Emotions, incoming!
August 3, 2011 2:32 PM Subscribe
Have you gotten off mood stabilizers? Have you started having emotions after locking them away for forever? Give a man a hand.
For the last five years, I've been taking Carbamazepine/Tegretol (along with Bupropion/Welbutrin) as part of a Bipolar NOS diagnosis. Unfortunately, the amount of Tegretol I have been taking has been regularly rising over the years, always necessitated by some kind or other of emotional breakdown. Under the urge of, well, everyone, I started seeing a therapist (who is also a psychiatry M.D.) weekly, this spring. Said therapist now believes that I am making very good progress, that my NOS diagnosis -- which was always somewhat of a copout, and admitted as such by my doctor, due to my never really fitting cleanly into the DSM categorization (I've regularly ran the gamut between mild and severe depression, but I've only ever hypomanic episodes, never lasting for longer than a few horus) -- isn't firmly chemical, but mainly psychological, revolving around being (non-sexually) abused growing up, and that I can get by with being considerably less (and somewhat differently) medicated. He's suggested Risperdal to help with the load of anxiety that Tegretol currently shields me from, but we're still figuring things out about that (I have a not-completely-irrational fear of Risperdal; my cousin got that horrible skin reaction from it.) I trust the guy, and I am up for this plan, if a little bit terrified. My psychiatrist is a bit wary, but is willing to go along with it so long as I monitor myself and keep in more frequent contact. Currently, I see him once every two-three months or so.
Basically, my therapist's theory is that I have become all Brain/analyization and no Heart/emotion as a defense mechanism. Considering I have actively cultivated that for as long as I can remember, I agree. Apparently, that's what caused the thoughts-stuck-in-brain rumination-spirals that -- along with the horrible anxiety jags -- got me on the Tegretol in the first place. According to him, if I feel more and trust my brain to do the thinking on its own, I can get out of this (more) alive (than ever.) This is what we work on in therapy.
So, have you gone off mood stabilizers to "feel" more? How do you deal with a flood of emotion that you've pretty much been dammed off since forever? Obviously, I'll still be going to weekly sessions, still regularly checking in with my psychiatrist (who, in turn, is in regular communication with my therapist.) I have recently quit drinking, smoking, drugs and even caffeine, so I'm pretty sure I can do this. I just need some strategies for dealing with emotions.
Throwaway email: soothemythroat@gmail.com
For the last five years, I've been taking Carbamazepine/Tegretol (along with Bupropion/Welbutrin) as part of a Bipolar NOS diagnosis. Unfortunately, the amount of Tegretol I have been taking has been regularly rising over the years, always necessitated by some kind or other of emotional breakdown. Under the urge of, well, everyone, I started seeing a therapist (who is also a psychiatry M.D.) weekly, this spring. Said therapist now believes that I am making very good progress, that my NOS diagnosis -- which was always somewhat of a copout, and admitted as such by my doctor, due to my never really fitting cleanly into the DSM categorization (I've regularly ran the gamut between mild and severe depression, but I've only ever hypomanic episodes, never lasting for longer than a few horus) -- isn't firmly chemical, but mainly psychological, revolving around being (non-sexually) abused growing up, and that I can get by with being considerably less (and somewhat differently) medicated. He's suggested Risperdal to help with the load of anxiety that Tegretol currently shields me from, but we're still figuring things out about that (I have a not-completely-irrational fear of Risperdal; my cousin got that horrible skin reaction from it.) I trust the guy, and I am up for this plan, if a little bit terrified. My psychiatrist is a bit wary, but is willing to go along with it so long as I monitor myself and keep in more frequent contact. Currently, I see him once every two-three months or so.
Basically, my therapist's theory is that I have become all Brain/analyization and no Heart/emotion as a defense mechanism. Considering I have actively cultivated that for as long as I can remember, I agree. Apparently, that's what caused the thoughts-stuck-in-brain rumination-spirals that -- along with the horrible anxiety jags -- got me on the Tegretol in the first place. According to him, if I feel more and trust my brain to do the thinking on its own, I can get out of this (more) alive (than ever.) This is what we work on in therapy.
So, have you gone off mood stabilizers to "feel" more? How do you deal with a flood of emotion that you've pretty much been dammed off since forever? Obviously, I'll still be going to weekly sessions, still regularly checking in with my psychiatrist (who, in turn, is in regular communication with my therapist.) I have recently quit drinking, smoking, drugs and even caffeine, so I'm pretty sure I can do this. I just need some strategies for dealing with emotions.
Throwaway email: soothemythroat@gmail.com
There is no flood. Your emotions are not a pressurised container inside your head waiting to go bang. In fact, you might find it more difficult than you think to "release" emotions than you think you will. You've been using habits for a long time to prevent yourself from feeling, and that's not going to go away overnight.
The trick is to stop thinking. Mindfulness meditation is good for this. Thinking is your old habit for preventing you from feeling, so it's not going to be useful for this. Just sit quietly and let the thinking part of your brain turn off for a little while. You might not find anything bubbling up at first, but that's OK. You might just not be emotionally excited at that point in time.
As for things that might make you emote, try watching something really funny. Have a really good laugh and let yourself get really into it. When it's done, stop and feel how you feel. Don't try to analyse it, just exist in it. You probably will analyse it the first few times, but that's OK. You can't change the habit of a lifetime overnight. If laughter doesn't work, try anger. It's a bit more extreme, but it can work to push you out of the comfort zone. Anger is special because it doesn't accept limits. Get angry enough and you'll do pretty much anything. It's a very active emotion.
You might also consider keeping a diary of your emotions. Again, no analysis. Just write how you felt X about Y. Then try to get yourself into that headspace again, just to feel. Try different emotions. Act as though you were feeling X.
If you want to try feeling happy, for example, try putting a pencil in your mouth. Again, no analysis (I keep harping on about it, but analysis is the killer of emotions). Just let the chemicals percolate in your brain.
Also, look into left vs right brain thinking. Loosely speaking, the left hand side of your brain is the logical side while the right is the emotional side. A bit more info here (which is also quite an interesting video in its own right). You've been training your brain to use the left hand side of itself. What you need to do is train your right hemisphere that it too is important and that you're going to listen to it. That's where the mediation comes in. It will help you shut down the left half of your brain and listen to the right half.
Good luck. Overcoming this problem is definitely doable.
posted by Solomon at 3:27 PM on August 3, 2011
The trick is to stop thinking. Mindfulness meditation is good for this. Thinking is your old habit for preventing you from feeling, so it's not going to be useful for this. Just sit quietly and let the thinking part of your brain turn off for a little while. You might not find anything bubbling up at first, but that's OK. You might just not be emotionally excited at that point in time.
As for things that might make you emote, try watching something really funny. Have a really good laugh and let yourself get really into it. When it's done, stop and feel how you feel. Don't try to analyse it, just exist in it. You probably will analyse it the first few times, but that's OK. You can't change the habit of a lifetime overnight. If laughter doesn't work, try anger. It's a bit more extreme, but it can work to push you out of the comfort zone. Anger is special because it doesn't accept limits. Get angry enough and you'll do pretty much anything. It's a very active emotion.
You might also consider keeping a diary of your emotions. Again, no analysis. Just write how you felt X about Y. Then try to get yourself into that headspace again, just to feel. Try different emotions. Act as though you were feeling X.
If you want to try feeling happy, for example, try putting a pencil in your mouth. Again, no analysis (I keep harping on about it, but analysis is the killer of emotions). Just let the chemicals percolate in your brain.
Also, look into left vs right brain thinking. Loosely speaking, the left hand side of your brain is the logical side while the right is the emotional side. A bit more info here (which is also quite an interesting video in its own right). You've been training your brain to use the left hand side of itself. What you need to do is train your right hemisphere that it too is important and that you're going to listen to it. That's where the mediation comes in. It will help you shut down the left half of your brain and listen to the right half.
Good luck. Overcoming this problem is definitely doable.
posted by Solomon at 3:27 PM on August 3, 2011
I have a not-completely-irrational fear of Risperdal; my cousin got that horrible skin reaction from it.)
I'm not sure, but I think you may be thinking of Lamictal (lamotrigine) which can cause Stevens Johnson syndrome.
posted by la petite marie at 4:48 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm not sure, but I think you may be thinking of Lamictal (lamotrigine) which can cause Stevens Johnson syndrome.
posted by la petite marie at 4:48 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
I agree that there is no flood, if this is a normal emotive process (that is, unless there's a chemical imbalance influencing things or an extreme event that you react severely to). I also agree that you can most likely trust your thought habits. Habits are hard to break. In fact, I'd go with habit over innate character in many cases, in saying what's more likely to drive your experiences.
Anyway. Nthing the 'seeing a funny movie' and 'meditation' ideas. Further along that road, music is a great mediating device to 'safely' experience all sorts of emotional states. If you feel dammed or want to get in touch with your sadness to work through it in a positive manner, just listen to sad music. Likewise for anger, nostalgia, affection, etc. To some degree any artform has this effect, but for most people, music is most direct.
Something else to do is more creative-- like journalling, for instance, writing out some stories or memories. If you're less comfortable with worse, this sort of creative processing can take the form of almost anything-- from woodcarving to painting to gardening. It's a sort of projection device; it's easier to deal with feelings through manipulating objects or ideas, especially if they're hard to face head-on (outside therapy). Some combination of meditation, talk-therapy & a creative outlet. Exercise also helps keep your mind clear and balanced. Really, an overall strategy is to live in a way that's balanced-- maximize pleasure and mindfulness, minimize stress, doing things that drain you, eating processed food, etc. You don't have to get enlightened all at once, either; even small steps, little oasis here and there-- say, listening to soothing music, drinking green tea, going for a run in the mornings-- you'll be able to roll with the punches much easier.
posted by reenka at 7:26 PM on August 3, 2011
Anyway. Nthing the 'seeing a funny movie' and 'meditation' ideas. Further along that road, music is a great mediating device to 'safely' experience all sorts of emotional states. If you feel dammed or want to get in touch with your sadness to work through it in a positive manner, just listen to sad music. Likewise for anger, nostalgia, affection, etc. To some degree any artform has this effect, but for most people, music is most direct.
Something else to do is more creative-- like journalling, for instance, writing out some stories or memories. If you're less comfortable with worse, this sort of creative processing can take the form of almost anything-- from woodcarving to painting to gardening. It's a sort of projection device; it's easier to deal with feelings through manipulating objects or ideas, especially if they're hard to face head-on (outside therapy). Some combination of meditation, talk-therapy & a creative outlet. Exercise also helps keep your mind clear and balanced. Really, an overall strategy is to live in a way that's balanced-- maximize pleasure and mindfulness, minimize stress, doing things that drain you, eating processed food, etc. You don't have to get enlightened all at once, either; even small steps, little oasis here and there-- say, listening to soothing music, drinking green tea, going for a run in the mornings-- you'll be able to roll with the punches much easier.
posted by reenka at 7:26 PM on August 3, 2011
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Ha, well, wow, you are going to be extremely raw. You just quit EVERYTHING. That's really... well, that's quite a lot.
There aren't strategies for dealing with emotions, I'm sorry to tell you. You just *have* them. Now that you're not going to shove coffee or alcohol or whatever into them, you're going to have them all the time! At bad times! When you don't want to! And they're not going to make a lot of "sense" at first.
You don't need to worry about this. Feelings don't "make" you do anything. Try not to "do" things. When you're mad, for instance, try not to kick things or yell at people. Try to learn to say things like, "I'm upset with x," and also just plain FEELING UPSET, instead of tearing things up. You can ease your way in by watching a little distantly--"Oh, I'm feeling sad, aren't I!"--and then later you can just cry at TV commercials like the rest of us. No biggie.
posted by RJ Reynolds at 3:00 PM on August 3, 2011