My husband drinks too much, and I just attended my first Al-Anon meeting. I have some questions about it.
By way of background, we dated for five years before we got married and lived together for two, and are in our 30's. We were married last fall. I knew he drank a lot and seemed to enjoy drinking his drink of choice (a particular hard liquor), but it was not until he started working from home this past year that I noticed just. how. much. he. drinks. I have no idea how I didn't ever notice before.
Anyway, I have a lot of feelings
, and finally allowed myself to go to an Al-Anon meeting for the first time last night. It was actually a really pleasant meeting and I felt at home right away with people who "got it." The reading couldn't have been better chosen; it was something about a wife who felt like the credit line to her alcoholic husband's debit line. Plucked the words right out of my head. But as the meeting progressed, my head spun with questions about the whole concept of Al-Anon that I didn't feel were quite right to ask right there in the flow of a meeting. I know everyone is different and every meeting is different, but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask here and get more perceptive, since it helps to ease my general anxiety.
I've read this question
and feel like I relate to it a lot, even though we don't have kids. Especially the unfairness, and the financial aspect. I did not have any formative life experiences with alcoholism, this is all new territory for me.
- How do I keep my attendance secret from my husband? I am lucky to have a hobby that gets me out of the house, and adding a meeting once a week or so is an easy pass, but what about the more probing questions? The literature?
- Does rolling with my husband's alcoholism (detachment) have to mean not helping him recognize his own alcoholism and seeking treatment for it? Because I'd much rather he get help, obviously.
- How do I go about cultivating forgiveness for things that are so literally existential, like forgiving him for knowingly shortening our time together on this earth?
You can also feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks.