the DDD's of Love

June 3, 2009 7:19 AM

Is there such a thing as a dating site for ONLY big breasted women?

I think at this point, I know what it is, really, that I want in a woman. I want good conversation. I want a darker sense of humor. And I want someone who can be ready to leave the house in 10 minutes flat.

And physically, what I'm attracted to, for whatever reason, are really large natural breasts. And no amount of searching for specific body types has helped me find these women on traditional dating sites

So my question is: do LEGIT specific sites exist that cater to women with big breasts and the men who want to date them?

posted by anonymous to human relations (23 comments total)

Er. I'm well-endowed, single, and I have no problems using dating sites, and I just wouldn't use such a site. I might check it out (for a laugh if nothing else), but I'd be very surprised if it attracted the kind of quality men I'm looking for. So... if this site exists, it probably won't have the kind of articulate, confident, self-actualized women you'd like to date, because they'd be driven away by the kind of heavy breathers who would use it.
posted by orange swan at 7:34 AM on June 3 [25 favorites has favorites]

[hello, this is ask metafilter! Please keep your snark out of here, thank you!]
posted by jessamyn at 7:36 AM on June 3

Do you want women with tiny waists and large breasts, like some sort of Marvel character? Or do you just want large breasts and it doesn't matter what the rest of the body looks like? Because I've got to think that there are plus-sized dating networks, wherein naturally you would find women with large breasts. If it's the former, however, then I think you should stick with comic books.
posted by billysumday at 7:39 AM on June 3 [5 favorites has favorites]

It's not clear from your question whether you'd be ok with some extra fat elsewhere on your date's body, but there are tons of BBW dating sites out there. Search BBW on your local Craigslist or try one of TangoWire's sites. I'm married so I only troll around *looking* at profiles and have never tried actually contacting anyone, but the tangowire ads seem legit to me. Some of the BBW craigslist ads are spam but it's usually pretty easy to tell to the real ones from the fake.
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 7:47 AM on June 3

You might have better luck using an sex/kink/whatever site like Adult Friend Finder, Lustlab (if you live in Seattle), or Nerve. All these links have the ability to become NSFW within a click or so, by the way. They don't cater specifically to large-breasted women and huge chunk of the male population that would like to date them, but they're a lot more likely to have photos that show the goods, if you can sift through all the itty bitty titty committee members.

I'm trying so hard to be nice and supportive and just answer the question. You don't deserve snark for having a type; lordy knows there's specific physical attributes things that flip my switch. It is perfectly OK to be attracted to what you're attracted to. A big thing that raises red flags for me, though, is not when someone says "Oh, Asian guys are so hot!" but when they say "Oh, non-Asian guys don't really do it for me, I'm just not interested in them." It's ok to have preferences, but when you're turning down or automatically disqualifying people who you might have a really wonderful relationship with because they don't match whatever physical ideal you're into, it turns people off, makes you look like a creep, and makes those Asian guys feel like they're just being fetishized.
posted by Juliet Banana at 7:49 AM on June 3 [9 favorites has favorites]

I used to work at a dating service and crunched the numbers for requests. I am very tempted to go back and work over the data, but what I noticed was that when it comes to standard heterodating, women have more selection criteria and place a higher importance on those criteria, and are also the ones who do more of the rejecting of requests for dates.

What I'm getting at here is that it is not a man's world when it comes to dating sites, and there would be no sizable market for a site such as you describe. A site for women who want to date tall guys has a much better chance. Additionally, dating sites tend to break towards specificity when it comes to wholly different topics: religion, lifestyle, etc. Very few seem to be based around physical characteristics, although I know one site exists exclusively for some reviewed, select clientele of people who fit whatever their team defines as "beautiful."

I am thinking the plus-size dating is about as close as you'll get. Otherwise, you would want to select a dating site where there's a lot of ability to specify physical criteria, including the ones for which you are looking. Or, you know, a picture gallery for browsing. You'd be limited to potential dates who are not using that Glamour shot neck tilt from the collarbone up angle, though.
posted by adipocere at 7:50 AM on June 3 [5 favorites has favorites]

Be careful with being too specific with what you want from a mate or putting too much emphasis on a particular quality or feature. I was doing the same thing and nearly missed out on my wife.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:57 AM on June 3 [7 favorites has favorites]

I think you'd be better off resolving to get better at meeting people in real life, where you can properly assess their physical assets at the moment of first contact.
posted by hermitosis at 8:04 AM on June 3 [1 favorite has favorites]

I think you'd be better off resolving to get better at meeting people in real life, where you can properly assess their physical assets at the moment of first contact.

I agree with this ... with the clarification that one way to meet people in real life is through normal dating sites.

You're going about it the wrong way by focusing on one trait you really like in women, then trying to find a site full of women with that trait. What's wrong with that? Well, even if such a site exists, what makes you think women want to be on that site? Your concept is oddly male-centric. Most women would find it offputting to have so much focus on one aspect of their body. The smart women (not like "high IQ," but as in "the ones who know how online dating works") will be on the major sites like match.com, OKCupid, etc. since those are the sites that provide access to the broadest pools of people.

In short, just because you prioritize big breasts doesn't mean that women with big breasts prioritize men who have that priority.
posted by Jaltcoh at 8:33 AM on June 3 [15 favorites has favorites]

Well, you can always do a real-life experiment. Match.com lets you search by "my best feature" and you can stipulate yours to be "breasts". You might also set up a second saved search that has best feature as "breasts" and body type as "curvy". It's free to search, so you can just set up a quick-and-dirty bare-bones profile, look around, and see if that gives you a list of potential dates. If it doesn't work, you didn't waste any money subscribing.

Is there a LEGIT site that does NOTHING but this? No. But dating only strippers might get you the physical result you want. I'm not trying to be facetious, I'm being serious. Have you tried meeting girls that work in strip clubs? I don't know what your area is like, but there are strippers who are putting themselves through law school or whatever. One of my dear friends is getting her Ph.D. in women's studies and writing her doctoral thesis on the modern sex worker. She's one of the smartest girls I know; you might find a girl like this who is perfect for you and won't judge you for your predilection in the least.

While much of the temptation is to comment something like "that IS SO SHALLOW", I don't really know that it is. Every person I've fallen in love with has worn glasses, sometimes they've been legally blind. EVERY. PERSON. Is there a dating site for me to find guys like this? No. It just happens. I think that on a chemical level you are attracted to people that are opposite you, immune-system wise, and there are some things that just follow a natural pattern.

If you like only Asian girls, or big boobs, or white guys, or girls who look similar to yourself but taller... who the hell cares? Yeah, you fall in love with what's inside a person. But you won't get to know the inside unless you're sexually attracted to the outside. Men are visual, especially, so I understand where you're coming from and why you posted this anonymously.

Final suggestion: Have you considered finding and using the services of a traditional Matchmaker, like a human being? If you have the fundage, this would be a good way to have someone else scout out matches for you. The big natural boobs preference could be obfuscated from potential dates until you get to know them better, which will cancel out the "OMG he's so shallow" gut-reaction that other methods might induce.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 8:56 AM on June 3

Match.com lets you search by "my best feature" and you can stipulate yours to be "breasts".

And you'll notice that the vast majority of women say their best feature is something innocuous: "eyes" or "hair." Which further proves the point that women don't want all the focus to be on their breasts.
posted by Jaltcoh at 9:23 AM on June 3

The answer to your question, as others have pointed out, is no. Such a site doesn't exist. Moreover, if such a site did exist, the caliber and type of women who post on Metafilter wouldn't participate in it.

If you're interested in dating women, your best course of action is to go out and meet them, either by going to bars, participating in activities, or going to other dating sites. There are a lot of women out there with the traits you're looking for, so if you meet enough women you'll certainly meet one of them.

If for some reason you don't believe me, MeMail me and I'll send you my OKCupid profile. I met my boyfriend on there, because I emailed him and thought he seemed interesting. After exchanging a few emails, we went out for some beers. If you look at my photos on that site, or see me when I'm normally conservatively dressed, you wouldn't expect to find that I have really big, natural breasts. You wouldn't find that out until later, if I liked you, and decided I didn't mind if you saw them and played with them. Lucky for me, and my boyfriend, he likes my big boobs and didn't write me off because he didn't see big boobs when he looked at my photos. There's a lesson in this somewhere for you, if you're interested in learning it.
posted by booknerd at 9:30 AM on June 3 [7 favorites has favorites]

Excluding those sites where people only mix with others of their same religious or cultural group, most specialty dating sites are for people who find they have a characteristic that is a hindrance on traditional sites. Things like BBW sites, single parent sites, STD sites, and sites for people with disabilities come to mind. (yes, I know those sites may also fall into the first category)

I don't think any woman has ever said "I wish I didn't have this massive rack, it's totally keeping the guys away!"

You're not going to find a whole site full of gals with giant breasts since those gals can find dates just fine on normal sites. Not unless our cultural norms do a 360 and we suddenly consider an ample bosom to be unappealing.


Should you find a woman on a dating site who appeals to you, though, let me offer this advice. Don't mention her breasts. Seriously. I don't care if you mention them in poetic flowery terms of praise, I don't care if you write a sonnet, don't bring it up. Period.

As one of those women whose cup overflows, so to speak, about half the emails I received on dating sites would find some way to work in a comment about my chest. Those would all be deleted immediately, regardless of how compatible their profile made us seem, since I (like most women) do not wish to be reduced to a single part of my body, and have no interest in anyone who considers discussing my anatomy when we are basically total strangers fair game. Particularly a part of my anatomy that has caused backaches, made finding clothing difficult, caused me to be taken less seriously in the workplace, and inspired more insulting comments on the street and in bars over the years than I could count.

Any woman with disproportionately large breasts and an IQ over 70 KNOWS why you're emailing her. You don't need to say it. And if you are insulted that I felt I had to tell you specifically well, congrats, my informal sampling says less of a boob than 50% of the men on dating sites who go after big boobs.
posted by Kellydamnit at 9:53 AM on June 3 [5 favorites has favorites]

Match.com lets you search by "my best feature" and you can stipulate yours to be "breasts".

The likelihood is that anyone who would pick that is proud of recently-acquired breasts, which seems like it wouldn't fit with the OP's preference.

In my experience, most women with larger-than-average breasts that they've had since puberty have tremendous ambivalence about their breasts, because of all the teasing in junior high and high school, the trouble in finding flattering and comfortable clothing and bras, etc. (I say this as a DD-cup myself: my F/G/H-cup wearing friends have even more war stories to tell.)

Look, most people have visual turn-ons. Some are things you can sort for in personals ads (tall/short; fat/thin; muscular/plump/slender; dark/fair); others are things that you can't sort for and that you look kind of odd for specifying in your ad (heavy eyebrows, muscular calves, and, yes, large natural breasts).

So the answer might be to go on dates and see who you're attracted to, and see if they're attracted to you.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:55 AM on June 3

In my experience, most women with larger-than-average breasts that they've had since puberty have tremendous ambivalence about their breasts, because of all the teasing in junior high and high school, the trouble in finding flattering and comfortable clothing and bras, etc. (I say this as a DD-cup myself: my F/G/H-cup wearing friends have even more war stories to tell.)

SO so true. It took me years to come to terms with my body, it wasn't until my late 20s that I'd even feel comfortable wearing v-necks and the like on a normal basis, or something that actually showed off my chest when I went out. And if I did go out in low cut shirts before that my attitude would often be one of "go on, I DARE you to say something. Give me an excuse to call you an ass and leave since I know that's the only reason you're talking to me at all."
posted by Kellydamnit at 10:10 AM on June 3

Such a site does not exist. There are sex-oriented sites where you can pick for that characteristics, but you're not asking about that.

I dated a lot of girls with big breasts - not by design, it just happened so. Here's something to consider: many, many of them were very unhappy with their breasts, not just for the reasons mentioned above, but for health and convenience reasons. Some complained about their breasts hurting, even when they walk, their back hurting etc. One girl ended up having breast reduction surgery - imagine if you dated her, and then she had the surgery, if that was a big reason you dated her, you just lost out. And I assume you are looking for a long term relationship down the road - and for some, there are special problems associated with aging with large breasts.

And many hate it if you focus on their breasts. In fact, they can be rather bitter about it - just recently I spoke to an ex-girlfriend, and she related to me this bitter joke:

"Two smart business women competed for the affections of a man. One was very smart about investments, and offered to triple his money within a year, he didn't even have to lift a finger. The second offered to quintuple his money within a year, but he'd have to participate and work on it part time. So the man looked over their business proposals carefully and thought about it. Then he picked the one with the biggest breasts."
posted by VikingSword at 11:45 AM on June 3

I'm with booknerd (and plenty of other MeFi women as well, judging from the comments above). I'm willing to bet such a site does not exist, or if it does, it would not be considered "legit" in the sense you seem to be looking for.

I dress conservatively in my daily life, because I want the focus to be on my intellect, skills, and sense of humor rather than the fact that I'm "well endowed".

There's certainly nothing wrong with being attracted to a "type" - I admit I have a thing for geek types myself, and if they happen to appreciate my curvy bod within a dating context, so much the better - but never in a million years would I join a dating site for big-breasted women. The very idea creeps me out.

I would not get involved with someone who placed a high enough priority on breast size (or any specific physical trait, for that matter) that they'd make it one of their top date-screening criteria. Beauty fades, people's bodies inevitably change over time, breast cancer and mastectomies happen, etc. Why would I want to set myself up for insecurity about the possible loss of my partner's affections due to physical changes?
posted by velvet winter at 12:30 PM on June 3

Er. I'm well-endowed, single, and I have no problems using dating sites, and I just wouldn't use such a site.

Nthing that.

If you think about it, when niche dating sites are created, it's because people who are interested in that niche characteristic have trouble finding what they're after on traditional dating sites. I can see why this might be true for men who like big-breasted women, though there certainly are plenty of them on dating sites.

But consider the flip side of the coin: is there anything in this for big-breasted women? Do women have a hard time finding guys who will be attracted to them based on the size of their breasts? Do they need to create profiles on special websites in order to find men who like large breasts? Emphatically, no. In fact, as others have pointed out, it's often the opposite - women get so tired of competing with their own breasts for attention that they learn to downplay them in early interactions with men.

So, though there might be a market for big-breast-fanciers, there really isn't any need for someone with big breasts to go to a special site to look for a date. You either draw that interest easily by displaying your breasts or you draw interest on your other merits while downplaying your breasts. No special site would ever be needed.

It always does seem pretty extreme to me when people claim they simply can't be attracted to anyone who doesn't have a single characteristic - whether that's race, big butt, big breasts, height, weight, or whatever. I suppose it's just possible that people put romantic relationships in a very different light than I do, but if you're looking for an actual relationship, not just to live out a fantasy, the physical characteristics are much less important. Sure, you might have a type, but a lot of people fall in lasting love against type. Just consider that...the people you have the best relationships with aren't always the ones who present the perfect fantasy package that you think you can't live without.
posted by Miko at 1:40 PM on June 3

My perky little A-cups and I can't speak personally of the experience of dating and having large breasts. But having a well-endowed older sister who had breast reduction many years ago, I think I can comment a little regarding her experience.

Essentially, she had the surgery for two major reasons: she was tired of the physical discomfort (her back hurt constantly, she couldn't sleep on her stomach, and jogging/sports were uncomfortable, even with a sports bra), and sick to death of men talking at her chest rather than looking her in the eye. I recall her saying that she felt she wasn't even taken seriously in terms of her intellect at times because of her breast size (she was at Harvard at the time). After she had the surgery, she finally started to stand up straight for the first time in her adult life -- because she finally could, both physically and emotionally.

Dating after the surgery was so much better, she said, because she could finally begin to trust that men might like her for all the good reasons other than her breasts. Before that, she could never be sure. As booknerd says, there's a lesson in there for you, if you care to look for it.
posted by scody at 1:46 PM on June 3

These women are certainly on traditional dating sites. But the fact that you want to narrow your search down to this specifically, makes me think that you're going to place a lot more value on a woman's breasts than she is going to appreciate. And while everyone has their "thing" (a flair for redheads, preference for curves, wish for certain eye colors), this one in particular walks a fine line between being a genuine, non-creepy attraction and something that creates body-image and self-esteem issues for a huge number of women. Very few of us girls would like this dating criteria when we're searching for a mature and meaningful relationship.

Someone above also mentioned a brilliant point about the possibility of your potential, big-breasted mate wanting reduction surgery, even if she's currently happy with her size. Things change, sometimes for the worse, and sometimes very quickly. And I think as a decent partner, you'd have to agree to let her go through with it if her size is causing a lot of discomfort. And then what..? Well, then you love her for who she is as a person, regardless of the size of her breasts.

Hmm.
posted by Bakuun at 2:27 PM on June 3

This is rhetorical, but what benefit would women gain from such a site? It's not like large-breasted women can't find interested men on regular dating sites.
posted by CwgrlUp at 5:33 PM on June 3 [1 favorite has favorites]

No, because eventually, we all have to come to grips with the fact that the size of the breasts does not a woman make, thus that particularly quality is not a quality, but simply a fact. It would be like asking for a dating site with men who have large genitals. And although you have a type, realize that the "big breast frenzy" that grips all males at one point is extremely difficult on all women, no matter their cup size. My little sister, who is very well endowed, told me last night that she purposely keeps a little extra flab on to keep her breasts large. Because if another girl in a room has larger breasts she feels terrible, as that woman is obviously more desirable. So I guess I will join the train and say, "Women are people, not boobs."
posted by anniek at 5:06 PM on June 10 [1 favorite has favorites]

It would be like asking for a dating site with men who have large genitals.

Except those sites exist.
posted by jessamyn at 5:14 PM on June 10