Job Search Blues

October 21, 2014 12:55 PM

I've been looking for a "real job" (as they say) in my field since May and, honestly, I've had no luck so far. I've had a handful of interviews, but nothing beyond that. Now that it's October and just over five months since I've finished my program I am feeling supremely depressed about this job search.

I'm not particularly looking for career advice, I've spoken to actual hiring managers and professionals in my field and they seem to emphasize that it's just a matter of time and luck. My resume seems good to them, so I should keep trying.

However, I'm finding it difficult to keep trying. To keep putting out resumes again and again after being rejected. Every rejection feels more personal than the last one. I'm starting to find it difficult to even apply for jobs I want now. Just an example, I noticed a great position came up that I'm qualified for. The deadline closes on Oct. 24 and I've been putting it off because deep down I'm just afraid that I'll (again) be rejected and I just think, "what is the point?" I also feel envious of my former classmates who have managed to find positions, and I know I shouldn't compare myself to them, but I just can't help it.

I have a therapist and I talk with her about this quite a bit, but I was wondering if there's any advice from people who've been in my place. How do you not let this consume you and become totally depressed and mortified?

posted by modesty.blaise to Work & Money (11 answers total)

Well, it took me 100 applications and about 10 interviews to land my job. Also, you for sure won't get jobs you don't apply for.

Your rejections aren't coming from humans, they're coming from scanning software, so depressed and mortified is ALL out of proportion to what you should be feeling. Frustrated? Sure.

Now, where are you finding these gigs? I find that I get the best responses from jobs advertised on LinkedIn. Often you'll see the hiring recruiter there, and if you're connected, and the jobs themselves are of a higher caliber. So start there.

What does your LinkedIn profile look like? Is it professional? Updated? If not, make it so.

Is your on-line life private? It should be!

Sometimes you just have to do it. I spent 4 hours a day applying for jobs when I was looking. I cleaned the house. I got up and out and did what needed to be done! Because succumbing to depression and self-pity isn't an option.

So decide here and now to get that job. In the meantime get a couple of jobs just to get out in the world. An evening/night gig, for money coming in. Barista, server, bartender, bouncer.

If you're only applying to one job every so often...that won't cut it. It has to be tens of jobs per week.

You can do it, but you have to act as if it's not hard and not demoralizing. Getting your job is a job in and of itself.

Good luck!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 1:03 PM on October 21, 2014 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: "So decide here and now to get that job. In the meantime get a couple of jobs just to get out in the world. An evening/night gig, for money coming in. Barista, server, bartender, bouncer."


Oh, I should have mentioned, I am working in retail and have been all throughout school.

I'm not applying to tens of jobs per week because there aren't that many jobs in my field where I'm located. I'm going to branch out to other fields (which I'm not even sure I can) I've decided in December. I'm trying to give my field a good shot before I switch.
posted by modesty.blaise at 1:07 PM on October 21, 2014

You apply to any and every job you might be qualified for because even if you get rejected, you are still stirring the pot and making companies aware you exist. It's 100% worth it. You grow every time you apply for another job. Keep going.
posted by Hermione Granger at 1:13 PM on October 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Is there any way you can do some work on your own, rather than being beholden to others to either accept or reject you? Without knowing the specific industry it's hard to give examples, but let's say you were a web developer (which I used to be): you could do web sites for charities, for your own personal interests, for friends, to demonstrate your skills, etc. thereby building a portfolio and making you feel like you are accomplishing something. Just sending out resumes and getting rejections all the time is bound to make anyone feel disheartened.
posted by mysterious_stranger at 1:29 PM on October 21, 2014

I'm sure you're doing a good job with the search, but even if your resume is good, make sure you are putting feelers out in your social network. Make sure all your friends and acquaintances know you're looking. Re-connect with acquaintances and colleagues for coffee or whatever to bring them back into your network and to make sure they know you are looking. Even though applying to jobs has worked for me before, every job I've ever accepted has been a word-of-mouth situation where someone recommended me to a place, or someone recommended a place to me. So make sure you're doing that end of it as much as you are looking at job boards and writing cover letters.

It can take a while to find a good job, but in the meantime, I'd try to not to get depressed about it. Easier said than done, right? But once you have a job, for the rest of your life you're going to have less time to do whatever you want to do. Take advantage of your status without being locked into a career-track position and explore your hobbies. Depending on your field, maybe there will be one-off or freelance opportunities for you to keep you in the game but flexible. Or maybe there will be opportunities for related work that has a slightly different skill set or focus to expand your resume.

It's a bit of a waiting game, but it doesn't mean you can't still be getting something out of your time without the job you're waiting for.
posted by AppleTurnover at 1:30 PM on October 21, 2014

Best answer: Applying for jobs in the continuing absence of feedback is a motivational tightrope that has people falling into demoralization incredibly quickly and easily. It's emotionally difficult to work up the enthusiasm required to write a sincere and compelling cover letter, and remain persistent in follow-up while at the same time completely detaching from the outcome. But that's what you have to do, because hanging on to hope too long in a vacuum is torture, and counterproductive to boot.

I think it helps to standardize one or two cover letters, so that you don't have to do too much tailoring/agonizing. Have boilerplate 'enthusiasm' bits, so you don't have to go to that place of damning hope every time. You do have to try to address the points outlined in their spec in your letter; approach this from a 'cold' perspective, just matching point for point where that isn't already in your template, detaching as much as possible.

Keep track of your applications in a spreadsheet with date, company, link to pdf printout of the spec, and a column for 'follow-up, yes or no'. Most ads specify that they do NOT want follow-up, but where it's not prohibited, it might be a good idea; in that case, schedule a reminder into e.g. Google Calendar so you don't have to think about it, and have a template for follow-up emails to use at that time.

And then, forget about it, move on to the next thing.

If there are other people you know who are also looking for work, it might help to plan group meet-ups to do this, so that you have support and encouragement to get you back on track when you want to run away.

It is just really hard. Try to take care of yourself while you're doing this - block time out just for applications, and schedule self-care and social activities, as well.

Good luck.
posted by cotton dress sock at 2:35 PM on October 21, 2014 [11 favorites]

Also -- try to be strict with yourself about applying the day you see an ad, or the next day at the latest. That way you have less time to build up anxiety about it. Also, early applications are more favourably looked upon, afaik.
posted by cotton dress sock at 2:42 PM on October 21, 2014

One thing that helped me was treating it like a "job." I applied for jobs during the day during "business hours." Unless there was something really pressing, I left my evenings and weekends free. I was feeling really guilty any time I did anything fun, spent any money, etc., so this kind of structure helped a lot.
posted by radioamy at 3:12 PM on October 21, 2014 [1 favorite]

Just chiming in to say, I totally feel you - I am in pretty much exactly the same situation, and I had a few weeks about a month ago when I was feeling the same way. In my case, I was waiting to hear back about a particular job that I had interviewed for with a company that I really wanted to work for and somehow the anxiety of that plus my general frustration with applying for jobs combined to paralyze me for a few weeks in sending out job applications. I know, I know, exactly the opposite of what you are supposed to do while waiting to hear back on a job, but I was just feeling pretty depressed. But, eventually I got over that and I started sending out applications again. And then I managed to schedule a couple informational interviews, which gave me some more confidence that I could make a good impression on someone. And I went to a job fair which actually got my spirits up a bit and gave me more of a chance to practice presenting myself and my interests.

Honestly, I am still kind of an emotional basket case half the time. This is an awful, horrible process. But I am trying to commit to the process instead of becoming preoccupied with the outcome, because there are little wins in the process along the way. I am learning something new after each interview, about my field, about my interests, about how to interview even. I think that concentrating on those little things can help you feel less hopeless about the whole thing.
posted by thesnowyslaps at 8:58 PM on October 21, 2014

I want to add my sympathies for you, I got a job in the field that I want about a month and a half ago after ~4 months of job searching post-grad school. And I've been unemployed for nine months.

I'll nth what others have said which is that you have to treat it like a job. 9-5, you're doing job stuff. And make it a routine, regiment yourself.

For me that meant fighting against my natural night person instincts, and waking up every morning at 6AM and going to the gym. I went to the gym not because I liked it, but because it was part of my routine. I'm sure the extra physical exercise didn't hurt, but I'm not one of those people that gets endorphins from working out. I showered, ate something, and dressed. This is important, if you're not leaving the house you don't have to dress, but you should. Take care of yourself, take care of your surroundings. Depression will hit even worse if you're living in a deteriorating craphole, if you're just wearing your bathrobe all day and smelling because you haven't bathed in days. Bathe, dress, clean your house, all that. You don't want your mood to parallel your surroundings or vice-versa.

Sleep is massive. I've never slept right, and it's always been a huge drag on my life. A few years back, I finally went to sleep therapy and got a CPAP machine for my heretofore undiagnosed sleep apnea. It's not perfect, but I sleep much better. Lack of sleep is such a massive cognitive drag and such a factor in depression that it can do a number on you. Even now, I'm amazed how much better I feel in every way getting even seven hours of sleep (I run massive sleep debts and I'm trying to fix that). Eat right, or as right as you can. Schedule meals, cook for yourself if you can. I love to cook, it's cheaper, and I'm less likely to eat crap.

It sounds like you still have insurance, or access to it. Good. Keep going to therapy, consider medication if that's what you and your shrink feel like you need. There's no shame in it, and I spent most of my life probably needing meds and being too afraid to ask for them. Now that I use meds, they help. It's not a panacea, but depression can drag you down, can slow you up, and it becomes a vicious cycle as you feel bad for not doing things, and so on. When my student status ran out and with it my insurance, I freaked out. At the moment, I'm rationing meds and forgoing therapy until my insurance kicks in at the new job. It's not a great situation, and I'm trying to get by. Keep yourself as healthy as you can, mentally and physically.

More than that, regiment yourself, and set goals. I had a goal of sending out at least three good applications a day, though five was ideal. I almost never missed that goal, though I live in a city with a better job market, and a specifically better job market for my field. Set a realistic goal, a low goal at first, and meet that goal. Meeting a goal is itself a source of satisfaction, a sense of accomplishment. I used Fitocracy for a year and a half to track exercise and as a motivational tool, and I glommed onto HabitRPG towards the end of my job search as a catchall gamification tool. Gamification is an incredibly effective and helpful tool for me, maybe you will find the same.

Try to hit your job application goal by noon if you can. In the afternoon, focus on other aspects of job hunting, such as networking, development, etc. You don't say what field you're in, or even what city you're in, but try to attend networking events, try to attend personal development courses or seminars. In my town, there are a lot of free lectures and so on. I have social phobia and cannot do the networking happy hour that is de rigeur in my area, but that never worked for me it just made things worse. Consider volunteer opportunities, especially if they are in your field. It will get you out of the house, give you something to put on your resume, and help you network. Plus, doing something good can make you feel good.

This is not only job advice, but mood advice. You have to get out of the house sometimes. Routine doesn't always mean doing the same thing every day, it sometimes means doing something different, but planned. Go to those events. If you only job hunt at home, consider going to a coffee shop once in a while to mix it up. Physical isolation can lead to social isolation, and just being around people, even anonymously, can help a lot.

Don't neglect your social life. Part of becoming regimented and scheduling yourself 9-5 means that after 5 you're off the clock. Easier said than done, I know. But once five rolls around, you can say "okay, I hit my goal for the day" and then go out. See friends, try to do something social away from the job stuff. If you're anything like me (and I hope not), you'll probably still think and obsess over it in the off hours, it will probably invade your dreams. Fight it as much as you can.

Try not to let it poison your life. I've had a habit of being miserable, and having my misery push my friends away, further isolating me. No one wants to hang out with a black hole of depression. Sometimes this will mean hiding your feeling and mood, but that's what a therapist is for. If you have a few friends you can lean on emotionally, do so. But not too much.

Ultimately, you're going to have to forgive yourself. It's a shitty economy for everyone but the rich, and it's not your fault, it's theirs. Again, you don't say what field or where you live. But consider applying to locations that aren't close to you. If you live in an area where your field isn't huge, you have less options. I know that sounds easy to say, but it's true. Job hunting is the worst, and it ground me down. To survive, I had to shut down a lot of emotions, readjust my expectations of day-to-day happiness. Being in a sort of grey fog was better than being in a black one. Automate as much as you can of this process, and accept that most of the resumes you send out are going to disappear into a void. That's just how it is. But eventually you'll find something and it will be great.

I'm wishing you the best of luck. I've been there.
posted by X-Himy at 6:24 AM on October 22, 2014 [2 favorites]

Also, you don't mention hobbies. If you have one, do not neglect it. If you don't have one, find one. It's important to find things that make you happy, and do it. For me, that was boardgames with friends and cooking. Also glassblowing, when I could afford it. Again, find areas where you can create and focus on happiness, and do it.
posted by X-Himy at 6:28 AM on October 22, 2014