Space Is The Place...Except At Work
December 1, 2010 9:46 AM Subscribe
How do I handle a nosy and pushy coworker while I plan my next step?
There is this co-worker who I made the mistake of disclosing some personal and sensitive information. Of course, said co-worker went and blabbed the information to everyone and there were consequences, but fortunately nothing serious. So lesson learned, don't confide in co-workers.
But now an opportunity has been open to me and I am trying to decide on it. S/he also knows of the offer (through the boss, guess s/he has her/his fingers everywhere), and this opportunity will also give her/him a chance to move up into my position. So, of course, s/he keeps asking questions and "persuading" me to take the offer. How can I get this person to give me space and to stop pushing me while I decide on something? Anonymous because of work.
There is this co-worker who I made the mistake of disclosing some personal and sensitive information. Of course, said co-worker went and blabbed the information to everyone and there were consequences, but fortunately nothing serious. So lesson learned, don't confide in co-workers.
But now an opportunity has been open to me and I am trying to decide on it. S/he also knows of the offer (through the boss, guess s/he has her/his fingers everywhere), and this opportunity will also give her/him a chance to move up into my position. So, of course, s/he keeps asking questions and "persuading" me to take the offer. How can I get this person to give me space and to stop pushing me while I decide on something? Anonymous because of work.
"If you don't stop pestering me about it I'm just going to turn down the offer on principle. How about that??"
posted by hermitosis at 10:00 AM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by hermitosis at 10:00 AM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
"I haven't made a choice, but you'll be the first to know when I decide." Then you blab it to whomever you feel like.
So lesson learned, don't confide in co-workers.
Yeah. Big thumbs up. These people are friendly, but not your friends.
posted by toastedbeagle at 10:04 AM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
So lesson learned, don't confide in co-workers.
Yeah. Big thumbs up. These people are friendly, but not your friends.
posted by toastedbeagle at 10:04 AM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
"I'm still thinking about it. Thanks for asking." Repeat exactly those words every single time. He'll get the idea.
posted by Perplexity at 10:08 AM on December 1, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by Perplexity at 10:08 AM on December 1, 2010 [3 favorites]
If this person isn't in a position of authority over you - and it sounds like they're not - then just flat-out tell them: "The offer is something I'm lending a lot of thought to but ultimately it's a personal decision which requires a great deal of consideration and I'm really not comfortable discussing it outside my family (or whoever). Thank you so much for understanding."
Prepare to have to say slight variations on that a couple times before it gets through. If they continue to persist then you need to talk to HR.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 10:11 AM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Prepare to have to say slight variations on that a couple times before it gets through. If they continue to persist then you need to talk to HR.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 10:11 AM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
An alternative strategy is to go for the doable result you need (you end the conversation with Cathy) rather than the unlikely result you want (Cathy starts behaving like a professional). Something like, "Sorry Cathy, I can't talk right now--too busy with this project."
posted by Meg_Murry at 10:12 AM on December 1, 2010
posted by Meg_Murry at 10:12 AM on December 1, 2010
You can always use www.annoyingcoworker.com to send an anon email to her.
posted by lampshade at 10:20 AM on December 1, 2010
posted by lampshade at 10:20 AM on December 1, 2010
What if you just made eye contact, exhaled deeply and turned and either walked away or (if you are at your desk) simply went back to what you were doing?
Of course, if it were me, I'd just tell her "Don't you have some TPS reports to be working on?"
posted by 4ster at 10:29 AM on December 1, 2010
Of course, if it were me, I'd just tell her "Don't you have some TPS reports to be working on?"
posted by 4ster at 10:29 AM on December 1, 2010
Would it be totally out of line to take this to HR as a harassment case?
posted by theichibun at 10:30 AM on December 1, 2010
posted by theichibun at 10:30 AM on December 1, 2010
Politely and calmly: "I don't want to talk about this right now." If you're emailing and not talking, throw in a preemptive "Thanks for respecting my wishes."
This worked amazingly well for a friend who was indicted in a financial-improprieties case that made the New York Times ... right before the holiday season and its inescapable family gatherings and parties.
posted by scratch at 10:53 AM on December 1, 2010
This worked amazingly well for a friend who was indicted in a financial-improprieties case that made the New York Times ... right before the holiday season and its inescapable family gatherings and parties.
posted by scratch at 10:53 AM on December 1, 2010
"I'm still thinking about it." Calm level voice, neutral facial expression. Hold eye contact, repeat this statement exactly to every following question/statement, let the silence linger until it becomes awkward when you finally get to that point. Make them break off the conversation.
Do this every single time. You will provide no juicy gossip, no strategic information, no entertainment at all. Busybodies get bored with boring people so you need to make yourself boring, with bonus points (= faster results) for making them a little uncomfortable in the process.
posted by Quietgal at 10:56 AM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Do this every single time. You will provide no juicy gossip, no strategic information, no entertainment at all. Busybodies get bored with boring people so you need to make yourself boring, with bonus points (= faster results) for making them a little uncomfortable in the process.
posted by Quietgal at 10:56 AM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
"A lot will depend on how pressured I feel."
posted by Rykey at 11:50 AM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Rykey at 11:50 AM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
"I'm praying on it. Will you pray for me, too?"
I'm a card-carrying atheist, but that usually shuts people up. How can s/he argue with your faith?
posted by ChefJoAnna at 12:47 PM on December 1, 2010 [3 favorites]
I'm a card-carrying atheist, but that usually shuts people up. How can s/he argue with your faith?
posted by ChefJoAnna at 12:47 PM on December 1, 2010 [3 favorites]
"The last time I told you something personal, you blabbed it to everyone. Why on earth would I confide in you ever again?"
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:01 PM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:01 PM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
How can I get this person to give me space and to stop pushing me while I decide on something?
Dude, you say, "Please give me space and to stop pushing me while I decide on this."
Easy.
posted by smoke at 3:04 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Dude, you say, "Please give me space and to stop pushing me while I decide on this."
Easy.
posted by smoke at 3:04 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
If you're not comfortable just telling them to butt out for political or other reasons, you can always shift the conversation to them. "Are you dating anyone? Why not?"
posted by ignignokt at 11:06 AM on December 2, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by ignignokt at 11:06 AM on December 2, 2010 [1 favorite]
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"I haven't made a decision yet. Please don't ask me again."
posted by HopperFan at 9:53 AM on December 1, 2010 [7 favorites]