Is online dating a reasonable step?
June 1, 2010 8:00 PM Subscribe
I moved to a new city and I'm lonely.
posted by anonymous to human relations (27 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
Not like, no friends lonely. I've met some great people. More like no significant other lonely. I can take dry spells, but after months and months, it has gotten way old.
I'm not a person who has a long laundry list of traits that someone must posess in order for me to be interested in them. Smarts and a sense of humor covers 80 percent of what's necessary, and the other 20 percent can be met by anything from quirky cute to OMFG amazing body. There's a lot of latitude.
The thing is, my new buddies here are the "let's throw a wild party" type, or "go to the club" type. I enjoy that sort of thing to an extent, but it's not conducive for me meeting smart and funny people to also be physically intimate with. Wild and fun people, sure. Eye candy, sure. But that's not what I'm looking for. Maybe I just suck at striking up conversations about books when someone is grinding against me on the dance floor.
I would start going to museum exhibit openings and gallery shows and join a book club and a film club and junk to meet a group of people like that, but the place I've moved to is not a cultural hotbed. To put it lightly, those sorts of activities are limited. I've done as much of that as I can, but it's no panacea. I'm finding it hard to meet people who live mindfully.
Yes, I do also want to find a group or two of just friends who read novels and watch movies with actual subtitles to interact with without any sexual component, just fun times and shared interests. But the physical loneliness is sharper at this time than the other need, and besides, the right person by definition will go a fair ways to scratching the other itch.
So here's the question: is this the sort of situation dating sites excel at addressing? Put a profile up, go have some coffee after a few e-mails that spark, and meet more fun smart interesting people in a month than I would otherwise have met in a year?
Or do dating sites kind of self-select for slightly antisocial sad sacks without great people skills?
Don't hate me for asking that question. I feel it has to be asked. I know it's not an accurate description of all or even most users, but surely there is a subset it fits. How big is that subset?
I have a bias for OK Cupid because their write-ups about member data are interesting, and it seems like none of them really are any better at what they do than another. Or am I wrong?
General sounding off about any aspect of the situation would be helpful.