and your ex. I've used this before to keep on-task despite minimal supervision, it's kind of silly but it working is the important thing, right?
posted by Sequence at 9:00 AM on October 22, 2014
He's a sociopath who does not have "real" feelings for you or her.
There is nothing to compete with because the situation does NOT exist the way you have framed it. He. Does. Not. Love. Anyone.
Grok this. He is not like you on the inside. His mind works completely differently from yours.
Go ahead - ask me how I know!
posted by jbenben at 9:05 AM on October 22, 2014 [8 favorites]
There is nothing to compete with because the situation does NOT exist the way you have framed it. He. Does. Not. Love. Anyone.
Grok this. He is not like you on the inside. His mind works completely differently from yours.
Go ahead - ask me how I know!
posted by jbenben at 9:05 AM on October 22, 2014 [8 favorites]
Best answer: There is no amount of money, or benefit or anything that would get me to work in an office around this sort of Ex. Nothing.
Is there another office or division you can move to? Can you find a similar position in another company? So you give up a bonus. Consider it a 'stupid tax' and remember that you risk not only money, but self-respect and mental peace when you screw around with people you work with.
Stop telling yourself that he makes you helpless. It's not true. Tell yourself, "I am strong enough to put this awful man behind me. I am strong enough to find a man who will love me and care for me. I am strong enough to be without a man, if that's what needs to happen. I am a strong, wonderful person and I deserve the best." Tell yourself every day, all day long if you have to, "Ex is a horrible person who uses me for sex and to inflate his ego. He doesn't love me and he doesn't care about me." Over and over and over again. Out loud. Write it 100 times or 1000 times.
But seriously, get out of that work environment. It's toxic for you.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 9:08 AM on October 22, 2014
Is there another office or division you can move to? Can you find a similar position in another company? So you give up a bonus. Consider it a 'stupid tax' and remember that you risk not only money, but self-respect and mental peace when you screw around with people you work with.
Stop telling yourself that he makes you helpless. It's not true. Tell yourself, "I am strong enough to put this awful man behind me. I am strong enough to find a man who will love me and care for me. I am strong enough to be without a man, if that's what needs to happen. I am a strong, wonderful person and I deserve the best." Tell yourself every day, all day long if you have to, "Ex is a horrible person who uses me for sex and to inflate his ego. He doesn't love me and he doesn't care about me." Over and over and over again. Out loud. Write it 100 times or 1000 times.
But seriously, get out of that work environment. It's toxic for you.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 9:08 AM on October 22, 2014
I don't know if my experience will help you or not, but here goes: Long, long ago my wife and I decided to divorce. She worked down the hall from me. It took the better part of a year for us to sell the house and find new jobs and go our own ways. We lived together the entire time, and slept in the same bed, and yes that means we had sex. There were some tense moments, but oddly, it was mostly okay.
We never really spoke about it, but the one 'rule' we had was that we only fooled around with each other.
This may be totally unpractical for your situation, but I don't think anyone's suggested it yet: can you just ask the guy if you two could stay exclusive for the next 6 months until you leave? It sounds like you both know the score on the work situation. He might say no. But he might say yes.
Or this concept may simply not work for you at all. My ex- and I were young and thoroughly committed to splitting up. If you feel that an exclusive FWB relationship (which is, essentially, getting back together with him) is going to crucify you emotionally, then please give this a skip. But humans are resilient creatures. I've heard of stranger arrangements.
The thing to look forward to is the new job in another country - when it happens, you'll be so busy with that adventure that any residual broken heart will (I hope) fade quickly.
posted by doctor tough love at 10:00 AM on October 22, 2014
We never really spoke about it, but the one 'rule' we had was that we only fooled around with each other.
This may be totally unpractical for your situation, but I don't think anyone's suggested it yet: can you just ask the guy if you two could stay exclusive for the next 6 months until you leave? It sounds like you both know the score on the work situation. He might say no. But he might say yes.
Or this concept may simply not work for you at all. My ex- and I were young and thoroughly committed to splitting up. If you feel that an exclusive FWB relationship (which is, essentially, getting back together with him) is going to crucify you emotionally, then please give this a skip. But humans are resilient creatures. I've heard of stranger arrangements.
The thing to look forward to is the new job in another country - when it happens, you'll be so busy with that adventure that any residual broken heart will (I hope) fade quickly.
posted by doctor tough love at 10:00 AM on October 22, 2014
Best answer: He might say no. But he might say yes.
He will say whatever works for him in that moment and then do whatever he wants. This guy is a proven liar and a known cheater.
There is nothing to be gained from any conversation with him. Period.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 10:47 AM on October 22, 2014 [4 favorites]
He will say whatever works for him in that moment and then do whatever he wants. This guy is a proven liar and a known cheater.
There is nothing to be gained from any conversation with him. Period.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 10:47 AM on October 22, 2014 [4 favorites]
Best answer: still he's sitting next to me and i know we "love" each other
Nope. He doesn't love you, and honestly, you probably don't actually love him either. You're just stuck in a bad weird competitive spiral where you refuse to give up because that would mean "losing."
he told me numerous times that he loves me and i believe him
Well knock it off, because it's a lie and you have literally no reason to believe him at all.
He has done nothing loving, ever. Making out isn't love. Cheating on some other woman with you isn't love. (For you OR her, he doesn't love either of you.) Good sex isn't love. Saying words isn't love. Love is caring more about someone else's happiness than about getting exactly what you want all the time.
Here's what it would look like if he actually loved you, which he does not:
If he ACTUALLY loved you, ahem, he would still be dating you. He isn't. He doesn't.
But okay, fine. Say he ACTUALLY loved you, but couldn't be with you for some important reason. This does happen sometimes, and it sucks. But it is not what's happening to you. Here is how it would look, if it were:
he would be taking care to separate himself from you to spare you pain.
he wouldn't date someone else, let you find out, and then talk shit about her to you.
he wouldn't ever, ever, EVER let you endanger your job and future by acting inappropriate at work.
That is how you treat someone you actually care about and love, even when you break up.
You sound reaaaaaaaaaaaaallly young, like, maybe this is your first job, and maybe your first actual relationship? So I'm not meaning to be super harsh. These lessons take time to learn, and sometimes some bad experiences too. So consider this your bad experience that teaches you to distinguish between chemistry and hot sex and an actual nice person who cares about you.
posted by like_a_friend at 11:48 AM on October 22, 2014 [5 favorites]
Nope. He doesn't love you, and honestly, you probably don't actually love him either. You're just stuck in a bad weird competitive spiral where you refuse to give up because that would mean "losing."
he told me numerous times that he loves me and i believe him
Well knock it off, because it's a lie and you have literally no reason to believe him at all.
He has done nothing loving, ever. Making out isn't love. Cheating on some other woman with you isn't love. (For you OR her, he doesn't love either of you.) Good sex isn't love. Saying words isn't love. Love is caring more about someone else's happiness than about getting exactly what you want all the time.
Here's what it would look like if he actually loved you, which he does not:
If he ACTUALLY loved you, ahem, he would still be dating you. He isn't. He doesn't.
But okay, fine. Say he ACTUALLY loved you, but couldn't be with you for some important reason. This does happen sometimes, and it sucks. But it is not what's happening to you. Here is how it would look, if it were:
he would be taking care to separate himself from you to spare you pain.
he wouldn't date someone else, let you find out, and then talk shit about her to you.
he wouldn't ever, ever, EVER let you endanger your job and future by acting inappropriate at work.
That is how you treat someone you actually care about and love, even when you break up.
You sound reaaaaaaaaaaaaallly young, like, maybe this is your first job, and maybe your first actual relationship? So I'm not meaning to be super harsh. These lessons take time to learn, and sometimes some bad experiences too. So consider this your bad experience that teaches you to distinguish between chemistry and hot sex and an actual nice person who cares about you.
posted by like_a_friend at 11:48 AM on October 22, 2014 [5 favorites]
Response by poster: i'm 27.and yes, this is my first job and i gave up a lot for it. so i value it too much to give up yet.
this post now is literally my morning reading on my way to work to help me set my mind right.
he is a total jerk but i let him do that to me. i'm the one needs to understand clearly that he doesn't love me and i SHOULDN'T help him cheating on another girl. i know a fact that good relationship should be able to shape me to be a better person instead of the one who helps her ex cheating on his new gf. this is really low.
as a matter of fact that i found it filthy and dirty and reluctant for him to touch me as soon as i get to know he calls that girl his gf...this is just so wrong...
posted by Freyaaaa at 6:50 PM on October 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
this post now is literally my morning reading on my way to work to help me set my mind right.
he is a total jerk but i let him do that to me. i'm the one needs to understand clearly that he doesn't love me and i SHOULDN'T help him cheating on another girl. i know a fact that good relationship should be able to shape me to be a better person instead of the one who helps her ex cheating on his new gf. this is really low.
as a matter of fact that i found it filthy and dirty and reluctant for him to touch me as soon as i get to know he calls that girl his gf...this is just so wrong...
posted by Freyaaaa at 6:50 PM on October 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
but lots of times what hurt myself most is the question if i was enough for him
Good enough for the manipulative, lying, cheating douche bag who has someone he's hooking up with on the side while betraying his girlfriend?
Seriously, if you are concerned you are not good enough for this guy, the core issue here is probably your self-esteem.
posted by DarlingBri at 10:00 AM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]
Good enough for the manipulative, lying, cheating douche bag who has someone he's hooking up with on the side while betraying his girlfriend?
Seriously, if you are concerned you are not good enough for this guy, the core issue here is probably your self-esteem.
posted by DarlingBri at 10:00 AM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
BUT. Stop hooking up with him. STOP helping him cheat on his girlfriend. STOP talking to him about anything not work related, at all, EVER. if he tries to get onto personal topics, get up and walk away. Every time.
And STOP thinking that love means you are destined to be together because it totally does not.
This guy sounds like a douche but honestly, your own choices in this (shitty) situation are making it worse than it needs to be. If nothing else, find some pride and stop letting him know he rings your bell.
posted by DarlingBri at 11:41 PM on October 21, 2014 [40 favorites]