Sustained Motivation: I've searched but come up empty. Please hope me. The general answer to mood-related questions, both here and from therapy, is "keep track of your mood". I can't do that. I lose interest after a few days because "I"m fine now, that was a lot of huffle about nothing."
posted by anonymous to health & fitness (12 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
I've been seeing a therapist for over a year now. I also have a psychiatrist I have seen at times. We've been through diagnoses of and meds for:
- generalized anxiety
- bipolar II
The meds have included: Adderall (XR and regular), Lexapro, Prozac, Xanax, every sleep aid you can name including the superspecial ones that need to be approved by the insurance company speaking with my psychiatrist, Vyanase, Staterra.
I've been on Yaz which is supposed to help with mood swings from PMS.
The problem is that ALL of these drugs either work for a very short time (a few weeks, or in the case of the Yaz, a few months) and then stop working OR make me feel like a zombie.
The sleeping aids did nothing. They would knock me out for a little, but then I'd wake up after a few hours.
The Adderall was great for about the first 4 weeks than slowly stopped working at all. Doctor increased dosage to maximum and then beyond: it was like I was taking nothing.
I definitely have mood swings. But I can't keep track of my moods. I am trying to work through Feeling Good and keeping a notebook just for that, I carry it around with me. I did great with it for like a month. But then I'll start to feel better or something and think "Man, what a load of bull. i'm better now, i'm not gonna let that happen again."
The only time I have ever felt "normal" as in, even-keeled, generally good disposition, not emotionally strained, slept well, ate well, FELT well was the month or so when the Adderall was working. I only felt the "high" that some people talk about for the first few days. After that, I felt the way I've always wanted to feel. It felt like I had a RANGE of emotions, not just worried, anxious, nervous, and fatigued.
My psychiatrist is mystified. He's pretty sure that I have ADHD but he can't figure out why the meds don't work. We've even tried stopping all meds for several months and then trying Adderall again, thinking I needed a break. Nope...it was if I was taking a placebo.
And here I am again...yesterday and today I WOKE UP in a bad mood. Yesterday I woke up early on my own, after only 6 hours of sleep, tried to exercise and just got very irritated but did it anyways. This morning, I had eight hours of sleep and still felt very irritated.
I'm sleeping better than I used to, definitely. But this mood thing is not really improving.
I know that I need to keep track of my moods and my therapist and psychiatrist have given me mood charts and encouragement. But I lose them or give up. The whole "sense of accomplishment" just doesn't do it for me...I don't care about a chain of Xs. At first I do, but then I don't anymore.
I think that my moods are invalid or not genuine. Or that I am "wrong" for feeling the way I do and not giving them a true account of what is really wrong with me.
But in order for me to properly diagnosed as ADHD, depressed, anxious, or just plain lazy and unmotivated, I NEED to be able to do this mood tracking thing. My problem is that I will just start telling stories - I will try to RATIONALIZE why I feel sad/mad/happy/tired rather than just SAY that I am. I feel guilty for feeling.
I've talked about this my therapist and we're working on it, but this is interfering with my life. It makes me unhappy and makes me make poor decisions and I can never tell if I'm being honest with myself or not. Honestly, a lot of the CBT and Feeling Good techniques don't work for me. I think I'm just lying to myself.
I'm only saying all this backstory because well, it's what I do. I wish I had two-hour long therapy sessions because I spend so much time rationalizing and explaining. My therapist is good, tho and I'm better than I was a year ago.
While I would like to know why meds don't work for me (anti anxiety meds make me feel like hell. i get angry or zombie-like), AskMe cannot do a study on me.
What I would like is some actual specific things I can do to try to keep track of my mood for more than a few days. I would like to hear from people who have actually had to do this. If you have never had to do this or find this sort of stuff comes naturally, while I appreciate your input, you probably can't help me.
I'm just at wit's end and obviously in a low swing. I know I am self-defeatist, but I need help figuring out if this is in my brain or just in my head. I NEED to be able to do this moodt tracking and I keep failing. I keep trying and trying isn't good enough. I feel like I need a silent observer to follow me around like a wild animal in the forest, noting my actions. Even if I try to write down "feeling stressed right now" I'll come up with all sorts of reasons about how I'm not really stressed right now, I'm tired or PMSing or something.
Also, I've never been able to keep track of my period. And I've had it for 17 years now. So it's not just moods. (see why they think I have ADHD?)
I'm just going to stop now because otherwise I'll keep rambling and there's no therapist to stop me and get me to focus.