Latex error.
July 24, 2010 11:24 AM Subscribe
How on earth does my partner keep pulling condoms off of me mid-sex? And now what? (obviously NSFW)
So I met a new girl. I like her lots, and everything seems to be going well. We seem to have some logistical problems in bed, though.
We've had sex four times now, and three of those times, the condom has slipped off my penis inside her. I am baffled. I've been using that condom brand for my entire sex life (Lifestyles Natural Feeling, FWIW) and nothing like that has ever happened. Position doesn't seem to be a factor, either. She's on the small side and I'm on the girthy side, so maybe we're just "too good a fit," but that seems absurd. So:
1) How do we stop this from happening again?
2) What's our best option for a non-hormonal backup method? She claims that hormonal BC nukes her libido, but we need something. One awkward early-morning trip to a 24-hour pharmacy for Plan B is one trip too many.
So I met a new girl. I like her lots, and everything seems to be going well. We seem to have some logistical problems in bed, though.
We've had sex four times now, and three of those times, the condom has slipped off my penis inside her. I am baffled. I've been using that condom brand for my entire sex life (Lifestyles Natural Feeling, FWIW) and nothing like that has ever happened. Position doesn't seem to be a factor, either. She's on the small side and I'm on the girthy side, so maybe we're just "too good a fit," but that seems absurd. So:
1) How do we stop this from happening again?
2) What's our best option for a non-hormonal backup method? She claims that hormonal BC nukes her libido, but we need something. One awkward early-morning trip to a 24-hour pharmacy for Plan B is one trip too many.
Use a smaller, tighter condom, or try a different brand. Have fun experimenting!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:32 AM on July 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:32 AM on July 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
Are you using lube? Are you putting it inside the condom? Are you producing an unusually higher amount of pre-ejaculate fluid ("Pre-cum")? These could all be factors; perhaps there is more lubrication inside the condom than outside, causing it to slip off and stick to her?
posted by 1000monkeys at 11:34 AM on July 24, 2010
posted by 1000monkeys at 11:34 AM on July 24, 2010
Were the circumstances different in any way during the one time it didn't happen?
posted by cmgonzalez at 11:38 AM on July 24, 2010
posted by cmgonzalez at 11:38 AM on July 24, 2010
You could try Trojan Ecstasy condoms. Maybe the loose chamber at the top would reduce the pull on the fitted end.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 11:44 AM on July 24, 2010
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 11:44 AM on July 24, 2010
As far as non-hormonal birth control, according to planned parenthood, the diaphragm has only a slightly higher failure rate than the male condom, and if your condom usage is failing 75 percent of the time it would probably be more effective for you guys. Here is Planned Parenthood's handy birth control comparisons guide for self-study.
posted by frobozz at 11:44 AM on July 24, 2010
posted by frobozz at 11:44 AM on July 24, 2010
From Ms. Vegetable: Another option might be a copper IUD, which I have not tried, nor do I know anyone who does.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 11:52 AM on July 24, 2010
posted by a robot made out of meat at 11:52 AM on July 24, 2010
I don't know if it will reduce efficacy in any way, but you could try a tight cock ring around the base of your penis. It might help with keeping a tighter fit.
posted by Solomon at 11:53 AM on July 24, 2010
posted by Solomon at 11:53 AM on July 24, 2010
Yeah, unless there's a reason you're absolutely committed to the brand and style of condom you're using, I think I'd start with switching brands/styles, or try the female condom, etc, etc. Partners are different, and while it's imperative that the condom fit you well, there's also the matter of how the condom fits when you're with someone. The fact that the two can mismatch--i.e., it fits you well most of the time, but doesn't work well when you're with a certain partner--is one of those things that nobody tells you...until you find out.
You can always order sampler packs from online.
On preview--1000monkeys makes a good point about how much fluid you're producing, as well as checking the amount of lube if you're putting it inside the condom. You can also try applying more on the OUTSIDE of the condom.
I'm hesitant to recommend other methods that don't provide protection against STDs, simply because the post does state that this is a new relationship and they've only been together four times.
posted by Uniformitarianism Now! at 11:58 AM on July 24, 2010
You can always order sampler packs from online.
On preview--1000monkeys makes a good point about how much fluid you're producing, as well as checking the amount of lube if you're putting it inside the condom. You can also try applying more on the OUTSIDE of the condom.
I'm hesitant to recommend other methods that don't provide protection against STDs, simply because the post does state that this is a new relationship and they've only been together four times.
posted by Uniformitarianism Now! at 11:58 AM on July 24, 2010
a robot made out of meat, I have a copper IUD and love it. The insertion hurt like hell, and the first month was very crampy, but since then, it's been fantastic. I don't ever worry about birth control, and hardly notice it's there.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 12:02 PM on July 24, 2010
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 12:02 PM on July 24, 2010
You could try the female condom, it's bigger so it's harder to slip out of. That said, I found it way too confusing to insert :-S
posted by teraspawn at 12:48 PM on July 24, 2010
posted by teraspawn at 12:48 PM on July 24, 2010
As others suggested, smaller may work... but it may actually make things worse by cutting off circulation, causing some deflation, thereby causing things to slip off. So try something a little bigger as well.
posted by the jam at 12:55 PM on July 24, 2010
posted by the jam at 12:55 PM on July 24, 2010
One way to think of it is that there's more friction outside the condom than inside of it--that is, there's more lubrication inside (from the condom being pre-lubed, your pre-ejaculate, and/or any added lube) than there is on the outside (from her natural lube or any added). You could try decreasing the lube on the inside, but that could also decrease the movement between your penis and the inside of the condom, which could make the experience less pleasurable for you (that's why a lot of men add a couple small drops of lube to the inside end of the condom). Try adding some to the outside.
posted by Deja Stu at 1:00 PM on July 24, 2010
posted by Deja Stu at 1:00 PM on July 24, 2010
contraceptive films are a good backup.
posted by lemniskate at 1:21 PM on July 24, 2010
posted by lemniskate at 1:21 PM on July 24, 2010
If you compress the semen cavity at the end of the condom before putting it on that should keep the semen from becoming a lubricant between the condom and the penis.
Also I think condoms only come lubricated on the outside for just this reason. Your putting it on the right way, right? (pretty difficult to put it on the other btw)
Maybe it happened once by accident and now you're so apprehensive about it happening again that you're a bit detumified.
posted by joost de vries at 1:34 PM on July 24, 2010
Also I think condoms only come lubricated on the outside for just this reason. Your putting it on the right way, right? (pretty difficult to put it on the other btw)
Maybe it happened once by accident and now you're so apprehensive about it happening again that you're a bit detumified.
posted by joost de vries at 1:34 PM on July 24, 2010
Something to consider, based on what Deja Stu said, is that perhaps she isn't as naturally lube-ified as the other women you've slept with, so the decreased friction is causing the condom grabbing. Some people are just somewhat on the dry side, and IME Lifestyles Natural Feeling aren't quite as lubricated as some other brands.
Assuming that there haven't been any drastic changes in how much pre-ejaculate you produce or how much lube you add to the inside of the condom, the issue is probably going on outside the condom. Just experiment with using some lube (or more that you're currently using) on the outside of the condom, and that may solve the issue.
posted by thisjax at 1:53 PM on July 24, 2010
Assuming that there haven't been any drastic changes in how much pre-ejaculate you produce or how much lube you add to the inside of the condom, the issue is probably going on outside the condom. Just experiment with using some lube (or more that you're currently using) on the outside of the condom, and that may solve the issue.
posted by thisjax at 1:53 PM on July 24, 2010
Diaphams are an excellent non-hormonal birth control method; used with the proper spermicidal jelly (a little than the regular stuff), they can be very effective.
IUDs are also a great choice for a long-term monogamous relationship. Even the IUD with some hormone has only a tiny fraction of the pill/implants/shots -- just enough of a local dose to greatly reduce monthly bleeding and often eliminate cramping, but not affect the rest of the body (being local to the uterus).
Obviously, neither method protects from STDs, so you may want to be both tested just in case.
posted by jb at 2:31 PM on July 24, 2010
IUDs are also a great choice for a long-term monogamous relationship. Even the IUD with some hormone has only a tiny fraction of the pill/implants/shots -- just enough of a local dose to greatly reduce monthly bleeding and often eliminate cramping, but not affect the rest of the body (being local to the uterus).
Obviously, neither method protects from STDs, so you may want to be both tested just in case.
posted by jb at 2:31 PM on July 24, 2010
As others suggested, smaller may work... but it may actually make things worse by cutting off circulation, causing some deflation...
I don't think that's a legitimate concern. A cock ring is designed to "cut off circulation" in order to keep you hard.
I'm a fan of Beyond 7 brand condoms for this. They're thin, a tight fit, and you can get them very cheaply on Amazon. You could also get the version with spermicide for some extra protection.
posted by meta_eli at 3:36 PM on July 24, 2010
I don't think that's a legitimate concern. A cock ring is designed to "cut off circulation" in order to keep you hard.
I'm a fan of Beyond 7 brand condoms for this. They're thin, a tight fit, and you can get them very cheaply on Amazon. You could also get the version with spermicide for some extra protection.
posted by meta_eli at 3:36 PM on July 24, 2010
nthing copper IUD! Non-hormonal, crazy effective, and long-lasting. The upfront cost is high, but it averages out to cost less than the pill after a couple of years. If she's interested in that option, the IUD Divas livejournal community is a great resource. They have an FAQ and people post regularly. There's a good range of opinions from people who have had several IUDs and never had problems to people who had to get them removed soon after insertion.
One other little thing: There's absolutely no reason to feel bad about going to the pharmacy to get emergency contraception. If the condom coming off is a recurring problem for you, it probably makes sense to have a pack on hand, just in case. That way, you won't feel like you're forced to buy it at a time when you're stressed out about a potential pregnancy.
Good luck!
posted by SugarAndSass at 4:52 PM on July 24, 2010
One other little thing: There's absolutely no reason to feel bad about going to the pharmacy to get emergency contraception. If the condom coming off is a recurring problem for you, it probably makes sense to have a pack on hand, just in case. That way, you won't feel like you're forced to buy it at a time when you're stressed out about a potential pregnancy.
Good luck!
posted by SugarAndSass at 4:52 PM on July 24, 2010
I got pregnant while using a diaphragm so I can't really recommend that (though my daughter is awesome!). Your gf says she has libido problems on hormonal bc but has she talked to her doctor about this? There are so many types of hormonal bc with such a vast array of makeups that I have to believe that one of them would work for her. On the other hand, if she just hates taking hormone pills every day (or inserting them into her arm, etc.) then it's a non-starter, I guess.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 5:04 PM on July 24, 2010
posted by otherwordlyglow at 5:04 PM on July 24, 2010
Not entirely sure it's relevant, but is it possible that the manufacturer has changed the shape of the condoms? Any 'Great New Fit' branding? Have you noticed that the 'Original' and 'Ultra Thin' ones seem to be different shapes - and some of the others might be, too - have you changed your particular brand within the Natural Feeling range?
I had to take Plan B twice pretty close together due to condoms breaking. It turned out both the defective ones were from the same pack (in date, from a reputable brand, hadn't been badly treated while in our care etc), so it's entirely possible you've just got a batch that's slightly dodgy in a different way. Replace them, maybe with a different kind.
If you don't usually use lube, think about putting some water-based, glycerin-free lube on the outside of the condom and/or the relevant bits of your girlfriend (more foreplay is very rarely a bad idea....).
posted by Lebannen at 5:40 PM on July 24, 2010
I had to take Plan B twice pretty close together due to condoms breaking. It turned out both the defective ones were from the same pack (in date, from a reputable brand, hadn't been badly treated while in our care etc), so it's entirely possible you've just got a batch that's slightly dodgy in a different way. Replace them, maybe with a different kind.
If you don't usually use lube, think about putting some water-based, glycerin-free lube on the outside of the condom and/or the relevant bits of your girlfriend (more foreplay is very rarely a bad idea....).
posted by Lebannen at 5:40 PM on July 24, 2010
I can't tolerate hormonal birth control and have a copper IUD. It made my cramps worse, and I got anemic for a while, but that's mostly solved with Aleve and iron supplements. It's nice not having to worry about birth control.
posted by Jacqueline at 5:56 PM on July 24, 2010
posted by Jacqueline at 5:56 PM on July 24, 2010
Just a note: there are IUDs without hormone -- those can increase cramping the amount of blood, and are not recommended for women who have cramping or heavy periods.
There are also IUDs with a small amount of hormone, which can actually eliminate cramps and greatly reduce the amount of blood. But still much less than hormonally based birth control.
Just to be clear, if you start getting apparently contraditory comments re IUDs.
posted by jb at 8:30 PM on July 24, 2010
There are also IUDs with a small amount of hormone, which can actually eliminate cramps and greatly reduce the amount of blood. But still much less than hormonally based birth control.
Just to be clear, if you start getting apparently contraditory comments re IUDs.
posted by jb at 8:30 PM on July 24, 2010
Again, though, it's good to point out that an IUD does NOT PREVENT STDs. Also, make sure any lube you use is condom safe (kinda duh!, I know, but it's good to point it out, you never know who may be reading these comments and asking the same questions).
posted by 1000monkeys at 10:29 PM on July 24, 2010
posted by 1000monkeys at 10:29 PM on July 24, 2010
Lube. On the outside.
Curious - why would someone lube the inside?
posted by cmoj at 8:33 AM on July 25, 2010
Curious - why would someone lube the inside?
posted by cmoj at 8:33 AM on July 25, 2010
Not only do IUDs not protect either partner from STDs, but I have heard rumours that having an IUD can make the experience of an STD worse for the woman. Definitely check this out with a professional.
Nothing to say that one can't combine methods, condoms for STDs, diaphram or IUD for birth control -- but if the condoms are slipping, your STD protection is as threatened as your sweet-and-adorable-but-not-now-please protection.
posted by jb at 9:30 AM on July 25, 2010
Nothing to say that one can't combine methods, condoms for STDs, diaphram or IUD for birth control -- but if the condoms are slipping, your STD protection is as threatened as your sweet-and-adorable-but-not-now-please protection.
posted by jb at 9:30 AM on July 25, 2010
cmoj: Curious - why would someone lube the inside?
Because it allows some movement of the penis within the condom and therefore more feeling/sensation. Just a drop or two so that you don't feel like you're having sex through a plastic bag.
posted by 1000monkeys at 12:15 PM on July 25, 2010
Because it allows some movement of the penis within the condom and therefore more feeling/sensation. Just a drop or two so that you don't feel like you're having sex through a plastic bag.
posted by 1000monkeys at 12:15 PM on July 25, 2010
Not only do IUDs not protect either partner from STDs, but I have heard rumours that having an IUD can make the experience of an STD worse for the woman. Definitely check this out with a professional.
jb, the IUD/STI issue is more about if one has an untreated STI (specifically chlamydia/gonorrhea/possibly BV depending on what studies you look at) at the time of insertion and for about three weeks thereafter (see here). That's the window of time where ending up with PID is increased, but most health care providers do an STI screen before IUD insertion.
Older IUDs were designed in such a way that they allowed for STI bacteria to enter the uterus and cause problems, but this isn't an issue with modern devices.
posted by thisjax at 1:27 PM on July 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
jb, the IUD/STI issue is more about if one has an untreated STI (specifically chlamydia/gonorrhea/possibly BV depending on what studies you look at) at the time of insertion and for about three weeks thereafter (see here). That's the window of time where ending up with PID is increased, but most health care providers do an STI screen before IUD insertion.
Older IUDs were designed in such a way that they allowed for STI bacteria to enter the uterus and cause problems, but this isn't an issue with modern devices.
posted by thisjax at 1:27 PM on July 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:26 AM on July 24, 2010