February 13, 2011 11:47 PM Subscribe
Help me alleviate post-"breakup" anxiety. Not as complicated as some situations of this sort, but I'm still confused.
posted by LSK to human relations (21 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I recently had a "breakup" with a friend of the opposite gender. While we weren't in a relationship, it still feels like a breakup.
Background, because I'm not sure what's relevant and what's not: We're both second-year students at the same university. Mostly due to both of us having busy schedules, we didn't hang out too often, but we did some events together - most recently, we started collaborating (with a few other people) on preparing to host a university-wide event, which is the center of this confusion. As of roughly two weeks ago, she stopped returning phone calls, but I attributed this primarily to her busy schedule.
Recently I got an e-mail in which she complained that she felt as though she were being harassed - that I called her multiple times daily, interrupted her meals with others, and wandered the halls of her dormitory. The first of these was true - I called her, but it was primarily because she wasn't returning calls, and, since I wasn't getting a response, I was assuming that she was just busy at the time. (Looking back, it was effectively partial reinforcement with a variable schedule - I couldn't predict when she was busy and wasn't, so I called relatively frequently with the aims of maximizing my chances of reaching her.) The second is a little ambiguous - I occasionally did join her for meals in the cafeteria when she was eating with others, but I didn't feel that I was intruding on anything and there were times when she did ask that I not join her, because she was having a private conversation with another person - so I assumed the other times were welcoming. The third claim here is patently untrue - This semester, I've only ever gone into the dorm that she's in with a specific location in mind, such as the fitness center or a different friend's rooms. I'm concerned about that allegation because it means that some level of misinformation has reached her, and I'm just not sure how to interpret an accusation like that.
While I am concerned about the resolution of this situation, and could definitely use advice there, what concerns me more is the physical anxiety I feel as a result of this. As much as I know that this situation will eventually resolve one way or another, I can't shake the physical effects of the anxiety present in the ambiguity. Breathing exercises and so forth aren't being particularly helpful, and I'm having trouble sleeping.