Two for the Road?
August 9, 2010 5:26 PM Subscribe
How to approach a trip abroad with my wonderful, new, long-distance boyfriend?
Hello y'all,
I searched the archives but didn't find a question quite like this - forgive me if I overlooked something.
I have been dating this guy for close to four months now, and it's amazing. We both know it's something special, and we've both dated enough to know what we've got in one another. I feel super duper lucky.
In about a month, we're hitting a milestone I've never gotten to before - traveling together. We're headed to Ireland because he's got a conference there - two days in Dublin, and then traveling around the countryside (will be sure to check out the AskMe threads about Irish travel!). I'm excited, but nervous. I've never really traveled with a significant other before, and certainly not somewhere so far, where neither of us has ever been before. It feels like a Big Deal.
Adding to the pressure is the fact that we are just embarking on a long-distance (well, NY to Boston) part of the relationship, since he has moved to Beantown to be a postdoc. Note that I'm NOT asking for LDR tips in particular (everybody's favorite topic!) - I'm only mentioning it in context of the trip. Since we won't get to see each other as often, it feels like an additional source of pressure to make the trip great, as well as another leap into WE ARE SERIOUS territory. We're having to answer some real, big questions at what would normally be a fairly lighthearted, carefree stage.
MeFites, share with me your tips and tricks for traveling with a significant other for the first time. What are some things I should keep in mind while planning this trip? Have any of you gotten into huge fights on different continents and lived to tell the tale? Am I putting way too much anxiety into this?
Many thanks, y'all.
Hello y'all,
I searched the archives but didn't find a question quite like this - forgive me if I overlooked something.
I have been dating this guy for close to four months now, and it's amazing. We both know it's something special, and we've both dated enough to know what we've got in one another. I feel super duper lucky.
In about a month, we're hitting a milestone I've never gotten to before - traveling together. We're headed to Ireland because he's got a conference there - two days in Dublin, and then traveling around the countryside (will be sure to check out the AskMe threads about Irish travel!). I'm excited, but nervous. I've never really traveled with a significant other before, and certainly not somewhere so far, where neither of us has ever been before. It feels like a Big Deal.
Adding to the pressure is the fact that we are just embarking on a long-distance (well, NY to Boston) part of the relationship, since he has moved to Beantown to be a postdoc. Note that I'm NOT asking for LDR tips in particular (everybody's favorite topic!) - I'm only mentioning it in context of the trip. Since we won't get to see each other as often, it feels like an additional source of pressure to make the trip great, as well as another leap into WE ARE SERIOUS territory. We're having to answer some real, big questions at what would normally be a fairly lighthearted, carefree stage.
MeFites, share with me your tips and tricks for traveling with a significant other for the first time. What are some things I should keep in mind while planning this trip? Have any of you gotten into huge fights on different continents and lived to tell the tale? Am I putting way too much anxiety into this?
Many thanks, y'all.
If you two won't have seen each other for a significant amount of time before the trip, I'd try to build in a bit of time to just relax together and enjoy each other's company in the beginning. Sure, you'll be in a new, exciting place, but from my LDR travel experience, taking it easy in the beginning makes the rest of the trip a lot more enjoyable and takes some of the pressure off.
Have fun!
posted by sparrow89 at 6:08 PM on August 9, 2010
Have fun!
posted by sparrow89 at 6:08 PM on August 9, 2010
Regardless of who you're traveling with, whether it be best friend, boyfriend, family member or near stranger, remember to take a little quiet time to yourself when you need it - read a book in silence, take a long bath by yourself, a short walk, however you like. No need to feel guilty about it, and it keeps your mental state more relaxed.
I also like to make it my personal goal to keep the mood light and cheerful. I know being entertained and cheerful myself is infectious, and it's fun to see how you can brighten someone else's mood, it's a good thing to learn about them. If one of us is starting to get grouchy, maybe we're hungry or needing a rest stop. Make few rigid plans, be flexible, and enjoy the scenery.
Best of luck :) Bring a camera and take lots of pics together!
posted by lizbunny at 6:20 PM on August 9, 2010
I also like to make it my personal goal to keep the mood light and cheerful. I know being entertained and cheerful myself is infectious, and it's fun to see how you can brighten someone else's mood, it's a good thing to learn about them. If one of us is starting to get grouchy, maybe we're hungry or needing a rest stop. Make few rigid plans, be flexible, and enjoy the scenery.
Best of luck :) Bring a camera and take lots of pics together!
posted by lizbunny at 6:20 PM on August 9, 2010
Do you know each other's travel styles? If one of you is fine arriving five minutes before the train departs but the other will lose their mind if they're not at the station at least 30 minutes before the scheduled departure, that kind of thing can make for a miserable surprise.
Does one of you love visiting every local museum while the other would rather go on an all-day hike? Who's okay with the cheap hostel, and who prefers an en suite room with mints on the pillows?
Stuff like that. You may already know these things about each other, but if not, find put before you go, not once you're there.
And yes, take your time. Ireland's little (compared to the US), but you don't have to cram everything into the one trip. Pick a region that seems most interesting to both of you and explore that bit.
posted by rtha at 6:31 PM on August 9, 2010 [1 favorite]
Does one of you love visiting every local museum while the other would rather go on an all-day hike? Who's okay with the cheap hostel, and who prefers an en suite room with mints on the pillows?
Stuff like that. You may already know these things about each other, but if not, find put before you go, not once you're there.
And yes, take your time. Ireland's little (compared to the US), but you don't have to cram everything into the one trip. Pick a region that seems most interesting to both of you and explore that bit.
posted by rtha at 6:31 PM on August 9, 2010 [1 favorite]
The second date with my now-husband was a week-long trip to another country (visiting Graceland!) and it was awesome. Enjoy yourselves and stop overthinking it.
posted by saucysault at 7:12 PM on August 9, 2010
posted by saucysault at 7:12 PM on August 9, 2010
When I was in a LDR, I found that after not having seen each other for significant amounts of time it would always take a little while (1-3 days) to rediscover the unique dynamic we had with each other and to settle into our familiar way of spending time together.
If you haven't seen each other in a while before the trip, then just keep that in mind at first - things may be a little odd, or something may seem different, but it's probably just readjusting to having each other there, and nothing to worry about.
Have fun!
posted by twirlypen at 7:27 PM on August 9, 2010 [1 favorite]
If you haven't seen each other in a while before the trip, then just keep that in mind at first - things may be a little odd, or something may seem different, but it's probably just readjusting to having each other there, and nothing to worry about.
Have fun!
posted by twirlypen at 7:27 PM on August 9, 2010 [1 favorite]
Everybody gets a little weird when traveling, and everyone gets weird in very specific ways.
For example, I'm pretty laid-back usually, but for some reason, when I need to leave to go on a trip I shift into some kind of bizarre "let's go!" mode, where I'm impatient with delays and the million little things that inevitable need to get done before I get on the road really get under my skin.
I recently went on my first trip with my girlfriend. It was really helpful for us to have a conversation before we started planning/packing where we talked about our travel weirdnesses. That way, day of, she knew that it would help me if we got out the door fast, and she also knew to say, "hey, you're doing that thing, cut it out" if I got too impatient. I suggest a similar conversation.
Finally, don't worry about making the trip amazing. Amazing is something you feel when you look back on something like this, not something you can generate while it's happening.
posted by Ragged Richard at 7:30 PM on August 9, 2010
For example, I'm pretty laid-back usually, but for some reason, when I need to leave to go on a trip I shift into some kind of bizarre "let's go!" mode, where I'm impatient with delays and the million little things that inevitable need to get done before I get on the road really get under my skin.
I recently went on my first trip with my girlfriend. It was really helpful for us to have a conversation before we started planning/packing where we talked about our travel weirdnesses. That way, day of, she knew that it would help me if we got out the door fast, and she also knew to say, "hey, you're doing that thing, cut it out" if I got too impatient. I suggest a similar conversation.
Finally, don't worry about making the trip amazing. Amazing is something you feel when you look back on something like this, not something you can generate while it's happening.
posted by Ragged Richard at 7:30 PM on August 9, 2010
When I was half my age, a girl I knew casually in high school bumped into me at a party. We talked for a while and then said lets keep in touch and did not speak again for 6 months when she called me to say that she had won a trip to Jamaica for two from being the best sales person at work and well she had no one to take and did not want to take her sister so would I like to join her. I was young enough to say yes. We went for a week. It was great. The key was that we both were in it together and knew that this was slightly random and to not worry about the little things like closing the cap to the toothpaste and just enjoy a free week in Jamaica. Truth be told, we had a great time for the week, sightseeing, drinking, partaking in the local vegetation and well acting like two bunnies in heat who hadn't seen each other in a while. It was clear after a few days that while we were having a great time, we were not going to have a long distance long term relationship. But we got along great for the week by not worrying about getting along for the week.
I must admit though that because she was in effect paying since she earned/won the trip, I felt deferential and agreed to go on any side trip she wanted and to go to dinner where she wanted and to do 95% of what she wanted. If nothing else it got me what I wanted at the end of the day. It helped that the first day there we discussed our expectations for each other and what we wanted out of the trip.
So advice is to not worry about this in the context of your relationship, but to just think of it as a short trip to do a lot of things and focus on the tourist part, not the omg we are traveling together part what do I do.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:20 PM on August 9, 2010
I must admit though that because she was in effect paying since she earned/won the trip, I felt deferential and agreed to go on any side trip she wanted and to go to dinner where she wanted and to do 95% of what she wanted. If nothing else it got me what I wanted at the end of the day. It helped that the first day there we discussed our expectations for each other and what we wanted out of the trip.
So advice is to not worry about this in the context of your relationship, but to just think of it as a short trip to do a lot of things and focus on the tourist part, not the omg we are traveling together part what do I do.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:20 PM on August 9, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
Yes. Ireland is not the end of the world, and if your prince turns into a frog you can survive a few days there. Relax, and have fun. You can discover how the two of you manage the unknown together, a valuable thing to learn.
posted by anadem at 5:29 PM on August 9, 2010