I'm an intense, extroverted, energetic lady - I want dates!
October 20, 2013 5:22 PM   Subscribe

I want to date. I'm 21 and the last time I had a boyfriend or a guy I dated for more than 2-3 dates was when I was 16 and totally-in-love-oh-my-god (for a 16 year old, anyway). I don't mind asking guys out, and I sometimes do online. But no matter what people say, it feels emasculating and guys seem to think I'm desperate... How can I encourage guys to ask me out, as an intense, energetic kind of awkward girl?

Hi. This is going to be an uber self-indulgent question, but as someone that has deeply benefited from this community, I decided to ask anyway.

It's not for a lack of trying. I've been on and off online dating for years. I have gone on tons of dates with guys online, but very rarely do I feel a spark. I also notice that I am not very good at chatting online with guys, trying to get them interested in me. I don't know why, but that's OK! I'm young. I got time. But lately, I've realized that no one at school asks me out. For some time, I overly flattered myself thinking that I'm intimidating - I'm a good student, very outgoing, well-known and have a reputation for being highly outspoken. I felt that maybe some guys don't want to associate with someone so intense, someone that people notice.

But now I think there's something more than that. Tons of girls in my school more popular, attractive and outspoken than me have dates/boyfriends. I don't necessarily want to compare myself, but I don't want to delude myself either.

I am involved in my school--not in clubs/associations, but I'm always around at events due to my job at the school radio station. I'm a smiley kind of girl, always open to conversation. I make eye contact. I dress nicely. I'm nice!!! I know I'm frequently a bit awkward, but is that a reason for NO guys to ever ask me out?

The bar scene doesn't work for me - drinking makes me even more intense and wild, attracting bad guys. I've sat at a million coffee shops, making eye contact with guys - no bueno. I'm at school functions, I am friendly with people at school. Usually though, I'm a lone wolf kind of girl. I like to be on my own, weirdly, even though I am extroverted--I eat lunch by myself, study by myself, do all kinds of things on my own. Shouldn't that make it easy for guys to approach me?

I know I'm worthy of dates, boyfriends, love. I'm a good person. I've done a lot of awesome things in my life! I've travelled a ton (even alone), overcome adversity, learned several languages, read a lot... How can I find guys to have meaningful dates with? How can an intense, extroverted, energetic girl get guys to ask her out?

Where can I go? What kinds of things should I say to hint to guys in various groups in class, maybe at social settings that I'm looking to date? (I've dropped 'I'm Single' hints and it always goes over badly, guys react awkwardly and I feel bad) What places should I avoid? How do I put out this message that "ASK ME OUT! DATE ME! I'M NICE! :)"

Do I tell friends that I'm looking for guys to date? Do I tell them to hook me up with their friends? How lame am I. I just want to makeout with nice boys and get to know them. :( I haven't kissed a dude in manyyyy months!

This is my current dating profile: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/temporaryvisas

I know it's sparse, but that's because I recently was told my profile is way too verbose. Any profile suggestions would be great.

Thanks for forgiving my self-serving and indulgent question choice this week (...again):)
posted by rhythm_queen to Human Relations (28 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
Why is your main picture one of you with another person? That's confusing, and it's not even a very good picture (of either of you!). Make the main picture one of just you!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:44 PM on October 20, 2013

Keep asking dudes out. I am generally (for lack of a better term) the aggressor in my dealings with dudes, and it has served me well.

Interestingly my college boyfriend had a problem with it, because he was hung up on the masculinity bullshit angle. And it's like, bro, if you're not going to do it, one of us has to.

Anyway, where I'm going with this is that you sound great. Eventually (maybe not until you're out of college, though), your ballsiness will pay off. PLENTY of awesome dudes love it when chicks do the pursuing. Trust me.

You will find those guys eventually. I promise you.

In the meantime, just keep dating. You seem like you could be pretty intimidating, so I would recommend being very direct when you're interested in a guy. Ignore the "rules" and go ahead and just flat out say things like "I like you and want to see you again, are you free Tuesday?" and in general just letting the dudes know that they don't need to be scared of you and your awesomeness.

It'll get easier.
posted by phunniemee at 5:51 PM on October 20, 2013 [7 favorites]

Why is your name temporary visa? Are you planning on leaving soon? Makes me wonder if people who want long term relationships are not bothering.
It just seems really choppy. But if you get lots of dates, just nothing long term then maybe it's just that you are really young, too young for a long term relationship.
posted by SyraCarol at 5:52 PM on October 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

I think you need to start asking guys out. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY EXCUSES WHY YOU CAN'T OR DON'T WANT TO. Everything in life worth getting involves doing work and putting yourself out there. Getting to know people involves offering yourself to others and doing things for them. It's not always easy or fun, but perversely, that's part of what can make it easy and fun- there are so many people who are waiting for someone else to reach out to them. Use your God-given skills to make that first move! Your desperate need to have guys ask you out seems to be all about you, you, you. Nobody wants to date someone who is desperate. Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about other people.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:55 PM on October 20, 2013 [2 favorites]

Yeah, the main picture should just be you. It actually looks like it's the other girl because she's more in the centre of the pic.

Plus, your looks and honesty (and achievements) would be very intimidating to a lot of guys your age (and of any age).

For the love of god, do not dumb yourself down. Be who you are, you look pretty awesome, do your own thing, live your own life.

If you want dates, ask guys out. It isn't desperate. It isn't desperate to get your friends to hook you up (people know people who know people). But, based on how you present yourself, a lot of people are going to assume you know what you want and who you want and that you'll just go after it. So, just, you know, go after it.
posted by heyjude at 5:55 PM on October 20, 2013 [3 favorites]

Try thinking about guys not as well, guys, but as people. For example, I've had a guy ask me out on a second date even though I knew we didn't click--and when I said as much he agreed. That guy? Was just looking for a date. I don't want a guy just to date, I want the guy. I think you do too.

Secondly, you admit you're extroverted. The guys who like you? Are probably introverted. Introverted guys who would love it if you chatted them up first/asked them out.

So. Don't hint around. Instead, when you meet a guy you like, ask him out.

And yeah, chat up the coffee guys--in line. Yes, this means buying more coffee.
posted by tooloudinhere at 5:56 PM on October 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Quickly, not threadsitting:

@ThePinkSuperhero: Just changed it. I thought it was a good one! She's my good friend and I thought I looked more demure in that, more approachable.

Also, OMG, lady...It doesn't work, though. I ask guys out and it isn't working. I do understand it logically, that on paper it makes sense to do, but asking guys out seems to scare them, put them in a weirdly passive role, and then they try to make up for it during dates by acting douchey/uber-macho, OR they try to get in my pants because they think I'm easy and that's why I had the guts to ask them out.

I hate being a girl.

@SyraCarol: NO, am a Canadian citizen, just a tongue-in-cheek reference to my love of travelling : ) I thought it was cute. :P Just now realizing how confusing I seem on my profile, starting from even my username
posted by rhythm_queen at 5:59 PM on October 20, 2013

Two questions (and some sub-questions):

1. Can you give an example of an experience which might have contributed to your reputation for being highly outspoken?

2. When was the last time you had fun? What were you doing? If other people were there, what were they doing? How would you describe the social atmosphere of the experience?
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 5:59 PM on October 20, 2013

You sound like a really cool girl, probably too cool for most of the guys you know, who probably couldn't keep up with you. Yes, ask friends of friends, and have you also looked for other travelers? Maybe through a club or something, or even when you study abroad? I find people who live abroad (especially at an early age) are sometimes pretty mature and/or adventurous, like you. Otherwise, don't rule out older guys (grad students, post-grads in your city, etc.) while you let the guys your age catch up on maturity/coolness etc.
posted by mokudekiru at 6:14 PM on October 20, 2013

Response by poster: Hi, Famous Monster, wish I'd seen this before submitting previous post:

1) I answer a ton of questions in class and contribute a lot during discussions. I was also hired as a campus brand ambassador where I was promoting all over campus, at all kinds of events, in front of all kinds of classes by myself. I'd talk in front of crowds with 500+ people. I'd make my own audience! Also, working for the radio station means I've had to swallow my fear and talk to people all the time. In my four years at uni, people know this and usually use me as a main presenter in groups, etc.

2) I love working for the school radio station--this week I covered the imagineNATIVE film festival in Toronto--it was SUCH A BLAST. I was talking to exciting professional filmmakers, watching cool movies, hanging out at cool events. I like classy, intellectual events where people share their thoughts in a collaborative, supportive environment. I also love to dance, drink and party, but I will say that this hasn't worked for me in finding guys.
posted by rhythm_queen at 6:15 PM on October 20, 2013

You say you can't get dates, but it sounds like you do have a lot, it's just that none of these are turning into relationships. Are you looking for a relationship?

You also seem to think that just by being out alone in public, tons of guys will approach. But I don't think that usually happens. On the other hand, if you smile at guys in public and strike up conversations, I definitely think that some would ask you out. But I don't think sitting by yourself and making eye contact would do it. Plus, the kind of guys that approach woman without any kind of signal that she is open to being approached are usually guys who have boundary issues.

From reading your post and viewing your profile, I can deduce that you are clearly bright and extremely pretty. And I definitely don't think you should try to change, but I do think that lots of guys may be intimated by you. I agree with others that you should do more approaching. If you don't want to ask guys out directly, can you at least talk and flirt?
posted by bearette at 6:22 PM on October 20, 2013 [4 favorites]

The biggest problem with your profile from my point of view is I have no idea what interests you or what I might propose as an outing. So you go "exploring" on Fridays, does that mean I should ask you out for drinks at a funky new bar or, like, serious urban exploring? Are we going down to the cool restaurant I know or exploring the old sanitarium and getting scared by weird noises?

Likewise, you manage to say a lot without telling me anything about yourself in terms of your interests, likes, preferences. This reads more like a philosophical treatise than a dating site profile. I have no idea what I would even message you to start a conversation.

I've travelled a ton (even alone), overcome adversity, learned several languages, read a lot

So tell me about this. I want to know this stuff so I have a good opening that's not "Hey" or "What's up".
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 6:25 PM on October 20, 2013 [3 favorites]

Best answer: Before clicking on your OkCupid link, I said to myself, "I bet this girl is from a northern non-rural place." Ten points for Gryffindor! At your age, the American South is about the only place I know of where college guys will reliably approach women with the intention of dating. "Hookup culture" hysteria is pretty overblown, but it is still the way things are done at many American universities, especially those north of the Mason-Dixon -- I wouldn't be surprised if things weren't that different in eastern Canada. That's not to say that you can't find a boyfriend at 21, but you probably won't have much luck using the strategy of sitting around looking pretty.

I think you have a few options, which are not mutually exclusive:
1. Stop worrying about finding someone right now. It takes a long time for most young men to catch up with most young women maturity-wise. By the time you're 25, if you're still looking for someone, you'll find getting dates a lot easier and more rewarding.
2. Get comfortable with being more proactive at school. Get a thicker skin. Make more friends at school, both male and female. Hang out with them off campus. Build up a list in your mind of guys (multiple, not just one) you know who you would like to go on dates with. Work on developing rapports with all of them without getting attached to one in particular. If one of them doesn't seem interested (doesn't initiate conversations, doesn't pay attention to you in social situations), it's no big deal because you have plenty of other guys you're mildly interested in. If one of them seems to be romantically interested, ask him out! It's at this precise point that alcohol (used responsibly) can be a useful tool in dating: not when you are trying to meet a new person, but when you and a potential sweetie are both feeling awkward about making your feelings known.
3. Aim older (not too much older -- 23 - 26 might be a good range). OkCupid is good for this. If a guy doesn't ask you out within the first couple of messages, ask him out. Be clear in your profile that you're looking for a relationship, but don't go into a first date expecting it to be anything more than a first date. Always keep the first date light and short, like an hour short. Tell him you have a commitment right after. If you had a good time, send him a short message saying so.
posted by oinopaponton at 6:26 PM on October 20, 2013 [3 favorites]

Best answer: You seem smart and charming, and all sorts of great things. I haven't met you so I can't say for sure if you are intimidating or not, but some guys are intimidated by a woman who has opinions and isn't afraid to speak up. Also, some guys are intimidated by a woman who asks them out. This is actually a bonus for you - its a great way to filter out the immature, the macho traditionalists, and the dumb. They aren't a good match for you anyway, so keep asking guys out. Don't overlook the quiet, introverted, smart ones, they are often the ones who appreciate you for being smart and outspoken.

I am quite introverted, but I did ask guys out, and the results were always way better than with the guys who asked me out. So I recommend it!
posted by Joh at 6:44 PM on October 20, 2013 [7 favorites]

Do you have a group of good girlfriends? It seems easier to meet people in groups and most girls have guy friends. If you socialize in larger groups, you may have more of a chance of meeting people and getting to know them instead of just jumping into dates with strangers. Friends always have more friends and that's a great way to branch out and increase the pool of eligible bachelors.
posted by quince at 6:45 PM on October 20, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'll only address the online dating front here. It is possible to initiate contact with guys on OKC without seeming desperate. First, find a guy on there whose profile appeals to you. Send him a brief message that makes it clear that you've actually read his profile and are responding to at least one part of it - I know from talking to some guys who've used OKC that the majority of women who initiated contact with them were spammers (beautiful women from different countries and so on). If you sound like a real person with a brain when messaging a guy, that's a good start.

Currently, a lot of your profile is vague and generic. You sound a lot more interesting here than you do there. Adding some more specific details about yourself and your thoughts/activities - not your appearance, as it's clear what you look like from your pictures - would do a better job of attracting guys with more substance, and who have a better idea of what you're like, than what you've managed to attract so far.

I also think one of the pics of you traveling would work better as your default image. I know you want to convey that you're energetic and intense, but remember that you're talking to strangers on there who have no idea what you're like in real life. Do you really want the first picture they see of you to be of you making a crazy face into a camera while driving a car?

Basically I think the profile overall is not giving off the kind of vibe you sound like you want to give. It is obvious from looking at any of your pictures that you're very pretty. I assure you that you will not turn off any decent guys by sounding intelligent in your profile.
posted by wondermouse at 6:55 PM on October 20, 2013

Best answer: Here is what I think.

Also, OMG, lady...It doesn't work, though. I ask guys out and it isn't working. I do understand it logically, that on paper it makes sense to do, but asking guys out seems to scare them, put them in a weirdly passive role, and then they try to make up for it during dates by acting douchey/uber-macho, OR they try to get in my pants because they think I'm easy and that's why I had the guts to ask them out.

It's a dangerous trap to fall into, to conclude that awkwardness when asking guys out is because you're the one doing the asking. It may be possible that you are asking people out who don't want to date you, and that's what makes it awkward. Certainly, some men are intimidated by assertive women, but for the most part, if a dude is into you, he'll be thrilled that you took the pressure off of him to make the first move.

I don't know you and I have no idea what you're like in person. All I have to go from is what you've written here. The impression I get is of someone who is smart and charming and has a lot to offer. You also come off as someone who's intense and over-the-top in a way that might require a lot of energy from other people.

Whenever I read a question like this (one whose answer would require a reasonable knowledge of what the asker is like as a person), I try to take a look at the asker's history and try to piece together a mental schematic of the individual, see what the different glimpses into their life might suggest.

A while ago you asked a similar question, and in a follow-up, you said this, which jumped out at me:

A lot of my energy is who I am. I find it so hard in life when people constantly tell me to tone it down. It's so fucking frustrating because I have so much to offer.

I think that you are coming off in a way that reads as intense to you and to people who like you as a person, but may be reading as manic to people who don't know you well. I understand that it can be hard to hear and that you get frustrated when it comes up, but if I were trying to figure out the holes in my approach, I would take under consideration anything which I hear frequently from different people. If you get told to tone it down often by more than one person, it may be time to take a hard look at how you're coming off to others.

Here's the thing: You're clever and possessed of a boundless energy that will be a big help to you in whatever you decide to do. And, if I may venture so, you're really pretty. So you don't have a lot of hurdles to overcome before others will find you more approachable. Just maybe relax a little around other people until they've had time to get to know you. I know it can be tough, but the results may surprise you.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 6:57 PM on October 20, 2013 [13 favorites]

Usually though, I'm a lone wolf kind of girl. I like to be on my own, weirdly, even though I am extroverted--I eat lunch by myself, study by myself, do all kinds of things on my own. Shouldn't that make it easy for guys to approach me?

This jumped out at me, because I've been asked out by guys a few times in my day, but almost never have I just been asked out by some guy who approached me out of the blue while I was alone. It was someone I met in a social situation, added on Facebook, maybe saw one or two more times on group social situations, and then eventually we'd, well, either go out on a date or just start making out at a party. Spending time alone isn't gonna make it easier for guys to approach you; it'll make it harder for them to even realize they SHOULD be asking you out.
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:28 PM on October 20, 2013 [3 favorites]

You're very cute, but that photo makes you looks manic. You want to dial it back just a tich--lively is good/intense is not so good.
I was quite outspoken and opinionated as a young woman, and I learned that being a bit less eager/energetic/argumentative is generally easier for most people. (After I stopped being all moody and mean, I went too far in the other direction and was ohsoperky! Which is exhausting.)
Learn to find your own stillness at your center. Being around someone who is always vibrating at a high frequency can wear people out.
And you might about channeling your zest and intensity into some activity that will help you control it--debate club, public speaking like Toastmasters, theater, volunteering with kids. Radio is good, but interacting in person, not just over the airwaves/internets, will be more rewarding.
Asking guys out is fine, putting yourself in places where there are others who appreciate your vitality is good.
posted by Ideefixe at 7:47 PM on October 20, 2013 [4 favorites]

To piggyback on what famous monster said - don't project rejection (or acceptance!) onto bad traits in the guy you are asking out. Even if you're an overall desirable person a lot of men are simply not going to be interested for reasons you will never know. My success rate when asking women out is not very high and that's just part of the deal (and for almost everyone esle too), and I make sure to not get upset at myself or the woman I'm asking out if she says no. But I definitely encourage you to keep asking guys out.
posted by MillMan at 7:54 PM on October 20, 2013

I have no idea what you are like in person, but you are more than attractive enough that guys should be trying to get your attention. If anything, they may be intimidated by your looks.

Perhaps it's the age that you're at, and the guys you are surrounding yourself with. Perhaps get away from the college crowd and you'll see more interest from guys in their mid-20s and higher.
posted by eas98 at 8:51 AM on October 21, 2013

You sound very interesting. Please don't take this personally but the energetic way in which you are talking about yourself here sounds like ADVERTISING, like you are trying to seel yourself and your greatness to us (and dudes). And from your work and experience you describe here, it seems you do a lot of talking in thath tone around town (for good reason - it's your job), but when it comes to talking to people on a personal level, I think you need to do less of a hard sell and more of a equal inquiry balanced conversation. Tell things about yourself, but leave it open to the other person to ask a question. For example, instead of saying I Travel all over the world by myself and it's really enlightening!, try saying My last trip was to Biaritz, France and I took a surfing lesson there. That leaves things for the other person to ask (do you speak french? How did you like surfing? do they really gorge on chocolate and cheese and still look like sex kittens no matter what?) and also to say something about themselves thats related (I've always wanted to go there, I climbed the eifel toer in high school, my parents met there, whatever)
posted by WeekendJen at 10:37 AM on October 21, 2013 [2 favorites]

I am a dude who would loved to be asked out by a lady. /anecdata
posted by dhens at 10:39 AM on October 21, 2013

Two thoughts:

Your main photo makes you look a bit manic- as a general rule I think it's good to avoid photos where the whites of your eyes show above the irises- it looks really intense.

Anyway, you're smart and attractive, I'm sure you'll do ok in the dating world. Keep in mind that you're not white and most guys on OKC are white, and lots of white men are intimidated or not interested in dating WoC for whatever reason they'd use to justify that preference, so the pool's a bit shallower for you even though you're objectively better-than-average looking and seem really fun.

Piece of anecdata- one night I wrote two very similar profiles- one for me, and one for a friend. She's white, I'm not; in all other ways we're almost indistinguishable, including age, body shape, extroversion level, playfulness, style, sense of humor, and interests. And I wrote both profiles, so they were both equal in terms of writing skill and humor. In the morning she had 20 messages and I had 5. That's OKC for you; don't take it personally.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 10:51 AM on October 21, 2013 [1 favorite]

Men who are enthusiastic about being with you and who have good self-esteem will appreciate your straight forward asking them out. It's a bad idea to date people who don't have those two qualities, so asking has the benefit of weeding out bad matches. The guys ignoring your advances? That's a feature, not a bug.

Meanwhile, being able to ask for what you want and to gracefully give and take rejection are skills that are extremely helpful and mature and that lead to getting what you want in life. Hinting and expectations and mind reading are for chumps.

That is to say, keep doing what you're doing and being honest about what you want at all stages of a relationship. These are rare skills, which is why it may seem hard to find someone else who is similarly comfortable and able to communicate. Nevertheless, the alternative is settling for a chump who believes chump things.
posted by Skwirl at 6:51 PM on October 21, 2013

Best answer: First off, wow. You're gorgeous! Seriously. I'm positively sure guys are intimidated by you. Although I'm not in your demographic, I think your energy and vibe is adorable. You seem very gregarious and outgoing, kind of like a puppy that's bouncing around and full of life and energy. The only thing I can think from your profile is that it bounces around, a lot. It seems like you have a bit of trouble focusing on one thing at a time, like you're already off to the next interesting thing that just popped into your head. I find that really refreshing, but other's might find that a bit overwhelming and too much to handle, if it's a continuous state. That might be what your friend's are referencing when they tell you to reign yourself in a bit. Don't change who you are (you're really awesome ;) Maybe just focus on things for a bit longer, or at least focus on a few key things you want to say about yourself and what's important to you (at least in your profile, maybe you're not so much like that in real life?).

The part about you dreaming you're a guy all the time, kinda strange.. What exactly do you think people will say in response to that? Maybe write something that will elicit a question, about your question, you know? The dreaming about being a guy story, maybe leave that for a second or third date, if it's important to you?

Also the caption with your picture that says "I'm not so bad, try me", or something to that effect.. Stop. Don't undersell yourself. You DON'T have to, at all. Also, it makes it seem like maybe there's some reason why people don't pick up on you, or at least you think there is. There's absolutely no reason to sell yourself short. Aside from your stunningly beautiful looks, you've got a lot going for you.

I would second what people say about just being casually flirty, there's no reason to "drop" hints that you're single. Just have fun and try and connect with people. If someone's interested they will definitely ask about your status. Touch someone's arm (that you think is attractive) when you're talking to them, make little jabs or remarks that have a playful flirting feel to them. With your personality though, I would assume you already do this type of thing (I have a friend who you remind me of a lot, personality wise and looks, and she's pretty much an optimistic ball of energy and says the most flattering things, she said everyone always thinks she's flirting with them). Playful is good.

I've heard that models have this same sort of problem, that people are so intimidated by their good looks that they spend a lot of time alone because people think they'll be rejected by said good-looking person. I think you've got that part down though, because you're friendly and outgoing. So a big plus for you.

You're so young though, I really wouldn't worry about it, or compare yourself too much to others (it's so easy to do though, and easier said than done!). Guys who are a bit older will be blown away by you, look form someone who's a little more mature. If anyone isn't into "you" that's their problem, and frankly they don't know what they're missing. That's the attitude you've got to have, because it's true for you, and everyone for that matter. Accept nothing less. Above all, have fun and enjoy connecting with people (I'm sure you already do, you extrovert you!).

It will come to you, love, that is.. because you're really beautiful, inside and out.
posted by readygo at 6:59 PM on October 21, 2013 [1 favorite]

I am a dude who would loved to be asked out by a lady. /anecdata

I'm waaay out of your demographic, but FWIW the men I've initiated contact with on OKC have been much more interesting than the men who have contacted me.
posted by Room 641-A at 2:09 PM on October 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

Older white lady here, about 15 years past my college years, just to give you an idea of where I'm coming from.

1. It seems like you are either leading huge groups, or being a loner. You need to find something that you enjoy doing with other people, and then invite guys to do said activity with you, with no expectations of a date. For example, I like to bike ride. If I were you, I'd ask a guy I'm interested in if he wants to bike ride to the next town over for lunch. No need to announce it as a date, just "would you like to do this thing that i'm going to do anyway, with or without you." You can even invite several people, so that it's even more non-date-like. You need to just hang out socially more, get to know guys as people, and you will find someone to connect with. My 2 best college boyfriends came into my life because I hung out with them socially in a larger group for a while before we paired off. The "you're cute let's date" type meetings ended up as mismatched relationships, for the most part.

2. You are gorgeous, smart, and you sound like a really fun person. Please, for the love of everything sacred, do NOT start giving yourself a complex about being intimidating. You are a woman! You are a grown up! Own it. It's OK to talk, to have opinions, to lead. Don't feel like you need to dial that back at all. Of course you need to listen to others and their great ideas too, but don't hide your light under a bushel.
posted by tk at 10:19 AM on October 23, 2013 [3 favorites]

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