Smiling When Alone
October 25, 2010 8:18 PM Subscribe
Question for those who are generally considered "smiling" people: do you smile when alone?
Twice this week acquaintances have bumped into me unexpectedly while I've been going about my business. Both asked, with some concern, whether I'm "okay". Apparently, I was scowling.
And I suddenly realize that this is what my face does when I'm not in "social" mode, even though I'm reasonably happy while doing daily tasks. And this makes me wonder if my social smile's a mere mask.
So....does anyone smile when alone? I don't mean while getting a massage or listening to Brahms or munching on cake. I mean while you do regular stuff like folding laundry or taking out the garbage.
Twice this week acquaintances have bumped into me unexpectedly while I've been going about my business. Both asked, with some concern, whether I'm "okay". Apparently, I was scowling.
And I suddenly realize that this is what my face does when I'm not in "social" mode, even though I'm reasonably happy while doing daily tasks. And this makes me wonder if my social smile's a mere mask.
So....does anyone smile when alone? I don't mean while getting a massage or listening to Brahms or munching on cake. I mean while you do regular stuff like folding laundry or taking out the garbage.
Response by poster: Thanks, but I'm not talking about special good mood moments. I'm talking about default face setting while doing ordinary stuff. I do realize people smile when particularly happy. That's a "given".
posted by Quisp Lover at 8:26 PM on October 25, 2010
posted by Quisp Lover at 8:26 PM on October 25, 2010
If I'm thinking about something that makes me smile, then yes.
posted by amro at 8:26 PM on October 25, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by amro at 8:26 PM on October 25, 2010 [2 favorites]
On lack of preview, default face isn't a smile. It takes more effort to smile then to not.
posted by amro at 8:27 PM on October 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by amro at 8:27 PM on October 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Sometimes I cant help smiling if im in a bouyant mood, no matter what im doing, almost out of this inner joy pouring out. Other times i try to smile purposely to lift my spirits when nothing particular is happening :)
posted by tessalations999 at 8:28 PM on October 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by tessalations999 at 8:28 PM on October 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
I've caught myself smiling when I'm on my own from time to time. However, I've also had people come up to me and ask me if everything is ok when I've been working intensely on something. When I concentrate, I guess I make a sad/upset face. Perhaps you do something similar.
posted by cleverevans at 8:28 PM on October 25, 2010
posted by cleverevans at 8:28 PM on October 25, 2010
No, and in fact have been told often that my "ambient expression" is a rather intimidating, unfriendly one. Lovely! So now if I am in public I do make more of an effort to smile (but not an eerie grin or anything), but not when doing stuff alone like laundry and taking out the trash.
One of the MeFites (I'm so sorry, I can't remember who you were, or which question the phrase was in reference to!) called this, oh-so-memorably, RBF. Resting Bitch Face.
posted by stellaluna at 8:31 PM on October 25, 2010 [14 favorites]
One of the MeFites (I'm so sorry, I can't remember who you were, or which question the phrase was in reference to!) called this, oh-so-memorably, RBF. Resting Bitch Face.
posted by stellaluna at 8:31 PM on October 25, 2010 [14 favorites]
I used to get told all the time that I looked like I was about to cry. Now people seem to think I'm angry or upset or whatever--it's just my face.
So no. Unless I think of something ridiculous that makes me happy.
posted by adrianna aria at 8:34 PM on October 25, 2010
So no. Unless I think of something ridiculous that makes me happy.
posted by adrianna aria at 8:34 PM on October 25, 2010
My default work face tends to be some sort of smile. Not like a :D smile or anything, but I guess I generally look cheerful or, at the very least, perky and alert. So I am told. It's not a way that I try to look. I don't think of myself as a generally happy or chipper person at all, but on my "off" days, where perhaps I didn't sleep well or I'm sick and my face doesn't feel like holding itself up - and I'm just making a non-face - everyone asks me what's wrong. It catches me off guard.
I think, when I'm truly by myself, the smilish face drops off, but if there are people around I do tend to keep it on involuntarily unless I am truly relaxed and tuning out those around me, if anyone is around me.
posted by wondermouse at 8:37 PM on October 25, 2010
I think, when I'm truly by myself, the smilish face drops off, but if there are people around I do tend to keep it on involuntarily unless I am truly relaxed and tuning out those around me, if anyone is around me.
posted by wondermouse at 8:37 PM on October 25, 2010
I smile when I'm alone but I think that my default face is more of a thoughtful one because I generally get asked what I'm thinking about.
posted by patheral at 8:38 PM on October 25, 2010
posted by patheral at 8:38 PM on October 25, 2010
Yup, unless I'm thinking about something unpleasant my default face is a pretty happy looking one. Not necessarily smiling, but happy looking.
posted by TooFewShoes at 8:39 PM on October 25, 2010
posted by TooFewShoes at 8:39 PM on October 25, 2010
I do. Oddly (or maybe not), I trained my willing self to do it. It really does feel better, and I don't think it takes more effort (i.e., muscle power). (Note: I have no scientific evidence nor any googling with which to back up that opinion so YMMV.)
posted by hapax_legomenon at 8:44 PM on October 25, 2010
posted by hapax_legomenon at 8:44 PM on October 25, 2010
I've actually been warned that my resting face (especially if I've had even the slightest bit of unpleasantness in my day, or even a modicum of stress) is very, very unfriendly looking. I do work harder to have a more pleasant expression in neutral moments.
On the other hand, I do smile quite a lot, and when I'm alone, there is a lot that makes me smile. The operative thing is that I probably only smile in response to smile-causing-stimulus. Luckily, I tend to enjoy what I do, and I amuse pretty easily. Thinking about it right now, though, trying to finish my sandwich, answer this question, and have a bit of a break before two students come in for special tutoring, I'm definitely not smiling, and my face might be considered unpleasant or frightening.
The 'are you okay?' questions are maybe a warning sign. People see your face and think something might be wrong. At some point, they'll stop asking, because everyone just assumes you're always in a bad mood. If that's not the case, unfortunately, it's on you to keep people from thinking that way (if it's something you're concerned about).
posted by Ghidorah at 8:45 PM on October 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
On the other hand, I do smile quite a lot, and when I'm alone, there is a lot that makes me smile. The operative thing is that I probably only smile in response to smile-causing-stimulus. Luckily, I tend to enjoy what I do, and I amuse pretty easily. Thinking about it right now, though, trying to finish my sandwich, answer this question, and have a bit of a break before two students come in for special tutoring, I'm definitely not smiling, and my face might be considered unpleasant or frightening.
The 'are you okay?' questions are maybe a warning sign. People see your face and think something might be wrong. At some point, they'll stop asking, because everyone just assumes you're always in a bad mood. If that's not the case, unfortunately, it's on you to keep people from thinking that way (if it's something you're concerned about).
posted by Ghidorah at 8:45 PM on October 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
I'm not a particularly smiling person, and yet I often smile alone, when I'm happy. Quite a bit, really.
posted by davejay at 8:51 PM on October 25, 2010
posted by davejay at 8:51 PM on October 25, 2010
I think the answer to your question is that the "social smile" pretty much is a mask. It seems that we put that face on when we're expecting to interact with others, letting them know that we are available to be communicated with. Some people here might be misunderstanding the question because they're not aware they or others do it. I wasn't aware of it myself until people started pointing out times when I looked miserable, even though I wasn't making a face at all, and I have been told that my face while I'm sleeping appears to be pouty. I'm sorry, but that is just my face. So yeah.
posted by wondermouse at 9:05 PM on October 25, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by wondermouse at 9:05 PM on October 25, 2010 [3 favorites]
I've known exactly one person like this in my life. She was a very joyous person in general, but her default face looked very smiley. She had a sort of upturned mouth, half moon eye shape, super curly eyelashes, and high cheekbones. Just the anatomy of her face made her appear like she was smiling even if she wasn't. I guess it's the luck of the draw. Although, people did always think she was super stoned even when she wasn't, so there's that.
posted by peep at 9:13 PM on October 25, 2010
posted by peep at 9:13 PM on October 25, 2010
I don't. I have an "angry face" when I'm not engaged with someone. It's a combo of eyes that are turned down at the corners, strong eyebrows and a downturned mouth. It takes no effort, I'm not actively scowling. It apparently intimidates people. If someone comments on it, I make a joke about how "I can't help how my face was built!" If I'm talking to someone (in any capacity, it doesn't even have to be friendly), it disappears. I'm a nice person, and just in the past couple years, I've started to care less about what other people think of my ambient expression, even though it may not be pleasing to others.
Best part of Angry Alison Face: no one has ever randomly messed with me. I grew up in a really tough town and I now live in NYC. A direct look and a tall, intent walk is all it takes to make sketchies go away.
posted by AlisonM at 9:15 PM on October 25, 2010
Best part of Angry Alison Face: no one has ever randomly messed with me. I grew up in a really tough town and I now live in NYC. A direct look and a tall, intent walk is all it takes to make sketchies go away.
posted by AlisonM at 9:15 PM on October 25, 2010
Best answer: My neutral face makes me look very, very sad. So much so that I have had complete strangers approach me and ask me if I'm ok. I have a friend whose neutral face makes her look like she eats babies.
Once I became aware of the resulting problems with neutral face (if you're my friend people may think you want to eat their baby/if you're me people may think your baby just got eaten) I have actively tried to brighten my expression while out and about when others might be around. It's actually really nice. I'm in a better mood when I'm smiling (because I focus on funny/happy things) and people in general are more friendly when you smile near (not even directly at) them.
posted by phunniemee at 9:15 PM on October 25, 2010
Once I became aware of the resulting problems with neutral face (if you're my friend people may think you want to eat their baby/if you're me people may think your baby just got eaten) I have actively tried to brighten my expression while out and about when others might be around. It's actually really nice. I'm in a better mood when I'm smiling (because I focus on funny/happy things) and people in general are more friendly when you smile near (not even directly at) them.
posted by phunniemee at 9:15 PM on October 25, 2010
Best answer: I think it's helpful to my mood to habitually wear a slight smile even when alone. I decided this around age seventeen, and made a habit of it. Later I read Thich Nhat Hanh recommending smiling to yourself, to help in maintaining a positive attitude. Less importantly, now that I'm fifty, I have to admit I also like the effect this has on the way the lines on my face develop. It's not so great when a complaining expression becomes permanent with age.
posted by Ery at 9:28 PM on October 25, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Ery at 9:28 PM on October 25, 2010 [2 favorites]
Yes, my "default" face is smiling.
This sometimes causes me problems when I'm just walking down the street and some random guy walking by assumes I'm smiling at him and then awkward (for me) conversations ensue.
posted by Asparagirl at 9:43 PM on October 25, 2010
This sometimes causes me problems when I'm just walking down the street and some random guy walking by assumes I'm smiling at him and then awkward (for me) conversations ensue.
posted by Asparagirl at 9:43 PM on October 25, 2010
My default face is a scowl.
I get those remarks too.
I like to think it's because I'm thinking about important, interesting things by default, not being a Fotherington-Thomas.
posted by AmbroseChapel at 9:52 PM on October 25, 2010
I get those remarks too.
I like to think it's because I'm thinking about important, interesting things by default, not being a Fotherington-Thomas.
posted by AmbroseChapel at 9:52 PM on October 25, 2010
My default face is a slight smile. it does tend to invite unwanted attention from old folks, crazies and people who like to talk to strangers (I do not). But I think the smile is self reinforcing. I smile because I feel good, and I feel good because I am smiling.
posted by saradarlin at 10:28 PM on October 25, 2010
posted by saradarlin at 10:28 PM on October 25, 2010
I smile all the time, even when I'm not actively day-dreaming. It's just the way my face works! Sometimes I'll be walking down the street and people will smile at me -- then I'll be a little shocked because I hadn't realize that I was indeed, smiling at them.
posted by moiraine at 12:26 AM on October 26, 2010
posted by moiraine at 12:26 AM on October 26, 2010
Best answer: I deliberately smile when I'm around people because it gives me a kick to make a difference in someone else's day. However, sometimes, when I'm introspective, and I like a thought, I do smile but mostly alone, my face is relaxed (or if worried - scowling).
posted by b33j at 12:51 AM on October 26, 2010
posted by b33j at 12:51 AM on October 26, 2010
No, I don't actively smile by default by myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not scowling either - maybe it's down to habit? It's being around other people than makes me smile in the first place, you know? Around friends, I'm genuinely happy to see them.
posted by dragontail at 3:55 AM on October 26, 2010
posted by dragontail at 3:55 AM on October 26, 2010
Yes... I do! Often, I'm in a room by myself - reading, watching TV, relaxing, cooking or whatever and my husband will come in and ask "What are you smiling at?" I don't even realize I'm doing it.
posted by MorningPerson at 5:19 AM on October 26, 2010
posted by MorningPerson at 5:19 AM on October 26, 2010
I'm often described to other people as "the one that smiles all the time". I do smile a lot when I'm alone - if I'm enjoying the music I'm listening to or if I think of something mildly amusing, I can't stop it from showing on my face. People who've walked in on me unawares often ask "what's so funny?" when they see my face.
But in-between those smiles, I go back to my resting face which is just plain. And whether I'm alone or in a crowd, if I'm deep in thought then people ask if I'm ok (apparently I frown a little). I have to make a real effort to get a poker face, if I need one at work or socially. Normally whatever I'm thinking or feeling just gets written all over it.
I don't assume that anyone smiley is like that all the time - most people who care a little about what others think will automatically put on their "social face" in public, which includes more smiles than a private face. I wouldn't read anything into or out of it.
posted by harriet vane at 5:20 AM on October 26, 2010
But in-between those smiles, I go back to my resting face which is just plain. And whether I'm alone or in a crowd, if I'm deep in thought then people ask if I'm ok (apparently I frown a little). I have to make a real effort to get a poker face, if I need one at work or socially. Normally whatever I'm thinking or feeling just gets written all over it.
I don't assume that anyone smiley is like that all the time - most people who care a little about what others think will automatically put on their "social face" in public, which includes more smiles than a private face. I wouldn't read anything into or out of it.
posted by harriet vane at 5:20 AM on October 26, 2010
I'm a pretty smiley person, in public and not, but sometimes when I'm doing something mindless like washing dishes, I'll discover my face has put on an anxious or scowly expression, and I will actively rearrange it into a smile because I fear age will give me a permanent angry grimace like it did my mother did.
posted by CunningLinguist at 6:13 AM on October 26, 2010
posted by CunningLinguist at 6:13 AM on October 26, 2010
I think I'm a natural frowner when totally alone, but tend to smile at people more than strictly necessary, without realising it.
I work in a fairly large office where there are a lot of people I don't know, and generally smile at someone when I'm walking past them, whether I know them or not. I didn't realise I did this more than the norm until someone remarked on it. Then I started feeling a bit daft about it. It seems to be a reflex for me to smile at faces when I see them, so now I make a conscious effort not to grin like a loon at everyone I pass (bear in mind I that I work in an office full of Scottish journalists, which is not a natural environment for the flourishment of smiles!)
I think I must also smile when running because of the number of people that smile and nod at me for no apparent reason as I pass (in truth I think it's probably a grimace, but the two are evidently indistinguishable on my face).
posted by penguin pie at 6:23 AM on October 26, 2010
I work in a fairly large office where there are a lot of people I don't know, and generally smile at someone when I'm walking past them, whether I know them or not. I didn't realise I did this more than the norm until someone remarked on it. Then I started feeling a bit daft about it. It seems to be a reflex for me to smile at faces when I see them, so now I make a conscious effort not to grin like a loon at everyone I pass (bear in mind I that I work in an office full of Scottish journalists, which is not a natural environment for the flourishment of smiles!)
I think I must also smile when running because of the number of people that smile and nod at me for no apparent reason as I pass (in truth I think it's probably a grimace, but the two are evidently indistinguishable on my face).
posted by penguin pie at 6:23 AM on October 26, 2010
My "default" face expression seems to be seriously grim. People are always asking me what's wrong. Nothing! Nothing is wrong! It feels neutral to me. But when I am in social mode, it's nonstop smiles.
posted by prefpara at 6:34 AM on October 26, 2010
posted by prefpara at 6:34 AM on October 26, 2010
Yes! But it was a work of practice. I used to have a very unfriendly affect! Very scowl-ey. So I undid that.
posted by RJ Reynolds at 6:42 AM on October 26, 2010
posted by RJ Reynolds at 6:42 AM on October 26, 2010
My default face is a slight smile, unless I'm concentrating really hard, in which case I start to look blank or even frowny.
My husband's default face is dead grouchy!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:49 AM on October 26, 2010
My husband's default face is dead grouchy!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:49 AM on October 26, 2010
Best answer: I'm trying to learn to.
Pictures of my mother as a young woman show her with an open, sweet face. For the last couple of decades, she's been a bitter and unhappy woman; every time I see her, the frown lines are etched deeper in her face. Frankly, she looks terrible. The pics of her as a young woman look like a completely different person, and she's really not that old.
I'm now in a lot of pain most of the time, and I recently noticed that I must be frowning a lot, and it's starting to show in MY face. Ack horror. So I'm trying to wear a little bit of a smile as my default, instead of letting the pain re-shape my face. I can try to control SOMEthing.
posted by galadriel at 7:27 AM on October 26, 2010
Pictures of my mother as a young woman show her with an open, sweet face. For the last couple of decades, she's been a bitter and unhappy woman; every time I see her, the frown lines are etched deeper in her face. Frankly, she looks terrible. The pics of her as a young woman look like a completely different person, and she's really not that old.
I'm now in a lot of pain most of the time, and I recently noticed that I must be frowning a lot, and it's starting to show in MY face. Ack horror. So I'm trying to wear a little bit of a smile as my default, instead of letting the pain re-shape my face. I can try to control SOMEthing.
posted by galadriel at 7:27 AM on October 26, 2010
I checked when I first read this question and was sure that my default face was intense, but when I read through these and thought about it, that's my reading stuff online face. When walking down the sidewalk, I'm probably more smiley than not. My mind is always occupied and more often than not, it's with happy/silly things.
posted by advicepig at 8:24 AM on October 26, 2010
posted by advicepig at 8:24 AM on October 26, 2010
I didn't realize that my default face was a smile as a kid until my big brother pointed it out. I learned to get rid of that in public, though, and only recently have tried to change it back in private spaces.
posted by ldthomps at 8:30 AM on October 26, 2010
posted by ldthomps at 8:30 AM on October 26, 2010
My default face is scowly. This usually invites the idiots who like to tell people to smile to let me know that "things can't be that bad" and that sort of crap. I took some pictures of myself in default face and it was really unatrractive. So then I put what I thought was a slight smile on and it wasn't a smile at all. So all this time when I thought I was giving friendly looks and small smiles they were actually getting blank stares. Eh.
posted by mokeydraws at 8:40 AM on October 26, 2010
posted by mokeydraws at 8:40 AM on October 26, 2010
Yeah, according to friends and family, my default face is a half-smile, which my mother defines as a smirk and my best BF ever defined as "the moon smiling, crooked, the best kind of smile."
posted by dzaz at 9:18 AM on October 26, 2010
posted by dzaz at 9:18 AM on October 26, 2010
I get comments like "wassa matter honey, smile!" and "it's not so bad!" from strangers on a fairly regular basis. It actually really pisses me off... it always feels very patronizing. The worst is that I instinctively DO smile after they make their comments, so then I always get the follow-up "see, you're so much prettier when you smile!" Ugh.
posted by coupdefoudre at 9:29 AM on October 26, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by coupdefoudre at 9:29 AM on October 26, 2010 [2 favorites]
Yes, totally (I even smiled reading the "while folding laundry" bit because I totally do that). But everyone tells me I'm one of the smiliest people they've ever met (which is funny because I'm not actually otherwise bubbly or gregarious, and I tend to be quite introverted; I think the chuckling and smiling is a nervous tic almost), so...I'm not sure I'm standard.
posted by ifjuly at 9:45 AM on October 26, 2010
posted by ifjuly at 9:45 AM on October 26, 2010
Oh, and I go for a long brisk walk alone 3 or 4x a week when I can manage it, and often find myself grinning like an idiot for no reason, suddenly realizing it, and getting self-conscious and trying to suppress it lest someone in a car or their yard see me and think I'm manic.
posted by ifjuly at 9:46 AM on October 26, 2010
posted by ifjuly at 9:46 AM on October 26, 2010
I smile when I encounter something to smile about. Regardless of who's around.
posted by cross_impact at 10:00 AM on October 26, 2010
posted by cross_impact at 10:00 AM on October 26, 2010
Yes. But it's not like my facial expression is fixed that way or anything. But yeah, I will smile when alone doing things, or lost in my own little world outside.
posted by cmgonzalez at 11:28 AM on October 26, 2010
posted by cmgonzalez at 11:28 AM on October 26, 2010
my best friend describes my default face as "bitchface."
posted by violetk at 1:02 PM on October 26, 2010
posted by violetk at 1:02 PM on October 26, 2010
My default face is a frown and I inherited it from my father. Everyone on that side of the family has the exact same frown, it's sort of terrifying.
posted by mishamashes at 5:47 PM on October 26, 2010
posted by mishamashes at 5:47 PM on October 26, 2010
Sometimes! My default face is neutral-to-negative, but even when I alone I tend to smile when a happy though goes through my head.
posted by Eshkol at 7:39 PM on October 26, 2010
posted by Eshkol at 7:39 PM on October 26, 2010
Response by poster: Great replies, everyone. I'm very pleased! The remarkable thing I see is that most reports of faces which "happen to" look smiley actually READ happy and buoyant. And most reports from those randomly cursed with inadvertent scowls READ scowly/nasty. So methinks things may not be as random and accidental as people assume.
A few of you seem determined to suppress their smiling tendencies, e.g. Penguin Pie and ifJuly. But, for god's sake, please don't! It's making you and the world more pleasant, so screw the grinches who don't like it!
A lot of the responses noted that, weirdly, smiling makes you feel happier. And a few mentioned that it makes OTHERS feel better. FWIW, there's an interesting and super-easy Taoist practice called "Inner Smile", which a lot of people feel brings psych and health benefits. Check this interesting explanation (note: PDF link), complete with wonderful photos of worldwide smiles.
posted by Quisp Lover at 8:06 PM on October 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
A few of you seem determined to suppress their smiling tendencies, e.g. Penguin Pie and ifJuly. But, for god's sake, please don't! It's making you and the world more pleasant, so screw the grinches who don't like it!
A lot of the responses noted that, weirdly, smiling makes you feel happier. And a few mentioned that it makes OTHERS feel better. FWIW, there's an interesting and super-easy Taoist practice called "Inner Smile", which a lot of people feel brings psych and health benefits. Check this interesting explanation (note: PDF link), complete with wonderful photos of worldwide smiles.
posted by Quisp Lover at 8:06 PM on October 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by whalebreath at 8:22 PM on October 25, 2010