How to dAAte?
June 17, 2012 5:08 PM Subscribe
Met perfect girl. She doesn't drink. Turns out, she's in AA. What to do/where to go/how to support?
Dating, and nightlife in general, has always included alcohol for me, and, especially during the early stages of dating (1st-3rd dates), I always found it helpful in loosening me up and moving things along.
Enter Sobriety. Whip-smart, beautiful, in full control of her career/life, looking for same type of commitment, (most likely) sexually compatible, lives in my area, is very into me. I'll say this right now: I'm willing to give up drinking if it means Sobriety will stay with me.
My questions are:
- She said very firmly that she is no longer tempted, and that she does not mind in the least if I partake. Should I take her at her word? Isn't it insensitive on my part to drink in front of her, regardless of what she says? Remember, we've only just met, and we're clearly on our best behavior- it strikes me that she would say those things at this stage, whether they're true or not. Should I, or shouldn't I, drink in front of her?
-The only things I've ever done on dates were taking them to places where there is alcohol - bars, night spots, restaurants with wine. All those options are unappetizing in view of the situation. Where in New York can I take Sobriety, and have fun?
- How sensitive should I be, and how can I support her? More details: she's been in AA for something like 5 years, and she's been sober for about 3. She still regularly attends meetings (up to 3 times a week), has a close relationship with her sponsor, has a tight network of program friends. I want to let her know that I support her, will do what I can to raise my own awareness, do what's right, etc., but at the same time, I don't want to shine a spotlight on it, as if it's a major, massive deal. What's the correct balance?
Throwaway email: M8R-mvc4qc@mailinator.com
Dating, and nightlife in general, has always included alcohol for me, and, especially during the early stages of dating (1st-3rd dates), I always found it helpful in loosening me up and moving things along.
Enter Sobriety. Whip-smart, beautiful, in full control of her career/life, looking for same type of commitment, (most likely) sexually compatible, lives in my area, is very into me. I'll say this right now: I'm willing to give up drinking if it means Sobriety will stay with me.
My questions are:
- She said very firmly that she is no longer tempted, and that she does not mind in the least if I partake. Should I take her at her word? Isn't it insensitive on my part to drink in front of her, regardless of what she says? Remember, we've only just met, and we're clearly on our best behavior- it strikes me that she would say those things at this stage, whether they're true or not. Should I, or shouldn't I, drink in front of her?
-The only things I've ever done on dates were taking them to places where there is alcohol - bars, night spots, restaurants with wine. All those options are unappetizing in view of the situation. Where in New York can I take Sobriety, and have fun?
- How sensitive should I be, and how can I support her? More details: she's been in AA for something like 5 years, and she's been sober for about 3. She still regularly attends meetings (up to 3 times a week), has a close relationship with her sponsor, has a tight network of program friends. I want to let her know that I support her, will do what I can to raise my own awareness, do what's right, etc., but at the same time, I don't want to shine a spotlight on it, as if it's a major, massive deal. What's the correct balance?
Throwaway email: M8R-mvc4qc@mailinator.com
Take her at her word. I say this as someone who has known many people in recovery. She can order something else, most places.
posted by quincunx at 5:15 PM on June 17, 2012
posted by quincunx at 5:15 PM on June 17, 2012
I agree with xingcat and quincunx, but with the proviso that you don't want to be taking her to bars and other booze-filled places all the time just because she can deal with it. Those are not places she would go on her own, and you should start acclimatizing yourself to the kinds of things she does on her own if you have any interest in a long-term future with her.
posted by languagehat at 5:16 PM on June 17, 2012 [17 favorites]
posted by languagehat at 5:16 PM on June 17, 2012 [17 favorites]
I dated someone in that situation once. It didn't work out for other reasons. I think you should take her at her word. I can't imagine that she's comfortable telling you about her struggles (which she has been dealing with) but is uncomfortable telling you whether you having a drink is a trigger or problem for her.
If she likes those places, go to them, business as usual. She can order a Coke. She will tell you what she is and isn't comfortable with.
That said, this is also a good opportunity for you to get creative. Go to a park, go to a museum, etc. -- anything that seems like fun!
posted by J. Wilson at 5:18 PM on June 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
If she likes those places, go to them, business as usual. She can order a Coke. She will tell you what she is and isn't comfortable with.
That said, this is also a good opportunity for you to get creative. Go to a park, go to a museum, etc. -- anything that seems like fun!
posted by J. Wilson at 5:18 PM on June 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
I have been a moderate drinker with a sober mate. You'll be amazed at how not-big-a-deal this will be!
Don't go on dates to bars, but restaurants and clubs with alcohol are (usually) fine. I recommend asking each time before you order a drink if she minds. The answer is usually not at all, in my experience. If she's been sober for three years, she has probably handled much more awkward situations than you could throw at her, but in general, don't get wasted when you're on a date with her. It's rude.
Don't treat her like she has cancer. Most people choose not to do many drugs (e.g. heroin). She's just chosen to add one more to the list.
Dates: parks, anything outdoors, museums, zoos, seeing movies, seeing plays, art openings, coffee shops, play board games, go to an arcade or a carnival or take a class. Rent a car and drive to the suburbs to go mini-golfing. Be absurd.
posted by gone2croatan at 5:41 PM on June 17, 2012 [8 favorites]
Don't go on dates to bars, but restaurants and clubs with alcohol are (usually) fine. I recommend asking each time before you order a drink if she minds. The answer is usually not at all, in my experience. If she's been sober for three years, she has probably handled much more awkward situations than you could throw at her, but in general, don't get wasted when you're on a date with her. It's rude.
Don't treat her like she has cancer. Most people choose not to do many drugs (e.g. heroin). She's just chosen to add one more to the list.
Dates: parks, anything outdoors, museums, zoos, seeing movies, seeing plays, art openings, coffee shops, play board games, go to an arcade or a carnival or take a class. Rent a car and drive to the suburbs to go mini-golfing. Be absurd.
posted by gone2croatan at 5:41 PM on June 17, 2012 [8 favorites]
I think there's a big difference between "Hey, let's go to my college friends' Beer Pong Tourney" (probably not ideal) and "I'm thinking about having a glass of wine with dinner" (she'll probably say "Oh, go right ahead!")
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:47 PM on June 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:47 PM on June 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
She probably doesn’t mind if you drink, but probably wouldn’t be unhappy if you didn’t. She probably doesn’t want to tell you what you can and can’t do.
You know how annoying and dull it is to be around people who are stoned or using drugs when you’re not? Keep that in mind when you’re gauging your consumption.
posted by bongo_x at 5:48 PM on June 17, 2012 [6 favorites]
You know how annoying and dull it is to be around people who are stoned or using drugs when you’re not? Keep that in mind when you’re gauging your consumption.
posted by bongo_x at 5:48 PM on June 17, 2012 [6 favorites]
There are tons of great places to take someone in NY who doesn't drink. Steer clear of wine bars (and other kinds of bars, where drinking is the point), and go to restaurants well-known for having great food. Other places you can go where drinking isn't the point are some sporting events, the theatre, movies, bowling, etc. If you're thinking, "We should go to $place because I like to drink there," then steer clear; if you're thinking, "We should go to $place because that's a food I like to eat or an activity I like to do," then you're probably good.
posted by shamash at 5:53 PM on June 17, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by shamash at 5:53 PM on June 17, 2012 [2 favorites]
The two central texts of Alcoholics Anonymous are Alcoholics Anonymous and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. If you read them, you will have a better insight into her work in sobriety. The group Al Anon is a support group for the families of alcoholics. Their focus, deservedly, is more on unrecovered and problem drinkers, but if you go to some meetings, you will probably hear some useful information about how to be with Sobriety.
J. Wilson and gone2croatan make good points - this is a good opportunity to get creative about finding fun activities that aren't centred on alcohol. Cooking classes? Book club? Theatre? Indy movie festivals?
Sobriety sounds like a real find. Congratulations! I urge you to cherish her very carefully, and I wish you both much love.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 5:55 PM on June 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
J. Wilson and gone2croatan make good points - this is a good opportunity to get creative about finding fun activities that aren't centred on alcohol. Cooking classes? Book club? Theatre? Indy movie festivals?
Sobriety sounds like a real find. Congratulations! I urge you to cherish her very carefully, and I wish you both much love.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 5:55 PM on June 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
In college I took a girl to a formal dance and when I offered to fetch her a drink, she told me she was recovering. I immediately switched to soda and had a blast the rest of the night.
Don't treat it like a big deal; upon reflection, you'll probably find that drinking per se really isn't that big a part of your life.
As for what to do for fun, surely she has developed some ideas about what she likes to do sober over the last few years. Sounds like you haven't flxed those muscles yet. Follow her lead at first, then get creative once you have a better feel for things.
Good luck!
posted by mikewas at 6:07 PM on June 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
Don't treat it like a big deal; upon reflection, you'll probably find that drinking per se really isn't that big a part of your life.
As for what to do for fun, surely she has developed some ideas about what she likes to do sober over the last few years. Sounds like you haven't flxed those muscles yet. Follow her lead at first, then get creative once you have a better feel for things.
Good luck!
posted by mikewas at 6:07 PM on June 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
There's this point of pride among sober people where they insist they don't mind it if you drink around them. But I would not take it literally, especially in an early dating scenario. What they mean to say is, being around drunk people is not going to make them relapse. That may be true, but it's still pretty insensitive to take them to a bar or drink a lot on your date. She may be able to stand it - but you're looking to take her on a fun, romantic date, so you should aim higher than "she can stand it"!
There are tons of fun things to do in nyc without alcohol. It'll take a bit to get used to the sober lifestyle on your end, but there are also benefits - you wake up early and refreshed on saturdays, save money, and no hangovers!
posted by yarly at 7:16 PM on June 17, 2012 [3 favorites]
There are tons of fun things to do in nyc without alcohol. It'll take a bit to get used to the sober lifestyle on your end, but there are also benefits - you wake up early and refreshed on saturdays, save money, and no hangovers!
posted by yarly at 7:16 PM on June 17, 2012 [3 favorites]
I forgot to add in my previous post, one of the best things about dating a sober person is you realize that getting drunk is actually a pretty boring activity, in the grand scheme of Activities.
Who knew!
posted by gone2croatan at 7:22 PM on June 17, 2012 [6 favorites]
Who knew!
posted by gone2croatan at 7:22 PM on June 17, 2012 [6 favorites]
As a tenuous connection to the post that mentioned dancing, I'll just point out that NY has a pretty great dance scene, and contra dancing in particular tends to be alcohol free, incredibly beginner-friendly, an awesome good time, and a fascinating mixture of people.
In general, pretty much anything is more fun than drinking, especially when you really like the person/people you're with. A sober friend and I have had some of the best evenings of my life wandering around the city playing random improv games (alliterative career choices! endless stories! etc.) as we discover new neighborhoods.
In a dating situation, oxytocin and humor can be as intoxicating as alcohol -- and both have better long-term effects.
posted by obliquicity at 7:53 PM on June 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
In general, pretty much anything is more fun than drinking, especially when you really like the person/people you're with. A sober friend and I have had some of the best evenings of my life wandering around the city playing random improv games (alliterative career choices! endless stories! etc.) as we discover new neighborhoods.
In a dating situation, oxytocin and humor can be as intoxicating as alcohol -- and both have better long-term effects.
posted by obliquicity at 7:53 PM on June 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
My boyfriend doesn't drink at all, though not for AA reasons. I am a moderate drinker. I've found that it really isn't a huge deal. When we go to restaurants I order cocktails or wine, he just drinks water. We go to bars a lot less often than I did when I was single, both because I feel that it isn't fair to him to just watch me drink and because I find I have less interest in it now that I don't have a drinking partner. Occasionally I will feel the urge for a really good cocktail so we'll go to a good cocktail place and I'll have one or two cocktails and get progressively tipsier while he drinks cranberry juice. The only downside I've found is that it becomes harder to keep in touch with friends whom you normally met at bars.
Obviously the AA aspect introduces more complications, but I would take her at her word for now (though of course plan dates that don't revolve around alcohol) and see how much it bothers her when you order a drink or two.
posted by peacheater at 8:49 PM on June 17, 2012
Obviously the AA aspect introduces more complications, but I would take her at her word for now (though of course plan dates that don't revolve around alcohol) and see how much it bothers her when you order a drink or two.
posted by peacheater at 8:49 PM on June 17, 2012
Everyone I know in AA goes to places where alcohol is served. People who do not drink, just don't drink, no big deal. We understand other people do sometimes drink. We are not in charge of those people. We work with them, party with them, marry them, love them, parent them, live next door to them and in the house with them. You probably know a lot more of us that you've never guessed were in AA. Your drinking is only a problem if you are a problem drinker and only because drunks are usually boring, unreliable and sometimes even dangerous. We don't find them all that much fun to go out with. Non-problem drinking is not a problem.
She is not fragile and, as far as helping her, you do not have the expertise that is needed and that she has found in those meetings and sponsors -- she already knows how to stay sober. Believe what she tells you about it. If you want to understand more about it, read the books, go to an open meeting, listen if she wants to tell you something about it.
It sounds to me as if you have a chance to approach dating with a completely different attitude--not focused on yourself and how you are doing but focused on helping each other to find what is wonderful and worthwhile about living in your fabulous city and on how to make your time together an exploration of how to take advantage of the cultural riches there and how to enjoy life. She is in the stage of learning how to live -- aren't we all?
Good luck to you both. You sound like a good guy.
posted by Anitanola at 8:51 PM on June 17, 2012 [2 favorites]
She is not fragile and, as far as helping her, you do not have the expertise that is needed and that she has found in those meetings and sponsors -- she already knows how to stay sober. Believe what she tells you about it. If you want to understand more about it, read the books, go to an open meeting, listen if she wants to tell you something about it.
It sounds to me as if you have a chance to approach dating with a completely different attitude--not focused on yourself and how you are doing but focused on helping each other to find what is wonderful and worthwhile about living in your fabulous city and on how to make your time together an exploration of how to take advantage of the cultural riches there and how to enjoy life. She is in the stage of learning how to live -- aren't we all?
Good luck to you both. You sound like a good guy.
posted by Anitanola at 8:51 PM on June 17, 2012 [2 favorites]
The only things I've ever done on dates were taking them to places where there is alcohol - bars, night spots, restaurants with wine. All those options are unappetizing in view of the situation. Where in New York can I take Sobriety, and have fun?
It's funny how uncreative New Yorkers turn out to be when they can't default to going to a bar. This is the greatest city in the world and you're worried about finding something to do that isn't just going to a bar?! Well, you're in luck, I don't drink alcohol and I still manage to find things to do in New York City (that isn't metafilter).
Now that it's summer, there's going to be tons of free concerts and music festivals happening all over the place. Go to ohmyrockness.com and there's a listing of free music, check out the River to River music festival downtown, if you hear of anything happening on Governor's Island, you go to that too! Also, since you won't be wasting your time in a bar, you can go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art or the Museum of Natural History and those places are donation based, so you'll save money and be surrounded by interesting things to talk about. The Whitney has some late-night things sometimes, I forget which day of the week. Try going to a play somewhere in the East Village.
Remember, good relationships are based on *doing stuff together* and hanging out in a bar and drinking booze is only one thing to do. You can still go to really nice restaurants and skipping the wine makes things a lot cheaper. Why don't you walk the Highline Park and eat at one end or the other? Go sit in Union Square Park if you miss a rowdy bar atmosphere. Why don't you go on an adventure? Take the A train allll the way to the Rockaways, chatting the whole time, and spend a day at the beach, see if you can find Rockaway Tacos. If you've got that sort of time for adventure, Forest Park is a really lovely, er, forest park (PROTIP: Avoid Lava Park).
On Thursday evenings, go on a date to Chelsea and go wander through some art galleries. Go to the Museum of the Moving Image in Queens, or the Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art in Manhattan. You could stage a daring bank heist. Stand up comedy can be seen live in New York City, so if you or your friend likes Comedy Central specials you can see that for real and it's funnier in a room full of laughing people. If it's late night you can always wear a costume and fight crime together.
So that's just a few things you can do in New York City instead of going to a bar. After a while, you'll wonder why people want to go stand in a noisy room getting drunk. Alcohol isn't even that great of a drug.
posted by fuq at 11:42 PM on June 17, 2012 [5 favorites]
It's funny how uncreative New Yorkers turn out to be when they can't default to going to a bar. This is the greatest city in the world and you're worried about finding something to do that isn't just going to a bar?! Well, you're in luck, I don't drink alcohol and I still manage to find things to do in New York City (that isn't metafilter).
Now that it's summer, there's going to be tons of free concerts and music festivals happening all over the place. Go to ohmyrockness.com and there's a listing of free music, check out the River to River music festival downtown, if you hear of anything happening on Governor's Island, you go to that too! Also, since you won't be wasting your time in a bar, you can go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art or the Museum of Natural History and those places are donation based, so you'll save money and be surrounded by interesting things to talk about. The Whitney has some late-night things sometimes, I forget which day of the week. Try going to a play somewhere in the East Village.
Remember, good relationships are based on *doing stuff together* and hanging out in a bar and drinking booze is only one thing to do. You can still go to really nice restaurants and skipping the wine makes things a lot cheaper. Why don't you walk the Highline Park and eat at one end or the other? Go sit in Union Square Park if you miss a rowdy bar atmosphere. Why don't you go on an adventure? Take the A train allll the way to the Rockaways, chatting the whole time, and spend a day at the beach, see if you can find Rockaway Tacos. If you've got that sort of time for adventure, Forest Park is a really lovely, er, forest park (PROTIP: Avoid Lava Park).
On Thursday evenings, go on a date to Chelsea and go wander through some art galleries. Go to the Museum of the Moving Image in Queens, or the Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art in Manhattan. You could stage a daring bank heist. Stand up comedy can be seen live in New York City, so if you or your friend likes Comedy Central specials you can see that for real and it's funnier in a room full of laughing people. If it's late night you can always wear a costume and fight crime together.
So that's just a few things you can do in New York City instead of going to a bar. After a while, you'll wonder why people want to go stand in a noisy room getting drunk. Alcohol isn't even that great of a drug.
posted by fuq at 11:42 PM on June 17, 2012 [5 favorites]
- She said very firmly that she is no longer tempted, and that she does not mind in the least if I partake. Should I take her at her word?
Yes, absolutely. It bothers some people and doesn't bother others. People who are bothered by drinking are not confused or insecure about that. Believe me, she values her sobriety way more than she values making your comfortable socially.
How sensitive should I be, and how can I support her?
You don't need to be that sensitive - she's not sick and she's not broken. You can support her by not putting up barriers to her sobriety (whining about meetings, being jealous of her sponsor). Otherwise, I would mostly ignore it, especially this early in your relationship.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:15 AM on June 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
Yes, absolutely. It bothers some people and doesn't bother others. People who are bothered by drinking are not confused or insecure about that. Believe me, she values her sobriety way more than she values making your comfortable socially.
How sensitive should I be, and how can I support her?
You don't need to be that sensitive - she's not sick and she's not broken. You can support her by not putting up barriers to her sobriety (whining about meetings, being jealous of her sponsor). Otherwise, I would mostly ignore it, especially this early in your relationship.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:15 AM on June 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
Maybe it's because I haven't dated since I was young and broke, but the best dating activity I've ever had is walking around and talking - window shopping, art galleries and museums, parks. You really get to know someone well, while still having something to "do" to take off the pressure to entertain.
posted by jb at 3:03 AM on June 18, 2012
posted by jb at 3:03 AM on June 18, 2012
Yes, you should take her at her word, but why not do something that you both enjoy?
posted by moammargaret at 6:50 AM on June 18, 2012
posted by moammargaret at 6:50 AM on June 18, 2012
Agreeing with what's been said so far re taking her at her word, and working in dates in non-alcohol-focused locations.
The only thing I'd suggest to avoid her getting sick of you asking (which may never be the case), is make it clear to her that if she's ever triggered in any situation, she can tell you, and you'll do whatever she needs to deal with it.
posted by dry white toast at 7:05 AM on June 18, 2012
The only thing I'd suggest to avoid her getting sick of you asking (which may never be the case), is make it clear to her that if she's ever triggered in any situation, she can tell you, and you'll do whatever she needs to deal with it.
posted by dry white toast at 7:05 AM on June 18, 2012
A friend of mine has dated (and now is married with kids with) a member of AA. She really isn't any different than you know a normal human being who just doesn't drink. She doesn't like going to a dive bar, but then again the entire purpose of a dive bar is to drink so not much she can do there. She loves to go out to a restaurant because the primary purpose of a restaurant isnt drinking. She even likes to go to a nice pub where there are games to play and food to eat and is a ncie place to hang out because hanging out is fun.
Sobriety is just an alcoholic and from the reading of this question a very stable one at that. Treat her like any other potential date except with the prospect of heading off to a bar to get drunk. Then again I don't think I would have ever headed off to a bar to get drunk with a date ever, there are many more fun things to do instead of just sitting there and drinking.
You are going to have to take queues from her as to what is acceptable, but in my friends case restaurants and even sports bars when a big game is on are all fair game, but the seedy bar where all the drunks hang out are no goes. Cooking a nice bit of pasta at home and having a glass of wine with dinner is fine also. She isn't going to relapse from the mere sight of alcohol. You don't have to purge your house of all booze. I think the only thing I would do differently would be to ask her if she is ok with cooking with wine as I like to put wine in most of my sauces, but most of the alcohol should have cooked out of it before it hits the table.
posted by koolkat at 7:48 AM on June 18, 2012
Sobriety is just an alcoholic and from the reading of this question a very stable one at that. Treat her like any other potential date except with the prospect of heading off to a bar to get drunk. Then again I don't think I would have ever headed off to a bar to get drunk with a date ever, there are many more fun things to do instead of just sitting there and drinking.
You are going to have to take queues from her as to what is acceptable, but in my friends case restaurants and even sports bars when a big game is on are all fair game, but the seedy bar where all the drunks hang out are no goes. Cooking a nice bit of pasta at home and having a glass of wine with dinner is fine also. She isn't going to relapse from the mere sight of alcohol. You don't have to purge your house of all booze. I think the only thing I would do differently would be to ask her if she is ok with cooking with wine as I like to put wine in most of my sauces, but most of the alcohol should have cooked out of it before it hits the table.
posted by koolkat at 7:48 AM on June 18, 2012
As someone forced into sobriety for health reasons (genetic condition affecting liver), the most important thing I can advise:
Be aware of how much you're drinking and where your "safe zone" is in respect to being a happy imbiber vs outwardly showing signs of being drunk. I don't mind going to bars, don't mind if someone fixes a drink in front of me and so forth, but it REALLY, REALLY BOTHERS ME to be in the company of truly drunk people, whether it's a group or just my spouse.
Being the sole sober person in a group of drunks is annoying at best. Being the sole sober person in a pair can, situationally, be my own personal hell. I find it very irritating to listen to slurred speech or put up with the gregariousness that sometimes comes with drinking. I also have problems sleeping in bed as a sober person next to someone who's had a few too many. Two drunks in bed somehow works. 1 sober, 1 drunk person, in my experience, leads to a really awful night's sleep.
So my advice to you is to get any sort of overindulgence habits out of your system, and be mindful of where your appropriate limit is when drinking in her company. If attending a group event where all other participants are expected to be drinking, perhaps sit out once in a while as a pledge of support. Having a sober ally in a mixed group, especially if there are other problem drinkers attending, is huge.
posted by cior at 1:36 PM on June 18, 2012
Be aware of how much you're drinking and where your "safe zone" is in respect to being a happy imbiber vs outwardly showing signs of being drunk. I don't mind going to bars, don't mind if someone fixes a drink in front of me and so forth, but it REALLY, REALLY BOTHERS ME to be in the company of truly drunk people, whether it's a group or just my spouse.
Being the sole sober person in a group of drunks is annoying at best. Being the sole sober person in a pair can, situationally, be my own personal hell. I find it very irritating to listen to slurred speech or put up with the gregariousness that sometimes comes with drinking. I also have problems sleeping in bed as a sober person next to someone who's had a few too many. Two drunks in bed somehow works. 1 sober, 1 drunk person, in my experience, leads to a really awful night's sleep.
So my advice to you is to get any sort of overindulgence habits out of your system, and be mindful of where your appropriate limit is when drinking in her company. If attending a group event where all other participants are expected to be drinking, perhaps sit out once in a while as a pledge of support. Having a sober ally in a mixed group, especially if there are other problem drinkers attending, is huge.
posted by cior at 1:36 PM on June 18, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
Don't try to "help" her if she doesn't ask for it. This is something she's dealt with on her own before meeting you and will have to deal with on her own if she's with you. If you treat her like a person and not an addiction, you're doing it right.
posted by xingcat at 5:13 PM on June 17, 2012 [20 favorites]