3 yr old scared of dentist. what can mom do?

November 15, 2011 11:17 PM

What shall I do with my 3 yr old's tooth cavity? I am feeling depressed over it

my three year old kid has one tooth that has a very bad cavity. We found that half a year ago. We took her to the dentist, but that experience really scared her. We tried to let her be still so that the dentist can fill that cavity. But the dental tools scared her to death at that time (2.5 yr old). We gave up on that try, and decide to try again when she's older. Now that tooth is visibly falling apart, missing a quarter of it. Whenever I help her brush teeth, I feel depressed, and helpless. What can I do? I know it's baby tooth. But if the root canal is all infected, it will have long lasting effect, right? I can't really talk to her into getting anesthesia and get the procedure done. She's too young and scared and worried whenever I mention dentist. Please help me. What can I do to help her? Thanks!!

posted by akomom to Health & Fitness (24 answers total)

There are some dentists who specialize in scared or anxious patients. I would guess there are also some who also specialize in treating children.

I get anxious at the dentist. Now, if I'm going to have more than a simple cleaning, I get a sedative before I go.
posted by maurreen at 11:31 PM on November 15, 2011

I think you need to talk to her and explain this is very important and the dentist is her friend.

Untreated dental problems can kill you by spreading to your jawbone. You need to get it fixed especially if it is actually infected. To cite medlineplus:

Untreated abscesses may get worse and can lead to life-threatening complications. Prompt treatment usually cures the infection. The tooth can usually be saved in many cases.

You can do what you can to minimize the trauma, but this sounds like it needs to be taken care of with or without the consent of your 3 year old.
posted by benzenedream at 11:37 PM on November 15, 2011 [9 favorites]

Best answer: You need to get a new dentist.

My 3-year old had two rotten tooth and has had two fillings without even knowing about it. The first visit was a strictly a visual inspection and the dentist did NOTHING to freak him out; just showed him some of the tools (the less scary ones), made sure he had a chance to see what was going on in his mouth, etc, gave him a little box of tooth-friendly xylitol candies. No procedures. The next time we went in, he was happy to go, and they put him on the gas and woke up with a new tooth. He was EXCITED to go back the second time to get the second filling. As far as he knew, that just meant more xylitol candies and a chance to show off another cool new tooth.
posted by holterbarbour at 11:40 PM on November 15, 2011 [12 favorites]

Response by poster: wow, thanks holterbarbour. The gas thing is good to know. Also thanks benzenedream, I got a push from you to solve this issue instead of just wait and depress over it. I just googled child friendly dentist in the town I live in, and found a few choices. I will call the dentist and ask them. Positive action cheers me up, I hope to find a good capable dentist for my kid.
posted by akomom at 11:43 PM on November 15, 2011 [3 favorites]

You are her parent. It is your job to do things that are in her best interest even if she doesn't enjoy them. Go to the dentist.
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 11:45 PM on November 15, 2011 [11 favorites]

Don't tell her then that you're going to the "dentist" and don't tell her the specifics on what's going to happen. Tell her that you're going to a very nice doctor who is going to give her a checkup, and that she'll get some medicine during the checkup that'll make her a little sleepy. That's all she needs to know. Just do it, she'll have no clue that it's the dentist and what's going to happen -- and she won't even know what DID happen, afterwards -- unless you tell her.
posted by cairdeas at 12:21 AM on November 16, 2011

Definitely a pediatric dentist. To help demystify, with my toddler we play "dentist" at home. He lies back on the couch and opens his mouth and I poke my finger in there (mostly just to check how his molars are coming, he's a complainey teether), and then I ask him to bite and he bites and giggles about the clicking noise and then there are snuggles and kisses. It is terribly useful at the pediatrician -- when we ask him to "play dentist" he opens right up -- and when we went to pick daddy up from the dentist after a big procedure, he was all, MY TEETH, LET ME SHOW U THEM. Because he was excited to meet a real dentist and show off his "being at the dentist" skills. Anyway, playing a little bit could help make it less scary and help her know what to expect, unscary version.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:57 AM on November 16, 2011 [12 favorites]

Nthing a pediatric dentist, even if you have to drive far away to find one. It makes a world of difference.

My son had something similar, a cavity that a regular dentist couldn't fill because my son freaked out so much, and ultimately the tooth was just pulled and he got a little metal spaceholder placed there.

The extraction was worse for me than him. Is extraction possible?
posted by kinetic at 2:33 AM on November 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh, I feel sad just thinking about your little one :-(

I also recommend a dentist specifically for children. You might ask for references for a dentist who treats children with special needs, even if your child isn't one. These dentists are usually very careful with children with Autism, due to very low pain tolerance, anxiety, etc.

Meanwhile, your toddler can:
avoid all grains and sugars. Atleast avoid wheat.
take vitamin D daily (atleast 1000mg). Even if she eats grains, the vitamin D will help revert cavities.
also, a low dose of cod liver oil once a week, maybe, but only if she takes the vitamin D. Good luck making her take the oil, though! It tastes yucky.

You can still revert this, she's young! Turn your sad feelings into fighting power!
If you're curious, you can search for Weston A. Price + children + cavities / tooth decay.

I hope this helps.
posted by midnightmoonlight at 3:51 AM on November 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Another pro-active thing to consider: giving her a daily flouride supplement if you think her teeth may be weak so her adult chompers come in with better enamel. Our town did not have fluoridated water but my parents took this step and I am so grateful. IANAD but I am in my 50s with only 1 cavity.
posted by carmicha at 5:15 AM on November 16, 2011

Xylitol! Xylitol!

Cavities are an infection. Xylitol kills the cavity germ. They make candy out of Xylitol. Let your child eat a little bit of Xylitol candy or gum every day.

I have been exactly where you are before. When my three year old was afraid to open his mouth the dentist slammed his fist down on a tray of instruments and they went flying in the air. So then I avoided taking him to a dentist. Then he kept telling me something hurt. Sometimes, especially with kids, they don't know where a pain from a toothache is coming from. Turns out he had an abscess. I could feel it as a little bump on his gum. It was late at night so I took him to the emergency room and got antibiotics. Next day got the tooth pulled (with another dentist). It's been said before here - an infected tooth can be deadly.

Please learn from my mistake. After the first dentist turned out to be a jerk I should have searched until I found a good one. I didn't know about pediatric dentists back then. But I would strongly suggest one now. You should call and find out if you can have a free 5 minute meet and greet appointment with a new dentist. If they don't allow that, start calling more dentists. Even if you have to meet 20 dentists to find the right one. I had to go through about 5 dentists before I found the one for me.

Feel free to ask the question "What exactly do you do if a child starts to panic?"

Finding the right dentist for your child is the hardest but one of the most important jobs of a parent.

Good luck! You can do this!
posted by cda at 6:25 AM on November 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Another pro-active thing to consider: giving her a daily flouride supplement if you think her teeth may be weak so her adult chompers come in with better enamel.

Agree, agree, agree. My uncle is a dentist and gave his kids fluoride tablets when they were little. Neither of them have ever had a cavity, despite taking (ironically) crap care of their own teeth. Me? I floss every day and have had several.

N'thing go to a (different, kid-friendly) dentist as soon as possible. I also had a book when I was little about going to the dentist for the first time. I don't see the one I had in a quick search (which is just as well, since it'd be horribly dated now), but there are hundreds to choose from. Maybe reading a book about together would be a good idea.
posted by phunniemee at 6:27 AM on November 16, 2011

Our awesome ped dentist gave us a topical fluoride called Mi Paste. My boy says it tastes like marshmallow. We use it after bed time tooth brushing.
posted by pearlybob at 6:42 AM on November 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

It's really, REALLY important that you do whatever it takes to help your child get over her dental anxiety -- and not only for the urgent short-term problem.

Even if you do get the anxiety problem resolved permanently, if your child remains apprehensive/terrified of going to the dentist, it can have lifelong repercussions. That being, when she becomes independent, she will be less likely to go to the dentist regularly on her own for cleanings.

I work in a dental office and we frequently see young patients whose teeth have rapidly gone to hell in the span of only a few years. Their parents took them to the dentist when they were young, but the negative association was still so strong that the first time they had the chance to put off a dental visit, they did and eventually stopped going altogether. Depending on genetics and their level of home care, a 3-5 year lapse in regular professional dental care sometimes resulted in multiple cavities, abscesses requiring root canals and crowns, and a completely preventable and unnecessary degree of pain and suffering.
posted by overeducated_alligator at 7:10 AM on November 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Sorry, that should say, "Even if you do get the tooth problem resolved"
posted by overeducated_alligator at 7:11 AM on November 16, 2011

Just adding to the pile of recs to find a "pediatric dentist". My son is 7 and I was very worried about how he'd deal with the dentist, especially after we had 3 people hold him down while he screamed bloody murder for his last immunizations. But his dental checkup and subsequent cavity fillings have been amazing at the pediatric dentist our pediatrician recommended. The entire staff: receptionist, office staff, hygenists, and dentists set up a positive experience for him and instant rapport the minute we walked in the door. He's usually incredibly clingy in new situations and yet he went off with the hygenist on his own, didn't even look back, and so I stayed in the waiting room until the dentist wanted to speak to me. He watches movies while they work on him and his fillings have been done with nitrous and local anesthetic. He had zero complaints and zero pain, went back twice with no hesitation for some difficult fillings and a crown. They told us that many kids grow up and leave their practice having no idea what goes on when they're having dental work done! I hope you can find a similar place for your child!

As to how you're feeling, don't beat yourself up about this. I was sad when it turned out he had cavities because I felt like I failed somehow. But we do the best for our kids with the information, energy, and skills we have. We don't have to feel alone and helpless about dental care! There are people out there to help us! We just gotta find them.
posted by girlhacker at 9:39 AM on November 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Here are the reasons that you and every other parent should have a child's cavity filled as soon as you can:
That cavity is a breeding ground for the bacteria that cause more cavities, and while you can never eliminate those germs entirely, giving them a place to multiply freely is a danger to all the rest of the teeth in the mouth.

One role of baby teeth is to hold the space for the permanent teeth. breakdown of tooth structure causes loss of this space and can exacerbate crowding in the permanent teeth

cavities never ever ever get better on their own. they only get bigger and worse until they cause pain, swelling or worse until they are fixed

A few additional notes

xylitol does not kill cavity germs. xylitol and sugar free gum are helpful because they stimulate saliva flow, and the natural buffers in saliva can help prevent the acidity caused by sugars from causing a cavity

supplemental fluoride is exactly that, a supplement to the fluoride in drinking water, and is only appropriate if your child is not ingesting fluoride from a drinking water source. talk to your dentist about whether you need this.

Find a dentist that you and your child are comfortable with and stick with regular check-ups and get problems fixed when they are small. The more easy, no stress visits you have the more you establish that going to the dentist is no big deal, and it shouldn't be.

Good luck, and as others have said, don't beat yourself up about this, just get it fixed and try hard to prevent cavities in permanent teeth.
posted by OHenryPacey at 10:02 AM on November 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

As others have said, pediatric dentist! And sometimes you have other options like going in 45 minutes early and getting liquid Versed, which is anti-anxiety and will make her pretty loopy. That might calm her down enough to let the dentist do the procedure in the office.

My daughter was similar to yours (and at the same age) - very resistant to any dental procedures despite having to crown four molars with no enamel. She would not sit still through nitrous/Versed, and there was no way I was going to hold her down through the procedure, so we brought her in to a day surgery facility for a procedure under general anesthesia.

If it makes you feel any better, said daughter is now 12 and ho-hums her way through shots, dental exams, and finger pricks. ;)
posted by Addlepated at 12:10 PM on November 16, 2011

Don't tell her then that you're going to the "dentist" and don't tell her the specifics on what's going to happen. Tell her that you're going to a very nice doctor who is going to give her a checkup, and that she'll get some medicine during the checkup that'll make her a little sleepy. That's all she needs to know. Just do it, she'll have no clue that it's the dentist and what's going to happen -- and she won't even know what DID happen, afterwards -- unless you tell her.

Please don't do this! It breeds mistrust.
posted by gjc at 2:45 PM on November 16, 2011

If need be, you can have it done in a hospital with a general anesthetic. I had to do that with one of my kids, when even the really great pediatric dentist couldn't get it done.
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:24 PM on November 16, 2011

Response by poster: found a pretty good pediatric dentist. but he recommends general anesthesia and it will cost $1500 out of our pocket for that procedure. plus money (copay) to pay for cavity filling and a cap. oh, mine, now we have to figure out if we should go head with this expense or shop around for cheaper anesthesia cost or try to change our medical insurance from kaiser to ppo to cover more for this. but change medial insurance provide generate new changes.

but I feel better after taking actions. thanks everybody.
posted by akomom at 4:28 PM on November 22, 2011

If there's any bright side to doing it with a general anesthetic in a hospital, it's that you can get a bunch of stuff done at once while the kid is out. They can apply a sealant, check for other decay... You could ask your pediatrician if there are any procedures that you could get out of the way. Flu shot? Any missing vaccinations?

My kid, for example, had an unrelated blood draw done while he was out on the request of his doctor, plus -- with his earlier consent -- he had some samples taken to take part in a medical study.
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:22 PM on November 22, 2011

About the cost, consider a dental school. I did and was happy with it.
posted by maurreen at 2:22 PM on November 23, 2011

Response by poster: The ending of this problem is that today, we got my daughter's tooth extracted by her dentist and the dentist filled a few cavities. The general anesthesia went well. My daughter recovered quicker than we thought. About four hours later, she's pretty normal again. The cost of anesthesia is $700 totally out of pocket. The price varies a lot from different anesthesiologist. I am glad that this ordeal is over. I almost cried to see my daughter goes through anesthesia, seeing her falling asleep with the confused look. Of course, now that she's fine offers me a lot of comfort, but the whole things makes me think how precious our children are. Well, just do the best we can to our loved ones and put priority to health and well-being. Thanks again to everyone here.
posted by akomom at 10:46 PM on December 21, 2011 [1 favorite]