I'm a 20 year old girl going to a business school in a busy, big city. I get stared at by certain guys--eye-fuck, if you will--but I NEVER get asked out by the guys at my university. It happens with a whole lot of gorgeous, outgoing guys, ones I'd love to try and date! However, it never progresses a whole lot, and I am tired of feeling that I am just eyecandy (I'm being a humble-brag, I know, but forgive it this one instance!). What can I do to get guys to actually start talking to me, ask me out, make deeper connections?
posted by rhythm_queen to Human Relations (24 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I'm 20 years old, attractive in a non-traditional way, silly, talkative, outgoing, and come across confident. I talk to anyone and make myself open and approachable to most. I have been single for a pretty long while! I don't mind this as much as I used to, but I notice that at my university, there are tons of gorgeous, sexy, well-dressed, confident-looking guys who love to stare at me invitingly and make sure they walk around me, and talk to people with one eye on me, and generally make me uncomfortable (but turned on, what can I say.) This is kind of exciting and I sometimes feel flattered, but nowadays I feel very saddened and creeped out. Because I know if I were in some way different, perhaps these guys would approach me and talk to me.
I can tell that I am intimidating. I'm not super cool or anything nor am I always a fierce dresser, but I'm known in campus for being intelligent, outgoing, a great speaker/presenter, outspoken, and also really "different". I know I have the reputation for being too energetic, too expressive, intense, blah blah. I've been trying to change my reputation from being "crazy" to "spontaneous", from "exhausting" to "energetic", and from "ridiculous" to "non-traditional and creative."
This has been really hard. I've always found it hard to make lasting friends and definitely have a hard time dating. Though I know its a learning process for all, I do feel it has been harder for me. I sometimes have a hard time shutting up when I am nervous or anxious. It is annoying even to me. So I do understand that some guys are put off by this--and though I'm working on it, I realize I'm not ever going to please everyone.
But then there are these guys at my university- hot, with lots of friends, they're well-known for being funny, I know they are popular with the girls. All they ever do is stare! And find ways to be around me, and it is becoming super obvious to me and my friends. I realize that this may sounds silly and conceited, but I realize I'm pretty and fun to look at--I really just want some of these guys to approach me and talk to me. How can I do this?
I'm leaving the country soon for about 5 months to study in France. I want to know how I can be more approachable to guys, more socially appealing, less risky to talk to. How I can be dating-worthy to the general guy population. I just feel that my reputation for being a wild-card and different makes me unapproachable.
I feel frustrated with the ways in which I've dealt with guys and crushes. I am tired of having weird, silent, eye-fuck type of situations with guys, and I want to meet and date guys at my school. I want to be someone that guys who are attracted to me will ask out. I know dating is nerve-wrecking and I've had my fair share of rejection--but my mutual stares and blushing, and smiling back--shouldn't that encourage a guy to at least talk to me?
Am I sounding crazy, here? I hope my concerns are clear. :( I just feel like a freak so much of the time, and totally undateable/unloveable because of this. Feeling flattered because of the stares are one thing--BUT THERE'S TONS OF HOT GIRLS EVERYWHERE! I know there's more to me than just wank-material. I really want to show guys this.
btw: some of these guys are in my classes, but because we've established the weird silent eye-fuck situation, everytime i see them we both get nervous and I get very awkward. So it makes it tough to even talk platonically. I couldn't talk to them first...I'd get awkward and I think it wouldn't be "me".
Hope I don't sound crazy, but I've had difficulty writing this and explaining this. :( Thanks!