NSFW question about strip clubs

August 14, 2013 5:17 PM

I am not a regular strip club attendee, so when I went to one today I had an unusual experience that I don't know if it was normal, and if it is how others handle it. It's NSFW and embarrassing, so details inside.

I am not a strip club regular. With friends, at bachelor parties and the like, I've gone to a couple clubs a few times, but that was about it. But today I had a few hours to kill in a city I'm visiting on work so I stopped into a national chain of strip clubs--yeah, I became "that guy" going to a strip club alone on a weekday afternoon.

I sat at the stage, tipped, and realized the club was more full-contact than I was used to, with the girls encouraging groping of all parts other than the vagina and anus. They'd take your hands and put them on and ask you to slap their ass, etc.

One dancer was very high pressure, and wouldn't leave (it was a slow afternoon) so to get her off my back I got a couch dance. She had me touching her, and as expected it really was a turn on, and before I realized it I noticed I was starting to get close to orgasm. I sat forward to stop her frenzied grinding into my penis, but it was a few seconds too late. After I stopped her a second of suspense, and then I came in my pants.

I was really embarrassed, concerned my pants were wet, and feeling like a premature ejaculator (something I've NEVER been, but it had been a while since I'd had sex so I chalked it up to that).

Others may have raced for the door, but I went to the restroom, cleaned up as best I could with paper towels, and was just thankful my pants had no visible marks of wetness.

I got another beer, some time passed, and the dancer I really wanted a dance from came up, so I said, what the fuck, and got another dance from this girl.

And my lord, she basically fucked me with my pants on. It was like that scene from Showgirls with Kyle MacLachlan...it was like her goal was to make me come, and the only reason I didn't is because I had just a short time before. I started to feel close so I asked her to stop grinding, and she did for a bit. But then she went back to it, really working my cock, like a hand job through my pants. I really didn't want to take a chance on wet pants a second time so I just stood up, ended the dance early, tipped heavily, and ran for the door.

But now I'm really curious--is this normal strip club lap dance behavior? In the few previous experiences I've had they may grind just a little, enough to be a frustrating tease and leave me blue balled, but never anything like this. And the fact that two girls did the same thing in this club makes me think either (a) it's the club's MO or (b) it's what happens during slow afternoons.

So the question--is it normal for guys to be made to come in their pants at strip clubs? And if so how do guys deal with clean up and avoiding visible wetness on their slacks?

Or is it that I was like Jim in American Pie about to have two premature releases?

posted by anonymous to Grab Bag (13 answers total)

they vary utterly from state to state and town to town. many places dont have such full contact, but for the ones that do your experience (of the dancer's behavior) is not so unusual. as for your own, well it happens. its not gross or bad or pathetic that you came, just biology. the fact that you were so concerned to be clean and considerate is a mark in your favor.

and yes, they may have been bored as much as anything. day shift at a strip club can be hella tedious. or so I've heard...
posted by supermedusa at 5:22 PM on August 14, 2013 [7 favorites]

Some friends of mine recently described similar experiences to me. I was shocked. Explaining my shock to other people resulted in a lot of "duh, that's what you do at a strip club."
posted by MonsieurBon at 5:23 PM on August 14, 2013

I would say that it definitely happens on a regular basis, but to my knowledge, it's not what most people go in there for.

Was this Montreal by any chance? Canada has different rules.
posted by gjc at 6:20 PM on August 14, 2013

Strip club rules vary widely. Not only by state, but by county and town. But I imagine in such full-contact places, your situation is not uncommon. Even in my area, where strippers have to wear nipple plasters and keep panties on, and no touching is allowed, a friend told me about an acquaintance that would put a condom on before going in, for the express purpose of achieving a surreptitious orgasm, which I thought was kind of sleazy.
posted by catatethebird at 6:47 PM on August 14, 2013

That's traditionally the mark of a lower-class strip club where dancers also "escort." Jizzing in your pants is embarrassing (and can't be comfortable), but it's not anything weird — you were paying a lady to rub all sexy on you, and the traditional male endpoint of that is ejaculation. The system worked. Don't let it bother you, but set clearer boundaries in the future if you decide it's not something you enjoyed.
posted by klangklangston at 6:51 PM on August 14, 2013 [5 favorites]

As someone who goes to strip clubs, I have a bit of trouble believing your story. Either you are extremely sensitive to the point of being hair-triggered, or these strippers and the club that they work in don't know how to make money. If they've been in business for a while, they'll be skilled at stringing you along, keeping you just stimulated enough to want more and pay for it, but not overstimulated such that you pop and get relief. They are professional teases, in the manipulative sense of the word.
posted by wutangclan at 7:10 PM on August 14, 2013 [2 favorites]

I agree somewhat with wutangclan in that the pros will get you close to the point of no return just as the song is ending so you'll pay for another dance. It could be you went off quickly since you didn't expect it and obviously your naughty bits enjoyed it. A "high mileage" dance is not that unusual even in jurisdictions where it is not allowed by law. The women are there to make money and so they'll bend of break the rules to get you to empty your wallet, go to the ATM and then empty it again. The club management will look the other way because they also want your money. Only when they get busted do they go back to following the rules. If you looked like a cop you'd probably not have has a problem.

Although I've come close I've never creamed my jeans in a club. Between my being in control and the her desire to keep me giving her money it hasn't happened. However I'm sure it happens all the time as the pants links above indicate.
posted by birdherder at 7:54 PM on August 14, 2013

In clubs where they get repeat business (i.e. not tourists like in Vegas), things will naturally gravitate towards dirty dances unless management or law enforcement is on top of it. There's always going to be some girl who gets guys off on purpose, and guys will start flocking to that dancer, giving her repeat business, so the others have to get dirty to compete. So, you went to a club where the rules were lax, and there was nothing unusual about what happened.
posted by LionIndex at 11:17 PM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

If they've been in business for a while, they'll be skilled at stringing you along, keeping you just stimulated enough to want more and pay for it, but not overstimulated such that you pop and get relief. They are professional teases, in the manipulative sense of the word.

Well, yes, but:

tipped heavily, and ran for the door.
posted by heyjude at 11:51 PM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

Rules (both legal and house) vary by location, as mentioned, however rules can vary within one specific club based on the time of day and day of the week.

Generally, rules are more relaxed at slow times, such as afternoons and weeknights, compared to the weekends. So you could return to the same club on a Saturday night and the same dancers may not be anywhere near as aggressive.

The Friday/Saturday crowds are more tourist-y and not filled with club regulars, so there isn't as much effort towards trying to establish a longer term relationship.
posted by dogwalker at 3:43 AM on August 15, 2013

So, to put it succinctly, you gave in to one high-pressure tactic, which left you wide open for another run. You had money, were willing to spend money, were one of the few people around, and/ didn't mind some more action? Were I a stripper, you'd be the only guy I'd be working.

No idea about 'normal' strip club behavior, but what's permitted will vary by county, city, etc. If you're looking for something else though, there are presumably plenty of others around :)
posted by chrisinseoul at 9:18 PM on August 15, 2013

I have little to no experience in this area, but apparently at least some people think it's totally normal to orgasm during a lap dance, and they recommend that you take precautions accordingly.
posted by decathecting at 9:15 AM on August 17, 2013

Lol, don't worry. It is perfectly normal to have an unexpected spooge when someone new is doing something to your weiner that is an unusual sensation from an unusual angle. The dancers won't have minded and your cleanup was considerate. If you don't like this sort of thing there are clubs that are a lot more 'traditional' in most cities. Any uncomfortableness will have been ameliorated by the tip.
posted by Mistress at 5:53 AM on August 19, 2013