Is it normal to be a female and not have many (okay, any) close guy friends?
May 6, 2011 8:57 AM Subscribe
Is it normal to be a female and not have many (okay, any) close guy friends? Should I actively pursue friendships with guys?
posted by sunnychef88 to Human Relations (33 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
I mean close guy friends. The type of guy friend you call up to "hang out" and watch a movie, or whatever else it is that girls with guy friends do with them.
I didn't grow up with brothers. My older sister and mother are the two most important people in my life, and they don't seem to worry about guy friends either (referring more to my sister, obviously). I'd describe my sister and myself as independently-minded, feminine ("girly"?) ladies who are generally well-liked because we're good conversationalists and nice to people. I'm tall, attractive (men hit on me a fair bit), educated, well groomed, interested in other people and the world, articulate, and smile/laugh easily - approachable, no? I have 3 or 4 very close female friends, with whom I share my hopes/fears/feelings and all that great stuff involved with close friendships. My female friends are exceptional. They are all very secure with themselves, smart, and supportive. I repel dramatic and insecure women naturally, I guess.
It's not the case with guys at all. Sure, I've met guys with whom I've interacted in the context of various student groups and clubs. We are always on friendly terms, and have good conversations and banter in person. One of them texted me to hang out a few times, but then I figured out he had feelings for me and I put an end to that, so as not to have to let him down later.
I tried to ask a couple of guys to lunch, and they didn't seem keen on it. Honestly though, I am also confused about why you would be friends with a guy in the first place. The couple friendships that have started to grow have turned into crushes from my end (whereas in the beginning, there were no romantic feelings). Reflecting on that, I've never made an effort to be around some guy I see having zero dating potential.
Should I try to ask guys to "hang out" more? Why aren't they asking me to do buddy-buddy type stuff?
This issue is confusing for me, and as an reflective, introspective person who loves exploring human nature, it's a bit of a puzzle. Care to shed some light on the guy-girl friendship scenario?