What to wear to a kink con?
January 31, 2011 7:57 PM   Subscribe

I'm attending a weekend-long alt-sex/kink convention. What clothing should I pack?

We're a twentysomething, cisgendered heterosexual couple attending our first alt-sex/kink con coming up that'll include everything from daytime classes on poly relationships, bondage, blowjobs and more to nighttime sprawling playspaces that'll see BDSM play and group sex.

I'm befuddled on what to wear. I know there will be fetish wear of every type, color and fabric, but I've never been a lingerie type of girl. IMO, the menfolk have it easier - nicely cut pants or dark jeans, classy button-down or high-quality, tight tee and a pair of nice boxer-briefs. As for me, I would be embarrassed parading around in a garter set (but not in a public group sex situation, coincidentally) and I worry that dark jeans, dark top and plain underwear would be underdressing. I do not want to look dowdy - I'm 26, short hair, busty and have a pouchy tummy. The sexy level I'm comfortable with is probably at the pencil skirt and cleavage-baring top level. I already own a pair of nice, knee-high leather heels, but that's it. I suck at dressing myself and I'm an open book, folks.

Any suggestions for a lady of about a size 16? What do people wear to kinky functions such as these? What sorts of outfits could I expect to see at a regular daytime class? Do people bring a big wardrobe with them? Would it be silly to wear the same dress on both Friday and Saturday?
posted by anonymous to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (10 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
 
I ALWAYS bring many different outfits to kink events, both on the theory that my mood will be at least a little unpredictable, and changeable, and because it's fun to be able to play with my presentation.

The way you dress will influence how people perceive you, too, of course. The more femme you dress, the more people will think you're a sub/bottom. Dressing butchy will make people think you're more toppy/dommy. (I will not get into my critique of these assumptions, beyond mentioning that I have one.)

If it's easy for you to pack a variety of things, that allows you to adapt as you're inclined over the course of the weekend.

Do you like corsets? Almost every woman in the world looks good in a corset, and it's automatically fetishy.

I think the main thing is for you to wear things that make you feel confident and sexy and comfortable. What's your general style?
posted by rosa at 8:17 PM on January 31, 2011


If you like the costume side of things, there is definitely a steampunk crossover...
posted by MisterMo at 8:26 PM on January 31, 2011


For my money, you can't go wrong with black BDU pants like these, a black tank top, and boots.

How much money are you looking to spend? Stormy Leather has some sizzlingly hot stuff, and they comfortably include your size. The Fetish corset with the aforementioned BDUs is also a pretty good look with a lot of coverage -- you don't feel naked.

One tip!! Bring comfy jammies and at least one set of sclumphy clothes you can blear down to the hotel restaurant in to get breakfast! My experience is with SF cons, not kink ones, but it's still rough strapping yourself in to over-the-knee boots because you forgot to bring tennies and the breakfast buffet won't let you in barefoot.
posted by KathrynT at 8:27 PM on January 31, 2011 [2 favorites]


I'll be seeing you there, seems like!

Classes tend to be whatever people throw on. Jeans/tees are common for classes, I've gone in my pj's to some. Mostly those unfortunately scheduled, first-slot on-Sunday-after-2-nights-of-sleep-dep classes that i can't bear to miss.

Nighttime people tend to dress up a bit, which for me means a skirt and big 6" platform boots - you get the full gamut from all-latex high fetish ensembles to, well, nothing.

Basically it's whatever you're comfortable in - the way you act is more important to looking in/out of place than what you wear - especially at D.O. events where it's a wide range of interests (not just an event for leatherfolk, or genderfuckers, or whatever.)

If you feel/act uncomfortable, you could be wearing a latex catsuit and look far more out of place than if you take everything in stride wearing yoga pants. (Yes, after midnight you will probably find me in the dungeon near the dj booth, wearing yoga pants and a cami [and possibly playing fluxx] because that's how I roll. and once the sexy clothes come off, I usually don't have the motivation to put them back on. Zippers are hard work! and re-donning a corset? forget about it.)

I'd say wear something different each night, because, why not? How often are you in this situation/have these opportunities? :)

I usually bring one full suitcase of clothes (the rest of my luggage is gadgets and such), but my partner's a fashionista and sometimes brings boxes and boxes. of just clothes. I never wear it all, but somehow I always run out of clean underwear (though I literally bring 3x as many pairs as I think I'll need - how does this always happen to me?), and even my partner ends up mainly wearing his kilt and leaving the rest. Comfort over fashion always seems to win with us.

Basically it depends on how you're getting there. If you're flying, obviously you need to restrict what you bring, but if you're driving, bring something if you even just /think/ you might want to wear it.

Feel free to memail me with any questions, or better yet hit me up on the attendees site - name there is basically the same as here, just with a different vowel. Can't miss it, it's got ** on both sides.

(ZOMG only slightly over 2 weeks, I better start packing! :O How does this always creep up on me?)
posted by sary at 8:52 PM on January 31, 2011


Not sure how Dark Odyssey is set up but you'll want some regular ol' clothes in case you have to go through 'public vanilla' areas.

Don't sweat over it - You will see the gamut of dress! You'll see folks in jeans and tees - quite a few will be risque in nature along with a healthy geeky contingent. You'll see folks in leather, latex, lingerie, dresses, uniforms, costumes, and suits - ohmy!

I'm bigger than you (size 20-22). My wardrobe for events like this depends on my mood. I may wear an urban kilt, a sexy bra or bustier and boots one night, then a pretty sexy dress with heels the next, maybe comfy jeans with a 'pussy worship now' or Bettie Page tee during the day.

I like to explore the different aspects of my personality and sexuality at kink events. I'm not a lingerie girl either but I love to play one occasionally ;) Try a corset out. I find they put me in a seriously fun girly headspace.

I highly recommend Hips and Curves! anything from that site will be appropriate and appreciated. Utilize their size charts (different items have different sizing charts). I find everything runs true and is of decent quality.

Botton line - Wear what you are comfortable in and what makes you feel sexy. I think there are vendors there as well so you can try stuff you don't normally wear. Feel free to over pack LOL
posted by tar0tgr1 at 8:55 PM on January 31, 2011 [1 favorite]


The crowd at a kink con is very likely to be a little nerdy, and dressed accordingly. (I mean that in an affectionate and indeed very familiar way, just for the record.) You'd have to work at it to be underdressed; I think you're ahead of the curve already just by virtue of thinking about what to wear!

And a corollary: If you want to do a big favor to anybody who might need to find you in the crowd, wear something that isn't black. :) Or conversely, wear black to blend in automagically. It does go with everything, I guess.
posted by clavicle at 9:02 PM on January 31, 2011


tar0tgr1 brings up a good point - if you're staying in the overflow hotel, what you wear'll probably be a bit different than if you're in the main one, because you'll have to go... *shudder* outside into the real world.
posted by sary at 9:04 PM on January 31, 2011


1) Large coat. Any time you're walking through an area where you feel uncomfortable in whatever you may be wearing for the more festive section, button the coat. I'm a goth, and I often walk to clubs. Trust me, large coat. Or long jacket for warmer weather.

Beyond that... I would suggest you dress for your kink. Why are you going? What makes you feel sexy? Wear whatever that is. There aren't really dress codes for this kind of thing. I don't end up at this sort of event often, but I recall one night that involved me in a leather dress talking to a couple of people in casual clubby attire and a boy dressed only in a clear plastic poncho while two older gentlemen wearing santa hats and g-strings shook it on the dance floor. (In October.) I've never been anywhere close to a weekend-long event, but I would guess from all my social experience with kinky people, gothy people, and geeky people of all stripes that it's likely to be pretty open and non-judgemental. (Well, there will be judgemental people, there always are. But they are jerks and there's no reason to talk to them anyway.) Do what makes *you* feel good.

A fairly simple suggestion: if you're at all into leather or pvc, wearing something in one of those fabrics is automatically sexier or fetishier. A nice leather pencil-skirt can really dress up an outfit, and will probably look great. And I agree with the poster above who suggested corsetry-- you can get a nice, inexpensive-but-real waist cincher in a prefab size from a number of places that won't be that challenging to wear, but will make you look awesome, and feel good too. I've known a number of people who go with Timeless Trends (http://www.timeless-trends.com/) for cheap and easily-available. (I make my own, so I've never bought one from them, but reviews seem to be positive.) I could probably come up with other source ideas as well, if you need them. Feel free to MeMail. I'm not going out much lately, and I've just discovered while writing this comment that I kind of miss talking about fancy clothes. :)
posted by Because at 10:26 PM on January 31, 2011


Definitely bring some comfy clothes. But aside from that, wear whatever rocks your world. Whatever it is, there will almost certainly be people dressed weirder. There will be people in comfy outfits that could pass for street clothes (perhaps with a kink-themed t-shirt) and there will be people in really freaky outfits. Plus people in nothing at all.

If you want to dress differently each night, go for it. But don't feel you have to, since plenty of folks don't.

One caveat to KathrynT's comment about jammies, which is if you're wearing something that's explicitly pajamas, you may get parsed as a "Little" (person who engages in ageplay). You may not care, or you may be into it, which are both awesome, but if it's not something you're looking to communicate, you may want to go for sweatpants or yoga pants rather than "hello kitty" footie pajamas.
posted by rmd1023 at 5:44 AM on February 1, 2011


Hi there

My suggestion is you should post this on the event system boards - the information was in your email confirmation.

Also, look at the group's board on Fetlife.com.

Having said that, during the day you'll want comfortable clothing to move in for the workshops. Evenings are times people dress up, and especially for the banquet.
posted by Viviane at 11:13 AM on February 1, 2011


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