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February 27, 2012 11:32 PM   Subscribe

Romantic date ideas in SF for next Friday (3/9)? Is this even a good idea or am I jumping the gun?

I've been spending some time with a woman. (a Lunch, a day out at a museum, another day out + shopping)

We get a long pretty well - but I find it a bit hard to read her. Is she interested in me in the same way I am with her? Am I totally in the friend zone? (Obviously we haven't kissed, held hands, or anything else.)

I was thinking of planning something a bit more traditionally romantic next Friday evening. Maybe do the "buy flowers, dinner, show" kind of thing.

Her interests: ballet, pop music, etc.

As for $, I'd like to spend no more than $300 on this evening (or even less - but let's just say i've been saving up for an occasion like this.) We're in our late 20's - and both a little new to SF.

I guess there's two questions here:
1. Being that I'm not sure of her interest in me - is this a good idea? Too fast?

2. Got any romantic date intineraries handy?
posted by StrictlyVague to Human Relations (11 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Well the SF Ballet is doing Romeo & Juliet next Friday, which arguably could fit the bill, but there's nothing remotely subtle about that, so probably not a great plan when you're worried about going too fast. Perhaps a Symphony outing? SF Symphony is doing the first in their American Mavericks series, featuring Tilson Thomas, the organ, and works by Copland, Harrison, and Ives. A pair of 1st Tier seats, apparently available per the website, will set you back $134, leaving money for dinner (Hayes St. Grill is the classic for this, especially if you're like me and beyond sick of Max's, but there are lots of choices). You can adjust the ticket price/dinner cost as you wish.

In a less formal direction, Railroad Earth is playing the Fillmore. I'm not a huge music person and really don't follow them at all, but happen to have caught a few of their shows and have always enjoyed them. If that kind of thing interests you, it could make for a fun evening.
posted by zachlipton at 12:01 AM on February 28, 2012

As a start: You ask her out. And be sure to use the word DATE.
posted by miles1972 at 12:03 AM on February 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

Please start with something simple and not that expensive for a first date (and make it explicit that you want it to be a DATE). It can be pretty uncomfortable to have someone try to spend a lot of money on you when you don't know them very well and/or you are not sure how you feel about them yet. Plus, if you've had to save for this, you don't want to set a precedent you can't afford.

Go on some dates, and if they go well, then go fancy for some special occasion (made up or not).
posted by ktkt at 2:48 AM on February 28, 2012 [5 favorites]

For a great date in SF, do something with three destinations in the same/close neighbourhoods. Drinks, dinner, drinks is a good equation. You can start at somewhere like California Wine Merchant in the Marina, pop down to A16 on Chestnut for dinner, and wrap up at the Presidio Social Club to some nice jazz.

Alternatively, you can start with a nice afternoon walk through Golden Gate Park to Alembic in the Haight for beautiful cocktails. Hop in a cab down to Hayes Valley to Absinthe or one of the other local cafes (make a booking), and head to the symphony. If it's a good night at the symphony, there are cheap obstructed view tickets that put you behind the orchestra. The sound is amazing as it's largely unamplified, and the view is extraordinary.

Personally, I would not spend $300 in SF for an early date. There's so many things you can do for much less that involve the city itself, walking, talking, some nice music.
posted by nickrussell at 4:14 AM on February 28, 2012

ktkt, it's not their first date, it's the fourth if I'm reading correctly. Still, I think your romantic date idea sounds a little too formal if you can't get a "read" on her. That kind of vibe won't make it any easier, that's for sure. I'd want a date where you are actually doing something -- for $300 you can probably do a cooking class together and then dinner, a wine tasting, some kind of activity that loosens you up. To me, getting flowers, sitting across a table with a candle between us, then side by side at a show -- not conducive to relaxing with someone.
posted by thinkpiece at 4:15 AM on February 28, 2012

$300? And you're not even sure if you're romantic or platonic? First course of action, ask her on a date. Second, if she likes the idea of a date and things go well and you think she's receptive, attempt physical contact of some sort and escalate from there as appropriate.

I agree with ktkt, it's awkward to have someone ask to hang out, show up with bundle of flowers and then take you to a $200 dinner if you're just not into them like that or maybe aren't even sure. Spending money on someone shows that you either like expensive things, are trying to impress, etc. Holding someone's hand while you walk home and kiss them goodnight shows that you like them.

Or maybe I'm just poor.
posted by Brian Puccio at 6:11 AM on February 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

It is a good idea for you to try to escalate things and find out if there's any romantic potential here. You probably need to make some kind of move. Try to hold her hand. Try to kiss her, if things are going well. You need to do this for your own peace of mind, but also because if she is into you, you don't want her to wonder if you are into her and eventually get fed up that you never made a move.

Like others, I think your specific date idea seems a little too... high stakes.
posted by J. Wilson at 6:14 AM on February 28, 2012

I think it's a fine idea to test the waters/escalate things by planning an evening activity and by using the word date. That said, just in case you're in friend zone, I think it's a good idea to try something a little less high stakes as the first "romantic" date. Dinner is enough, not too fancy but somewhere nice with good service.

And, as people above have mentioned, do make sure you use the word date when you ask her or just otherwise try to make it very clear that's what it is, so you both don't feel bad/awkward that you had different things in mind for the evening.
posted by dahliachewswell at 9:01 AM on February 28, 2012

You probably need to make some kind of move.

This is excellent advice.

Try to hold her hand. Try to kiss her, if things are going well.

This, OTOH... If the OP is sufficiently unclear on how she feels after several interactions, this is chancy. Just tell her how you feel; no grand declarations of love, just a simple "I'm interested in you romantically" or words to that effect. Way less opportunity for misunderstanding or violation of personal space.
posted by asterix at 10:34 AM on February 28, 2012

I would go low-cost but plausibly romantic. Low-cost because ... if all goes well, you're going to want more dates!

My suggestion, probably to be paired with another activity: take her to The Ice Cream Bar and get an old-fashioned ice cream soda. Totally old-school romantic, but less high-pressure than a show.
posted by feckless at 2:54 PM on February 28, 2012

Response by poster: Lots of good thoughts here... It sounds like simpler is the way to go.

Here's a revision to my request:
Please help me come up with a date plan for dinner at a nice restaurant where we don't have to yell to be heard, and something (again without yelling - I don't have much of a voice) afterward. I liked the jazz plan above, but it seems to close kind of early.
posted by StrictlyVague at 5:40 PM on March 3, 2012

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