ugly pic, no date
May 6, 2010 1:22 PM Subscribe
Why do so many men put terrible pictures up on Match.com, and how can I keep from being their female equivalent? How do I select a photo that looks like me, but isn't ugly?
I am completely distressed by the just flat-out ugly and weird photos guys put up in their Match.com profiles, not to mention the blurry/tiny/sunglass-bedecked ones where you can't even tell what they look like. Question one: Do they do this because they think they look good in the photos, because they want to create low expectations, or for some other reason? Question two: I admit that my own profile picture is not the most flattering, because I didn't want to look better than I do in real life. Bad tactic?
I am completely distressed by the just flat-out ugly and weird photos guys put up in their Match.com profiles, not to mention the blurry/tiny/sunglass-bedecked ones where you can't even tell what they look like. Question one: Do they do this because they think they look good in the photos, because they want to create low expectations, or for some other reason? Question two: I admit that my own profile picture is not the most flattering, because I didn't want to look better than I do in real life. Bad tactic?
Best answer: Step 1: Read this.
Step 2: Do not use Glamour Shots. Nothing says "cheese" like a popped collar, head-rotated-axially-from-body, and Cybil Shepherd "Moonlighting era" lighting.
posted by adipocere at 1:27 PM on May 6, 2010 [7 favorites]
Step 2: Do not use Glamour Shots. Nothing says "cheese" like a popped collar, head-rotated-axially-from-body, and Cybil Shepherd "Moonlighting era" lighting.
posted by adipocere at 1:27 PM on May 6, 2010 [7 favorites]
They do it because they don't know any better.
Use a decent camera (i.e. not a camera phone) - better yet have a friend use a decent camera; it's tricky to do self-portraiture.
Wear something nice, do your hair. Wear some makeup (not a lot just enough to give you some color and even out your skin tone). Bring a change of clothes and try different outfits and poses.
Pay attention to what's in the background. No one wants to see your messy bedroom or all the clothes on the floor or the crap that's all over your desk.
Take A LOT of pictures. LOTS AND LOTS of them so you'll have a lot to choose from. In fact, take a lot, look through all of them and decide what you like and don't like about them, make adjustments and then take MORE.
Don't pose next to your car.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 1:32 PM on May 6, 2010 [2 favorites]
Use a decent camera (i.e. not a camera phone) - better yet have a friend use a decent camera; it's tricky to do self-portraiture.
Wear something nice, do your hair. Wear some makeup (not a lot just enough to give you some color and even out your skin tone). Bring a change of clothes and try different outfits and poses.
Pay attention to what's in the background. No one wants to see your messy bedroom or all the clothes on the floor or the crap that's all over your desk.
Take A LOT of pictures. LOTS AND LOTS of them so you'll have a lot to choose from. In fact, take a lot, look through all of them and decide what you like and don't like about them, make adjustments and then take MORE.
Don't pose next to your car.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 1:32 PM on May 6, 2010 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Hmm, according to that OKcupid post, for maximum effect I should have a picture of me doing something interesting and showing cleavage at the same time.
posted by yarly at 1:37 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by yarly at 1:37 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Question two: I admit that my own profile picture is not the most flattering, because I didn't want to look better than I do in real life. Bad tactic?
Of course it is! Who's going to want to meet you in real life if your profile picture is lousy? First impressions and all that jazz.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:43 PM on May 6, 2010
Of course it is! Who's going to want to meet you in real life if your profile picture is lousy? First impressions and all that jazz.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:43 PM on May 6, 2010
Hmm, according to that OKcupid post, for maximum effect I should have a picture of me doing something interesting and showing cleavage at the same time.
They semi addressed this pretty far down the page but ...
Getting the maximum number of responses is probably not what you want as a woman. Granted I can't speak for you or anyone else, but, if putting up a flirty/sexual picture gets you the most responses, I would bet that 99% of the increase is messages like "u r hottie lol."
Later on down the page, I think they said something about what kind of female picture elicits the most replies that she then replies to herself. I think that's a better idea.
posted by Ashley801 at 1:45 PM on May 6, 2010 [4 favorites]
They semi addressed this pretty far down the page but ...
Getting the maximum number of responses is probably not what you want as a woman. Granted I can't speak for you or anyone else, but, if putting up a flirty/sexual picture gets you the most responses, I would bet that 99% of the increase is messages like "u r hottie lol."
Later on down the page, I think they said something about what kind of female picture elicits the most replies that she then replies to herself. I think that's a better idea.
posted by Ashley801 at 1:45 PM on May 6, 2010 [4 favorites]
If you are older than 25, doing something interesting and maybe dressing date-y suffices.
Also, it is really important to consider what kind of match you want! Do you want the type that likes cleavage showing girls? or a guy that's into acid folk (you can be wearing a band's t shirt) or someone who perhaps likes the coffee shop life style?
I would go for myself, date pretty. I think it makes sense, because it shows your best, and also your style (date pretty is very subjective and you can inject your style in it). I for one love 20's hairdos, short wine colored nails and a nice black dress, with very natural make up and some pearls. Looking that way says something about me, I think.
Also experiment with daylight and flash. I like night time shots, but some dytime shots can be pretty cool with flash to enhance the colors.
Please, make sure your face isn't shiny!
posted by Tarumba at 1:50 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Also, it is really important to consider what kind of match you want! Do you want the type that likes cleavage showing girls? or a guy that's into acid folk (you can be wearing a band's t shirt) or someone who perhaps likes the coffee shop life style?
I would go for myself, date pretty. I think it makes sense, because it shows your best, and also your style (date pretty is very subjective and you can inject your style in it). I for one love 20's hairdos, short wine colored nails and a nice black dress, with very natural make up and some pearls. Looking that way says something about me, I think.
Also experiment with daylight and flash. I like night time shots, but some dytime shots can be pretty cool with flash to enhance the colors.
Please, make sure your face isn't shiny!
posted by Tarumba at 1:50 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Question two: I admit that my own profile picture is not the most flattering, because I didn't want to look better than I do in real life. Bad tactic?
Put your best face forward, but within reason. Nothing worse than showing up on a date and finding out that someone looks nothing like their picture.
Think of it like a resume-- you want to present the strongest impression of yourself within reason to get your foot in the door, but once you've done that it will really come down to the actual interview.
posted by stilly at 1:51 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Put your best face forward, but within reason. Nothing worse than showing up on a date and finding out that someone looks nothing like their picture.
Think of it like a resume-- you want to present the strongest impression of yourself within reason to get your foot in the door, but once you've done that it will really come down to the actual interview.
posted by stilly at 1:51 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Working in a library with public computers, I can tell you that a lot of people using online personals have never used the web or computers for anything else before. They are completely clueless, and a little scared about what the computer "wants." Many bring in the only photo of themselves they can find from the past fifteen years, and I help them scan it and upload it because they are entirely incapable of even starting such a thing for themselves.
Unfortunately for these patrons, my job description (and personal policy) doesn't require me to inform them how lousy their picture is, or how important a decent picture is to getting a date.
-
posted by General Tonic at 1:52 PM on May 6, 2010 [5 favorites]
Unfortunately for these patrons, my job description (and personal policy) doesn't require me to inform them how lousy their picture is, or how important a decent picture is to getting a date.
-
posted by General Tonic at 1:52 PM on May 6, 2010 [5 favorites]
Don't post a photo that's so flattering someone will be significantly let down when they meet you in person. If his first impression of you is a feeling of major disappointment, that obviously won't be good. But I wouldn't deliberately post a bad photo in an attempt to lower people's expectations or prevent yourself from getting emails from lots of guys.
Think about what's happening on the men's side of things. There's a whole spectrum of men out there from awful to average to awesome. You want to maximize the response you'll get from the awesome guys, right? Well, those guys have the most freedom in choosing who they're interested in. Naturally, they'll be more likely to choose you if you post a good photo than a bad photo.
The messages you might get from guys you wouldn't be interested in don't ultimately matter. What matters is getting messages (and getting a positive response from your messages to) the guys you would be interested in.
posted by Jaltcoh at 1:54 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Think about what's happening on the men's side of things. There's a whole spectrum of men out there from awful to average to awesome. You want to maximize the response you'll get from the awesome guys, right? Well, those guys have the most freedom in choosing who they're interested in. Naturally, they'll be more likely to choose you if you post a good photo than a bad photo.
The messages you might get from guys you wouldn't be interested in don't ultimately matter. What matters is getting messages (and getting a positive response from your messages to) the guys you would be interested in.
posted by Jaltcoh at 1:54 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
A couple other thoughts: I agree with the above comment that a photo in front of a car is offputting. Also, women in general overuse the "Here's me on a night out with my girlfriends" style of photo. I assume people are doing this either because those are the only photos they have, or they think it sends a positive message of, "Look, I actually have friends, and we have fun together." I'd rather just assume you have friends and let me see you. If you must use a group photo, try to pick one where you're around other people of similar age and attractiveness to yourself.
posted by Jaltcoh at 1:59 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Jaltcoh at 1:59 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
People put up photos of themselves because they like those photos...as you've pointed out Looking Hot in the photo isn't always why they like it--but they should. Certainly pics should look like you, but the best, most natural side of you, not something posed, fake, badly composed or scrubby.
What you want is a medium shot of most of your upper body as you are doing something somewhere alone. If you dont have one, go somewhere and get a friend to take 20 or so of you casually posing in front of a thing: statue, giant ice cream cone, dead squirrel, whatever. Something like this or this (crop that dude out) or this (either!). DO: Look happy, look active, look well put together, dress up a little. Do NOT:
* be doing something pretentious like rock-climbing or protesting
* make any kind of ironic or dumb face other than a sincere smile
* be overly sexy--cute, pretty = good. cleavage for miles = no.
* have anyone else in the shot.
Internet dating...Serious Business.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:08 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
What you want is a medium shot of most of your upper body as you are doing something somewhere alone. If you dont have one, go somewhere and get a friend to take 20 or so of you casually posing in front of a thing: statue, giant ice cream cone, dead squirrel, whatever. Something like this or this (crop that dude out) or this (either!). DO: Look happy, look active, look well put together, dress up a little. Do NOT:
* be doing something pretentious like rock-climbing or protesting
* make any kind of ironic or dumb face other than a sincere smile
* be overly sexy--cute, pretty = good. cleavage for miles = no.
* have anyone else in the shot.
Internet dating...Serious Business.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:08 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
I think guys put up bad pictures for the same reason that you see guys at clubs wearing baseball caps and t-shirts hitting on women who are dressed to the nines. Guys don't seem to think about their appearance as much or imagine what they look like to other people. And they tend to inflate their ability to get hot ladies. Which, frankly, they often do!
Put up a great picture of yourself and if you are interested in a guy, ask for another recent pic or go ahead and meet him for coffee.
posted by amanda at 2:26 PM on May 6, 2010
Put up a great picture of yourself and if you are interested in a guy, ask for another recent pic or go ahead and meet him for coffee.
posted by amanda at 2:26 PM on May 6, 2010
The OK Cupid article is very interesting.
For women, MySpace type overhead shots and cleavage get the most messages.
But women with shots of themselves doing something interesting (like playing a guitar) tend to have more conversations (back and forth messaging).
If your goal is meeting people you would like to chat with and date, I would put a shot of yourself doing something interesting that also says something about yourself.
posted by jb at 2:38 PM on May 6, 2010
For women, MySpace type overhead shots and cleavage get the most messages.
But women with shots of themselves doing something interesting (like playing a guitar) tend to have more conversations (back and forth messaging).
If your goal is meeting people you would like to chat with and date, I would put a shot of yourself doing something interesting that also says something about yourself.
posted by jb at 2:38 PM on May 6, 2010
Question two: I admit that my own profile picture is not the most flattering, because I didn't want to look better than I do in real life. Bad tactic?
Everyone puts up better pictures of themselves -- or at least everyone who has a clue. Don't totally over do it, but don't feel like you need to lower expectations with your picture. Most people know not to expect what your picture shows.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 2:59 PM on May 6, 2010
Everyone puts up better pictures of themselves -- or at least everyone who has a clue. Don't totally over do it, but don't feel like you need to lower expectations with your picture. Most people know not to expect what your picture shows.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 2:59 PM on May 6, 2010
I met my lovely ladyfriend on Match, and I have to say that I knew she was my type just from the picture (i.e., not just that she was cute, but that she would be someone I'd like to know). I feel like 99% of the people on these sites, strangely, don't put any effort into finding someone. That's fine, if you don't want to find someone--but if that's the case, you're wasting everyone's time. The prime offenders here are those who have the three-sentence profiles that talk about how they like to go out but also, amazingly, also enjoy staying home. I'm enthralled, do go on.
But photos are equally important. I don't think you have to be conventionally beautiful, but I do think you have to take the photos seriously. You don't need to go the whole Glamour Shots By Deb route, but please, don't just use underexposed candids of you out with your friends in a bar. I assume you have friends and go to bars, and don't need photographic evidence of it that obscures what you look like. I also have to say that I always found photos of women with men in them a real turn-off--I'm not sure what message those photos are trying to send. Is that the kind of guy you're looking for? The minimum threshold of attractiveness?
The best photos I saw were in daylight or daylight-balanced bright interior light. A well-exposed, well-composed profile pic really stands out, particularly in the catalog-style default layouts most of these sites use. You can get by with just a headshot and a full-length or three-quarter shot, but if you can manage a few more, that's great. You may have a friend who will be willing to shoot these for you (if you're in Boston, I'd do it); but if you do them all in one afternoon, bring changes of clothes so they don't look like they were all done on the same day.
You don't need to go to Boobtown, though I do think you should work 'em if you got 'em. More interesting, though, are shots of you doing something you like to do, or being somewhere you like to be. I recall one woman posing outside MassMoCa (contemporary art museum), and I liked that it showed something about her, in addition to what she looked like.
Don't just use a picture taken with your computer. They look terrible.
Lastly, this should be self-evident, but please don't include any shots of your pets, and, unless you're main hobby is photography and you talk about it in your profile, don't put up random photos of vacations, wildlife, pretty flowers or jazz like that. It looks totally inane.
That's just my perspective as a Metafilter-type person who went into the online dating world to find an actual relationship. Lovely ladyfriend and I have been together a year!
In the end, I think you get out of it what you put into it.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 3:04 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
But photos are equally important. I don't think you have to be conventionally beautiful, but I do think you have to take the photos seriously. You don't need to go the whole Glamour Shots By Deb route, but please, don't just use underexposed candids of you out with your friends in a bar. I assume you have friends and go to bars, and don't need photographic evidence of it that obscures what you look like. I also have to say that I always found photos of women with men in them a real turn-off--I'm not sure what message those photos are trying to send. Is that the kind of guy you're looking for? The minimum threshold of attractiveness?
The best photos I saw were in daylight or daylight-balanced bright interior light. A well-exposed, well-composed profile pic really stands out, particularly in the catalog-style default layouts most of these sites use. You can get by with just a headshot and a full-length or three-quarter shot, but if you can manage a few more, that's great. You may have a friend who will be willing to shoot these for you (if you're in Boston, I'd do it); but if you do them all in one afternoon, bring changes of clothes so they don't look like they were all done on the same day.
You don't need to go to Boobtown, though I do think you should work 'em if you got 'em. More interesting, though, are shots of you doing something you like to do, or being somewhere you like to be. I recall one woman posing outside MassMoCa (contemporary art museum), and I liked that it showed something about her, in addition to what she looked like.
Don't just use a picture taken with your computer. They look terrible.
Lastly, this should be self-evident, but please don't include any shots of your pets, and, unless you're main hobby is photography and you talk about it in your profile, don't put up random photos of vacations, wildlife, pretty flowers or jazz like that. It looks totally inane.
That's just my perspective as a Metafilter-type person who went into the online dating world to find an actual relationship. Lovely ladyfriend and I have been together a year!
In the end, I think you get out of it what you put into it.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 3:04 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Also, though I understand not wanting look different than you do in real life but don't sell yourself short. Be the best "you" you can be. Self confidence is attractive.
And I agree: watch out for too shiny. A little face powder can do wonders.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 3:07 PM on May 6, 2010
And I agree: watch out for too shiny. A little face powder can do wonders.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 3:07 PM on May 6, 2010
This OUGHT to go without saying, but lots & lots of people apparently haven't heard: Check your nose very carefully before posting: No one wants to know what's up there. Many a fabulous photo has been crushed by a peek-a-boo booger that only shows up when the picture's enlarged.
posted by Ys at 3:13 PM on May 6, 2010
posted by Ys at 3:13 PM on May 6, 2010
I can verify the results of that study OkCupid did, I switched to the flirty overhead + cleavage and I get way more emails now... also more of the "lol ur hot" kinds. And I put a filter on my PoF profile for only 100+ character messages, helped quite a bit to reduce the lame messages. I'm only about a 6.5-7, so it's worked well enough. Also got the interesting pictures up to look at inside my profile to generate some conversation. But I should change those action pictures around just so I can have some conversational variety, it's getting repetitive.
You should go with a picture that does the best job of showing off what you look like now. Do go for the glamour shots, just don't go for something that you can't recognize as yourself. I can't believe how many times I've met up with a guy for a date and he says something along the lines of "wow, you look exactly like your picture!", like it's a refreshing change. That's the response to the myspace-style shot, btw.
I don't even bother looking through the site at other guys' profiles anymore though, so my interaction with crappy pics is much lower. If someone messages me then I know they're interested, and I can judge whether I want to bother replying or not. Less time consumed on my part, fewer hopes and dreams dashed.
posted by lizbunny at 3:18 PM on May 6, 2010
You should go with a picture that does the best job of showing off what you look like now. Do go for the glamour shots, just don't go for something that you can't recognize as yourself. I can't believe how many times I've met up with a guy for a date and he says something along the lines of "wow, you look exactly like your picture!", like it's a refreshing change. That's the response to the myspace-style shot, btw.
I don't even bother looking through the site at other guys' profiles anymore though, so my interaction with crappy pics is much lower. If someone messages me then I know they're interested, and I can judge whether I want to bother replying or not. Less time consumed on my part, fewer hopes and dreams dashed.
posted by lizbunny at 3:18 PM on May 6, 2010
I met my partner via the internet. Her profile picture showed unambiguously her quirky sense of humor. I would say that she looked just as good in real life. Be yourself, don't sell yourself short, and best of luck.
posted by aroberge at 3:26 PM on May 6, 2010
posted by aroberge at 3:26 PM on May 6, 2010
Get a helper. And use natural light if at all possible. And I believe in the "open mouth= available" thing. Here's one I did which I think is flattering and fair. She looks just like that. Not bad for 50, I say. There were a bunch of others, but they seemed forced. I think I told her to show me an "interested smile," which is really what she's like anyway. Super friendly and caring, which is great to communicate visually.
Get a helper, who knows you, so it can be a good reflection of your personality and body.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 3:49 PM on May 6, 2010
Get a helper, who knows you, so it can be a good reflection of your personality and body.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 3:49 PM on May 6, 2010
I stressed for a long time about my okcupid photo. I am okay looking, but I always seem to have Manson Lamps in photos.
Then I decided that it wasn't worth all of the hassle and posted one where I am in Groucho glasses and another where I am wearing a fake lumberjack beard. You can see my apartment in the photos, and the bookcase I need to paint, and the inflatable moose head I had hanging above my mantle.
I get a ton of messages, and they always mention the beard or the moose head, and that I seem like a fun lady.
YMMV, of course, but when I send a message to someone, they are doing something in their photo, even if it's just wearing a bag on their head. You might take a look at the few photos that you thought were good, take what you liked about them, and apply it to your own photos (if possible.)
posted by Lemmy Caution at 4:44 PM on May 6, 2010
Then I decided that it wasn't worth all of the hassle and posted one where I am in Groucho glasses and another where I am wearing a fake lumberjack beard. You can see my apartment in the photos, and the bookcase I need to paint, and the inflatable moose head I had hanging above my mantle.
I get a ton of messages, and they always mention the beard or the moose head, and that I seem like a fun lady.
YMMV, of course, but when I send a message to someone, they are doing something in their photo, even if it's just wearing a bag on their head. You might take a look at the few photos that you thought were good, take what you liked about them, and apply it to your own photos (if possible.)
posted by Lemmy Caution at 4:44 PM on May 6, 2010
Best answer: I can't explain the crap man photos except to say that the "Why can't girls love me as I am?" delusion dies hard. Don't go down that road. As for how to achieve maximum photogenicity without actual fraud, Already Pretty has you covered with this series of helpful tutorials.
posted by stuck on an island at 4:45 PM on May 6, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by stuck on an island at 4:45 PM on May 6, 2010 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Aargh. Parts Two and Three.
posted by stuck on an island at 4:47 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by stuck on an island at 4:47 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
not to mention the blurry/tiny/sunglass-bedecked ones where you can't even tell what they look like
I think the simple explanation for this is that a majority of people are utterly oblivious to how terrible their photos look. I don't know how else to rationalize why my otherwise intelligent friends upload pages and pages of out of focus, blurry, noisy, horizon skewed and wrongly oriented photos.
posted by sunshineunderground at 5:20 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
I think the simple explanation for this is that a majority of people are utterly oblivious to how terrible their photos look. I don't know how else to rationalize why my otherwise intelligent friends upload pages and pages of out of focus, blurry, noisy, horizon skewed and wrongly oriented photos.
posted by sunshineunderground at 5:20 PM on May 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks all! So here's my plan: a picture of me, taken from above, in a tight tanktop, leaning over my Smokey Joe grill stirring the flaming hot coals (I love fire). I think this meets all the criteria mentioned. If you run across it on Match.com you'll know it's me.
posted by yarly at 5:22 PM on May 6, 2010
posted by yarly at 5:22 PM on May 6, 2010
Response by poster: Oh, and also: swallow my pride and get my friends to review the pictures is lesson #2.
posted by yarly at 5:23 PM on May 6, 2010
posted by yarly at 5:23 PM on May 6, 2010
Guys do not grow up reading guy-beauty magazines and learning how to look hot in the eyes of girls. Girls are more "bilingual" with female beauty than guys are with male beauty. So guys tend to put up pictures that they think show them in a good light, by Guy Standards. Enough crass over-generalizations, some examples:
The scowl pic...
Him: Hey neat - I look totally badass in that pic! Just like that hero in that movie!
Her: OMG he's a rapist!
The hot friends pic...
Him: The hot girls hanging out with me proves that I'm sufficiently interesting in the real world that people who have their pick of anyone, pick me.
Her: Ewww what a playa! I don't want to be one of his little sluts!
The car pic...
Him: My car is something I have invested a lot of myself in, and it not only shows that I have my shit together and can bring home the bacon, talk is just talk but you can tell a lot about a guy from his car - it's walking that walk that I'm sporty/rugged/green/aggressive/country/newage/etc
Her: Another guy's car?! [rolls eyes]
The dressed-up pic...
Him: My prom photo! Here is me dressed to nines, looking my very best! Totally suave!
Her: Did he not get the memo about posting pics of himself with other girls?
(Actually, this one makes the least sense to me. Many of the best pictures of people are when they're out at a fancy event, looking their best, and most fancy events involve a date, but for reasons that are a complete mystery to me (and some women), on dating sites women generally react very negatively to pictures of guys in which they're with another women. And because this doesn't make any sense to guys (outside of rural Pakistan, perhaps), many guys are unaware of the memo, the idea just having never occurred to them.
And on it goes.
posted by -harlequin- at 6:48 PM on May 6, 2010 [6 favorites]
The scowl pic...
Him: Hey neat - I look totally badass in that pic! Just like that hero in that movie!
Her: OMG he's a rapist!
The hot friends pic...
Him: The hot girls hanging out with me proves that I'm sufficiently interesting in the real world that people who have their pick of anyone, pick me.
Her: Ewww what a playa! I don't want to be one of his little sluts!
The car pic...
Him: My car is something I have invested a lot of myself in, and it not only shows that I have my shit together and can bring home the bacon, talk is just talk but you can tell a lot about a guy from his car - it's walking that walk that I'm sporty/rugged/green/aggressive/country/newage/etc
Her: Another guy's car?! [rolls eyes]
The dressed-up pic...
Him: My prom photo! Here is me dressed to nines, looking my very best! Totally suave!
Her: Did he not get the memo about posting pics of himself with other girls?
(Actually, this one makes the least sense to me. Many of the best pictures of people are when they're out at a fancy event, looking their best, and most fancy events involve a date, but for reasons that are a complete mystery to me (and some women), on dating sites women generally react very negatively to pictures of guys in which they're with another women. And because this doesn't make any sense to guys (outside of rural Pakistan, perhaps), many guys are unaware of the memo, the idea just having never occurred to them.
And on it goes.
posted by -harlequin- at 6:48 PM on May 6, 2010 [6 favorites]
Oh, and also: swallow my pride and get my friends to review the pictures is lesson #2.
I think that is key, because your friends know you the best, and will hopefully give you the most honest answers. Probably e-mail is the way to go, to avoid embarrassment, because it gives them a chance to review/reflect without pressure.
I think the question to ask is, "Will you please pick 3 of these pictures that you think are attractive and most representative of how I look in real life?"
posted by cranberrymonger at 8:31 AM on May 7, 2010
I think that is key, because your friends know you the best, and will hopefully give you the most honest answers. Probably e-mail is the way to go, to avoid embarrassment, because it gives them a chance to review/reflect without pressure.
I think the question to ask is, "Will you please pick 3 of these pictures that you think are attractive and most representative of how I look in real life?"
posted by cranberrymonger at 8:31 AM on May 7, 2010
I came here only to advise that whatever you do, do not post a picture in which other people have been cropped out. Seriously, it looks terrible. Like a person I know who posted his wedding photo (post divorce), with the now ex-spouse, as his FB profile pic.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 8:28 PM on May 7, 2010
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 8:28 PM on May 7, 2010
Everyone else has put in great advice above, so I'll just say...
NEVER EVER post a pic of yourself in which you had to crop out a boyfriend. It will show, and it makes you look creepy/stupid beyond belief.
Corollary: never post a pic of yourself with just one other guy near your age, as it may look like you were so dumb you didn't even think to crop the ex-boyfriend out of the picture. Pics of you & Dad, Gramps, or kid-aged son, no problem.
posted by IAmBroom at 11:26 PM on May 11, 2010
NEVER EVER post a pic of yourself in which you had to crop out a boyfriend. It will show, and it makes you look creepy/stupid beyond belief.
Corollary: never post a pic of yourself with just one other guy near your age, as it may look like you were so dumb you didn't even think to crop the ex-boyfriend out of the picture. Pics of you & Dad, Gramps, or kid-aged son, no problem.
posted by IAmBroom at 11:26 PM on May 11, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 1:25 PM on May 6, 2010