How do I get enough sleep despite daily stress?
October 14, 2011 6:17 AM Subscribe
How can I relax and get a full night's sleep, despite stress?
I began a new job a few weeks ago. At the same time, I'm considering returning to school, taking a writing workshop class, trying to finish a long writing project by March (a self-imposed deadline) and I just moved in with my girlfriend, the biggest relationship commitment I've ever made.
Between all of these changes, I'm having a really hard time getting quality sleep. I have nightmares about missing a deadline at work. I have little fights with my girlfriend that put me on edge when we go to bed. I haven't felt like I had enough energy to get through a day because I'm simply not sleeping.
I know on some level I need to deal with the things that are stressing me out during the day, so I can relax at night. But in practice it isn't that simple; there is always another thing to do, another situation to worry about. How do I put it all behind me for 7-8 hours a night?
I began a new job a few weeks ago. At the same time, I'm considering returning to school, taking a writing workshop class, trying to finish a long writing project by March (a self-imposed deadline) and I just moved in with my girlfriend, the biggest relationship commitment I've ever made.
Between all of these changes, I'm having a really hard time getting quality sleep. I have nightmares about missing a deadline at work. I have little fights with my girlfriend that put me on edge when we go to bed. I haven't felt like I had enough energy to get through a day because I'm simply not sleeping.
I know on some level I need to deal with the things that are stressing me out during the day, so I can relax at night. But in practice it isn't that simple; there is always another thing to do, another situation to worry about. How do I put it all behind me for 7-8 hours a night?
Best answer: your brain isn't a very good plate spinner- what I mean by this is that it doesn't like having to keep thinking about many things at once, like the dude at the circus with the plates spinning on poles. If he stops spinning them, they drop off, and and your brain is probably stressing about remembering everything. I like to have a journal or something I can write down the things I need to remember- the deadlines, the anniversaries, etc. Check this in the morning, and remind yourself at night that you can relax, because the paper is remembering for you. Dump out anything that is worrying you onto paper before you go to bed. I have an anonymous ranty blog for when I really need to vent.
For the GF, I suggest trying to resolve conflict there- try really hard not to fight at night when you are both tired, stressed, and more prone to be emotional.
Meditating, or deep breathing seems to help. I saw a therapist who gave me some great exercises for dealing with anxiety (like counting back from 100 by 3s). The other thing that helped was cutting out the coffee, which really did me in, and sticking with just tea for my caffeine boost.
The big thing is letting your brain know that what ever it is worrying about is taken care of and remembered, and it can go to sleep.
posted by titanium_geek at 6:33 AM on October 14, 2011 [3 favorites]
For the GF, I suggest trying to resolve conflict there- try really hard not to fight at night when you are both tired, stressed, and more prone to be emotional.
Meditating, or deep breathing seems to help. I saw a therapist who gave me some great exercises for dealing with anxiety (like counting back from 100 by 3s). The other thing that helped was cutting out the coffee, which really did me in, and sticking with just tea for my caffeine boost.
The big thing is letting your brain know that what ever it is worrying about is taken care of and remembered, and it can go to sleep.
posted by titanium_geek at 6:33 AM on October 14, 2011 [3 favorites]
Oh! and you've got a lot of plates spinning- it is ok to be overwhelmed by stuff. It would be OK to think about putting one down for the minute, or at least prioritise them. It's ok to spend time sorting out the job and living with your girlfriend (and the school thing is also a deadline-y thing) and let the other stuff slide a little, go on the back burner, until you are settled in the job and new living situation.
posted by titanium_geek at 6:36 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by titanium_geek at 6:36 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
I had awful insomnia all last year for stress-releated reasons; my doctor suggested a valerian supplement, two capsules an hour before bed. It takes a couple weeks to kick in, but it started mellowing me out gradually during that two weeks.
Another thing that helped -- which I picked up in here -- was a magnesium supplement. Someone said that that also helps sustain sleep (i.e., I wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night), but I also found that it was helping the QUALITY of my sleep -- even if I only got 6 hours of sleep, the mangesium helped ensure they were a GOOD six hours rather than fitful.
Then there's always a journal. Journalling can be a really good "brain dump" kind of thing -- if the things you're stressing about are written down on paper, they're not in your head any more. and the act of thinking about how to find words for what you're worried about helps you analyze them more closely, and you may find a solution easier. But definitely getting it out of your head helps.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:36 AM on October 14, 2011
Another thing that helped -- which I picked up in here -- was a magnesium supplement. Someone said that that also helps sustain sleep (i.e., I wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night), but I also found that it was helping the QUALITY of my sleep -- even if I only got 6 hours of sleep, the mangesium helped ensure they were a GOOD six hours rather than fitful.
Then there's always a journal. Journalling can be a really good "brain dump" kind of thing -- if the things you're stressing about are written down on paper, they're not in your head any more. and the act of thinking about how to find words for what you're worried about helps you analyze them more closely, and you may find a solution easier. But definitely getting it out of your head helps.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:36 AM on October 14, 2011
Hit the sack an hour or two earlier, and read a good book.
If you're a list person, why not write down the top three things to tackle the next day, it'll help stop them bumping around in your head as you try to nod off.
Also, you're in a new bed-- so it's not that surprising you're sleeping a bit more poorly then usual.
posted by Static Vagabond at 6:44 AM on October 14, 2011
If you're a list person, why not write down the top three things to tackle the next day, it'll help stop them bumping around in your head as you try to nod off.
Also, you're in a new bed-- so it's not that surprising you're sleeping a bit more poorly then usual.
posted by Static Vagabond at 6:44 AM on October 14, 2011
Turn off the computer/phone/TV/interactive widgety info thing an hour or more before bed.
Books and newspapers are fine.
posted by zippy at 6:45 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
Books and newspapers are fine.
posted by zippy at 6:45 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
How do you divide space where you live? Do you have clear-cut divisions between workspace and recreational space?
More specifically: Do you find yourself ever doing things while in your bedroom like: 1) answering work-related email on your laptop; 2) reading for your workshop; 3) working on writing projects; 4) managing your calendar online; or even 5) taking car of life-related errands (calling the bank, paying bills online, etc)? If you do these things in your bedroom, STOP it. Leave the room first.
If you're fastidious about making the separation between work space and recreational space, I think you'll find the quality of both your work and rest will improve.
posted by .kobayashi. at 6:56 AM on October 14, 2011
More specifically: Do you find yourself ever doing things while in your bedroom like: 1) answering work-related email on your laptop; 2) reading for your workshop; 3) working on writing projects; 4) managing your calendar online; or even 5) taking car of life-related errands (calling the bank, paying bills online, etc)? If you do these things in your bedroom, STOP it. Leave the room first.
If you're fastidious about making the separation between work space and recreational space, I think you'll find the quality of both your work and rest will improve.
posted by .kobayashi. at 6:56 AM on October 14, 2011
Hot milk with honey and nutmeg helps for me. So do hot baths. TV does too, as does closely listening to music: what can I say, I find that the boob tube quiets the monkey mind. Use the sleep timer on the TV and avoid anything upsetting. Since it looks like you're sharing a bed, though, TV might be a challenge: try the music first (on ear buds).
Also, I've found that the "need" for 7-8 hours of sleep a night is greatly exaggerated, although it certainly will never hurt you to get it. I'm not a very good sleeper but I hold down a responsible job, get to the gym regularly, and am healthy for my age. I know several other people who are "poor" sleepers too (4 hours a night) and they appear to me to lead normal lives.
In short, don't sweat it too much if you don't get the usual complement of sleep hours for a while: the more you worry about it, the more sleep will elude you. (Easy for someone else to say!) Good luck.
posted by Currer Belfry at 7:52 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
Also, I've found that the "need" for 7-8 hours of sleep a night is greatly exaggerated, although it certainly will never hurt you to get it. I'm not a very good sleeper but I hold down a responsible job, get to the gym regularly, and am healthy for my age. I know several other people who are "poor" sleepers too (4 hours a night) and they appear to me to lead normal lives.
In short, don't sweat it too much if you don't get the usual complement of sleep hours for a while: the more you worry about it, the more sleep will elude you. (Easy for someone else to say!) Good luck.
posted by Currer Belfry at 7:52 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
When I've got a lot of plates spinning, I find one thing that helps me is to write a list of short, achievable tasks for the following day. That dumps it out of my brain and onto paper, and I can then go to sleep knowing I won't forget all the things I have to do.
posted by LN at 9:06 AM on October 14, 2011
posted by LN at 9:06 AM on October 14, 2011
Be aware that Valerian smells like old toenails. Store accordingly. :)
posted by canine epigram at 10:32 AM on October 14, 2011
posted by canine epigram at 10:32 AM on October 14, 2011
Some over the counter sleep aids are just benadryl in a fancier (and more expensive) package. Try taking a benadryl at bedtime for a while.
I always have trouble sleeping the first few nights on any trip away from home (new bed syndrome?) and a single benadryl is enough to help.
posted by fritley at 1:02 PM on October 14, 2011
I always have trouble sleeping the first few nights on any trip away from home (new bed syndrome?) and a single benadryl is enough to help.
posted by fritley at 1:02 PM on October 14, 2011
I have anxiety and when I'm stressed I have a really hard time falling asleep. Here are my tips in no particular order:
- Have a consistent bedtime routine. For me this involves reading a good book for at least half an hour before bed while using an ice pack on my neck (spinal problems). For you it could be a cup of tea. Whatever. Routines are good.
- Write everything down! I have a little Moleskine notebook that I take everwhere and it has all my to-do lists, grocery lists, planning etc. I also use my whiteboard a lot. Once I have something written down I feel less freaked out about forgetting it or screwing it up.
- Do yoga. Find a class that has a name like "Serenity Yoga" that focuses on relaxation.
- Practice deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation. Especially before bedtime. I found a great set of podcasts from GWU.
- Don't use the computer or TV for at least an hour before bed. There's a lot of research that "screen time" kinda ramps up your brain. Also it can be kinda stressful on your eyes.
- Make sure your sleep setting is as ideal as possible. Do you need an extra fan or heater? Blackout shades to keep the light out? Is it time to kick the dog out of the bed?
- Exercise. Yeah I know I hate this suggestion too, but it's a lot easier to fall asleep when you're physically tired.
- Drugs. I hate to say it, but sometimes when I'm mega-stressed I pop a Tranxene to fall asleep. You don't want to get addicted, but it's nice to have as a backup. I don't recommend Unisom or Benadryl or any of that OTC stuff because it just gives you a hangover in the morning.
posted by radioamy at 1:59 PM on October 14, 2011
- Have a consistent bedtime routine. For me this involves reading a good book for at least half an hour before bed while using an ice pack on my neck (spinal problems). For you it could be a cup of tea. Whatever. Routines are good.
- Write everything down! I have a little Moleskine notebook that I take everwhere and it has all my to-do lists, grocery lists, planning etc. I also use my whiteboard a lot. Once I have something written down I feel less freaked out about forgetting it or screwing it up.
- Do yoga. Find a class that has a name like "Serenity Yoga" that focuses on relaxation.
- Practice deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation. Especially before bedtime. I found a great set of podcasts from GWU.
- Don't use the computer or TV for at least an hour before bed. There's a lot of research that "screen time" kinda ramps up your brain. Also it can be kinda stressful on your eyes.
- Make sure your sleep setting is as ideal as possible. Do you need an extra fan or heater? Blackout shades to keep the light out? Is it time to kick the dog out of the bed?
- Exercise. Yeah I know I hate this suggestion too, but it's a lot easier to fall asleep when you're physically tired.
- Drugs. I hate to say it, but sometimes when I'm mega-stressed I pop a Tranxene to fall asleep. You don't want to get addicted, but it's nice to have as a backup. I don't recommend Unisom or Benadryl or any of that OTC stuff because it just gives you a hangover in the morning.
posted by radioamy at 1:59 PM on October 14, 2011
I agree that yoga or deep breathing can help, but I have found that valerian root or melatonin works wonders when I am having bouts of insomnia. The latter, especially, leaves me feeling very relaxed. Just make sure you have 7-8 hours available for sleep after you take it or you will be really dragging in the morning. I would avoid harder drugs like Ambien and the like.
Good luck!
posted by superfille at 9:32 PM on October 14, 2011
Good luck!
posted by superfille at 9:32 PM on October 14, 2011
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posted by orange swan at 6:25 AM on October 14, 2011